Listening to vanillas diss those crazy swingers

[ohash01]

Last night we went out with 4 other couples for New Year's. We went to dinner, went to a bar, and then went back to someone's house. We had a great time. Once at the home, the topic of a bet between one of the couples came up, and basically it was, "If the wife lost this bet, the husband gets to have a 3some with her and another female of her choice." Then, everyone (with the exception of me and J.) gets into this conversation about how they just cannot understand those freaky people who like 3somes, 4somes, or moresomes. While we sit there smiling and nodding and sipping our drinks.

Has this happened to anyone else? Do you just get a teeny bit angry inside? I KNOW that swinging isn't for everyone, but even though no one knew about me and J., I felt a little discriminated against. How do you get used to knowing that half the people out there think you're a freak?

[gatorvol64]

I'm watching the Tennessee game and it is either pace or find something to do between plays. I'm going to have to say that my response here could be my mood.

I think these couples (especially the one making the bet) secretly would like to try a threesome. They all just then went on to say what was expected of them. And yes, it can be aggravating for someone to criticize what they know nothing about. I choose to not feel like a freak when this happens because we aren't. Sitting back and feeling sorry for them is a lot better. Not just because of the good sex we get through swinging but all the other things as well.

Now, I have to pace....this isn't working.

Vol

[rpu3]

Originally Posted by ohash01

Has this happened to anyone else? Do you just get a teeny bit angry inside? I KNOW that swinging isn't for everyone, but even though no one knew about me and J., I felt a little discriminated against. How do you get used to knowing that half the people out there think you're a freak?

Yep, it's happened and likely will continue to happen. I get pretty pissy on the inside, and unfortunately my face usually says what I'm feeling, so usually the spouse just gives me a wink and I tell myself "fuck 'em, they don't know what they are missing" and try to go blank.

I then tell myself that I can have whatever sexual relationships I want, as long as it works for all involved (spouse and the others involved) and it's not subject to judgment or commentary from anyone except those directly involved. Followed by another round of "Fuck 'em". I never claimed to be the most mature person on earth.

Rebecca

[havefuninsun]

Originally Posted by gatorvol64

I think these couples (especially the one making the bet) secretly would like to try a threesome. They all just then went on to say what was expected of them.

This is true -- I think sometimes people bring up "controversial" subjects just to see how others react. Like, if someone would have said, "yeah, I'd love to have a threesome!" the conversation would have gone a whole different direction instead of "eww -- who wants VARIETY in their sex life?" (sounds like an oxymoron to me).

I do think some feel it's a genuine threat to their marriage to include anyone in their bedroom -- these same people have some sort of marriage issue I'd bet.

[Second of 2]

Originally Posted by ohash01

Once at the home, the topic of a bet between one of the couples came up,

I can't help but believe this was a careful plant by the couple in quetion.

I've lost a lot bets to my wife, come to think of it she always wins, and "if" publically divulged they were done so in "chosen" company. We were either looking for a reaction or we were phissing.

I could be wrong but I wouldn't be surprised if I was right.

[WesternSwing]

Although most of our vanilla friends know about us, there are some (like neighbors) that we just couldn't come out to. Those are the ones that have at one time or another made off-hand negative comments about swingers, and yes, we just have to bite our tongue and grin and bear it.

I'll add though, that these are the same couples that the wives have talked to Mrs. WS during "girl talk" and they have some pretty dysfunctional sex lives. Most of them don't enjoy sex and as one put it "if we weren't trying to get pregnant right now I wouldn't give-in to him."

Now we have vanilla friends that know about us (well, I'd say more like rainbow sherbet since they are pretty horny and sexually open-minded people) that just say "I couldn't do it because I'm just too jealous. They don't judge, they just concede that although it obviously works for us, they know their limitations at this point in their life.

But it is frustrating. We've found ourselves gravitating more toward our swinger friends and less and less toward those friends like our neighbors because we really can't be who we are around them.

Mr. WS

[ohash01]

I can't help but believe this was a careful plant by the couple in quetion.

Hmmm...I didn't think of it that way. And you're right...they just kind of threw it out there and there was a second of pause...like everyone had to think about it...and THEN they all jumped in with commentary.

That's something to think about - the longer we're in this lifestyle the more I notice people acting "like us" and go "hmmm...I wonder..." And the couple in question are the ones that I knew the least out of everyone there, so it's possible they were looking for reaction

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by ohash01

That's something to think about - the longer we're in this lifestyle the more I notice people acting "like us" and go "hmmm...I wonder..." And the couple in question are the ones that I knew the least out of everyone there, so it's possible they were looking for reaction

That's called "playdar" ( ).

One of the reasons I try to avoid over-indulging at parties is because I thoroughly dislike having to hide the way we are because others can't handle it. It pisses of the idealist in me, and makes me want to rub their noses in it. Mr. intuition is just the other way around. NOTHING fazes him, and people could go on all day about how horrid swingers are and they wouldn't get a rise out of him. He's satisfied with knowing that he's right about what we do, and truly, truly does not give a shit what anyone else thinks about it. I say that I don't, but I have a problem: I like getting in the last word (anyone else noticed that?). I know, it's something I need to work on. It's not enough for me to know that I'm right; for some reason, I feel the undeniable desire to make sure that others know it. It's not becoming.

So like I said, I prefer to avoid drinking too much as it loosens my tongue a bit too much. My tongue is loose enough when I'm sober! I just try to follow Mr. intuition's example. We just exchange a glance and a wink, hide a smirk, maybe even throw in a "Yeah, what a bunch of wackos, eh? We don't know anyone like that!"

EDIT>> Wow! That sounded pretty pompous of me! To clarify: when I say that I am right, I guess I should have added that it is right in relation to Mr. intuition and me and our own life. Your mileage may vary.

[mrs good times]

We recently ran into a situation with a vanilla friend that new we were swingers but, and I quote, "I didn't know you were those kind of swingers".

To explain, I set up a swinger girlfriend with one of my non-swinger guy friends. Last week we all met at a swingers club for dinner and drinks. It was on a week night so the club was very mild but he was very nervous. We weren't sure he knew we were swingers but we figured it was time to find out for sure. When he made the statement about "those kind of swingers" our first response was what do you mean by that? He said, I knew you two went to other peoples home but I didn't know you picked up people in bars. Our response was that it is a lifestyle and either you are or your aren't a swinger. He didn't want to discuss it any further at that time but I hope now we will have an opportunity to educate him in the future.

I think most vanilla people really don't understand what swinging is and they have preconceived notions based on TV and porn.

[texasfans2003]

I am like Mr. Intuition. I just let 'em talk. It doesn't bother me. They don't know what they are talking about.
However, I do like to make comments about things just to get a reaction. For example, my wife and I are at a booth in a restuarant. We hear conversations going on all around. So when the waitress walks past us to a booth nearby, I will say to my wife "So your husband will be out of town for the whole weekend?" She will play along saying "Yeah, late Sunday night." I will say "You know I don't understand what you see in him. If you would just divorce him and take all his money, we could live a really good life." It's real entertainment watching out of the corner of our eyes to see the reactions of those around us.
But what does make me be like Mrs. Intuition, is for some "do-gooder" to interject themselves into my life to tell me how much they are offended by say nudist beaches. Of course, they had to drive miles to get there, then hike a couple of miles or more just to actually get to the beach, pass several signs warning them of a nude beach ahead. Then the SOB is sooooo offended. My response to them is "What if I drive to your town, park in your church parking lot, enter your church and get offended b/c everyone is running around with their hands in the air and shouting? Would you like it if I called the authorities?" Of course, they would be protected by their Constitutional right of Freedom of Religion. Then, I tell them that I have equal protection to live my life as I see fit and as long as I am not causing any harm to anyone or anything, they should just leave me alone.
In a recent event, my daughter and her two year old were in the mall. As two year olds do, she was getting out of hand so she got a light swat on her thick diaper. A man approached them saying they should not be hitting the child and threatening to report them to Child Protective Services. If I had been there, I would have asked him "Who invited you into our situation?" and given him an opportunity to leave. If he refused,I would tell him we can get mall security here by him continuing to harrass us or him having to pick himself off the floor. His choice. Just don't tell me how to live my life and I won't tell you how to live yours. How does that go about checking for a splinter in my eye while you have a beam in your eye.
Both of us are teachers, so we don't say anything about swinging to anyone except those we swing with.

[prettylady]

.

Originally Posted by texasfans2003

If I had been there, I would have asked him "Who invited you into our situation?" and given him an opportunity to leave. If he refused,I would tell him we can get mall security here by him continuing to harrass us or him having to pick himself off the floor. .

I think we could be fast friends.

oops, I did have something to say, but I have forgotten now.
I will come back to it when I remember.
Your friend,
Prettylady

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by texasfans2003

How does that go about checking for a splinter in my eye while you have a beam in your eye.

Matthew 7:1-6

I like this passage actually. Reminds us all to remember our own place (as equals, not above or below anyone else) and reminds us to all just mind our own damn business.

I've tried arguing my beliefs about cheaters here on this board and elsewhere and my opponents demanded, how dare I judge them!? We swingers are SO judgmental, we who are supposed to be so openminded. Open-minded is one thing; permissive is another. Know what I say? I say you're damn right I'm going to judge! I'm comfortable being judged by the same yardstick, so what's their point?

Anyway, just a commentary on that passage. Back to our regularly scheduled program...

[EvilMJ]

The only time it has ever hurt me or upset me was the day my sister was describing her friend's boyfriend (who she hated). She said he was a slimy sick disgusting, perverted guy, a swinger too, you know those sleezebags. Which of course made me angry/hurt becuase she was basing her opinon of swingers on one guy. I wanted to say "hey I'm a swinger, do you think I am a sick sleezebag?"

Now I remember why I have never told my sister about our lifestyle. She probably wouldn't have handled it.

Sometimes I just find the comments funny. We have become close with our neighbours - we play cards every weekend, go on vacations together (we have kids the same age), etc. Usually when we get together there is a swinger/swinging comment thrown around jokingly. I am always tempted to say " why, do you wanna swing, cause I'm ready when you are " But I don't...bite tongue ...bite tongue

[padoc]

We really don't care what people think of our lifestyle choice. Those who judge us negatively are either uninformed or insecure. Either way, they don't know what they are missing. Our only regret about our choice to swing is that we discovered it in our 40's instead of our 20's. We missed at least 2 decades of fun..

[texasfans2003]

Intuition, I completely agree. I am perfectly willing to let others live and enjoy their life without any interference from me and I think it is very reasonable to expect the same in return. I don't push my values and beliefs on them and I expect them to not push theirs on me.
However, cheating is dishonesty. If dishonesty were acceptable, why are there so many complaints about bad officiating in sports? Why do we prosecute thieves? Stealing money, cars, etc are things that for the most part can be replaced. Stealing the trust, respect and emotions of another person, especially one's spouse, is much more damaging and is not as easily replaced. It is unconscionable and reprehensible.