Surprises you hope never to discover when meeting swingers

[Pepper & Drew]

The unwanted surprises I find the most difficult to deal with are the ones you find out once the clothes are off.

Smelly cat. Once you're down there, it's pretty hard to pop back up without playing a little bit.

Penis surprises. Now, I'm certainly not a size queen, but I've been surprised before about exactly how small a guy is. I've also been surprised (not pleasantly) about how big a guy is. If you're an elephant, please give a girl some warning!

Weird anatomy. We played with a girl that I swear had no clit hood. She just had very small lips that just kinda stopped at a point. I've never seen anything like it. Makes it kinda hard to figure out where to go...know what I mean?

Newness. If you've never full-swapped, or never played at all, or a woman who's never been with another woman, I'd rather it not be a surprise.

Pepper

[Chicup]

Mom?

[sweet_tna]

Originally Posted by Chicup

Mom?

That's wrong, just wrong. And yet . . .

=)

[LFM2]

Every time I see this thread, I just want to say what would really be a big surprise is when "she" is really a "HE"!! All dolled up and then you get back to the room... I guess that could fall under misrepresentation, huh? We're a couple that has the mindset that whatever floats your boat is cool, but we'd need a little time to let that one absorb before we seen it with our own four eyes.

Ok... No, there is not a story (well, not mine anyway) to this, but I mean, wouldn't this make ya wanna go "damn"?

Has this one already been said?

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by LFM2

Ok... No, there is not a story (well, not mine anyway) to this, but I mean, wouldn't this make ya wanna go "damn"?

Has this one already been said?

I think your the first

But, have you ever noticed they have the biggest weiners ? All the pics we have ever seen, there is never a tiny Weiner under the dress

[bbarnsworth]

Originally Posted by LFM2

Every time I see this thread, I just want to say what would really be a big surprise is when "she" is really a "HE"!! All dolled up and then you get back to the room...

Makes me think of Crocodile Dundee and the scene in the bar. Absolutely hysterical

[Cafe10s]

In order to avoid all these unplesantries. Why don't you post Something like this. Example: Clean, Drug and Disease free. Proper higene a must. Look your best. The lady prefers a medium to long penisbut must be thick and circumsized. If your picture is old you will be found out embarrased and deserted. This should root out most of your undesireables.

[LFM2]

Originally Posted by bbarnsworth

Makes me think of Crocodile Dundee and the scene in the bar. Absolutely hysterical

[hijack]
I'm gonna have to watch that movie again... I don't remember that part.

[Cpl2share]

How about a shaved coochy that hasn't been shaved in a week? Long enough to have little balls of TP stuck to it! Yuck!!!!

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by LFM2

[hijack]
I'm gonna have to watch that movie again... I don't remember that part.

The part where Mick grabs the woman in the crotch and says " just checkin"

O.k...... Now back to the topic

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by Cpl2share

How about a shaved coochy that hasn't been shaved in a week? Long enough to have little balls of TP stuck to it! Yuck!!!!

Oh, you mean popcorn...... pay no attention is the protocol

[Funovit]

While enjoying a night at a NYC swing club 10 years ago, had the unpleasant experience of crossing paths with the parents of a friend. Seeing his mother wearing lingerie and his father wrapped in a towel was weird but when they asked if we wanted to join them was awkward. Kindly declined, and went about our business only to find them having sex next to us in the orgy room later that night.

[Chris&Amelia]

Originally Posted by sweet_tna

Only other one I can add is sloppy appearance.

What, no blue jeans with stripes down the leg?!?

Something else we hope never to discover... "It's great that we get along so great. Oh, by the way, my real name is Tom Tucker and my 'wife' is Dianne Simmons. We're with WUHO, and we're doing a expose on these so-called 'swinger clubs' in the neighborhood... can we get a comment? Oh, look into the hidden camera in my lapel and speak loudly, thanks."

[thegirl]

Originally Posted by richdon03

True Story:
The very first party we went to (7 years ago) we noticed that virtually everyone had false teeth, and one guy had a mouthful of rotten teeth. It was disgusting. This group had known each other for years and no one seemed to mind. I remember asking my wife if there was something about swinging that caused people to lose their teeth. To this day, I have never been to a party with that much replacement dental work. Of course, we didn't participate. Nor did we return. Truly strange.

Our first party was EXACTLY like this! LOL

We didn't have sex with anyone that night... except each other... and discovered that we LOVE to be watched while having sex! So, something good came out of it!

[intuition897]

Definitely some scary stuff.

1) Running into "undesirables" from our vanilla life. That includes family, neighbours or co-workers, but particularly those that make us shudder when we see them with their clothes ON.

2) Clingers: "Gee, look at the time, we really should be going..." "GREAT! Where are we going? Your hotel room? Are you staying at the HoJo? What's your room number??"

3) A combination of 1) and 2)

4) "Oh no, we're definitely married...just...uh...not to each other."

5) "I'm kinda hard to get going, so could your husband to put on this pink tutu and heels and spank me? No? Well...could you maybe piss on me, then?"

6) Lifestyle burn-outs.

7) Scared-rabbit newbies who pretend to be experienced...until you see for yourself that they have NO idea what they're doing or why they're doing this.

8) Poor oral hygiene.

9) Unclean, unkempt bodies. That means a general lack of interest in one's self-care. When you don't care for yourself properly, it tells me that you don't respect yourself.

On the topic of BO and pheromones, I've had it happen where my partner had some slight BO but it didn't turn me off because his pheromones trumped it. He wasn't "unclean" at all - the guy smelled like soap and sex (the pheromones talking) - but once he started to perspire a bit, the BO smell became more distinct. That's just the way some people's bodies are made, and the way their bacteria colonies behave. Soap helps, but it doesn't kill the problem.

Pheromones are really cool. I love it when I walk through a crowded public place like a mall or on the street and walk past someone who feels as though they're magnetized. It's not just their cologne/perfume; it's that certain je ne sais quoi that just makes you want to turn around and follow them, or makes you immediately undress them in your mind. It's not a scent, per se. It's something more primal and harder to measure or describe. But in its way, it's more immediate and real than scent an individual's smell. It's like the essence of the person on a much more intimate level, which they can't disguise or cover up with cologne.