From Soft Swap to Full Swing

[av8tor]

what factor would you say moved you from soft swing such as watching and being watched to crossing the bridge allowing someone other than your regular partner sexual contact for the first time with some degree of comfort?

[flkeyscouple]

I'd say 'fantasy' is the factor that moved us beyond soft swap, but 'communication and discussion' were the factors that truly made us comfortable with the decision.

Sarah

[jasndeb]

We broke the ice with an unplanned MFM, it was wonderful, we talked about it a lot, we had never enjoyed such wild and uninhibited sex, there was absoulutely no jealousy. We decided to take it to the next level. We have yet to go there, so far not interested in a club, just an imtimate couple in the right setting. We are looking and both agree it is what we want. We are soul mates, but love the thought of the erotic and the fantasy in anticipation. Hopefully soon.

[SCcpl40]

We went into the Lifestyle as a full swap couple. We decided that it would be a mutual experience for both and that if either of us had an issue with it, we would stop with no regrets.
Our first time was very romantic. We went out for dinner, drinks and dancing with the other couple. We went back to their place where they insisted that we stay the night. We built a fire and had some more drinks, the conversation and curiosity lead to getting more and more comfortable with one another. The topic of conversation quickly turned to sex and fantasies. The women kissed and began to disrobe each other. The guys watched and waited. Afterwards the guys stripped and we all sat there for a moment that felt like and eternity. I think you could hear all of our hearts beating. The women made a move on each other's partner and well that night was so fantastic.
We spent the next 4 weekends with them. They are still our friends and that was over 11 years ago.

[iapr]

No real "factor" other than the desire and the comfort to do so itself. I know that is pretty darn vague but we entered the lifestyle with the agreement that we would only do what we were comfortable with at that moment in time. We also agreed that we wouldn't impose any boundries or limits that were just arbitrary limits just to have limits. In other words everything depended on the magic of the moment and the comfort and safety that we felt with whoever we were with at the time.

One night all the stars and moon just lined up right and we asked and everyone was up for it so it just fell into place.

Every couple is going to be different and every new person/people you are with are going to be different. There is no scientific formula where you mix this concoction and add this amount of these ingredients and it is ok from there on. It is all art with maybe a little magic and vuduu mixed in LOL.

One day Mrs iapr and I were discussing this very issue and we realized when we were starting to date each other our first several encounters were "soft." and then one night it just happened. We never had a discussion and said, "ok since we have done this and that, on Tuesday night we are going to fuck." One night it was just the thing to do and we did it. It's not that different in swinging other than it is just a lot more complex as there is more people involved.

[Spoomonkey]

We started with soft swap ideas - but we only had two soft swap experiences. One was "Ultra" soft - like the really expensive Charmin; the other was a bit harder and, frankly, a disaster.

But - what we came out of those experiences with was this feeling of "incomplete". It was kind of like sex without an orgasm. I can't really explain it, but we knew right away that for us, swinging would mean sex with others. That was the best way to express ourselves with other couples.

We took a bit of a break after the "disaster" and when we got back into things, we were ready to jump right in. So the "factor" for us was just this huge sense of disconnect and dis-satisfaction with the soft swap experience. We had and have incredible sex together - soft swap just seemed like a weird way to needlessly crowd the bed...



Spoomonkey

[Mr. Truelove]

We discussed doing the same room or soft swap at first because we thought it would be a good way to "ease" into it.

But after becoming so comfortable through people here on the board and from the meet-up we attended, we had no problem going right in the deep end and going full-swap.

We completely trust each other, and I knew that both of us had the right to say,"Okay, if it doesn't work out for either of us, we end it no questions asked."

We never had to do that.

We had a wonderful first time with a great couple. They weren't pushy, let us be comfortable (almost too much so, but their intentions were honorable), and they knew when to get the ball rolling when we were too nervous/shy to get going.

Can't wait for more!

Mr. Truelove

[DBL D]

We went into it with full swap in mind and that's what happened. We once did meet a couple who wanted to have oral with us but finish with each other. We turned them down. That being said, if we are contacted by a couple who is soft swap, we'd consider it if they agreed that later on it would become full swap.

M.D.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by av8tor

what factor would you say moved you from soft swing such as watching and being watched to crossing the bridge allowing someone other than your regular partner sexual contact for the first time with some degree of comfort?

Well first, thats about as soft a soft swing you can find.

Our first 'soft swing' was oral and O's for everyone.

Our second meeting was full swap.

I don't understand the baby step concept here. Going slowly won't do anything to make the jealousies go away. Either you are ready or you are not. Either you want it or you don't. You will never be 100% comfortable with it the first time.

[VanHlebar]

Well we never really considered the soft swap idea to be honest. We aren't much for easing into things and we really did feel that full swap was what we were going to be with so why not just start there. We just sort of jumped into the deep end and figured it out from there.

Our first experience was a disaster, but I won't rehash it here, it has been posted on the board and anyone can find it if they are really interested. We then had a FFM 3some that went fantastic and moved from that to a couple that really helped us with our confidence level.

Now, we really thought we would not do soft swap with a couple and actually had not sent out or said no to some couples when we noticed in their profiles that they were soft swap only. Then we met this one couple and they were great. Personalities clicked and the first few times with them have been soft swap only and everyone still had a lot of fun. They have talked about full swap and when they are ready then it will happen. Until then, we will just continue having fun and enjoying each others friendship and see where things lead.

-Van

[two4youinswva]

We started with the soft swap (oral and ladies playing), as that was Mrs two4you's comfort level in the beginning.

It only took a few times for her to decide she was ready for more.

So, going back to "Go as fast as the slowest person", that was the method we used, and it worked just fine for us.

[JustAskJulie]

For us, just knowing that both of us could handle the soft, made it feasible that we could both handle full, so why not go for it.

[bbarnsworth]

Crossing the bridge of no contact with someone else to contact was a matter of discussion, and understanding over time that it wasn't just a fantasy, but something we actually wanted. For some, it's nothing more than fantasy (which is perfectly fine). Understanding that's not just fantasy, but more than that, can be the catalyst to cross that bridge.

For soft swing (swapping partners for everything but vaginal sex) to full swing, it was having a soft swing experience that was highly enjoyable. Neither of us felt jealous, uncomfortable, weird, or anything else. Our thought was that if we had no problems with that, we'd almost certainly have no problems with sex.

[toycple]

Like others we went into the lifestyle full swap. We discussed it before hand and new thats what we wanted. Now we are pretty open to anything. I don't think we would play with a soft swap couple, rather anti-climatic.

[LFM2]

Like a few others here, he started also started out full swap. We were communicating well enough to know that if we could handle soft swapping, we could handle full swapping.