Married swingers but not to each other

[Beaverbumper]

We have had responses from swinger that say they are a couple but married to others...Wouldnt there be a real problem if their spouse found out.

[LFM2]

I was wondering if I misread that -- read it again and, yep... read that right the first time.

How can you be swingers and be married to others? Isn't that what we call cheaters or am I missing something? Wow.... That is wild.

[MoonLightKiss]

Yep, there would be a big fat problem LOADED with drama should the other spouses find out. I agree with LFM2 also. This isn't swinging, its cheating.

[Beaverbumper]

Well actually from where Im from originally (Texas) the spouse could sue both you and their partner for alination of affection.

[flkeyscouple]

Yep... we'd call it cheating too!

[good times]

Yep, we have run into a few of these. The weirdest one was when the woman of the "couple but not married to each other" showed up at the club with her real husband and then expected us all to make like we didn't know her. We took her aside and told her she better just make sure her husband didn't ask because we would not lie for her, haven't seen her at the clubs since.

[sexyshelby]

It would only be a problem if their spouses didn't know that they were swinging with the other person. It may not be common, but I do know of one couple that swings with other people on a regular basis.

Unless they could prove that the spouses knew of the situtation, I would avoid this like the plague!

~SS

[Beaverbumper]

Good advice and thats the way we see it....rather stick with either married couples of those that are cohabitating...

[WesternSwing]

We've seen this at some parties and for the most part everyone was nice to them, but I didn't see anyone going out of their way to play with them. I understand at least one of them eventually ended-up splitting with their spouse.

Mr. WS

[JustAskJulie]

We have met a couple like this and the more I think about them the more I think they started off going to swinger clubs because it was a cheaper way (than renting a hotel room) to get together and have sex with each other. I have to wonder if others don't do the same... start swinging because then they can use someone else's house rather than their own.

[SecretAsianMan]

I can understand being a "couple" - but not married... that's easy enough. But a couple that's only not married to each other. Unless it's a REALLY open relationship where the spouses know about the situation - that's just asking to get involved with some drama that might cause problems later.

Of course, if the only thing y'all are hooking up for is JUST sex - with no other connection (i.e., y'all aren't looking to be friends or even see them again after that evening) ... if there was enough of an attraction there - I guess there might not be much harm in a single encounter with 'em. But I wouldn't get involved in that kind of mess long-term.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by SecretAsianMan

Of course, if the only thing y'all are hooking up for is JUST sex - with no other connection (i.e., y'all aren't looking to be friends or even see them again after that evening) ... if there was enough of an attraction there - I guess there might not be much harm in a single encounter with 'em. But I wouldn't get involved in that kind of mess long-term.

This is something we've thought a lot about. On the one hand the couple we met was at a club and had they never told us the truth we never would have known, would have played with them without issue. Since we were all at a club there wouldn't be an issue of their spouse knowing where we live and showing up, or pulling us into court, etc.

However, on the other hand, THEY DID tell us the truth. And while we aren't necessarily looking to be friends. We have a moral issue with cheating spouses. Therefore by playing with a couple that we KNOW is cheating on their spouses, we are then supporting the idea of cheating and saying that what they are doing is ok.

In the end, it's the fact that we know what they are doing that keeps us from playing with them. Is it ok for them to lie to us? No, not really... but what we don't know doesn't really affect us, does it?

[SecretAsianMan]

Absolutely agree with your choice in that... (not supporting or encouraging "cheating spouses")... I wonder, does this line of reasoning encourage a "cheating couple" to lie to their swinger-encounters as well as to their spouses?? Or should the cheating-couple feel okay with being open & truthful with their swinger-friends??

I dunno... I hate to pass judgement on a "cheating couple" because I don't know all the facts about the individuals - what's the truth about their relationships with their respective spouses, etc.

...but I do think - for any long term relationship (even if it is just a casual friendship)... getting involved in a couple with that kind of drama is just asking for trouble.

[good times]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

We have met a couple like this and the more I think about them the more I think they started off going to swinger clubs because it was a cheaper way (than renting a hotel room) to get together and have sex with each other. I have to wonder if others don't do the same... start swinging because then they can use someone else's house rather than their own.

We have actually asked a couple that was married but not to each other why they went to the club. They said it was the best place to go out and dance and have sex with little chance of being caught by their spouses. They said that if their spouse went out looking for them, they might check the local night clubs and motels, but their was very little chance they would check a swingers club.

[Chitowndk4u]

Something about that rubs me the wrong way.