The fallback position.

[good times]

We were having lunch today with some swinger friends and an interesting subject came up. When you go to the club or swingers party, are their couples, or singles for that matter, that are, for lack of a better term, on your fallback list? In other words, are their usually couples that you say to yourself, “Yea, we would do them if we can’t find anyone better”?

A related question would be; how would you feel if you somehow knew that the couple who has invited you to play only did it as a last resort after they failed to hook up with the people they really wanted to play with? Would it make any difference to you as long as you were into them anyway?

Or, when you see a couple who is making the rounds at the club but doesn’t seem to be having much luck, and it is getting late and they approach you. Do you ever think to yourself “huh, they must not have had any luck with the ones they really wanted, so I guess now I’ll do”?

Another similar situation is one we find ourselves in quite often. If you are regulars at the club, have you ever regarded other regular club patrons or people you already know well thinking to yourself, “they are here every week, I can hook up with them anytime”, so they become your fallback position by default?

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by good times

When you go to the club or swingers party, are their couples, or singles for that matter, that are, for lack of a better term, on your fallback list? In other words, are their usually couples that you say to yourself, “Yea, we would do them if we can’t find anyone better”?

This hasn't happened yet. But then, we only have off-premise club parties once a month and we can't attend each month, so we don't have the exposure and regularness (I think I made that word up) that you and MrsGT have since you attend on-premise clubs and can go each week.

I'll answer this question down below.

...how would you feel if you somehow knew that the couple who has invited you to play only did it as a last resort after they failed to hook up with the people they really wanted to play with? Would it make any difference to you as long as you were into them anyway?

It wouldn't bother us. And if it was our first time playing with them, they may decide to put us on their 'top priority' list next time.

Or, when you see a couple who is making the rounds at the club but doesn’t seem to be having much luck, and it is getting late and they approach you. Do you ever think to yourself “huh, they must not have had any luck with the ones they really wanted, so I guess now I’ll do”?

My first concern is WHY nobody wants them. If we can see that they have been trying hard to hook up, but are getting turned down, that sounds a little alarm in my head. But we would make our decision on many factors, and would play if we were interested in them and felt they were interested us and not just our bodies. "bananadog

Another similar situation is one we find ourselves in quite often. If you are regulars at the club, have you ever regarded other regular club patrons or people you already know well thinking to yourself, “they are here every week, I can hook up with them anytime”, so they become your fallback position by default?

Here's where I can combine your first question and this one.

We have been in situations where we know our local playmates are attending the club. If we discover that a couple we've been trying to meet is there, and they live out of town, we would put them on top of the list because we may not get the opportunity to see them for another year! So in this case, yes, we may not choose our usual swing buddies for this reason; we can easily get together with them at another time.

A situation we have been dealing with is how - or whether - to let our swing buddies know we want to play when we know they are there with other new people they have an interest in at the club. We all get introduced and we don't want to push our way into playing (even when we want to) if we think our regular swing friends are trying to hook up with the new people that night. This has been our biggest challenge lately. Not yet sure how to smoothly handle these situations. We don't want to butt in where we aren't wanted, but we don't want our good friends to think we aren't interested.

LM

[mrs good times]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

A situation we have been dealing with is how - or whether - to let our swing buddies know we want to play when we know they are there with other new people they have an interest in at the club. We all get introduced and we don't want to push our way into playing (even when we want to) if we think our regular swing friends are trying to hook up with the new people that night. This has been our biggest challenge lately. Not yet sure how to smoothly handle these situations. We don't want to butt in where we aren't wanted, but we don't want our good friends to think we aren't interested.
LM

We have run into this situation from both sides and we have found the honest approach is best. When we have seen previous play partners at a club and would like to get together with them we just say straight out that we are interested but if they have something else going we'll get together another time.

In the reverse we went to a club and one of our regular partners was interested in playing with us. We had spent several weeks trying to get to know a different couple so when the opportunity for play happened I went to our regular friends and told them that we had an opportunity and would they be okay with it. They were and everyone had fun.

I think swingers that have been in the lifestyle for some time and especially those that attend clubs have been in this situation and can relate and appreciate the straight forward approach rather than making assumptions.

[WildMiCouple]

Originally Posted by good times

A related question would be; how would you feel if you somehow knew that the couple who has invited you to play only did it as a last resort after they failed to hook up with the people they really wanted to play with? Would it make any difference to you as long as you were into them anyway?

No....it wouldn't bother us in the least, GoodTimes. This exact thing happened to us this past winter at Hedo II. We went with a small group organized by a local club. One of the couples in the group had been our first Although they only lived a few miles away, we hadn't kept in touch. So we see them again after a couple years in Jamaica Hung with them and played again early on in the trip. Later in the week, we asked if they wanted to get together again. He replied, in a joking manner, that "we were sure things and they were gonna look for some new playmates" We didn't get upset at all. And we wctually found it amusing and joked around with them later about it when they came around wanting to play that same night They've become really good friends since, too.

Brett

[Menage_a_Trois]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

It wouldn't bother us. And if it was our first time playing with them, they may decide to put us on their 'top priority' list next time.
LM

We're with you on this one LM! And we have actually had this happen SEVERAL times only to have the other couple say to us why in the hell did we wait so long for this? Are you busy tomorrow and everyday there after.....lol

It's what The Other Mrs. Menage calls the Lays Effect.......once you've had one you can not stop at one

[Menage_a_Trois]

Originally Posted by mrs good times

I think swingers that have been in the lifestyle for some time and especially those that attend clubs have been in this situation and can relate and appreciate the straight forward approach rather than making assumptions.

This is why we love you guys! Direct/straight forward and to the point.......it's the best approach to having the most fun and least amount of headaches in the lifesytle.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by Menage_a_Trois

We're with you on this one LM!

It's what The Other Mrs. Menage calls the Lays Effect.......once you've had one you can not stop at one

I'd have to call it the Cheez-It Effect.

LM

Edit: Menage a Trois, I was going to quote the same thing you did from MrsGT's post. Thanks MrsGT, I agree that your approach is the best and we won't take a passive approach any longer; we will say what's on our minds and not make guesses.

[Menage_a_Trois]

Originally Posted by good times

When you go to the club or swingers party, are their couples, or singles for that matter, that are, for lack of a better term, on your fallback list?

Originally Posted by good times

Another similar situation is one we find ourselves in quite often. If you are regulars at the club, have you ever regarded other regular club patrons or people you already know well thinking to yourself, “they are here every week, I can hook up with them anytime”, so they become your fallback position by default?

Well since Mr. & Mrs. Ménage are at work and I'm home alone I'll have to answer this from my POV (point of view). YES! For me my fallback list is usually previous playmates. But I also do size up the crowd and start creating a mental list of who’s who and who I want to do…….When I go to the club or party and we are there with no expectations of meeting anyone I would prefer to hook up with someone new. It is about variety isn't it?

Originally Posted by good times

A related question would be; how would you feel if you somehow knew that the couple who has invited you to play only did it as a last resort after they failed to hook up with the people they really wanted to play with? Would it make any difference to you as long as you were into them anyway?

As Likeminds said previously, not really. It would be the perfect opportunity to make them rethink their procrastination in having decided to play with us sooner. Not to toot our own horns but we haven’t had anyone go off running yet……….

Originally Posted by good times

Do you ever think to yourself “huh, they must not have had any luck with the ones they really wanted, so I guess now I’ll do”?

Well, again – it’s our opportunity to hit them with the Lays Effect if we haven’t previously played. We don’t like to take a self-defeated mindset on swinging and if we did said that we would be. It’s know if like wanting the chocolate ice cream but they are all out – so you “settle” for vanilla – it’s still ice cream just a different flavor.

The Other Mrs. Ménage

[Menage_a_Trois]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

we will say what's on our minds and not make guesses.

This is what I have to start doing too! One day it will be TOOO late and I don't want any "if only's", "I wish I had....."!

[Spoomonkey]

I haven't really thought of it that way... Frankly, we have couples we will play with again if the situation arises, couples we make dates with and couples we are pursuing.

I guess if they are someone we would play with then we just let things happen naturally. We have started chatting up one couple only to have them leave early or whatever and then moved on and actually played with someone else, but it was never really "Plan B"...

Am I understanding the question correctly?

Spoomonkey

PS - Mrs Good Times is always "Plan A"

[good times]

Yea, I think you have the right idea Spoo, this all started with a comment that went something like this, "We were at the club last night and the couple we wanted to play with didn't work out. I guess we could have played with Joe and Linda (fictitious names), but by then we were pretty tired and decided to just go home." It got me thinking how often we are at the club and someone is there that we could have had a sure thing with, but we pursue someone else which kind of puts the "sure thing" couple whether consciously or subconsciously into our fallback position. As in, "Well if this other deal doesn't work out we can always play with Joe and Linda."

I was just wondering if anyone else had ever given this any thought, and what their thoughts on it were.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by good times

"We were at the club last night and the couple we wanted to play with didn't work out. I guess we could have played with Joe and Linda (fictitious names), but by then we were pretty tired and decided to just go home."

You know - I wonder if that is a bit of a phenomenon based on area. When we were in Reno, we noticed that there seemed to be a real sense of "long timers"; a lot of familiarity between folks...

That might have been because we were new there, but we've never had the comfort level with our club group to have a couple that "we could always..."

Honestly - it wouldn't be too bad really if they felt the same about us. Know what I mean? A couple we had chemistry with - and a sense of "if we are all interested and available" - but we've never had that.

It seems to me though (and this could just be you and Mrs Good Times' personality) that Reno has a much tighter knit community. The first club we visited (RIP) really had that type of atmosphere.

Spoomonkey

[Bad Sandy]

Since we only play with couples we are REALLY interested in, no one is really a "fallback". That being said, in any group there will be a hierarchy. But it isn't dissapointing to play with the second choice couple! They wouldn't be an option if they weren't great!

[EvilMJ]

Yes we do have and are on a fall back list. .

I guess because we are also regulars and have gotten to know a lot of couples, there are some that we know will play if we asked them and we have a good time with them, so if all else fails we go there. It is not meant as an insult and no one takes it that way.


We have been in the position where it just ended up that at the end of the night, we were just all sitting togehter talking, realized that we were the last stragglers and ended up playing together and had a blast. I think as a group we appreciate the knowlege that no matter what happens we are going to have a good time.

[JustAskJulie]

I just ran across this old thread. We are our own fallback couple.... but we don't really consider ourselves fallbacks. It's not like "oh honey we didn't find anyone else so I guess we'll just do each other". That's just always our plan. We go with our eyes open to opportunity and just see what happens but we always know that at the end of the night we've got each other. We aren't likely to settle for couples that we aren't really interested in or say "we'd really like them, but if we can't have them, then we'll do that couple". We just kinda go with the flow and see what happens. If hooking up with a couple happens great. If it doesn't we aren't going to force it.

As to the question of what if we were someone's fall back couple... I'd have to say that knowing that we were their "second prize" would probably be a turn off. I can't imagine a couple ever letting us know that was the case though. In the end if we are all having fun and things are going smoothly, once again we'd just go with the flow, as long as everyone is having fun - why not!