Conversations with vanilla friends have changed since joining this board

[flkeyscouple]

I was just reading in another thread about how swinger friends might make better friends than vanilla friends because there are no taboo subjects.

This made me think about a conversation I had with Roger last night. I had dinner with a few vanilla friends last night. Roger was not with us, just the girls out for dinner. I don't remember how the conversation led to it but one of my friends brought up my divorce from my first husband and asked 'what ended that relationship'. I found myself being SO MUCH MORE OPEN than I've normally been when talking to vanilla friends. I told them that the main reason was sex - not the lack of it or the quality of it, but my boredom with it.

I went on to tell them that I had had numerous affairs while married to my first husband and that even though he never found out about the affairs, I realized that I'd never be satisfied with our married life, and therefore divorced.

When I got home I was telling Roger about the conversation. He said he thinks that I've been more open with EVERYONE since joining this board. He think the fact that I'm so comfortable and open with my posts on this board (and addicted to being on this board and reading these threads ALL the time!) that it has flowed through to my vanilla conversations. Maybe the openness is habit forming??

Does anyone else notice this phenomenen? (is that how you spell phenomenon? phenomenen? oh well!)

Sarah

[telly2]

It is true once you are open with some, you become open with others. Especially where sex is concerned, we were trained that it is something we don't talk about. Now we are opening our lines of communication to sex and it isn't that evil scarry thing that we were led to believe.

In my opinion eventually we can open up to vanilla's about what we do. It is not a big deal, it is just a hobby. It doesn't change who we are, as they liked us before they knew.

[VanHlebar]

Well I was always a pretty open and honest, sometimes brutally honest guy to begin with. What I have noticed the most is when I am out say with the guys I just want to laugh at them now. We might get 4 guys and go golfing or have a guys night out at Hooter or BW3s and as usually happens the guys will start talking about the ladies around us or just sex in general.

Then they all start talking about how they would do this one or that one and how they would love to take this one home to their wife, etc etc. "Oh man...I would so take that one out back and give her one of my bones...." They all talk a big game and then when push comes to shove they all go back home to their vanilla wives and live their happy lives like that. I just want to scream and tear my hair out. We do have one friend that knows we are in the lifestyle. I was out with him and a few of his other male friend one day for lunch when I started "being friendly" with our waitress. She was very sexy and was flirting with me pretty good. One of the guys said that he would love to get her phone number, but he didn't think his girl friend would really like that much. I laughed at him and he looked at me and said, well if you think you can get her number why don't you try? Now he knew I was married and my friend that knows about us quickly interjected and told the guy not to make that bet...he would hate to watch him lose money.

Mostly, with our vanilla friends things just seem different. After going out to dinner and then coming home and playing cards or pool the night just doesn't quite seem the same anymore. We don't always play with our playmates when we all go out, but there is always heavy flirting, touching and stuff. Just can't do that with our vanilla friends.

-Van

[ShellyM]

Yeah, its actually cute.
Actually, we have another swinger at my office, and we are very close friends....

NO, not that close you bunch of perverts!

We knew we were swingers, because it seems that our little society has its own lingo. Anyways, its nice to have someone I can talk to. So, we are at the restaurant eating lunch. And the other lady says "Michelle only has eyes for so and so"..... I look up from my chinese food at my friend...I smiled and said "Okay"
lol, we just smiled at each other and I continued eating my Kung Pao chicken.

[nice_cpl_n_bama]

It's very true that we are much more open with everyone and everything since we started swinging. Since most of our vanilla friends are the church crowd this can lead to some awkward moments.
We have some very close, but very vanilla friends. They are wanting to wait on having any more children, but because of some health troubles she can't use hormonal birth control. They've decided to use condoms for the time being.
I overheard a girl talk conversation about how they couldn't find a condom they liked. Without thinking twice I strolled back to the bedroom and grabbed one of our nice crown skinless skin condoms and tossed it to her and Said "try this one. If you like it I'll give you an internet address where you can buy them."
She looked at the condom and asked "Laurie is fixed, why do you keep condoms in the house?" BUSTED! Laurie very smoothly said "Well, we've been married a long time. Sometimes it's nice to just make it feel different from time to time."
Hmmm, maybe I should have thought that one through a little more. I'd hate for it to become a matter of church gossip!

[flkeyscouple]

Originally Posted by nice_cpl_n_bama

Without thinking twice I strolled back to the bedroom and grabbed one of our nice crown skinless skin condoms and tossed it to her and Said "try this one. If you like it I'll give you an internet address where you can buy them."
She looked at the condom and asked "Laurie is fixed, why do you keep condoms in the house?" BUSTED!

Oh how funny! That is exactly what I am talking about!! I could see me doing the same thing! Luckily our vanilla friends are not the 'church goers', but my family is! I'm really worried I'll blurt something out around one of my siblings! And either way - friends or family - I just don't want to get 'outed' especially not by ME!

Sarah

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by nice_cpl_n_bama

It's very true that we are much more open with everyone and everything since we started swinging. Since most of our vanilla friends are the church crowd this can lead to some awkward moments.
We have some very close, but very vanilla friends. They are wanting to wait on having any more children, but because of some health troubles she can't use hormonal birth control. They've decided to use condoms for the time being.
I overheard a girl talk conversation about how they couldn't find a condom they liked. Without thinking twice I strolled back to the bedroom and grabbed one of our nice crown skinless skin condoms and tossed it to her and Said "try this one. If you like it I'll give you an internet address where you can buy them."
She looked at the condom and asked "Laurie is fixed, why do you keep condoms in the house?" BUSTED! Laurie very smoothly said "Well, we've been married a long time. Sometimes it's nice to just make it feel different from time to time."
Hmmm, maybe I should have thought that one through a little more. I'd hate for it to become a matter of church gossip!

I would have paid money to see the look that came across your face.

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by nice_cpl_n_bama

It's very true that we are much more open with everyone and everything since we started swinging. Since most of our vanilla friends are the church crowd this can lead to some awkward moments.
We have some very close, but very vanilla friends. They are wanting to wait on having any more children, but because of some health troubles she can't use hormonal birth control. They've decided to use condoms for the time being.
I overheard a girl talk conversation about how they couldn't find a condom they liked. Without thinking twice I strolled back to the bedroom and grabbed one of our nice crown skinless skin condoms and tossed it to her and Said "try this one. If you like it I'll give you an internet address where you can buy them."
She looked at the condom and asked "Laurie is fixed, why do you keep condoms in the house?" BUSTED! Laurie very smoothly said "Well, we've been married a long time. Sometimes it's nice to just make it feel different from time to time."
Hmmm, maybe I should have thought that one through a little more. I'd hate for it to become a matter of church gossip!

In true honesty, I don't think my friends and/or co-workers would be all that surprised. I am an open book (NO, could you tell?), and I have a very strong sexual personality. My friends say I'm HOOCHIE. I don't flirt, don't get me wrong. I don't know, but I just do. I think they would just smile and say that they aren't surprised. My parents probably would not be surprised either. My ultra religious Aunts, however, would be leg up like dying cockroaches.

[gatorvol64]

Originally Posted by ShellyM

I would have paid money to see the look that came across your face.

Particularly because I would have been glad to find someone else does silly things besides me.

Vol

[nice_cpl_n_bama]

Originally Posted by ShellyM

I would have paid money to see the look that came across your face.

I asked Laurie that very question. She said I just looked blank and confused. Thank goodness for the poker face!

[Tybee Swing]

Bama, that was hilarious!!!

[intuition897]

!!! Yup, definitely one of those deer-in-the-headlights moments. I probably would've just come out with an honest truth that would've translated easily into Vanillian: [in a loud whisper] "We're just kinky." The effect: "Oh." Followed by an I-don't-want-to-know-any-more embarassed grin and a quick subject change.

I would be sooo tempted to just come right out with it. Although that might also serve as an effective cover, too. Truth is often stranger than fiction, and most swingers don't look like Austin Powers, so if you say in a sarcastic tone of voice, "Oh, well we use those when we're having group sex. Can't be too careful, y'know?" Fine, they'll say, we can take a hint, it's none of our business!

I'm definitely a lot more open now than I used to be. It can be frustrating sometimes, because I can see so clearly when people are playing social games...and I just have no time for that bullshit anymore. I just feel like saying, "If you've got beef with something about me, I'd sure appreciate it if you'd just bloody well tell me instead of playing these stupid 'Desperate Housewives' games. Did you never graduate high school or something??" I've developed a real taste for openness and honesty, and avoiding talking about something important because "it's just not appropriate" or because it's uncomfortable is just so backward! I can only think to myself, good GOD! Doesn't he/she realize what this avoidance is costing him/her??

I'm not as discrete as I probably should be, probably because at some level I WISH we would get caught. Get this all out in the open and get it over with. So we can all just get on with the business of living without all the stupid cloak and dagger.

[Darkblue]

I love you guys and dolls your all great..

I know the feeling and its good to talk about them!!
The first time i went to a club i didnt know where to look, im not shy (but when the Wife is there i am reserved and prefer to look and see whats going on) but nowdays i dont care i look at everyone and everything and feel fine about it.
As for being open with Vanille friends well i am!! i told my mate that i had been up all weekend with the girlfriend and he kust looked at me and said "yeh right as if" i wanted to say honest its true i was but the wife was there as well but i couldnt but its so tempting, I am now more open towards others and the Subject of Sex and the flirts are great and to have that feeling "I am doing what you guys only dream about" is really wild.


Steve

MrVan and I have talked about this alot lately since getting into the lifestyle. Before we got into the lifestyle, I was VERY reserved and quiet. I think I was afraid to be myself for fear that MrVan would not like who I was becoming as my ex did not like who I was originally. However, it is funny now because we do have vanilla friends who have noticed the change and have made comments about how open I am and how bubbly I am.

We had hosted a Memorial Day party, and had a mixture of vanilla and lifestyle friends that we had invited and whom had showed up. And yes, our lifestyle friends behaved very well around our vanilla friends. But we had a couple whom I had not seen since New Years (was right before we got into the lifestyle) and after the party the husband told MrVan that there was just something different about me that day. Guess the lifestyle just agrees with me. Although we had vanilla friends around, I would flirt with everyone even those that were not in the lifestyle, because that is just me but it was the type of flirting that could be done around vanilla friends and they won't catch on to it.

I can also be more open in conversations with my vanilla friends and when sex comes up it does not even bother me in the least bit to talk about it.


So yes I think that the lifestyle can change you as a person and make you feel comfortable with whom you are. I have also noticed with myself that I am more flirtatious, friendly and a little more outgoing. And because of that, I think it brings out a womans sexuality and makes her feel good about herself.

Being able to be myself is so refreshing and I am so glad that I am able to be more open because it is so much fun to be myself again and I do not think that MrVan is complaining in the least bit.

MrsVan

[edmustang]

Originally Posted by intuition897

I would be sooo tempted to just come right out with it. Although that might also serve as an effective cover, too. Truth is often stranger than fiction, and most swingers don't look like Austin Powers, so if you say in a sarcastic tone of voice, "Oh, well we use those when we're having group sex. Can't be too careful, y'know?" Fine, they'll say, we can take a hint, it's none of our business!

Very tempting indeed! Like my moniker says: