How Personal is too personal?

[JustAskJulie]

A question I got from a couple one time in regards to someone they had met on the net was

"Is it ok to ask personal questions?" And in addition to that .. what should you ask someone that you are considering swinging with?

Personally, YES, we asked VERY personal questions, SEXUAL questions at that too! *VBG*

If you can't be honest and open in ANY relationship, rather it be with a couple/single/other...Then the "experience(s)" you're searching for won't be a good one, and the relationship won't be on solid ground/understanding between all involved. :-(

We ask questions like:
~Are the females "Bi/Bi-Curious", and are the guys straight?
~What turns them on & off?
~What positions/combos do they enjoy most?
~What are their sexual fantasies?
~What are they looking for in a relationship with others, sexually?
~How long have they been married?
~How long have they been in the lifestyle?
~What experiences have they had/how many?
~What made them decide to look into the lifestyle? Was this a mutual agreement, and WHY? (*Important: Some think, that by getting involved in Swinging, that it MIGHT fix their troubled relationship. Not so. You don't want to get involved in ANY relationship that needs "mending/fixing"!) :-(

Amoung LOTS of other questions that we ask...Chatting with them/others as often as we all can, getting to know them better as friends first, and so on. *VBS* Don't be afraid to ASK, unless you're really into the "guessing game"! I know WE'RE not. *lol*


Wife of CyberMWCouple

[TxCpl1972]

I agree, you have to ask as many questions as you can about the other perosn/couple. That is the only way you will know if you are going to hit it off with them. My wife and I ask every question that we can think of before our meeting. This is a good way of getting to know someone before the meeting happens.

[modi]

Good list CyberMWCouple!

I agree! Ask EVERYTHING under the sun! Though I usually am a big fan of surprises, I don't like them when it comes to swinging!

And if you think you can ask all the questions or lay out the ground rules, or state your preferences immediately prior to taking off your clothes...you are definitely in for a shock! LOL

The more questions asked in the planning stages, the better the experience will be!

Thanks, modi! *VBS*

And the more personal the questions are, the more erotic the experience gets! *Juicey smile...*


Wife of CyberMWCouple

[modi]

Wife of CyberMWCouple,

I agree wholeheartedly! Lovely to discuss your fondest fantasies and then actually make them cum true! *g* The anticipation is half the fun!

[MiCpl]

Personally, I don't think you can get too personal with someone you are looking to swing with. You want to know as much about not only what they are into and what turns them on but them as a couple as you can.

You need to know how strong of a couple they really are. Are they committed to each other, are they just swing partners? Finding out little things like that can help you avoid problems that you might face with them later if you do decide to get involved.

There have been a few times that we've ended up wishing we had gotten to know more of those personal details beforehand..

S&J

MiCpl...Exactly! And thanks, modi!
Always better to be SAFE then sorry.

I recently chatted with this one hubby on ICQ who has been in the lifestyle for a number of years and married for more years than swinging, but swings without his wife's knowledge. He was seeking other couples to swing with, and he wanted me/and other females of swinging couples to "maybe talk his wife into the lifestyle so he can continue his "sexual ways", but this time, WITH his wife involved.

When we found this out, basically he was "cheating" on his wife in the FIRST place (later he admitted it was cheating), we didn't want anything to do with his reasons, and left it as "just friends".

Of course, he got offended and accused us of "judging him". We told him, that we weren't judging anybody, and that we only swing with couples who are committed to EACH OTHER, and who shares a strong & secured relationship between EACH OTHER, and that we're not here to "talk ANYbody" into doing what they're not ready for, or don't know WHAT they're getting into! Yada yada yada....

I did send him the url for this site and told him to check it out WITH his wife, if there's any questions or concerns that SHE/they may have, I'm sure they'll find it here, since this site helped US out tremendously.


Wife of CyberMWCouple

[anandjeff2]

I have found that with people we are interested in the more quetions you ask and the more answers you get the better. Of curse when meeting them face to face fro dinner we have asked the same questions over again to see how they respond to them and whetherthey are comfortable answering them in person. Believe me many people can come across one way online and very different in person!

With the one couple we are strongly considering a lot of our conversation was abut rules, wants.desires, anything we could ask of each other was answered freely. There were no expectations on either part of going any further than just conversation..no pressure involved ,no hidden agendas on their part..It was the most incrediable feeling and when we went home that night we were surprised at how long we had conversed without feeling the time dragging..LOL.

Face it having sex is an initmate thing and no matter how some might try to say it is just about sex there are issues youhave to look at when you are considering couples.the bigest one is honesty.If they cant be upfront and forthcoming with you..how can you fully trust them? Face it if you get bad vibes if they dont want to answer your questions then somethign is fishy..and we won't even touch them with a 10 foot pole.

Comfort to us is a huge part..we look at a couple not just whether we are attracted to the M/F but whether we approve of the other person for our spouse as well..if I don't feel comfortable with the idea of my hubby playing with the wife then it isnt going to work..it has taken us some time to find a couple we feel meets our critieria and even now we arent going to rush anything..we'll just take it as it cums..VBG

An

[JustAskJulie]

It's very true that the same person/people can come across very different in real life than they do online.

Not only do you have the issues of online it may only be one half of the couple you are dealing with.. the other half may not even know the conversation is going on...

But on a side that isn't quite so bad, some people are just more comfortable online, hiding behind a screen. Conversations that might make a person blush in person can be had over the internet because they don't have to look at a person and worry that that person's face will give away feelings they don't want to see. I think this might be especially true for some newbies who maybe aren't quite sure of themselves yet.

Either way, you can definately tell a lot more about a person (or even over the phone) and where they are coming from in person than you will ever be able to online.

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

[anandjeff2]

Very ture Julie! People often find that they can be more open online and I have found that to be the norm...it is also a factor when meeting in person that you should be able to discuss things upfront face to face since there might be things that crop up during a play session where you HAVE to be able to express yourselves. Jeff and I are very open with couples up front and even with the 2 we have met for dinner they know where we are coming from. One F even noticed that jeff is a little shy talking about sex(even though he can broach any other subject no probelm) which was quite observant of her..that really makes a difference..nuances are there you have to be able to read them.

It is nice I have found to have the anonomity of the computer to open the discussion so you are quicker to get the preliminaries over with. I had one person contact me yesterday and I was asking him general questions about why they got into swinging what they are looking for and he accused me of making it too difficult..HELLO?? I told him what we are looking for..friends we can play with and he accused me of interviewing him...he was not for us..it was quickly apparant! And that's cool..I'd hate to waste a lot of time and effort and all for nothing.

We'll let you know when we have our first playtime...

Originally posted by anandjeff2:
.....I had one person contact me yesterday and I was asking him general questions about why they got into swinging what they are looking for and he accused me of making it too difficult..HELLO?? I told him what we are looking for..friends we can play with and he accused me of interviewing him...he was not for us..it was quickly apparant! And that's cool..I'd hate to waste a lot of time and effort and all for nothing....

Every now & then, we get the same responses too, mostly from the hubbies (like they're hiding something, feeling quilty or something *hint*). And once from the wife of another couple, she demanded answers, but wouldn't answer our questions either!

Definately not couples we'd wanna play with! We just move on with our search for "special" friendships and have fun along the way!

Good luck with your search!
Wife of CyberMWCouple

[anandjeff2]

Thanks Cyber..

We actually think we have found our "first" kinda exciting..loads of chemistry..wahoo!!! So now we're in the process of getting to know each other better..I'll ley y'all know when I've broken the bed...LOL

An

You're welcome, anandjeff2!

And cool! Hope all of you have fun "breaking the bed"!


Wife of CyberMWCouple

[JustAskJulie]

Originally posted by anandjeff2:
I had one person contact me yesterday and I was asking him general questions about why they got into swinging what they are looking for and he accused me of making it too difficult..

I think eventually we all run into this. I can't tell you how many times I've emailed people with questions that they just avoided or never answered. My policy is that If I ask a question twice and they won't answer it (I'm talking basic stuff here in emails) I take the pass and move on.

I think what it might be with a lot of people you run into especially guys.. they may have something to hide.. hell their wives might not even know they are looking. I've talked to a lot of guys who figure they can talk to the couples first and find someone who will "talk their wife into it". Or that once their wife meets this couple and the opportunity is thrown out that she will take it. Ya know what.. sometimes it works... but if they can't even be upfront with their wives.. they aren't going to be upfront with another couple.

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com