How Personal is too personal?

[anandjeff2]

I agree totally Julie!

When I talk to people and I find that the woman was coerced into swinging in that manner I dont even want to go any further..if a couple can't agree to swing together in the first place I am not comfortable with their situation. And I ahve gotten pretty good about figuring out the males without partners or with unwilling/unaware partners. If a couple cannot talk freely about whether to swing or not then they sure as heck havent discussed the ramifications or the feelings that can come with the situation.

An

[anandjeff2]

WOW a post from long ago!!LOL

Ok some of our questions..
What got you into the lifestyle?
What do you expect from it?
What are your preferences?
What are your interests?
Kids?
(yes soem are veyr general but we do like to see hwo they answer)
We also try to see hwo the couple interacts with each other. If we feel bad vibes we will not go any farther..if there seems to be questions we will ask really personal questions..see how they react..we had a really bad encounter once and I dont wish to repeat that again..hope these give some basics..

An

[JustAskJulie]

Too Personal (for us):

Where do you work? (I don't mind answering what do you do?)
What's your last name?
Where do you live? (this is different than where are you from?)

We were at a club recently when the guy next us started getting a little too personal IMO and went from "where are you guys from?" to "oh yeah what part?" and kept going and going to the point I thought he was going to ask what street we lived on next.

[sexcupid]

Unless folks are coming to our home...we haven't hosted anything here yet...we just leave it at the closest major intersection....which just happens to be at an interstate highway. lol So if they aren't satisfied with 'we live on the northeast side of town'...there's plenty of homes/subdivisions/etc off of the intersection in either direction.

We don't mind saying what we do or where we work. Mostly because I'm not working right now...but if we tell people what Jeff does, well...he works for one of 2 companies in this town that provide that service. One of them isn't well known because it only services part of the city...so they can pretty much figure it out for themselves even if we don't say.

Honestly, I don't like to give out my phone number to alot of folks. Don't think that the question of our last names have ever come up, but they usually aren't given (heck, see another thread I started about even knowing first names....lmao ).

Interesting thread.

Maria

[WillieWonders]

When hubby (our ambassador) introduces us in person, it's always by first and last name. Some people take it kind of oddly (like TMI), but to him, it's just being upfront and honest. Unless we've met at a club, we don't play on a first date so there is plenty of time to get to know each other during dinner/drinks. I have to admit the questions like how long have you been married, kids, work questions are more comfortable for me than questions of personal sexual preferences (other than orientation). I am much more interested in figuring out what makes someone tick sexually than having them tell me up front. The exploration is half the fun!

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

Where do you work? (I don't mind answering what do you do?)
What's your last name?
Where do you live? (this is different than where are you from?)

These are exactly the same questions that make me very uncomfortable, too. When asked these things, we give vague answers. If they don't get the hint, I feel that they probably aren't compatible with us as far as discretion. We know a few people in our area who are WAY "out", and don't care who knows that they swing, including family. We're a lot more comfortable with others who respect discretion and are discreet, themselves.

As far as asking sexual preference questions, absolutely! When they're feeling us out to get clues about our relationship stability, that's fine, too. We really like sexy talk; it's not only educational, it's verbal foreplay.

Question we hate: "Do you know so-and-so?", and various forms of that. In our community, there seem to be a lot of couples who prod to know who you've been with. To us, this is crossing a line with discretion. We don't kiss-and-tell. If they're telling us who their other partners have been, they'll be telling the next new couple they meet about being with us.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

Question we hate: "Do you know so-and-so?", and various forms of that.

had this one recently and I think it was more the "oh you're from .... well do you know so and so". Cuz evidently all us swingers know ALL the other swingers in our town. Then again the couple who asked us that was from a much smaller town so maybe it is the case there.

[sweet_tna]

We don't give our last name, home phone number, mention our kids' names, or say specifically where my hubby works unless we get to know a couple really well (ie would socialize with them in a vanilla setting, too).

That said, I'm a very open person and there's not too much I'm uncomfortable talking about.

Sexual preferences and boundaries are really only "personal" in the vanilla world. In the lifestyle, it's the nuts & bolts of what we want to know about someone!

=)

[JustAskJulie]

I'm curious if those of you with kids would put discussing kids in the "too personal" category? Do you give out yours kids names to people you just met? Or would it bother you if they asked your kids names?

[cplnuswing]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

I'm curious if those of you with kids would put discussing kids in the "too personal" category? Do you give out yours kids names to people you just met? Or would it bother you if they asked your kids names?

It depends on how personal it got, but we are very protective in that area. Idle chit chat, we probably wouldn't be the ones to bring it up, but once the subject was broached, we would talk a little about it but without names.

On being asked names, it would depend on how the question was asked. We have been asked that before, but it was from a couple we had met with several times at their home (no kids present) and they had a child about the same age and the same gender, so naturally there was more talk along those lines than just making conversation with someone you just met at the club.

We just don't mix those two areas of our lives. Swinging is our "adult time" so we prefer to keep it on that level.

[LikeMinds321]

Asking us what our jobs are. I've always been uncomfortable with being asked and prefer we tell people that when we are ready. If we are asked we are very general and don't open the conversation. We often say with a smile that we don't like to talk about work when we aren't working. People seem to understand.

We never ask people what they do for a living. We'd rather wait until they are comfortable telling us. Sometimes that's within minutes, other times they never share that information.

LM

[tittietwister]

We share information about kids in terms of problems and challenges we have and have often received great advice and support from those we have met regardless of whether we play or not. It also gives you great insight their personalities without interrogating them.

We understand the need to use meetings to "feel out" potential partners but balk at it coming across like a job interview. That has happened to us. One guy had to be sure we were in his economic and social "class" first. He also completely ignored his wife and leered at my wife in a way that made me feel uncomfortable. We bolted.

I also will not share fantasies until the relationship is in more advanced stages.

Re online vs. in person projections, like many couples, I'm put in the position of being the "front man" for us as my wife does not like cyberspace. Of course other couples are getting a one-sided view when communicating with us and other couples where one makes all the contacts and does all the emailing. I do the best I can to portray "us."

[Pepper & Drew]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

had this one recently and I think it was more the "oh you're from .... well do you know so and so". Cuz evidently all us swingers know ALL the other swingers in our town. Then again the couple who asked us that was from a much smaller town so maybe it is the case there.

Oh, I must admit I'm guilty of this one. But, chances are, if they're from certain places, it IS small enough that they may have met other people. Typically, this is just a lead-in to getting to know them. We're not looking for gory details or anything. Shockingly, there's people that live in our town we know from attending socials, that we've never played with. (I know, I know, it's hard to believe!)

Knowing isn't necessarily knowing them, and we've never meant to make anyone uncomfortableby asking. Maybe I shoul make a note to self: don't ask others about who they know....

Pepper

[bryanlee]

I don't know if anything would be too personal, but there are definitely questions that are not relevant.

I would answer anything relating to swinging and probably most other things, but if it had nothing to do with our common goals (getting together) then i may not answer.