Don't Touch!!

[Dooode]

You're at a house party or a club.

Where does your personal space begin and where do you feel it has been violated? Are you fine with casual touching? Does your spouse? Is there an agreement that touching must be conscented to? What kind?

How about at a date with another couple? Is it any different?

Inquiring minds want to know!

[EvilMJ]

Depends on the people.

If we have played with them then there is lot of leeway on the amount of touching going on. If we have never met them before then there is lot more space going on. If I am not interested in the couple/person in my space then I move away from them or if they don't get the hint I ask them to stop what they are doing.

There have been a few parties where a couple of the bi women decided we were going to dance together, and one of the men (ususally a married one too) decides that is open invitation to dirty dance with us or grind himself against us. He quickly gets informed as to why that is a no no.

Sometimes the flirting can lead to more touching although it is discussed with hubby on a case by case basis. Sometimes we let each other know our intentions with a look/signal, and sometimes there is an actual convesation. We prefer to make sure we are both comfortable before any touching goes on.

If we are on a date and things are going well then it is just a given that there is going to be touching going on, after all we are there to participate in sexual activity with them aren't we. It is rare that either of us are going to get bent out of shape if we are touching one fo the other couple in a sexually suggestive manner when we are on a date.

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by Dooode

You're at a house party or a club.

Where does your personal space begin and where do you feel it has been violated? Are you fine with casual touching? Does your spouse? Is there an agreement that touching must be conscented to? What kind?

How about at a date with another couple? Is it any different?

Inquiring minds want to know!

Usually in swinging women run the show as far as that goes....once again, communication! You need to really know where your personal space begins before my pants are sitting at my ankles. If you are soft swing only I should know this from jump. I will respect all boundaries, but I'm not psychic...if I were I'd know what tonight's lotto numbers were.

[JustAskJulie]

Interesting question and one I've pondered a lot here lately. As I've begun "re-exploring" swinging with my (new) guy. When we are out at a social I don't want to make him uncomfortable so I tend to hold back from what I might do otherwise when it comes to casually touching others (whether male or female). We were at a swingers night out a few weeks ago and sitting with another couple when the male half reached out and grabbed my hand and put it on his wife's breasts. In that instance I was less concerned with my guy's feelings than I was with her feelings. Had she grabbed my hand and put it there it would not have phased me, but since he did it and since I knew that she is the one new to swinging I was really unsure. Knowing that my bf has no problem with me being bi I don't have a problem with touching other women in front of him as long as I'm comfortable with her and feel it goes both ways. But I don't feel comfortable touching other men in front of him.

As far as what type of touching I'm comfortable with others doing towards me I'm ok with most touching. Mostly it depends on the person and how the touching is done. There is one guy at the social we've been to a couple of times that greets the ladies by taking her hand and kissing her cheek... honestly I'd rather have a hug... the kiss on the cheek just feels a bit too personal for someone I'm just meeting.

[Mike and Jan]

I think that too many people have the opinion that if we're all 'swingers' here, then nothing is inappropriate.

Wrong! Inappropriate is inappropriate whereever you are whoever your with.

Let's think of some other things in the lifestyle that are just bad manners.

[GotBatteries?]

How hard is it to just ask?

'Hi, Mary! Good to see you! Can I give you a hug?'
'You move beautifully! Can I dance with you tonight?'
'I love your shirt! It looks soft! Can I touch it?'
'The whole time you are talking, I hear what you are saying but I am totally distracted by your lips! I really want to kiss you!'
'Your ass is perfect for spanking/biting. May I?' (lmao, I freaking triple dog dare ya to ask that one)

It might seem cheesy or childish, I mean we are ADULTS gathered for an ADULT thing, but its polite to ask. Assuming is going to break out some inner ninjas and thats never a good thing.

[Menage_a_Trois]

This is a subject that the three of us discuss frequently. When we all got into the lifestyle( Mrs. and I almost 10 years ago, and the Other Mrs. 2 1/2 years ago), we were all schooled with the practice of NOT touching without asking first, this applies to both men and women. This made perfect sense to us. In fact it was one of the things that made us feel comfortable when we first started swinging and attending clubs. Of course over the years we have had our share of people who touch without asking and the girls are quick to let them know that they need to ask first. There have been some rude men who do it, but by far it has been more women who touch without asking than men, especially when it comes to touching other women. For some reason it seems like theses women think that because they are women it is ok, when ask about it they often say, "Its ok I’m a women". I know both A and P (Mrs. and the Other Mrs.) think that this is rude. It is one thing if you know a couple to flirt and have a little touching going on. But from people you don't know or haven't met is another story completely.

At our local club there is a pool table. It has become a place where couples have fun and get to know each other. For the most part it is all in fun, not much serious pool being played. It is very common to see to see a person bent over to take a shot and a person from the other team touching them in a way to break their concentration, anything from flashing boobs and kitty's to blowing or kissing them on the ear to groping their crotch. It is all meant in fun and no one gets upset. But it ends after the shot. The Other Mrs. Ménage especially loves to see if she can make her opponent miss their shot and she is quite good at it. But for us that doesn't happen unless we know the other couple is comfortable with that.

For us it is just a matter of being respectful. You get what you give. It is the old golden rule. How you carry yourself and how you treat others is how you will be treated and received in the lifestyle. For me, I am always a gentleman and both A and P always carries themselves as ladies. That doesn't mean we don't flirt and have fun, quiet the opposite, we have lots of fun. I have had many compliments over the years about not being aggressive and rude, makes potential play partners at ease. Just my two cents on the subject.

Mr. Ménage

[LOL_OMG]

Hi

Most house partys send an ivite. If they are experienced then the invite will probably read like a swingers club with some basic rules attached. First and foremost is 'No means No'. If there are no such attachments then that should raise enough of a flag for you to ask the host 'what are the rules, and when said rules will be announced.

Mr. Lol_omg

[JustAskJulie]

When the general rule of swinging is don't touch without asking first.... at what point is touching without asking first ok?

[sweet_tna]

For me, I feel any kissing or touching that wouldn't be acceptable in a vanilla setting requires permission.

=)

[Malachista]

I'm not one for casual touching with Vanilla people, but I have no problems with people touching me at a swinger club .. I kind of expect to be touched there

[Tia Vampire]

Yes, we also think that it is acceptable at a swing party or in that kind of atmosphere. Everything is o.k as long as there is no touching so hard that it becomes digging inside of holes. none of that!