Do you exchange last names? If so, when?

[The Fuse]

Not too long ago, Mr. Fuse and I were taking a break from the action with our playmates... on a very enjoyable third play date. It was at their house, and they'd also been to our house previously.

Suddenly I turned to the other gentleman and said,

"Can I ask you a question?"...

"Sure, what?"

"What's your last name?"

And you know what? It wasn't even anything I needed to know. The question was mostly for comic relief.

But it got me wondering... what do others feel about this? Do you ask your playmates? Do you peek at their diplomas during the house tour? Do you even care? It's strange... I feel like there is some reason maybe I should care, but I don't really. It just seems a little...dislocated to fuck someone else's husband multiple times, be on a friendly basis with them, even talk about their kids, and not know their last name.

Anyone have comments?

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by The Fuse

But it got me wondering... what do others feel about this? Do you ask your playmates? Do you peek at their diplomas during the house tour? Do you even care? It's strange... I feel like there is some reason maybe I should care, but I don't really. It just seems a little...dislocated to fuck someone else's husband multiple times, be on a friendly basis with them, even talk about their kids, and not know their last name.
Anyone have comments?

It is pretty strange to do all of that with a couple, even repeatedly, and not know their last names. I don't really care about knowing it. We never ask. But, it does seem to come out sooner or later just naturally, after awhile. That's been the case with us, both with them learning our name, and vice-versa. That's only after getting to know them, though. I'm uncomfortable with new people knowing it too soon.

We know a couple or two who don't hide their last names at all. These couples are "out", though.

[good times]

This is a timely thread for me because I just had an occasion to ask one of our swinger friends that we have known for a long time what his last name was. It got me thinking about the same thing. We know a lot of swingers, but we know them as, Bill and Jane, Frank and Mary, or Bob the single guy. We know very few of their last names.

Funny thing happened to Mrs. GT the other day. She was at her office and talking on the phone with one of our swinger friends who has a rather unique name. Just before she was going to hang up she said "ok, I'll talk top you later ________." Her boss overheard this and said "Was that _______ _______?" Using both her first and last name. It was at that instant that Mrs. GT realized that she had no idea what her last name was. She answered that "yes it was" based on the fact that she figured it was highly unlikely that two people would exist that had this particular first name. It turned out that her boss knew this woman, and it was the same person. It got us talking about this though, so we have recently started asking our swinger friends that we hang out with regularly, what their last name is, just in case something like this should happen again.

[TNT]

Some people know our last name, some don't...some we know and some we don't...it all depends on how close we are and how much time we spend with them.

Teresa

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by The Fuse

Anyone have comments?

Heck - there have been times when we haven't even known FIRST names

I think we get to know last names - and share last names - when you reach that place of "these folks are friends". That isn't really a definable place.

Some people here know our last names and they didn't even have to sex us to get it Though they are welcome to...

And there are couples we have played with a few times that probably still think of us as "what's their names". That's fine, too.

Honestly, we don't put too much philosophy into this one. We let that part of it be organic.

Spoomonkey (Last Name Withheld)

[BiloxiCouple]

With reverse address searches and reverse phone searches on the net, alot of information is available. Including last names.

So is this another can of worms? Where you can't bring anyone home anymore?

[Pepper & Drew]

We know the last names of our really close friends, and I'm not really sure I could tell you when we learned what they were. I guess, it's when you're pretty sure these people aren't total nuts and aren't going to do something sinister with that info. Usually in one situation or another, it comes up. I don't think we've ever had to ask. On the other hand, there are couples that we've become pretty friendly with, and we have no clue what their last names are.

Pepper

[prettylady]

My last name is pretty generic. I was staying at my parents house last week, when Dog decided to call me. He was so frustated because there were 5 people on my parents street with the same last name. So I really am not concerned if anyone finds out my name. I am not, however, going to mention it now.
Your freind,
Prettylady

PS I have writen my name as prettylady so often I accually nearly wrote it on a form yesterday. Just think of what people would think of me then. stuck up, concited. Oh well, I like my name.

[Tybee Swing]

Excellent points!

Originally Posted by BiloxiCouple

With reverse address searches and reverse phone searches on the net, alot of information is available. Including last names.

This is one reason we never give out the home number. We do everything through a cell phone.

Originally Posted by BiloxiCouple

So is this another can of worms? Where you can't bring anyone home anymore?

We haven't ever brought anyone home primarily because we're not empty nesters - yet. But even after we are, we'll only invite people to our home that we've gotten to know pretty well.

[The Fuse]

Thanks for the responses, everyone. Mainly I was just curious and thought the subject amusing....not one to stress over.

In our experience, last names have come out more or less organically most of the time, but not all. Once, on a first meet with a couple, the waitress came back after we'd paid our bills with credit cards and said to the other gentleman, "Here you go, Mr. _____". I carefully didn't notice and promptly forgot whatever it was she said.

The one time someone figured out who we were, we were pretty much just amused.

We do bring people to our house once we feel comfortable with them. These are people that we feel sure are normal, stable and not interested in hurting us or anyone else. At that point, of course our identity is more or less knowable. We're fine with that. As havefuninsun pointed out, we just don't want our mothers to find know. We want to stay "in the closet" as swingers with all non-swingers, but if we're outed it won't be the end of the world.

We've not yet been in the situation where first names aren't known... but when and if that happens, I'm sure it will be much fun.

[meandher2go]

we WONT give our last names. We are in this for FUN only. we might make a few friends along the way but we havent seen a reason to give last names. only one couple has to been to our house too. we just assume be as discrete as possible.

[Thrax]

Me? No. I'm perfectly happy with my own, and I'm really used to it, so I'll keep it, thank you very much.

(Yeah, I'm a smartass. What of it? Besides, this bumps up your thread. )

Thrax
P.S. Fuse, do the kissy-face emoticons help any?

[Swingercast]

The names that people use can, at times, present a predicament:

Jane and Thomas meet you and decide they trust you enough to let you know that their real names are Jen and Nathan. Great.

So you go to a party and you meet some of their mutual friends, Samantha and Bruce. Now, Samantha and Bruce are "friends" of Jane and Thomas but not close enough to know their real names. Jen whispers in your ear, please call us Jane and Thomas. So now we are back to calling Jen and Nathan, Jane and Thomas. The night progresses. You lose sight of "Jane and Thomas" but start to get to know Samantha and Bruce better. As the conversation gets more intimate, Samantha and Bruce let you know that their real names are Cindy and Adam.

When Jen and Nathan, who go by Jane and Thomas, return you try to keep it all straight and call Jen, Jane. Nathan, Thomas. Cindy, Samantha and Adam, Bruce.

This actually happened to us a few months ago.

The names have been changed to protect their identities. <EG>

[johntoniswing]

well im guessing most people we have meet know our last name because its plastered all over my vehicle. but there are quite a few we have meet and only know there first name . but this does remind me of a trip to neworleans we was going to visit some friends only by there first names they lived in the 9th ward anyhow the police pulled me over asked where we was going i said there first names and said they was friends .then he asked why i didnt know there last name .i said i never asked . then he asked what there adress was i didnt know that ether just how to get there i think at this point he is thinking im out trying to find drugs hr agreed to follow me to there house so i didnt go to jail .any how if you are going to party with swinger friends in a bad neighberhood find out there last name and adress or you might go to the po po house

[EvilMJ]

The swinger community around here is pretty small. It is hard to conceal your namesa after a while. It has gotten to the point that our core group knows each other so well that we know first and last names, have family functions together..

There doesn't seem to be any concern about outting each other. For the most part I try to conceal where we work. That is makes me more nervous than them knowing my name. I mean if they REALLY wanted to know they could find out but so far no one has really wanted to stalk me that badly.