What is the monetary cost of swinging for you?

[Tybee Swing]

We Tybees have been working together today on our financial plans for the coming new year and working out a budget spreadsheet for 2008. We're making plans to pay off debt aggressively and save more, too. By putting everything on paper in great detail like we did, we both agree that swinging the way we do costs too much for us. We're going to revise how/when/where and how often we swing. We have big financial plans and goals, and blowing this much money on swinging doesn't fit in with our plans.

There are no clubs here...we either have to travel (very expensive) to other cities & pay club memberships/entry fees, or we have to date other couples (wine & dine, get hotel room) which is also very expensive. Then there are the sexy clothes, more money spent on grooming, sex toys, website memberships, club memberships & entry fees, house party "donations" - the list of potential expenses in swinging goes on and on.

Out of curiosity...

Does the subject of the costs of swinging come up at your household?

Do you spend more on Lifestyle-related expenses than you'd like to spend?

What do the costs run for you on a monthly basis? (Please include your style & frequency of swinging.)

Would you/do you alter the way you swing, or the frequency, to suit your budget?

I'm very interested to hear other people's take on this!

[SW_PA_Couple]

To paraphrase the comic artist, Gilbert Shelton, times of sex and no money will get you through better than times of money and no sex.

The way we see it, swinging is a wash. If we were not out at a swingers' club or out with a swinging couple, we would be out having dinner at an often-even-more-expensive restaurant or theater.

[socolais]

We swing about once a month or so, usually a private house party or we'll get together with another couple at their house. We'll bring snacks and usually a hostess gift. We don't count the costs of grooming, toys or clothes in the swinging category. We haven't been to any of the local clubs yet. Swinging doesn't have to be any more expensive than one would want it. We didn't "choose" the low budget path, it just kind of happened to be the path of least resistance and meets our preferences very well.

And yes, I do "manage" any leisure activity to stay within budget (or reevaluate the budget).

[fun4Ds]

we are tight wads most of the time, we use coupons and discounts on just about everything we can. we have however rented a suite 2-3 times a year while we are in Indy @ 250.00 per night. seems steep but we just like a comfortable place to stay while there. sometimes we are joined by friends after the club.its close,convenient and comfortable. we hope to get down there for new years, pay our yearly dues at the clubs we frequent. and then look at the upcoming budget.

that may change once we calculate and save up for the next swingersboard meet up.not sure if that is GA. or WA. we hope to use some regular vacation time and do what we want to do, plus meet everyone again.

I'm going to throw out a number here and i may be wrong because Mrs.fun is the main accountant but 2,500 to 3,000 bucks per year is surly close.

what can i say the kids are grown, this is our time.


update: wife says more

[Mrs Spoomonkey]

Tybee...we are at an advantage compared to you. We have 3 clubs local to our area and don't "have" to travel or get hotels. The clubs range in price, clientèle and decor. We have been to two and taken the advice of friends to not bother with the other and have narrowed it down to the one that is probably middle of the road. The annual dues and nightly fees aren't bad and we bring our own drinks which we'd have at home whether we were swingers or not.

Does the subject of the costs of swinging come up at your household?

Yes it does just depending on the time of year, what kind of year we're having and how much the kids are costing us

Do you spend more on Lifestyle-related expenses than you'd like to spend?

Would you/do you alter the way you swing, or the frequency, to suit your budget?

I don't think so. We like to go out, dance, and have dinner or drinks with friends, so we'd be going out and doing something so why not make it something we really enjoy. When we have an over run of family or "vanilla" friend things going on then the club nights may slow down or take a back seat but that doesn't happen that often.

What do the costs run for you on a monthly basis? (Please include your style & frequency of swinging.)

If we make it to the club say twice a month (average) then I'd say $100 a month or less. That includes club fees and alcohol. I already have enough clothes and unless I just see something that I have to have there isn't much expense there. We are not big "toy" people so that isn't an issue financially for us either.

Mrs Spoomonkey

[LikeMinds321]

This thread has really got me thinking about a big change we made in our life.

I'll preface my answers by sharing a story that is both funny and poignant to me and Mr LM.

We have always been penny pinchers, especially so during the first five years of our marriage because within a year after we married we started our own business. It took a $2000 loan for start up so you know how low we were on money back then. But our business is still going strong today after 30 years.

Anyway, back then Mr LM and I always went to McDonalds 2-3 times a week for a cheap lunch (other days we brought our lunch to work). He'd order the basic cheeseburger and fries which totaled about $2 bucks. He'd ask me what I wanted and I'd always say I wasn't hungry, "I'll just have a bite of yours." It wasn't until many years later, after business was going strong and money wasn't so tight that I admitted to Mr LM that I didn't order lunch because I knew it would mean $20 more bucks saved that month.

Fast forward...

When we reached our fifties we decided we'd been saving diligently for long enough and it was time we spent money on some fun for ourselves before we were too old to have fun anymore.

We have spent more money on swinging related activities than we've ever spent our whole married life on social expenses...but keep in mind we've never been travelers and hardly ever went out for a night on the town before we began swinging. And neither of us have expensive hobbies.

I don't pay much attention to what we spend on swinging. I'd have to sit down and do some calculating to give you an answer, Tybee. We still are reasonable spenders and never spend money we don't have. We've been to 5or 6 Swingers Board Meet Ups and we hope to attend one each year. Our swinging is done locally, for the most part, and so that keeps our costs low.

LM

[JustAskJulie]

This has kind of become a discussion for us as well... as we've recently starting trying to actually budget (something somewhat new to both of us) as we realized we make too much to not be putting more than we are into savings. We are debt free except for the house which helps a lot and it's not a matter of not having enough to do what we want it's just a matter of knowing that we want to have a little more to show for it down the road.

We have a couple of socials nearby that meet maybe once a month. The one we typically go to had a $10 cover fee and then we end up buying drinks. In the past we haven't spent a lot on drinks at this club because they only serve beer and wine coolers (of which I don't really drink either and my pet doesn't drink much more). The group also occasionally does a dinner & dancing night which we try to go to. Neither of these events cost us any more than any other weekend night out might cost us.

Where we run into costs is that in the end we'd prefer to go to Nashville and go to Menages which is 2 hours away and thus requires a hotel stay. I'm picky about my hotels AND we like to stay fairly close to the club so we can take a taxi back and forth rather than worrying about driving. So the cost for a one night club visit....
Hotel Room: $120-150
Club Fee: $55
Drinks (byob): $30 (bottle of Jack and a bottle of Tequila)
Dinner: $30
Breakfast: $20
---------
Total: $250-$300

This is a minimum if we were to only go up Saturday afternoon, have dinner, go to the club, eat breakfast and go home.

That said we don't do it often, maybe once ever couple of months. Typically, we go up early on Saturday and add lunch to that, do some shopping on Saturday and maybe some more on Sunday before heading home. In the end, even if we didn't go to Menages, I need to get away from home for a weekend at least once every couple of months so we'd still go to Nashville and if it wasn't Menages it would be a vanilla club or something else and we'd probably still spend just as much.

Luckily, we don't have kids so if we did actually meet a couple locally that we wanted to play with we could easily bring them back home with us without a problem. I can't imagine having to spend money on a hotel to swing locally with a couple.

[Tybee Swing]

Very interesting answers, so far! I figured that a lot of people wouldn't quite know what swinging costs them without giving it some thought.

Our out-of-town trips are exactly as Julie described, including the breakdown of costs to do that. Our trip for that is also about 2 hours' drive. If we went to Atlanta, it would be about a 4.5 hour drive. (Don't forget to factor in gas money for the budget) In town, it's the dining, and getting a room here in town. Everybody we play with has kids living at home. Playing in town, we bring a cooler of drinks for the hotel, sometimes snacks, etc. These in-town nights easily cost over $100 per couple.

So far in this thread, it sounds like swinging costs about $100 per month to about $300 per month, for those of you who volunteered that info.

Anybody here swing exclusively at your home or at others' homes? What does swinging cost you?

[ncmd_couple]

We like to travel and we like to go out. My first impression of going to an on-premise club was that it was expensive. But really when you think about it, it isn't. If we go to the Cottage or the Farm we always spend the night there. So when you compare it to getting a hotel in another town and going out for dinner and drinks, it is really cheaper to go to one of the swing clubs for the night. Besides, if we go to Ocean City or Virginia Beach or somewhere we can't get naked and play!

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by SW_PA_Couple

The way we see it, swinging is a wash. If we were not out at a swingers' club or out with a swinging couple, we would be out having dinner at an often-even-more-expensive restaurant or theater.

In our case, our own "dating" each other time isn't swapped out with the swinging/socializing. We still spend time dating each other, regardless of swinging. In our minds, it works this way: dating each other - necessity. Dating other people - optional.

So, at times we're doing both, we'll spend the money on the two of us a couple of times a month and spend it on swinging on the other weekends. If we're not swinging, we still go out a couple of times a month. Since it's just us, we can adapt the cost of what we'll be doing according to how it suits our budget that week (not so much with swinging). On our own, we can just chill/hang out at home or do something free or cheap (like riding our bike, walking on the beach, rent a movie on the DVR for $4, etc.)

With each other, the sex is always good, there's no drama, and it's always free. When you're really looking at the budget, this plays into it.

[des1re06]

Ugh, you reminded me I need to make an appointment with our accountant.

We've never really sat down an analyzed it, but I know it's around $700 per month, not counting trips to Mexico (Desire was $3,000) and Florida (Caliente was $1,500 for a long weekend) and New Orleans ($1,500).

We just got our camper this month, so that may go down next year.

We're not really concerned about the cost, as travel was something we've always done. Now it's just more fun!

I'm looking into becoming a travel agent part-time next month, so I can write it off.

Mrs. D

[havefuninsun]

Tybee -- very interesting question.

We're about to go through our 2008 budget as well. One of the things that came out of the exercise in 2007 was that we decided we needed to add "libations" to our budget each month. We enjoy wine, and I couldn't figure out why our food budget was so outrageous! Well -- pick up a bottle of wine every other night and it becomes clear. So, we set a budget and started buying the wine by the case so we could get a discount.

I, too, LOVE a good bargin

We don't play that often, so we can put our swinging activities into the entertainment line item and get away with it. Although, we probably need to look at that line item, too ... we eat out way too much.

Not to hijack the thread, but a question for desire -- how was Caliente? We've been talking about going for a while now ... almost made a stop there last summer while traveling between Key West and New Orleans ...

[des1re06]

how was Caliente?

I'm giving my honest opinion here - overpriced.

It's a beautiful resort, but nothing, and I mean nothing is allowed to be taken into the common area. Call and ask ahead of your visit. Hubby seems to recall you're not supposed to even take groceries or liquor beyond the gate. You have to buy everything there, even bottled water. There is a guard at the gate (only 1 way in) and your bags are inspected.

We went on a "half-price" weekend to check it out, and it was still $1,500 for 3 days.

Once you pass the lobby area, you are required to be nude. Not a problem for us, but maybe for others.

It is a family resort. There were young children there.

Back to the point of the thread, sorry Tybee.


Mrs. D

[Alura]

We've never spent much money on swinging. The Meet Ups we host are on the same weekend as another party we've hosted for twenty years or so, so the costs of Tulsa Meet Ups are the cost of dinner out.

We have gone to Meet Ups in Nashville, Dallas, Dayton, and Indianapolis. Dallas was also a business trip, though, so we could write it off.

We've always played locally with one couple at a time, never gone to clubs (with the exception of Menages at the Nashville Meet Up), never been a member of an on-line introduction service, and don't drink much.

We meet a prospective couple the first time at a local bookstore coffee shop to talk. A couple of times we've gone from there to one of our homes to play but usually there has been a second meeting for dinner, sometimes in a restaurant, sometimes at one of our homes. Since our sons are teens, we haven't played at our home for a long time, and won't unless they're away for some reason.

We're definitely "cheap dates."

Mr. Alura

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by ncmd_couple

My first impression of going to an on-premise club was that it was expensive. But really when you think about it, it isn't. If we go to the Cottage or the Farm we always spend the night there. So when you compare it to getting a hotel in another town and going out for dinner and drinks, it is really cheaper to go to one of the swing clubs for the night.

We've been to clubs in our state and surrounding states, and we've never heard of a club that lets you spend the night. This is why we have to get a hotel room if we travel to clubs. Count yourself very lucky to have that option!