Showing Newbies "the ropes"

[JustAskJulie]

In the topic on running into people you meet someone brought up the issue of a newbie hounding them about showing them the ropes. In this particular case it was a matter of the newbie being bi-curious and wanting the more experienced person to teach them, etc. I've had something similiar happen to be as well and that got me thinking.

For those more experienced couples, how do you feel about showing newbies the ropes? Whether it be newbie swingers looking for their first time or those who are newly bi-curious (if you are bi) wanting to experience their first time. Often this comes in the vein of someone you are already friends with and they feel comfortable asking you for this and would feel more comfortable with you as their first because they know you. Would you do it? How much of a risk do you feel is involved in doing it?

For me personally, I had a female friend who was bi-curious and asked me to be her first and I went ahead and did it... it led to a very awkward relationship between us following the "event".

For you newbies. Would you rather your first experience be with someone who is more experienced or with another newbie so you can explore together? Would you want it to be with a friend?

[sexypairca]

From this newbies point of view I think that the very experienced in the lifestyle are more intimidating. They already know what they want/like and we just aren't at the same stage yet. That is not to exclude them but the comfort factor would probably take longer.

Other inexperience/somewhat experienced people would probably put us more at ease so long as everyone wasn't too shy about the situation. What a disappointment if nobody took the initiative to get things started. Then again that sounds like a job that I'd be good at. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" />

As far as friends go, I wouldn't risk an existing friendship.

"A" the wife.

[a and m]

We have had threesomes with men and women, all of them were our friends...the first girlfriend, we had several "meetings" with. it went on for a few years...but then she met someone and got married...the second girlfriend was curious, and so we showed her the "ropes" and she loved it...we have had a couple of sessions with her since...and the male friend, we also have had a few sessions with him...we are somewhat experienced, but still consider ourselves newbies...i think friendship should be there...that is why we are looking to develop friendships...i think it is a very important piece, especially for us newbies... :p

[frisson]

We enjoy being "the first" for newcomers IF we think they're squared-away and ready to handle it. Basically we just use our instincts, which usually serve us well.

We truly do enjoy the lifestyle as a way of life...we believe in it, and we know that for the right couple it can be the best thing to ever happen to a marriage...and since the first time can be so important, we like to give newcomers a proper introduction when we can.

Also, let's be honest, the first time can be a highly-charged erotic situation for all concerned. And that special feeling is something we're always striving to create and to find.

We have been "the first" for several couples, and have had only positive experiences. One in particular sticks in the mind. A very attractive woman approached D (our female half) at a dance, said that she had been unsatisfied bi-curious for years, and asked if D would be her first. D identifies as straight, but she's always open to exceptional experiences of any kind. So she said yes. Well, the way she said yes was with a two-minute-long kiss in the middle of the dance floor. Up to the room we went, with the boys just to watch. What followed was one of the most sensual, intense, and highly-erotic encounters we've ever experienced. When it was over, both of the women were totally spent--not even enough energy left over to play with the guys.

It is one we'll remember for the rest of our lives, and we'd have missed out on it if we ahhered to a strict "no-newbies" policy.

[sccple29073]

i am bi and have only had a few experiences and still consider myself a newbie. i definately feel more comfortable with a newbie than someone that has been in it for years.
As far as friends,NO WAY...my best friend of 12 years put me in a a similar situation. She wanted me to be her first bi-sexual experience. I thought this was too much pressure to put on our relationship and was not willing to risk our years of friendship over one-night.
Now that said, I do agree that i want to be friends with anyone I am with...However, i think it depends on the length and bond of the relationship.

My 2 cents!

[Brian and Jo]

Our first experience many years ago was with another couple who were also swinging for the first time. We think this was much more preferable than if we were with a couple of experienced swingers. As four newbies we were all extremely nervous of course. We were able to take our time, to feel each other out as it were in a metaphorical as well as a physical sense, so that we all felt comfortable together before we moved on to the next stage of sexual exploration leading to the swapping of partners for intercourse.
As experienced swingers we have been the first couple for a few newbies. In such a situation we always took care to respect the newbies wishes, not trying to force things and just letting things unfold in as natural a way as possible.

[CindyB]

I have never had a bi experience. I'm not at all sure it is for me. But if it is I cannot imagine doing it with someone who was not a friend. I know many people shy away from friends but to me it's important that I DO know the person. Just a difference in personalities, I suppose.

[yourvoyeurpal]

my SO and i are definitley newbies (we haven't even had our first experience yet) and we've often discussed whether we'd like our first to be with another newbie couple or a more experienced one. for now, we've decided to play it pretty safe and just try the same-room sex thing (we felt it would be a good way to get comfortable being sexual around other people).

we feel that another newbie couple would be good because we'd all be in the same boat but at the same time, what if no one has the courage to initiate the sexplay? also, i've read in several places that newbies shouldn't try it with other newbie couples because if something was to go wrong then no one would know how to handle the situation. i'm not quite sure what could go that means because i've never seen anything specific. i'm guessing someone overstepping the other couple's boundaries.

on the other hand, an experienced couple would seem to be better equipped in dealing with newbie nervousness (i like illiteration ), but they might also get bored easier.

so, i think ideally, we'd like to have a couple that is still fairly new, but has a few experiences under their belt.

i think having sameroom sex with friends could be fun, but perhaps awkward later. i don't think i'd want to swap (soft or hard) with close friends. unless of course they became friends after we started messing around.

[tazzie_n_truck]

As for us our first expirience swinging with another couple, it was their first time also, and it was a bit awkward at first, but we all warmed up to each other pretty quick, and it ended up alot of fun. As far as swapping with newbies, we enjoy it, and we don't try to feel like we are teaching them anything, we are just guiding them. The coupe we swing with on a regular basis with now, were newbies at swinging when they met us, but have become quite used to it and really enjoy it with us.

[b_and_sc]

my first bi experience was with a much more experienced woman which made it wonderful...I was upfront about not knowing anything and she made me so relaxed..it was a lot of fun

for our first couple experience, it was with another newbie couple which was also good...we were all nervous and went slow and nobody really knew what to expect and we all kind of learned together

I think it depends on the people more than anything

b

[newtoswingingfl]

Hi everyone... I thought this would be a good place to lay my first post down.

My wife and I were brand new to the scene until this past Saturday, we went to a swingers club. Luckily we got noticed by some regulars as newbies, and they invited us to hang out with them. We got real comfortable, and ended up in a room with 3 seasoned couples and ourselves.

All in all we had a GREAT time... We opted for soft swap, only because I (husband) got intimidated at the last minute and spoke to my wife about my apprehension.

I don't know if we would have had a better first time 1. with less people involved or 2. a less experienced couple.

So yeah, those are my thoughts. Comments?

-Eric and Sarah

edit: sorry to bump an older thread... had to comment

[meowkittyhascla]

My bi-experience was with a newbie couple, who was very interested in the ff aspect of a threesome. I have had other threesomes but just the women working on the man and him having us. It was awesome the two of us learning and experimenting on each other. Then, Hubby and I were with another couple where the lady had more experience than I and she taught be a few things. So I think newbies and the more experienced can teach other and please each other. I wouldn't say no to a couple because they were newbies or more experienced than us.
Hugs and Kisses from Missouri.

[BD2]

Hubby and I were newbies not too long ago and have since only been with two couples (does this make us experienced now?), one couple was somewhat experienced and the other has been in the lifestyle for some time. Both experiences were AWESOME and both couples somewhat took the lead, but certainly did not intimidate us.
As for my first bi experience...I can only say it was incredible! She and I also spent some time alone after the four of us were together and this really helped me feel more comfortable with the whole experience. I didn't feel like we were on display and could truly enjoy her and the experience. (Can you tell I'm hooked?! )
We don't think it's the experience of the people you are with that matters, but more the chemistry between all of you. If the chemistry is right you'll know it and it will work out (or in!) We spend a good deal of time getting to know people on-line before we jump in so everyone is comfortable.
I can only hope our future experiences go as well as our first two and that all newbies are as lucky as we were!
Mrs. BD

[tisha]

We are kinda new at the life style, have had some soft swing exsperiences, but honestly, it's like learning to drive a car...
When you want to learn to drive, you ask someone to teach you, they must #1 know how to drive, #2 Know where to get their license, and location of places, and #3 Usually, Have a car...
so, when you begin swinging... You have to learn #1 The rules and requirements of swinging, #2 The locations to meet people, and club types, #3 Meeting couples that currently swing. Its like everything else in life, you have to learn from someone
Just my opinion.T

[SwtPixieDst]

We are newbie status. I don't really think that the couple that we pick has to be experienced. I mean as long as they are having sex with each other -- that leads me to think that they know how to have sex. And if I want to play with the woman then my inexperience could be canceled out. *laugh*

I wouldn't want the first time to be with old friends (a couple that we've known previously) since they are our friends I wouldn't want the friendship to be ruined if the event was bad or if either myself or my husband decided that the lifestyle wasn't for us.