Safe words during swinging

[BiDrywallChick]

My husband and I were chatting today while we waited for hours at the VA clinic. Somehow we got on the subject of safe words. generally when I say safe words, people think I am talking about safe words for any type of bondage / Sm ect type sexual play. However, we have safe words for any type of senario. that includes any type of intimate touching/ talk what have you. Its not just safe words for when there is more than just the two of us. We have them for when we are having sex just me and him. I know some people have said that they use words like red for stop or yellow for slow down a bit. Mine is very simple. No means no. You cant mistake NO for anything else. My questions to ya'll are 3 fold:

1) How important are safe words in your swinging?

2) Do you have something other than NO that you always use?

3) Do you change your safe words if the other person/people use something different than you. Example would be If mine is no and yours is red.. would you still use yours or mine?

[LikeMinds321]

1) How important are safe words in your swinging?
So far, not very important. Recently, when I played alone with a couple that we regularly play with, we decided on a safe word. The couple took me through an erotic touch session, I was blindfolded and she held my hands above my head while he did the touching. For a safe word, he asked me to choose my favorite color.

2) Do you have something other than NO that you always use?
I would never choose "No" as a safe word. I LIKE saying "No" during sex, quite often, but I don't mean it.

3) Do you change your safe words if the other person/people use something different than you. Example would be If mine is no and yours is red.. would you still use yours or mine?
If we ever roleplayed or did light bondage, everyone playing together would chose one safe word used by all. That would keep it simple.

I will add that as we find more couples to play with, we'll likely start using a safe word routinely. I think it is a good idea.

LM

[DaveNSheila]

We use safe words when we are swinging. We have a word for I am ok with what is going on, one for get me out of here, one for I like them but don't want to have sex, and one for I need help getting out of this. They are words that won't come up in everyday discussion and only we know what they mean. We don't get into BDSM if we did we would all use the same word. Good point to bring up especial to couples that are new. We had one couple that we met one time that didn't know how to get out of situations and we had told them what we do and gave them a little bit of time to figure out if they wanted to play or not.

[northindycpl]

We don't have any safe words that we use with other couples, and to be honest it never occured to me that we needed one. We have words that we use with each other if one of us becomes uncomfortable.

[jojodom]

My wife and I have no safe words but it probably would not be a bad idea.
especially if the person is just an aquantance. The only reason I reply to
this thread is that it reminds me of one of my wife's girlfriends.

She had a few hot dates with a guy and they finally decided to have relations. They went back to his place and they were having fun. They decided to try anal sex on her. Upon insertion it was really painfull to her and in her usual self she yells out "f&@k me" if she feels pain. Needless to say she yelled out it out a few times and everytime she yelled it out the guy got more wild. She finally yelled out stop and he stopped. If they would have done a little preplanning the pain would have been avoided, but I would not have a great story.

[BiDrywallChick]

Believe it or not, we actually started using safe words for very vanilla things before we brought them into our sex life. We both have very emotionally hyper extended family and cant say things like " im bored to death and want to go home" or " oh my gods, its liver loaf! can we get a burger" without hurting one of our moms feelings.. so we had a phrase or two that could be worked into any conversation that let the other person know that it was time to go, ect. we didnt start using safe words in the bedroom until I started exploring the bi side of life. I suppose I could use something other than no. hmmm something to think about for me

[MrNorthIndyCpl]

I'm also going to add that in addition to our "safe words", we have non-verbal signals we use with each other in case one of us is uncomfortable with saying something because of the situation, or is unable to speak.

John

[Mephisto]

I used to use Casper -- as in I am getting spooked.

[JustAskJulie]

We don't really have any safe words or secret codes that we use. We've discussed it a time or two but in the end just decided it wasn't a level of confusion we wanted to add... what if someone said the safe word then the other forgot it.

It reminds me of an episode of Nip/Tuck when Sean took the actress he was dating to a swing party. They had agreed to a safe word of bicycle or something as they walked in the door. He got totally spooked and she was so into it she ignored him as he was standing there yelling "Bicycle Bicycle Bicycle" before he finally ran out the door without her.

[Willing29]

Well after the first disaster we came up with a phrase that should work pretty well. "I need a shot"! Especially if there is nothing to drink there. It's not so much a safe word but rather a let's bug the hell outta here and now, or we need to talk NOW. But since then we havent has to use it,

[Mr.Essex]

I use a number. If I hear her say it more than once, or if I hear her yell the number out loud, I come running regardless of what (or whom) I'm currently doing.

[dnmnms]

Hmm, we have never been into a situation where I even thought about that but maybe need to figure that out.
Hubby knows "that look" I get tho. We have only played same room so far but maybe we need to think about having a "safe" word or number or something like that.

Melody

[WesternSwing]

For a while we had a safe word, but now that we've been in the lifestyle longer we really don't need one. We don't encounter those misunderstandings we did in the beginning. And I can read Mrs. WS pretty well, and she can read me pretty well. And as far as Mrs. WS goes, she's not one to let something go on if she's not into it. She kicked a single guy out of a hotel room one night when she didn't like the way it was going. So she doesn't mince words or feelings.

Mr. WS

[iapr]

The concept of safe words as well as signals and secret signs all sound like a good idea however actually putting them into practice and having them work is a whole different story.

When you add up nervousness, naked bodies, hormones, alcohol and all the other distractions that will occur your best bet is just to keep it as simple as possible.

If you are in a situation that is uncomfortable or not where you want to be your best choice is just to get out of that situation. Never underestimate the power of two feet..just walk away. If you get up to go to the bathroom or say you have to give someone a message and walk away for the moment you have just broke the rhythm of whatever is taking place and sometimes all you need is that little escape to get you out of whatever it was you were in.

[lustylearning]

Happy Thanksgiving, lusty swingers! It occurred to me at a house party we attended a couple of weeks ago that a simple text between partners can be a good under the radar form of communication