Soft Swinging

[JustAskJulie]

Just found this response in another thread:

Originally Posted by flassh

I read an article by a swinging couple that advises not to soft swing because it only creates more jeolosy and in the long run, they felt, creates more problems. I would agree then with Julie that it is not for everyone. Going soft may be even worse than actual full swap. IMHO

Rather interesting and thought it would make a good discussion. I know we have some soft-swingers here who may also like to respond. I'd also be interested in reading the article you are referring to, if you can give us some more info on that, Flassh.

I'd like to know how they came to that conclusion? Was it by interviewing many swinging couples who had started by soft-swinging? Was it because they started as soft-swingers themselves and it didnt' work for them?

Different things work for different people, and it's been a while since we had a good discussion on the merits of soft-swinging.

So what do you think are the pros and cons of soft swinging? IF you are a soft-swinging couple, why did you choose to do that rather than full swap? Do you think you will ever full swap?

If you are a full-swap couple, did you start off soft-swinging? Would you ever soft-swing in the right situation? Do you think that soft-swinging creates more problems/ jealousy than full-swap? What are your reasons for NOT choosing to soft-swing?

[EmpyreanPleasur]

I guess I just don't see how soft swinging would necessarily create MORE jealousy than full swap? I'd like to see this article too or at least hear why it would be more of an issue in soft swinging.

I don't think it DOESN'T happen in soft swinging - jealousy can happen in any situation and will most likely happen MORE with people who are insecure.

[TNT]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

If you are a full-swap couple, did you start off soft-swinging? Would you ever soft-swing in the right situation? Do you think that soft-swinging creates more problems/ jealousy than full-swap? What are your reasons for NOT choosing to soft-swing?

We didn't start out as soft-swing and to us, we really don't understand it. We figured that if we were comfortable enough to soft-swing than we were definitely comfortable enough to full-swap.

We have soft-swung on one occasion (everything but intercourse) with a couple that were new and it was what they were comfortable with. It was a less than satisfying encounter for us, although not a bad experience, just less than what we were/are used to.

I don't really see how soft-swinging would/could cause more problems than full-swap, but like I said, we don't really understand it.

Teresa

[newgentry]

We're soft swingers, and I don't understand the quote at all. MORE jealousy? It doesn't make any sense to me. We decided to be soft swingers because that's what works for us, period. Its not a sense of insecurity, and its not a knock against the full swappers. Its only what WE decided would work for us as a couple. We like the idea of being able to reserve a certain special something just for the two of us. Now, that being said, I will also say that if and to the extent that we may ever decide to become full swappers (and again that'll only be after WE as a couple decide its the right time) that I really think we'll both be fine with it. Neither of us has any problem whatsoever with people who full swap - whatever works for them as a couple is fine with us and more power to them. Who knows, though. Like I said, for right now what we're doing, and what we're limiting ourselves too, is working out just fine.

[good times]

Dito what TNT said, we really don't understand it either. I guess we started out with soft swing, allthough we didn't know that was what it was at the time. This was with some Vanilla friends and we decided it wasn't fullfilling enough and wanted to take it further to full swap, that is how we got into swinging. We have met a quite a few more people who soft swing that seemed to have issues of one sort or another than people who are into full swap. But I don't think it was the soft swinging that caused the issues rather than they just had issues to begin with, and by sticking to soft swing it would make the issues they had less of a problem.

[flassh]

I will try to find the link for the article on soft swap vs. full swap.

Please give me a little time to research it.

[flassh]

Ok, I could not find the correct web link. But I am pretty sure it was a web site that was discussing the writings of Ed Allen and Dana Allen, which have written some nice books on the swinging
world.

To paraphrase very loosely: Soft swinging was discouraged because of the potentional for leaving alot of feelings on the table at the end of the night. Outright full swap and direct interaction with multiple couples seemed to indicate a point at which all the taboos and false feelings become meaningless to the participants. It would be like going au-natural for the first time. ie...a little timid and scarred and not sure how one will feel etc etc....but after about 5-10 minutes the nudity becomes a non-issue. So, in the analogy that one is having sex within the full swap they are leaving their emotions and fears in the past and find out that it is pretty much for fun and social enjoyment and not a big deal with breaking up the love of two committed people who now are sexual outside of their marriage partner.

Again, I am not responding to what full swap means to me personally but only relaying what was stated by others...I think the sentiments of the soft swing is more harmful does appear to be truthful for what we have experienced and the reality of soft swing is that it may be good for those who simply want to have fun but not go further. That is fair. But in terms of the feelings and fears and emotions, one might argue that the fun of sex is in the head anyways so the physical may not be what this topic is about ultimately.

Hmm..

[JustAskJulie]

We've been talking a lot lately about things that may create more drama and I just ran across this old thread and I thought I'd put it back out there and see what some of you think about the idea that perhaps soft swinging creates or leads to more drama....

The only thing I can think of is that maybe a higher percentage of those who soft-swing are newbies and therefore not really ready yet to begin with.

[JandCMI]

Our first two experiences were soft-swap. The advantage, as we saw it at the time, was that if it left us wanting more without feeling jealous, uneasy, etc. afterward then we could go ahead and think about going full-swap. It's sort of like when you move in with someone before you marry them; you want to make sure that it will work out before you go any further. And if it doesn't you can cut your losses and run with minimal damage done.

As far as drama goes, I can't imagine how it could cause more than full-swap. A couple that we know is pretty much breaking up because of their swinging shenanigans. They were full-swap and were never soft-swap.

[guayaquil2006]

Here goes from a newbie point of view. Again, newbies here...

We were at a club where we were enjoying each other, another couple was beside us also enjoying themselves. There was some touching, maybe a little stroking but we never concentrated on the other couple and vice versa, to us that was extremely sexy and made the experience very erotic. Is that soft swap?

We have since talked about it many times and it makes us both randy pretty quickly.

We are interested in something similar happening again, but realize (or assume, and we know what happens when you assume) that most couples are looking for full swap. I guess it was an experience that enhanced our sexual pleasure.

I cannot see any jealousy issues arising from that sort of play, but I guess you never know. Insecure people will become jealous at the most minute things.

Jim & Rebecca

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by guayaquil2006

We were at a club where we were enjoying each other, another couple was beside us also enjoying themselves. There was some touching, maybe a little stroking but we never concentrated on the other couple and vice versa, to us that was extremely sexy and made the experience very erotic. Is that soft swap?

.....

We are interested in something similar happening again, but realize (or assume, and we know what happens when you assume) that most couples are looking for full swap. I guess it was an experience that enhanced our sexual pleasure.

Jim & Rebecca,

What you described would fall in the category of soft-swinging (sex in the same room with another couple). There are actually LOTS of other couples out there who never move past soft-swinging (of some sort or another). Soft-swinging, however, encompasses a pretty broad variety of activities. Everything from just sex in the same room with another couple (no touching even) all the way up to anything short of Full-Swap (including exchanging partners for foreplay and oral sex but not for actual intercourse).


Good luck & Welcome to the board!

[SJCPL1]

I think that soft swinging may be a great intro to full swinging. I know it gave us an opportunity to explore feelings that we may not have expected. It actually helped open up the lines of communication so that we were better able to move forward.

[screaminggood]

We started off with me exploring my bi side with the men watching (still a favorite). Jealousy? Not in this case....just lust and enjoyment.

[Pepper & Drew]

While I understand why some couples start off with soft swap, I'm as bewildered as TNT about couples whoe are soft swap long-term. Now, we have done soft swap with a few couples, as they were new and that's what they were comfortable with. They eventually went full swap. We have met one long-term soft swap couple and have never played with them. We don't see much point.

Pepper

[sweet_tna]

We started off full swap, but have played with soft-swap only couples. I know a lot of full swap couples aren't content with that, but Mr. Sweet and I march to the beat of a different drummer. You've gotta' do what works for you.

=)