Can you tell who someone has played with based on how they act around them?

[JustAskJulie]

This comment in the Discretion thread caught my attention:

Originally Posted by two4youinswva

Usually it's pretty obvious as to which couples we have played with by the way we interact with them.

I thought about addressing this there, then thought this could lead to a whole different topic, so why not start one.

Is it really obvious who you've played with? Can you make assumptions about who others have played with based on how they act together?

I know that, myself, I am a very open flirty person and if I feel comfortable with people I am moreso. So, chances are if you saw me at a Meet Up and there were others there that I had gotten to know previously and felt comfortable with, if you were making assumptions you may assume that I had played with them by the way we flirted and carried on - however, that may or may not be true.

[EmpyreanPleasur]

I think that is more up to the person MAKING the assumption than up to us.

I've learned that I cannot assume anything about other couples, even those whom we consider our close friends. As we've gotten to know some, we've found out that two couples who've been VERY close and are both in the lifestyle at parties and each other's homes for years, have NEVER slept together. Either it just never happened yet or they never wanted to yet.

We also find that many people assume things about us all the time and we know how off base they are! LOL People who know us well, are always surprised that we DON'T get more involved than we do and people who dont' know us well, assume we are completely crazy, wild and even indescriminate!

So...we don't assume anything. We may talk about it between ourselves later, but usually we don't even care.

[curiousagain]

I don't assume anything, but many do. Usually, I just think of it as their problem, but sometimes they make it other people's problem.

Flirty people get assumptions made about them all the time. You just have to learn to live with it.

[Just_us49]

Originally Posted by curiousagain

Flirty people get assumptions made about them all the time. You just have to learn to live with it.

That's what we've come to accept. People assume all kinds of things but it doesn't make them true. I'm sure some folks have come to the realization that although M is flirty, that's as far as it will ever go. But to the casual observer it looks different... I assume.

-D

[two4youinswva]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

Is it really obvious who you've played with? Can you make assumptions about who others have played with based on how they act together?

Ok, since it was my original statement that spurred this, I guess I must justify what I said....

We haven't played with as many couples as some of you may have. The total is less than 10 couples. We have remained close to many of those couples and see each other somewhat regularly.

When at club events with said couples, we are much much more touchy feely with them. (Hugging touching kissing). Bear in mind this is mutual and with consent and not assumed to be ok before doing it.

With couples we have just met, or know but haven't played with, we are very "hands off", relatively speaking.

This situation applies to us and us only. We aren't so naive to think it applies to everyone. :rollseyes

That being said, do we "assume" a pair of couples doing a bunch of flirting have played? Absolutely not.
Do we think a lady being really flirty has screwed everyone she's flirting with? Of course not.

If we see the same two couples together at events every month and doing lots of heavy flirting/touching etc with each other and leave the club together, do we assume they have played? Yes we do. Is it possible that they haven't? Of course it is. Does it really matter if they have or haven't? Not to us. We're too busy trying to make our own fun to spend time worrying about someone else's.

[BiDrywallChick]

good question! I thought about it and realized that I do make too many assumptions. Friday night I went and played darts with some male friends of mine. I am very flirty and they like to play with that.. well, i bet quite a few people assumed that I was going home with one or both of them.. when in fact, nope.. I wouldnt have gone with either of them.

[dutch51]

We know people have assumed things about us based on things they've seen us do or say at the club we used to attend. I (wifey) am rather flirtatious, but just because I flirt with someone does *not* mean anything has or will ever come of it. Sometimes we've privately made our own guesses about would-be hookups, but to us that falls more under the "people watching" category- we don't want to just assume anything about someone else, and we don't say anything to anyone about it, or treat them any differently. We've had that happen to us and know how it feels, so we don't want to do that to anyone else.

M.

[northindycpl]

I would be remiss if I didn't point to my fathers best advice...

When you ASSUME you make and ASS out of U and ME.

I could see where others would make assumptions based on interactions with others. I,like Julie described, am very flirty and touchy with people that I am comfortable with. I have not slept with the vast majority of them. To assume I have, is incorrect.

Personally, I look at people and think, wow they look like a lot of fun, or wow they must be good friends. But I can't say that I honestly see others as swappers until I can see them swapping.

[JustAskJulie]

Ran across this thread from another old thread and I was thinking about how far this can really go. If we are at a club talking to another couple an a couple they already know walks up and starts talking to them, it's hard to know "do they just know each other" or " are we stepping in on their territory" (were they planning to meet each other that night?