What are Your Reasons for Swinging

[duwannaball]

Originally Posted by good times

Hi Butch,

You can do both if you would like, the Reno meet up is on Saturday night. If you get into town on Friday we will be going to the couples party at the Riviera Lounge Friday night and would be happy to introduce you around.

Thanks for the invitation, we'd love that! We've been debating going or not. I think this puts us more in the going catagory. We'll get more details later. You and Mrs. would be one reason I could think of to start swinging.

~DD (replying for Butch)

[PAyoungCPL]

Our reasons where
1 Lifes to short, why not have some fun.
2. live out fantisies that we thought would never be more than a fantisy.
3. We belive there is a big differance between making love and sex.
4. It only seemed natural, we loved each other but still had the desire to experance new partners.
5. I think we where both born nypos.

[robnbarb]

When I first suggested the idea, my wife thought it might have been that she wasn't prtty enough. I explained that it was about fantasy and that if she did not want to, I would be ok. I did tell her I was disappointed, but my life didn't depend on it, which is true, I would not want to lose her over something this trivial. Anyway I am not sure what happened next but we kept talking, and then she said let's at least screane some potentails. While not a yes, definatly not a no so here we are (and why I am the only one typing at this point).

But the reason is to fullfill fantasy. Sorry to take the long way around to answer that.

[intuition897]

This is an inactive thread, but I thought I'd throw our opinion out there, too.

My own personal opinion (Mr. can speak for himself) is that if you feel a need to do this because there is something - anything! - lacking in your relationship, you should be working on that instead of thinking of swinging.

Why do we do it?
Because we can. Because as someone said before, I don't want to be on my deathbed regretting anything I've done in my life. Because this is the most honest way we can live our lives: freely admitting the things that most other couples hide from one another in shame (that we are in fact attracted to people other than one another). What do we love most about it? I love feeling like I've set a kid loose in a candy store and sharing that kind joy with him. I love the idea that sex is being put in its place, and not being used in our relationship like a bargaining chip or a threat of some sort ("If I don't lose weight he'll become more attracted to someone else and he'll have sex with her and forget all about me", "I'll show him. I'll make a point of NOT enjoying myself", "She'd better toe the line or I'll threaten to have sex with another woman", etc.). Sex can no longer dictate the success or destruction of our marriage. We've taken away it's power to do that, not by devaluing sex, but by devaluing relationship-exclusive sex. You can't lose what you don't have. And no one can steal away what is being freely given. It's like a thief breaking into your house and finding someone there helping him load his bag with the silverware and jewels. Then he's given a kiss on the cheek and told to "have a great evening, and drive carefully!"

What it comes down to is that there are no 'moving parts' in our relationship, no bells and whistles, no extra high-maintenance components to wear out or break. We've trimmed it down to it's purest most fundamental form, where we give each other the opportunity to choose, once again, who he or she wants to spend his or her life with. Nothing holds us one to the other aside from personal choice, and when you know that when your partner has been given absolute freedom to choose - and he chooses you - you have something very rare and wonderful. And you never want to let go of it.

And yeah, it's a hell of a lot of fun.

[tease6977]

Hello, new here and wanting to talk to hubby about it, just not sure how to go about getting him to understand why/how it would help our relationship.

So what are your reasons for wanting to swing?

Now hubby and I have talked about it some, but just not sure how to make it sound like I want to do this together for the both of us, and not just for me.

All comments are welcome, thanks!

[bear_and_babe]

Welcome to the board.

There are many reasons a couple has for getting into the lifestyle. Bear and I got interested in the lifestyle because our good friends were swingers. We did not know anything about it and wanted to understand the lifestyle so in the process of doing research we starting thinking about what it might do for us. Bear and I have been married for over 20 years, and both of us had only 1 partner before we got married. So we both felt that we sort of missed out on some sexual experiences. We started swinging so that we could experience some different things within our marriage, and not end up looking for things outside of our marriage.

[pairbond]

Tease, there are MANY reasons why people swing. Among them are just plain curiousity, a desire to not miss out on experiences, the desire to live out some sexual fantasies, the desire for variety in sizes, shapes, & colors of sexual partners, the desire to experience how OTHER PEOPLE have sex, and the desire to experience things that two people just can't do without adding others to the mix, such as threesomes, double penetrations, having sex with more than one person in the same evening, and even gangbangs.

Swinging most definitely improves the communication between a couple, and increases their honesty and openness with each other about their sexual interests and experiences. As a result, swinging becomes an exciting, SHARED experience, whether you are together in the same room where you can see each other having sex with someone else or just tell each other about your experiences afterward. It jumpstarts your libidos to higher levels than ever before, so that you and your spouse are having more frequent sex at home together. You try out new "tricks" together that you learned from having sex with a different partner.

And the friendships you develop are wonderful. It's so neat to have friends whom you can greet (in the privacy of your or their home) with a tongue kiss and feel them up! It just feels so LIBERATING!!!

Swinging isn't for everyone. Couples should always move into it only at the pace of the slower of the two of you so that you can BOTH become comfortable with it.

Finally, one of the biggest fears of a hesitant spouse is that you will discover that you like sex MORE with someone else than with your spouse. That just doesn't ever happen, in our experience. Spouses just know each other so well, and know exactly what to do and in what sequence to turn each other on the most. Once in a while sex with others can be AS GOOD as at home, but never better. However, the open flirting, kissing, feeling, and sex with a new partner DOES increase excitement levels, and that carries over into your own sex life at home.

Don't push your hubby. Just keep talking and be sure to reassure him that it's about EXCITEMENT and VARIETY, not about LOVE for anyone else or about disappointment with him in any way.

[latinloverfromM]

reasons for swinging
I am writing this from Mexico and my english is not very good, but I will try to explain some of my ideas:
A lot of people in the world (and I think the most are married people) is trying to find answers to questions, but unfortunately for them have not answers, and I think the main problem for people is:cultural backup, what mean that?, for example I have an university degree, and I like biology sciences, History, sciences, politics, etc.
in Biology you learn that human beings have been the same for 100,000 years or more, that we are primitive- mind yet, we are modern only beacuse we have high technology dressing and cell-phones, but our behavior is the same as long time ago, we are trying to have the old system of all the woman for all the man, that maybe sound not so good for some people, because the Religion, God and all that stuff are the basics in their vision of life, but sciences is not Gospel or Bible, and anything in science is subject of testing. When you try to explain some issue that need school training, is more easy to find some "true" or relative true, with people trained in the subject.
the invention of married couples is new for Mankind, (two thousand years) and the main reason for that "invention" is economical, but I will not explain this because is very sensitive (and more in U.S.A) but I only can say that is not natural for humans, we have lost our main old right, liberty in sexual relationships.
I have a lot of ideas about why I like swinging, but I think I am very good explaining them in Spanish. thanks, your friend juan A.

[janaandjames]

1. Who initiated the conversation?

The male did, he had been interested for a long time. We both had an affair on the other at about the same time, and he took this an an opportunity to explore swinging. So our reasons to start were not good, but it worked out.

2. What reason(s) were given for wanting to swing?]
Exploring our sexuality, being more honest with each other .. sort of "legal" cheating

3. Were those reason(s) TOTALLY honest? (i.e. it was for "her" fantasy when really and truly it was his)

They were. But strangely maybe ? neither of us were particularly jealous about each other.


4. What was the initial reaction of the s/o?

Was still dealing with the affair thing, .. the reaction was surprise .. "No" was first response, but curious.

5. How did you start out? (soft swing, threesome (mmf or fmf)

Threesome MfM

6. What were your (both of you) feelings afterwards?

We both felt good, better than we thought we would. SHe felt she had discovered a whole new world, ..


7. How do you (or do you) share the control of the lifestyle?

Pretty much take turns .. but Male usually sets things up, wife likes for him to set up threesomes.

8. How have your attitudes and/or misgivings changed?

oh yea, She has gone from someone who did sex when she had to, out of duty or whateve, to a woman who loves sex and cant get enouth
His have not changed so much, but he is happy to have a much more sexuallycharged marriage.

[willyoats]

1. Who initiated the conversation?
Husband
2. What reason(s) were given for wanting to swing?
He did not want to go to his grave having had sex with only one partner. Opportunities for discreet affair were non-existent. She had had one affair previously which he was OK with. His aggressiveness was marginal and he wanted her to have opportunity for some more animal-like encounters, which she wanted.
3. Were those reason(s) TOTALLY honest? (i.e. it was for "her" fantasy when really and truly it was his)
Completely honest and open.
4. What was the initial reaction of the s/o?
“Let’s do it!”
5. How did you start out? (soft swing, threesome (mmf or fmf)
With private encounter wit owners a great swing club.
Second encounter was in a different swing club where 5 guys gave her a great massage in the hot tub.
6. What were your (both of you) feelings afterwards?
Absolutely marvelous. We continued for many years and almost always had a great time.
7. How do you (or do you) share the control of the lifestyle?
Don’t know what you are asking, as “control” has never come up.
8. How have your attitudes and/or misgivings changed?
Our sex life became almost perfect after he loosed up witih other women abd could then satisfy the wife.
After menopause, she was no longer interested in anybody but me. I still interact, in soft swing way, with female friends and sometimes also with new acquaintances.

[LFM2]

1. Who initiated the conversation?
He did... Right during the middle of some of the best sex we've ever had. Probably because he was thinking of swinging at the time. (sorry, honey!)

2. What reason(s) were given for wanting to swing?
He told me that he's always fantasized about seeing me with another man. He's always had fantasies of seeing me with another woman.

3. Were those reason(s) TOTALLY honest? (i.e. it was for "her" fantasy when really and truly it was his)
Yes, I believe he was sincere about it when he told me.

4. What was the initial reaction of the s/o?
When he first told me during sex, I admit I was stunned. It pretty much blew any chance of an orgasm that was going to happen. I admit that when he went off to work Monday morning, I googled just about everything I could find on swinging (which led me to here!) and I researched the hell outta everything I could read.

5. How did you start out? (soft swing, threesome (mmf or fmf)
With another couple. It was like a small orgy if you will. All four of us were very much involved with everything that happened. We had also decided that we weren't much of a soft swing couple. We wanted to trade partners.

6. What were your (both of you) feelings afterwards?
I know we were both pretty happy. Satisfied. We had an amazing night of fun.

7. How do you (or do you) share the control of the lifestyle?
We share it equally. We only answer emails when we're together and we decide together whom we'd like to meet for dinner and maybe more.

8. How have your attitudes and/or misgivings changed?
Our "rules" list has changed about a million times. Our attitudes have stayed pretty optimistic and we're definitely Lookin' For More!

[rpu3]

1. Who initiated the conversation?
I did (female half)

2. What reason(s) were given for wanting to swing?
Told him that I thought it was a interesting concept, because I was 'married not buried' and that I couldn't believe that we were meant to go through life only having sex with eachother, as good as it was.

3. Were those reason(s) TOTALLY honest? (i.e. it was for "her" fantasy when really and truly it was his)

Yes. But in time, it also became a turn-on as much as anything.

4. What was the initial reaction of the s/o?
I think he was quite suprised. Took a bit for him to think that one out!


5. How did you start out? (soft swing, threesome (mmf or fmf)With another couple.

6. What were your (both of you) feelings afterwards?
I had a good time. My husband did not. We did not choose to repeat, and the wife of the other couple went a bit over the top about the decision. We chose not to swing for a few months to think it out why we were doing this.


7. How do you (or do you) share the control of the lifestyle?
We share it equally. No one is forced or talked into anything. If one believes that a person/couple seems good, and the other one does not, we do have veto rights, as long as we talk about it.


8. How have your attitudes and/or misgivings changed?

Attitudes and the misgivings are usually evolving... the good thing is that our attitude towards the misgivings is pretty matter-of-fact and we evaluate, accept, incorporate and move on.

[Tia Vampire]

I love sex, but my man seem to have a energizer battery inside him. So to make him happy and take some of the pressure off of me, I told him i'm willing to let him have another play mate.He says he don't want to seem unsensitive, so i was allowed one too. I'm good with just him but if i can have my cake and eat it too, who's complaining.lol

[BiBootie]

1. Who initiated the conversation? I went to my first party with a guy I met at a meet-n-greet for a Yahoo group. It wasn't a swingers group but somehow the topic of parties came up and we discovered we were both members of a few of THOSE yahoo groups as well. LOL We exchanged numbers and decided to go to our first party together.

2. What reason(s) were given for wanting to swing? None given, but I'm a people person and I'm very sexual. I thought a party would be an ideal situation for me.

3. Were those reason(s) TOTALLY honest? (i.e. it was for "her" fantasy when really and truly it was his) I guess we were both equally excited about going, as we had no attachment at all to each other.

4. What was the initial reaction of the s/o? N/A

5. How did you start out? (soft swing, threesome (mmf or fmf) Full tilt everything!

6. What were your (both of you) feelings afterwards? I don't recall that he got much action that night. I think he was intimidated by some of the other men. I had a GREAT time and made plans with new friends to attend my next party as soon as possible.

7. How do you (or do you) share the control of the lifestyle? N/A

8. How have your attitudes and/or misgivings changed? N/A I can't say I've had a change of attitude or any misgivings. Though I did have a few experiences that I didn't much care for. Nothing serious though.

At my first party, the number of guys who wanted a turn was a bit overwhelming. LOL My subsequent events were better though. I guess I was no longer fresh meat. LOL

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by skeghed

So - anyway - the questions.....

1. Who initiated the conversation?
2. What reason(s) were given for wanting to swing?
3. Were those reason(s) TOTALLY honest? (i.e. it was for "her" fantasy when really and truly it was his)
4. What was the initial reaction of the s/o?
5. How did you start out? (soft swing, threesome (mmf or fmf)
6. What were your (both of you) feelings afterwards?
7. How do you (or do you) share the control of the lifestyle?
8. How have your attitudes and/or misgivings changed?

Time (6 years) and a new husband and my answers have changed....

I initiated the conversation. I really had no choice whether we chose to swing or not he had to at least be ok with the lifestyle and the fact that I run this site.

My reasons at that point were not so much that I wanted to swing, although I was open to it should he be. Why would I want it? Because I simply could not guarantee them that I would never want to be with someone else. I'm bi and I knew at the very least that desire would come out again at some point, but beyond that, I've just never been good at monogamy.

Yes. those reasons were honest.

His initial reaction was surprise but luckily he was very open-minded and took it all in. He knew that I was not pushing him to do anything. He came here and took the time to see what it was all about.

When he was ready we checked out a local social so that he could meet other swingers and see what they were like. After that we visited an on-premise club which we both loved more than any vanilla club we'd visited and decided that even if we never got involved with others we would be back to the club (and have gone many time since). Our first activities were having sex with each other inthe public areas at the club. It was hot knowing that people were watching. From there we progressed to some girl/girl play and then finally to a soft swap with another couple.

After the girl/girl, I don't think either of us were too thrilled, she wasn't very good and I was drunk and the room was overly crowded so I didn't get much out of it. The room being crowded kept Pet from getting much out of it or being able to join in at all. After the soft swap we were both happy, and while there were little things that would keep us from playing with THAT couple again, we both had a great time and enjoyed seeing each other being pleased and pleasing. We talked a lot and made some decisions about what we do and don't want and expect out of swinging.

I don't think that either of us really "control" the lifestyle. We just take things as they come and try to make sure that we are both always okwith whatever is going on. Since I am the one with past experience I take extra care to make sure that he is ok with everything we do and that I'm not pushing us into something either of us is not ready for.