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larryt9

Why do you full swap?

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Hi,

My girlfriend and I have been going to the trapeze swing club in Ft. Lauderdale for the past 2 months. We strictly stay with each other, and currently don't plan to full swap (eventually we'll get to having another woman in some way).

here's my question for those that do swap - Is allowing your partner to swap simply the price you have to pay for you to have your fun, or does the swap itself turn you on? I know I couldn't handle my girlfriend being with another guy, and if that means no other women for me, I'll deal (I love what we do just as it is, anything else will be icing on the cake). If you could have it exactly the way YOU wanted it, would you be having your fun while your partner just watches, or something like that, or is a full swap what you absolutely prefer?

Thanks

Larry

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With us it is simple.

 

I do not own Laura and she does not own me. She plays with who she desires as I do. Most of the time we don't play with couples.

 

I like it the way it is. Her doing her thing and being happy about it which also makes me very happy.

 

Neither of us would do anything to "settle" or "Paying a price" for our fun.

 

When Laura agreed to be my partner for life she never agreed to do what I said. :lol:

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Allowing my partner to swap is definitely not the price I pay to have my fun. We prefer full swap. I get as much out of watching Mrs. WS as I do out of having sex with someone else myself. I love to watch Mrs. WS in action. I've said it before, she is my favorite pornstar. :D In fact, the big turn-on for both of us is the voyeur aspect of it. She loves watching me as much as I love watching her, whether it is just flirting with others at the club or having sex. It's a huge pride thing that someone else thinks my spouse is as hot as I do, and the icing on the cake is that I get her mind, soul, and body everyday.

 

I can say without a doubt the hottest experiences we've had are MFM threesomes, even hotter then FMF's we've had. Watching Mrs. WS being the center of attention and having that much fun is very satisfying. I love to see her getting all the attention she deserves. :rolleyes:

 

Like Vegas Lee says, we do not own each other. We are together because we want to be together. The least I can do is give her every opportunity to be, and express, exactly who she is, whether it is hobbies or her sexual self. Like has been said, "What else is love but understanding and rejoicing in the fact that another person lives, acts, and experiences otherwise than we do?"

 

Mr. WS

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i (me) get a kick out of seeing her enjoying another guy or girl. she feels the same with me. its not about a scarifice. its about pleasure

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If you want to have fun with another woman,your partner is allowed the same choice....To have another man.

 

It doesnt mean she will. You are sensible enough to know that she has the same rights as you.Are'nt you?

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We enjoy seeing each other having good sex with others. If we didn't swap we wouldn't be swinging at all, soft swap, dancing, touching and other club activities we do is just foreplay. As the others have said it isn't something we "allow", we look at it as something we both enjoy. So for us full swap is what we absolutely prefer.

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I enjoy seeing J have fun. Having other men desire her makes her feel good about herself and I like that too. When she's happy, I'm happy.

 

There's no quid pro quo about it. I'd be satisfied with only MFMs, although I wouldn't turn down the opportunity for other things. ;)

 

-B

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If you could have it exactly the way YOU wanted it, would you be having your fun while your partner just watches, or something like that, or is a full swap what you absolutely prefer?

 

No way... In fact, when she gets done first (which happens WAY too often) I lose a little of my enjoyment. Partly because I am now pressured to finish so they don't have to sit there and drum their fingers... But mostly because Mrs Spoomonkey turns me on like no one else - and watching her is incredibly sexy.

 

When we started, we prefered single men. But as things have evolved for us, couples are definitely our preference. We enjoy singles when the connection is right, mostly because we enjoy watching each other.

 

Now - if I could have it EXACTLY like I wanted it - I'd probably include hot wings... But I'm a bit of a freak...

 

Spoomonkey

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I didn't know monkeys ate hot wings...

 

You'll find my tastes are surprising ;)

 

Jane didn't stay in the jungle for Tarzan... Had it not been for Cheetah, that chick would have gone back to her priviledged life on Cape Cod. You know what they say, "Once you go simian, you'll never go home again..."

 

Spoomonkey

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Larry it sounds to me like your venture into the swinging lifestyle is about you instead of about the two of you. It sounds like you are interested in having fun with other women and have some type of expectations of your lady being satisfied with this. The way I feel about that is that if that is your plans it is more or less no more that cheating in front of her.

 

Swinging isn’t for everybody that’s for sure. What it takes to enjoy this lifestyle, as a couple is two people that are above all open and respective of each other. From what you said you are in it for your pleasure only. My suggestion would be to fully evaluate both of your feelings before you venture any further into the lifestyle. Because if you expect her to just set-back and enjoy you having sex with another woman while your are too immature or too jealous to watch her having fun with another man will be doomed from the start in my honest opinion.

 

Until you except your lady as a partner and a friend in your relationship and not as a possession and object for your pleasure I don’t think you should explore swinging. Like I said swinging isn’t for everybody but if you can’t stand the thought of watching her having fun with somebody else don’t ask her to enjoy watching you having fun with somebody else.

 

Well that’s my thoughts about it you can take it with a grain of salt. All I know is that my marriage has lasted for 37 years with this mind-set.

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I'm not ok with her being with other guys. Does that make me immature?

Maybe, maybe not, but attacking other members of the board for giving a polite honest opinion based on a question you asked definitely does show your immaturity. Personal attacks aren't very well tolerated on this board, so chill out a little Larry, and do like acple4fun said and take it with a grain of salt.

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Well that’s my thoughts about it you can take it with a grain of salt.

 

That's the beauty of this board - you are going to get good advice and bad advice - but you are going to get advice... You do well to consider it all - keep the good, toss the bad...

 

While the advice Acpl4fun gave may not be for you - you just never know who might come along and read it and go "aha! I get it now..."

 

My advice on salt: Does not go good with wings since it cuts down the hotness...

 

Spoomonkey

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wow, this post really hits home for me. You and my husband seem to have the same mind set. We have been together five years and he has expressed many times that it is every mans fantasy to have a threesome. We had talked about swinging but he said he could never allow me to be with another man. Well being the great wife that I am, I went out and found a hot girl to fulfill his fantasy. I set no limits. It was fun but very unsatisfying for me because I am not attracted to women. Afterwards we sat down to talk about our future endeavors. He told me that he would love to continue bringing women into our bedroom but no boys allowed. I felt like a beat puppy. I know he told me from the beginning that it wasn't going to happen but for some reason I thought If I gave a little he would give a little. I know I probably sound like a big baby, but this will most likely be our first and last experience of this nature because I got nothing out of it. I feel that I made a huge sacrifice and am getting nothing in return.

 

Be sure to talk to your wife. You don't want her to go into this thinking it is going to open a door to something that is never going to happen. I thought our threesome would be a stepping stone to bigger and better things, but my husbands inability to get over his insecurities has actually became a road block.

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He told me that he would love to continue bringing women into our bedroom but no boys allowed. I felt like a beat puppy. I know he told me from the beginning that it wasn't going to happen but for some reason I thought If I gave a little he would give a little. I know I probably sound like a big baby, but this will most likely be our first and last experience of this nature because I got nothing out of it. I feel that I made a huge sacrifice and am getting nothing in return.

 

It strikes me that this isn't the first time by any means that something like this has been aired here. Without wishing to be too critical, the problem seems to lie in the expectation that a return gesture will be made. In reality, any bloke who is too insecure in his relationship to allow his wife the pleasures he seeks for himself is very unlikely to subsequently allow them. On the contrary, it is then likely he will want more of the same, assuming he has been given the green light.

 

What folks need to do before undulging in any play is to talk it through all the way, without making any assumptions, and then continue to talk. No such thing as too much communication!

 

Not trying to preach here, so don't feel bad about it.

 

Be sure to talk to your wife. You don't want her to go into this thinking it is going to open a door to something that is never going to happen. I thought our threesome would be a stepping stone to bigger and better things, but my husbands inability to get over his insecurities has actually became a road block.

 

Well assessed I think. Some (male or female) can get over their insecurities. Others cannot, no matter how much they try or talk about them. Even so, it seems to me that some people just don't want to get over them. :(

 

As for larryt9, resorting to that sort of language and abusive behaviour tells us rather a lot about him. My sympathies are with his missus if she has to put up with that whenever she tries to express her views.

 

CB

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We have been together five years and he has expressed many times that it is every mans fantasy to have a threesome.

 

I missed that memo about it being every man's fantasy to have a threesome. :(

 

Oh, and the memo about it being every man's fantasy to watch two girls play with each other. :mad:

 

Would someone help me understand why I keep missing these memo's? :confused:

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As for larryt9, resorting to that sort of language and abusive behaviour tells us rather a lot about him. My sympathies are with his missus if she has to put up with that whenever she tries to express her views.

 

CB

 

Dito Well put CB!

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To clarify things - My girlfriend has expressed interest in another woman/threesome. I do not impose my wishes upon her. I have been totally honest with her (and no, not abusive. Most people tell me I'm one of the most easygoing people they know). To state again - I would not be able to handle seeing her with another guy. This is an absolute which she is well aware of. She knows that whatever else we do, that cannot happen and us remain a couple. If that makes me immature, jealous, selfish, whatever, so be it. If she has to have that, then we would just not be compatible. As someone asked me earlier in this post, yes, I am smart enough to know that if I get mine, she might want hers, as she might be entitled to it. That is why, as I said in my post, that I am perfectly willing to give up the other woman scenerio if that is the tradeoff. I am totally happy with our sex life as is. Michelle is the most sexual woman I have ever been with, we both love having sex at the swing club (with each other), and I love her. I'm not pushing her to do anything, including the sex club, which she enjoys at least as much as I do. And if anything we do were to make it uncomfortable for either of us, we don't do it. We have excellent communication, and very congruent desires. My question was to find if there are others, both men and women, who do not like seeing their partner with other people, but in order to do what they want to do, allow their partner to have their fun, even though it might bother them. I'm not willing to do that. So I'll pose the question like this - If you knew that your partner would have equal amazing pleasure no matter what the scenerio,

whether it be other partners, watching, threesome, etc, what is the scenerio you would choose? And as far as name calling, I'm certainly not the one who started that. I asked a question. I wasn't asking for advice, or some amateur pscho-analysis. I do think its arrogant for anyone to assume you can read my psyche based on one paragraph. And besides, I think I was pretty honest about things. I can't handle her with another guy. That line cannot get crossed. If she "gives" me a threesome, she will know very clearly that she doesn't get to have another guy as some sort of payback. No lies, no maybe's. And if she doesn't ever want me with another woman, then it won't happen. So answer my question if you feel like it, don't if you don't, but please don't attack me or my motives for putting the question out there. Could it possibly be that there is some truth for some of you about it being "the price you pay", and that it might hurt a little to face up to that? Honestly I hope thats not the case. I hope you do what you do with 100% happiness, and no negative emotions hiding way back there somewhere. Thats why I don't do it. Because I couldn't do it with 100% acceptance and joy.

Sorry to make this my introduction to the board. My sweetie and I will be at the Trapeze club in Ft. Laud. tomorrow night, doing our own thing, totally enjoying having sex with each other in a room with 30 other couples. Hope you all have a great weekend also.

Larry (and Michelle)

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You know Larry I wasn’t going to reply to this but hell you seem to be on a rant so let me break this down for you so that somebody with even a limited understanding of the English language would be able to understand it.

 

“you're fucking clueless. did you even read my post you moron?”

 

As a matter of fact I did, the question is did you. By your response it seems that my reply to your questions must have hit a nerve. If you don’t want to hear the answers to a question then don’t ask them on a public forum, talk about clueless.

 

 

“I don't need to do any swinging/swapping - I'm totally happy with things the way they are now.”

 

Well that’s great and I for one am very happy for you. But that does pose the question, just why then did you come onto a swingers web site and ask the question in the first place if you didn’t want the feed back. Maybe next time you might try just asking for replies from people who are going to give you the answers you want to hear. If that’s the case then you may want to post the answers you want to hear along with your question.

 

“But if we do end up doing anything at all, both of us need to be 100% happy.”

 

That might just be the most intelligent thing you’ve said in this thread.

 

 

“I'm not ok with her being with other guys. Does that make me immature?”

 

No I wouldn’t say that statement in and of itself makes you immature. What I would say in regards to maturity is that your reply stands alone as a testament to your immaturity.

 

“I am too jealous to let her be with another guy - therefore its something we don't do. if she doesn't want a FFM threesome, or something like that, we're not going to do it.”

 

Why don’t you tell me what I’m missing here. That is if your not saying we are going to do what I want to do or we won’t do anything at all. Maybe your not saying that your willing to add another woman into the equation for your pleasure but it sure sounds that way to me. You know what they say, if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck chances are it’s a duck.

 

“I'm not asking her to sit and watch me. How fucking arrogant are you that you can assume that I treat my lady as a possesion?”

 

Your right, I may have been a little arrogant to think that. I really didn’t mean to arouse your deep since of chivalry. After all you are on a swingers board and did mention that you were open to a FFM three-some didn’t you. Also where in the world would I get the idea that you would treat your lady like a possession? After all anybody could tell she has a lot of input into your pleasures just as long as she wants to do what you want to do.

 

“Keep your fucking psychobabble to yourself next time, or tell them to me face to face if you're in south florida. Would love to meet you.”

 

Now how could anybody read that statement and think that you were immature. The only question that I have is are you in of high school yet and does you mother know your posting questions on a swingers web site. You’re a piece of work, but be careful of what you wish for.

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"The only question that I have is are you in of high school yet and does you mother know your posting questions on a swingers web site. "

 

She helps me with my grammer and some of the bigger words.

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larryt9,

 

First and foremost the thing that you need to understand about posting anything on a public message board is that people are going to respond. Different people will read the same thing many different ways, therefore you are going to get 1000s of different views on any given subject, regardless of whether or not it was the exact question you asked or not. That is the beauty of a message board. If you get a response that is not to your liking, please DO NOT attack anyone. Ignore what you don't like, don't respond to it unless it can be done in a respectful manner.

 

Now to answer this question...

 

If you knew that your partner would have equal amazing pleasure no matter what the scenerio, whether it be other partners, watching, threesome, etc, what is the scenerio you would choose?

 

Everything and anything :lol: We like so many different things that it is hard to choose just one...so we do it all.

 

We don't believe in playing tit for tat...it will never lead to anything good in the long run.

 

As it's been said before, numerous times :rollseyes , there are just as many ways to swing as there are swingers...it does not matter what others enjoy and/or are happy with, all that matters is what the two of you are happy with.

 

As far as paying any type of "price"....I pay nothing and neither does Ted...if there was a "price" to pay then we definitely would not be swingers.

 

 

Teresa

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Swingersboard is the great site that it is because of its members and the quality of their posts. There's debate, and then there's argument. Even if someone else posts something inflammatory, it does nothing for the board or your esteem in the eyes of other board members to add fuel to the fire. We're all intelligent human beings here, so let's not resort to personal attacks.

 

larryt9, I agree with others above that no one should ever do this and try to "suck it up". If it bothers you, then it bothers you. There aren't many options. You can:

1) Play it by your rules...for a while. My guess is, human nature being what it is, your girlfriend will eventually get fed up with you being the only one to have all the fun. Maybe not, but I'm talking about probabilities here.

2) Don't play at all. At least not with other people. Keep doing what you're doing now, which is playing with each other. This is a static situation that will not grow beyond this unless you choose to make the changes necessary to facilitate it.

3) ...and this is the tough one: Take a good hard look at why you are experiencing feelings of jealousy. This is not something that is easy to do, because it digs up lots of "interesting" feelings that we've all worked pretty hard at burying. In the long run, this path-less-taken is the one I would suggest. But it is only something that you can decide to do when you feel ready to do so. It is not impossible; just difficult. If you have no interest in changing this aspect of yourself, then your choices when it comes to swinging will, unfortunately, remain limited.

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"Play it by your rules...for a while. My guess is, human nature being what it is, your girlfriend will eventually get fed up with you being the only one to have all the fun. Maybe not, but I'm talking about probabilities here"

 

I've probably made a mistake. I've assumed that since Michelle and I go to a sex club and have plans to introduce a third party at some point in time that I could hang with "swingers". That doesn't seem to be the case. My apologies. Michelle and I will probably never get to the swap stage (just for the record, this whole thing started because of her interest in another woman. I just feel that whatever we do we should do as a couple). Responses like the above assume that swap would or should be our ultimate goal, which I assure you its not from either of our perspectives. Thanks for those that responded pleasantly, and my apologies to those I've offended with either my question or responses. Have a great weekend, and if you're in Lauderdale, Trapeze is an amazing club.

Larry

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Responses like the above assume that swap would or should be our ultimate goal, which I assure you its not from either of our perspectives.

I think you have incorrectly identified the assumptions of the previous posters. Their are a lot of ways to enjoy swinging and not all of them involve "full swap", and I didn't get the impression by reading any of the above responses that anyone assumed that full swap is the only way to swing. But you specifically asked "here's my question for those that do swap", so it is no surprise to me that the answers you received are in reference to swapping. I think the responses you got above are based on thier interpretation of your original question and they assumed, as I did, that you feel that people are making some form of concesion or sacrifice to let their partner play with others.

 

Your original question was,

here's my question for those that do swap - Is allowing your partner to swap simply the price you have to pay for you to have your fun, or does the swap itself turn you on?

 

This question implies that one of the partners is doing something that they wouldn't normally do to satisfy the other partner. The answer to that is, no we don't, I would never ask my partner to do anything that they aren't comfortable with doing just to make me happy, nor would anyone else who is successful in this lifestyle. In fact, I wouldn't enjoy it if my partner was just doing it to please me and didn't enjoy it herself. I don't 'allow' my partner to do anything, she is a grown woman and we are both more than capable of deciding what we want to do together. Nor do either one of us have to 'pay a price' for anything we do. And yes, in our case we do swap and swapping is what turns us both on.

 

You then rephrased your question,

So I'll pose the question like this - If you knew that your partner would have equal amazing pleasure no matter what the scenerio,

whether it be other partners, watching, threesome, etc, what is the scenerio you would choose?

Same answer though, I would choose to swap as that is what gives both of us pleasure. Again, we would never do anything that either one of us doesn't find pleasurable. For us it is a team effort, we always decide what we are going to do together so that we both get a good experiance from any activity we participate in while swinging. This doesn't mean that I think someone who isn't into full swap is wrong or somehow not doing it right. As has been said many times on this forum, their are probably as many ways to swing as their are swingers.

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I missed that memo about it being every man's fantasy to have a threesome.

 

This is a huge myth for us as well. Sure - MFFs are really great, but they aren't something we pursue. We really do prefer couples. Singles are nice either way - and honestly single males and single females are about equal on our "interest radar".

 

Spoomonkey

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You know - I have a list of "Things About Swinging That I DON'T Like". It is going to make a great chapter in a book someday...

 

One of the things I absolutely detest is the idea of "tit for tat". I think the original question is simply that, "do you engage in 'tit for tat'? I scratch your back, you scratch mine?"

 

It is a fair question.

 

If Larry is uncomfortable with adding a man to his play - then Michelle needs to know that up front. If she is doing a MFF to "earn" a MFM, then she is doing it for ALL the wrong reasons. If she enjoys MFF and is okay with Larry's boundaries - then what's the problem? I mean, swinging is what THEY make it - right?

 

I don't indulge my wife so that I may earn something for myself. We both agree that we only do what we would both enjoy. I would never do something that I couldn't handle so that she'd give me something in trade. That just isn't us - and I don't think that is particularly wise.

 

Honestly, I think it cheapens the moment. I mean, if one partner is doing this just so they can earn a favor down the road... :rollseyes The ugliest word in swinging is "obligation" and that is all the "trade off" mentality is. "Because I did this, you are now obligated to do that."

 

That shows a lack of respect, maturity and communication. Larry, if you and Michelle are doing MFF because you both want to and enjoy it - then good for you. That is what the lifestyle is about. You make it what you want it to be - no one else can define it for you. Everyone puts their own twist on it.

 

I think I see where you are coming from and hope my post kind of clears things up a bit.

 

Have a good time at trapeze.

 

Spoomonkey

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I am too jealous to let her be with another guy - therefore its something we don't do.

larryt9, perhaps you are a very mellow guy... but there's just something about this phrase that just struck me the wrong way. I'm not a "tit-for-tat" proponent either... to each or each couple's own, I say. There's obviously many, many ways to swing and each person or couple needs to decide on the boundaries for themselves.

 

However, the way you've phrased your posts in a couple of instances leads me to believe that your female 1/2 doesn't have a whole lot of say in the thing, and we've not gotten to hear her side of it all.

 

I'm with the ever wise and level-headed intuition when she suggests examining the whys of your jealousy. If the two of you communicate about this, it's very possible that it can take your relationship to a whole new level and that can be a very positive by-product of the lifestyle, indeed.

 

All the best to you both...

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Hi,

(eventually we'll get to having another woman in some way).

 

 

Actually Larry, you did mention in your post that you were going to have another woman in some way.

 

BTW, you are very rude.

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"BTW, you are very rude."

 

Once again, my apologies.

 

Spoomonkey - thanks for your response. You get exactly what I'm saying/asking.

 

Others seem to think its all my way. I wrote "I am too jealous to let her be with another guy - therefore its something we don't do." to which someone responded: "larryt9, perhaps you are a very mellow guy... but there's just something about this phrase that just struck me the wrong way... leads me to believe that your female 1/2 doesn't have a whole lot of say in the thing, and we've not gotten to hear her side of it all."

 

Then let me add to my original sentence - "I am too jealous to let her be with another guy - therefore its something we don't do. In addition, she has said that she would be too jealous to see me alone with another woman. Therefore that won't happen. (True - I didn't just make that up)." I actually like that she feels jealous of me in that way. Michelle gets total input (from me - get it!!!). We are 100% partners. The fact that I only wrote about my limits is only because I am doing the writing, but I'll be sure in the future to talk about her side of things.

 

But this all leads me to another question, and the real reason I'm writing this response. More then one person has suggested I examine my feelings of jealousy, and if I can get past my insecurities, doubts, etc, and can let Michelle be with another man, it will move our relationship to a whole new level. (Read Intuition's response). I find it a little strange, particularly from a group that probably has to fight for some acceptance of their lifestyle, to not just just accept the choices Michelle and I make. I don't agree with the premise that feelings of jealosy, etc, have to be gotten over, and that I am too insecure to let her be with another man. I hope no one gets defensive about what I'm going to say, because I certainly don't mean it as an attack of any kind. To each his own, live and let live. But I don't quite hear that in return. I feel that certain acts of intimacy between a woman I love and who loves me should not be shared with others. I truly couldn't imagine another man touching, caressing, making love to Michelle. I don't think that is something I should try to get over. The "its only sex" thing doesn't fly for me. Intuition and others seem convinced that their way is "better", as opposed to just saying it is better for them.

 

Funny thing happenned last night. Michelle and I were making love, and I started talking about how I see the "other woman" joining us, which up to now we both got into. But last night she didn't get into it the way she usually does. Later I asked her whats up. She told me she had been thinking that things are so awesome between us as it is, and she loves what we do at trapeze, and she changed her mind - she doesn't want another woman joining us. She just wants to keep it striclty between her and me. So thats how its going to be. I don't think there's any feelings either of us need to work past. Anyway, thats how I see it and what I'm picking up from some responses. Is it just my imagination, or do some of you feel that Michelle and I are less mature emotionally because we don't want to swap?

Thanks

Larry

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But this all leads me to another question, and the real reason I'm writing this response. More then one person has suggested I examine my feelings of jealousy, and if I can get past my insecurities, doubts, etc, and can let Michelle be with another man, it will move our relationship to a whole new level. (Read Intuition's response). I find it a little strange, particularly from a group that probably has to fight for some acceptance of their lifestyle, to not just just accept the choices Michelle and I make.

 

We don't bother fighting for acceptance, because it isn't going to happen. The only thing we do tend to fight for is the right to do what we feel is best for our own marriages. For us, non-monogamy is the way to go. It has nothing to do with one way of life being better than the other. It's just different.

 

I don't agree with the premise that feelings of jealosy, etc, have to be gotten over, and that I am too insecure to let her be with another man. I hope no one gets defensive about what I'm going to say, because I certainly don't mean it as an attack of any kind. To each his own, live and let live. But I don't quite hear that in return. I feel that certain acts of intimacy between a woman I love and who loves me should not be shared with others. I truly couldn't imagine another man touching, caressing, making love to Michelle. I don't think that is something I should try to get over. The "its only sex" thing doesn't fly for me. Intuition and others seem convinced that their way is "better", as opposed to just saying it is better for them.

 

I beg your pardon, I never said that our way of life is better. I only meant that it is better to examine and understand one's reasons for doing something (or not doing something) so that you can better understand yourself. And if my post sounded negative, it is because refusing to self-examine stops you from exploring the lifestyle any further. Is that a bad thing? Certainly not. If you are happy and comfortable just having sex with one another in the club's erotic atmosphere, then more power to you! But if you were still interested in "adding another woman" (which it sounds like you're not), you will need to give your motives and reasoning some deep consideration if you don't want it to negatively affect your relationship.

 

BTW, no one would be "making love" to your partner. For us, it IS just sex, and it has nothing to do with love. It doesn't mean that we treat one another like so many pieces of meat; we treat one another with dignity and respect, and we respect the relationships of the people we have sex with. But sex is just a tool. At home, we use sex to express to each other the love we feel for one another (making love). When we're out playing, we express a kind of friendship.

 

I'm not saying that you should try to change your views if you are uncomfortable doing so. If you both feel that you are where you should be, and that monogamy is the best thing for your relationship, then you are both monogamous. Big deal. No better and no worse than non-monogamists. You both still have a challenging road ahead along that path, too, same as us. This is just my lengthy way of saying that in order to swing, you NEED to be able to separate where sex ends and love begins, and vice versa. If you find that you cannot or do not want to do that, then swinging (at least the partner swapping part) is just not your bag, baby. :kissface:

 

I don't think there's any feelings either of us need to work past. Anyway, thats how I see it and what I'm picking up from some responses. Is it just my imagination, or do some of you feel that Michelle and I are less mature emotionally because we don't want to swap?

Thanks

Larry

 

Again, no, it's not less mature. It's only immature if you're running scared from facing the possiblity that you both may be non-monogamous by nature. This isn't the case. I definitely admire your and Michelle's willingness to consider the option. It shows open-mindedness and courage. If you find that you are just not interested in changing your relationship - you are happy with it just as you are - then you are where you should be. Forcing yourselves further would be simply wrong.

 

Wishing you both luck in your endeavours.

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I definitely admire your and Michelle's willingness to consider the option. It shows open-mindedness and courage. If you find that you are just not interested in changing your relationship - you are happy with it just as you are - then you are where you should be. Forcing yourselves further would be simply wrong.

 

Wishing you both luck in your endeavours.

Dito

 

There's nothing wrong, at all, with having a monogamous relationship. It doesn't make your relationship less trusting, or less secure.

 

It's just what you two prefer.

 

As Intuition said, the fact that you two talked about possibly exploring your sexual boundaries is a hell of a lot more than some couples have.

 

Enjoy eachother and whatever makes you two happy.

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I had begun a reply yesterday, but deleted it because I wanted to think about it a bit. It's unfortunate that some ugliness reared up in this thread because I think it can be very helpful to some readers, if not the OP. However, here's my take...

 

We've found there are many levels of swinging, and you will find almost everyone has their own special rules. Some people will kiss and not fuck...some people the opposite. Some people like to play in separate rooms, we like to be together. I think you will find that for each of you to enjoy the experience you find your own boundaries and talk about things (even in minute detail). We started out going to clubs and only touching/doing each other. At that time it was our mutual comfort level. Later on, he felt comfortable letting men or women fondle/kiss my breasts (and I very much liked the sensation). Since then we've inched our way to the deeper end of the pool. Things tend to evolve, and for us especially depending on the couple we are with.

 

I guess my point is, it's not about "taking one for the team". It's about doing what the team wants, and always checking that comfort level for both of you. That's what I believe makes us closer, because we're doing it together.

 

Mrs LOL

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