Friends First or Just Sex?

mehim · 07-03-2002, 07:26 AM

hi i have a questian... when you meet somebody , do you just have sex,

or do you be friends first before you become intimate. would like to find an answer to this please

md_hot_cpl · 07-03-2002, 07:45 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by mehim:
hi i have a questian... when you meet somebody , do you just have sex, or do you be friends first before you become intimate. would like to find an answer to this please

I would prefer to become friends first. Getting to know someone can be very sexually stimulating. It really all depends on what you are looking for. Are you looking for a lasting relationship or just a one-night-stand? Yes, sex is great but we can't live on that alone. Our other senses must be tickled too!!

By getting to know them you can weed out the players (just looking for a notch on their headboard) and the real people.

But sometimes the fire and desire is just there and you must have the person

Sam (the Wife)

mehim · 07-03-2002, 08:19 AM

thank you so much .yes,,, thats what i thought too it has to be friendship first . im not a bedpost collector .and i have to know that person is worth my effection not just a f....k.so how you find out bevore you get close to a person????

md_hot_cpl · 07-03-2002, 08:39 AM

My best answer to that is like in any relationship Talk, Talk, Talk, Talk. If the person can't chat online about anything but sex.. well, to me, they really aren't worth it!

Sam (the Wife)

ddrewd · 07-03-2002, 09:50 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by md_hot_cpl:
If the person can't chat online about anything but sex.. well, to me, they really aren't worth it!

That raises the question as to whether chat or email (or even telephone) is a more effective way of getting to know a person (or people) before meeting them. You know, I think I'll start a new thread. (Thus putting in my entry for the other July contest

)

Drew

mehim · 07-03-2002, 10:26 AM

we been swinging for 2 years now and i must say that was my weirdest experience, talking for 3 weeks and meeting -dancing seductivly <i may ad.> and having 3 couple fun that was ,what they ask for ..now out of the blue they wont be friend,s i dont get it ...not that i wanted to be with him again . or indrude ... but atleased be civil...is it, that some people just be out to go by the 4 fffff's or is it me to feel , im a one night stand <never had one of them either >but thank god i have real friends....

***JustAskJulie*** · 07-03-2002, 12:14 PM

For us both works. Sometimes we enjoy realling getting to know people first through meeting and talking on line and other times we may have just met someone at a club and there's that instant chemistry there and sparks fly and things happen. In the latter cases sometimes those develop into friendships, sometimes they don't.

It's not necessarily about being bedpost notchers, it's just the way it works out sometimes.

You may want to check this topic as it is discussing basically the same question:
Friends as Swingers versus Sex Only Swingers

mehim · 07-03-2002, 12:36 PM

thank you julie.. for pointing that out to me .it realy help me to unterstand people ...

Brian and Jo · 07-03-2002, 10:12 PM

We do most of our swinging now with a group of several couples we have known for many years. We have all become very good friends with a lot of common interests in addition to our enthusiasm for sex with a variety of partners. As the group grew from its origins of us and another couple we took care to ensure that the other couples who joined us were compatible. That meant that we met with them a few times and began to develop the friendship before we moved on to a more intimate level and eventually the full swap with them. Having said that we do enjoy meeting new people at the swingers club we attend every now and then. On those occasions when we meet someone and the chemistry between us is right it is straight into the sex.

TomF_22033 · 07-04-2002, 09:22 AM

Maybe I'm backwards or something, but when I was younger I felt that sex required being close to someone. As I've gotten older, I think being friends or lovers makes the sex great, but the "naughtiness" of having sex with someone I've just met can be a real turn on. This weekend for the first time, I had sex with someone that I just met. The funny thing is that I've talked to her since and we're getting together. And it seems like we have a lot of intrests. So I guess it just depends. To me as long as the sex is good, and the friendship is good I guess it doesn't matter how it comes about.

sccple29073 · 07-05-2002, 02:04 AM

Personally i like to meet someone and become friends before anything.But I have had one or two, where the friendship came afterwards.

I have found that you can do a lot of "weeding" by letting someone know that you would like to be friends and then go from there. I have actually spoken with a few that avoided people wanting to be friends. One has even told me that "real" swingers do not want a friendship!!

Becoming friends first, is really a matter of preference, and what you and the other people involved feel comfy with.

My 2 cents..lol
H

md_hot_cpl · 07-05-2002, 08:36 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by L & D:
We will share our bodies with others but not our souls... Sorry, For us that would be adultery.

So true!!! but unless you get to know someone how do you know you aren't meeting up with someone who may do you harm?

Sam (the Wife)

07-05-2002, 09:20 AM

[ 07-13-2002, 08:26 AM: Message edited by: L & D ]

mehim · 07-07-2002, 11:42 AM

So true!!! but unless you get to know someone how do you know you aren't meeting up with someone who may do you harm?

Sam (the Wife)
-------------------------------------------------
i allways go by my first impression and most of the time it work out realy well ,but in rare occations is a learning experiance /that show again the old saying is right ...".you never to old to learn."

. : ..

Brian&Judy · 07-07-2002, 03:06 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by md_hot_cpl:
I suppose it has to do with degree. You can be informed without being intimate and you can be friendly without being friends.

When we have met a guy or couple to either get to know them a little or maybe play, we become 'distant friends'. We make arrangments to meet somewhere but we don't normally tell them our last name or where we live until we are totally sure we are comfortable.

We met a couple a few times and played but never knew there last name or where they call home.

Brian

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07-03-2002, 07:26 AM	#1 (permalink)
mehim Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 143 Location: ks Status: couple	Friends First or Just Sex? hi i have a questian... when you meet somebody , do you just have sex, or do you be friends first before you become intimate. would like to find an answer to this please
	__________________ sex is like math, first you subtract the clothes,add the bed, divided the legs and hope you do not multiply at the end "

07-03-2002, 08:19 AM	#3 (permalink)
mehim Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 143 Location: ks Status: couple	thank you so much .yes,,, thats what i thought too it has to be friendship first . im not a bedpost collector .and i have to know that person is worth my effection not just a f....k.so how you find out bevore you get close to a person????
	__________________ sex is like math, first you subtract the clothes,add the bed, divided the legs and hope you do not multiply at the end "

07-03-2002, 10:26 AM	#6 (permalink)
mehim Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 143 Location: ks Status: couple	we been swinging for 2 years now and i must say that was my weirdest experience, talking for 3 weeks and meeting -dancing seductivly <i may ad.> and having 3 couple fun that was ,what they ask for ..now out of the blue they wont be friend,s i dont get it ...not that i wanted to be with him again . or indrude ... but atleased be civil...is it, that some people just be out to go by the 4 fffff's or is it me to feel , im a one night stand <never had one of them either >but thank god i have real friends....
	__________________ sex is like math, first you subtract the clothes,add the bed, divided the legs and hope you do not multiply at the end "

07-03-2002, 12:14 PM	#7 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 29,288 Location: In my House Status: Female Swing Lifestyle Name:swingersboard	For us both works. Sometimes we enjoy realling getting to know people first through meeting and talking on line and other times we may have just met someone at a club and there's that instant chemistry there and sparks fly and things happen. In the latter cases sometimes those develop into friendships, sometimes they don't. It's not necessarily about being bedpost notchers, it's just the way it works out sometimes. You may want to check this topic as it is discussing basically the same question: Friends as Swingers versus Sex Only Swingers
	__________________ Julie - your hostess The Swinger Manual - all the info from the Swingers Board in one convenient book

07-03-2002, 08:39 AM	#4 (permalink)
md_hot_cpl Active Member Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 34 Location: Maryland	My best answer to that is like in any relationship Talk, Talk, Talk, Talk. If the person can't chat online about anything but sex.. well, to me, they really aren't worth it! Sam (the Wife)

07-03-2002, 12:36 PM	#8 (permalink)
mehim Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 143 Location: ks Status: couple	thank you julie.. for pointing that out to me .it realy help me to unterstand people ...
	__________________ sex is like math, first you subtract the clothes,add the bed, divided the legs and hope you do not multiply at the end "

07-03-2002, 10:12 PM	#9 (permalink)
Brian and Jo Brian and Jo Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 321 Location: Ontario Status: Couple	We do most of our swinging now with a group of several couples we have known for many years. We have all become very good friends with a lot of common interests in addition to our enthusiasm for sex with a variety of partners. As the group grew from its origins of us and another couple we took care to ensure that the other couples who joined us were compatible. That meant that we met with them a few times and began to develop the friendship before we moved on to a more intimate level and eventually the full swap with them. Having said that we do enjoy meeting new people at the swingers club we attend every now and then. On those occasions when we meet someone and the chemistry between us is right it is straight into the sex.

07-04-2002, 09:22 AM	#10 (permalink)
TomF_22033 Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 215 Location: Christiansburg, VA Status: Single Male	Maybe I'm backwards or something, but when I was younger I felt that sex required being close to someone. As I've gotten older, I think being friends or lovers makes the sex great, but the "naughtiness" of having sex with someone I've just met can be a real turn on. This weekend for the first time, I had sex with someone that I just met. The funny thing is that I've talked to her since and we're getting together. And it seems like we have a lot of intrests. So I guess it just depends. To me as long as the sex is good, and the friendship is good I guess it doesn't matter how it comes about.

07-05-2002, 02:04 AM	#11 (permalink)
sccple29073 Here to Stay Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 61 Location: South carolina	Personally i like to meet someone and become friends before anything.But I have had one or two, where the friendship came afterwards. I have found that you can do a lot of "weeding" by letting someone know that you would like to be friends and then go from there. I have actually spoken with a few that avoided people wanting to be friends. One has even told me that "real" swingers do not want a friendship!! Becoming friends first, is really a matter of preference, and what you and the other people involved feel comfy with. My 2 cents..lol H
	__________________ "only live once"

07-05-2002, 09:20 AM	#13 (permalink)
Len & Ding Guest Posts: n/a	[ 07-13-2002, 08:26 AM: Message edited by: L & D ]
Len & Ding Guest Posts: n/a

07-07-2002, 11:42 AM	#14 (permalink)
mehim Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 143 Location: ks Status: couple	So true!!! but unless you get to know someone how do you know you aren't meeting up with someone who may do you harm? Sam (the Wife) ------------------------------------------------- i allways go by my first impression and most of the time it work out realy well ,but in rare occations is a learning experiance /that show again the old saying is right ...".you never to old to learn." . : ..
	__________________ sex is like math, first you subtract the clothes,add the bed, divided the legs and hope you do not multiply at the end "

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