Friends First or Just Sex? - Page 3

youngswingers · 07-11-2002, 02:02 AM

Look, you obviously took our comment the wrong way. You have more than enough reason to feel the way you do... we're just suggesting that this is a manifestation of deeper issues. Ultimately, we disagree about one fundamental thing: While sex is just sex... the real fun in swinging are the friends you make along the way.

So with that we end this happy little thread!

mehim · 07-11-2002, 07:48 AM

orig posted by L&D....
the fact of the matter is: it's only sex! Real people feel better than dildos... That's the best reason I know for swinging
--------------------------------------------------wow ...what harsch words... i never thought about swinging that way i moore agree with young coupe .quote: the real fun in swinging are the friends you make along the way.we made some long lasting friends .all we know since the beginning,and swinging is not all about sex .is getting together for other things too .we have friends in this livestyle, and we never had sex with them ... and it is great too..if we ending up having sex fun , is just a plus .

***JustAskJulie*** · 07-11-2002, 01:01 PM

quote:
Originally posted by L & D:
[QUOTE]

The fact of the matter is: it's only sex! Real people feel better than dildos... That's the best reason I know for swinging. Swinging is about enjoying sex! If you aren't able to separate sex from friendship and love, you will eventually run into problems in the lifestyle.

<small>[ 07-10-2002, 09:45 PM: Message edited by: L & D ]</small>

While that may be YOUR reason for swinging it is not THE reason for swinging or necessarily the BEST reason for swinging. Everyone has their own reasons for swinging. You chose yours, but it's not your right after choosing yours to say that other people's reasons are not valid or the BEST reasons for them.

As for your comments on not being able to seperate sex and friendship and that causing problems in the lifestyle. I think you are a little new to this lifestyle to be saying this. There are lot of people here who have been swinging much longer than you have who have chosen friendship as a reason for swinging and enjoy connecting it with sex with no problems whatsoever.

The problem here is that your definition of friendship is a bit stricter than most people's. What you define as a friend is what most of us would define as a "best friend" or even someone we would consider extended family. Even so, if someone chose to have sex with someone they put in that category that is their choice and still does not necessarily mean that it will cause them problems in "this lifestyle" or in their relationship with their partner.

larry · 07-11-2002, 01:51 PM

quote:
Originally posted by mehim:
hi i have a questian... when you meet somebody , do you just have sex, or do you be friends first before you become intimate. would like to find an answer to this please

larry · 07-11-2002, 01:58 PM

quote:
Originally posted by mehim:
hi i have a questian... when you meet somebody , do you just have sex, or do you be friends first before you become intimate. would like to find an answer to this please

I will speak for myself, and think Linda would agree.
When we meet someone, we meet them for several different reasons.
If it's in a nudist/naturist enviornment, the thought and topic of sex does not enter into any conversation.
Now I would ask, "At what point do you know someone?"
If we meet them because of the swinging lifestyle, and if we click (regardless of the time-frame) we will end up having sex without knowing the cpl as well as we could. Then we get to know them better as time progresses. Do we wait till we have known each other for days/months/years??? Absolutely not. When all are in the mood and the time is right, we will engage in sex. We never let an opportunity go by us.....Carpe Diem (seize the moment)
So for us, our definition of knowing someone is feeling comfortable with them, and clicking on some spiritual level.

trojan32 · 07-12-2002, 01:21 PM

Usually there has been minimum chatting, mostly not knowing someone and just going for it at clubs. Makes it fun and no strings.

07-13-2002, 12:04 AM

[ 07-13-2002, 08:24 AM: Message edited by: L & D ]

OhioCouple · 07-13-2002, 05:12 AM

quote:
Originally posted by L & D:
Only eight short weeks ago I happened upon this discussion board with only a vague idea of what "the lifestyle" involved. I also had now idea then what a roller coaster ride I was in for. If I had of known, I probably would have "hit the back button" that very first night.[/QB]

L&D,

I have read and re-read through all of these postings on this thread and I am...hell I am a lot of things!

Stunned ~ That anyone would chose a public forum to discuss their personal grievances about another member of the board. That "IS" a personal issue and should be handled as such with the parties involved. Getting generalized advice is one matter, but hashing things out in a public forum with someone that you have shared an intimate experience with is a whole other issue.

Confused ~ As to why these type of boundries, as yours seem to be pretty strict, were not discussed in advance. Which is exactly why we prefer to get to know our sexual partners. They know our boundries and we know theirs. If you prefer just casual sex, say so. Many people do and there is nothing wrong with that. We haven't run across anyone that doesn't know that "No means No", which is one of the greatest things about the people in this lifestyle.

As for the friends issue and loving them, that has to be a personal thing for you. I was raised to "Love thy neighbor"...doesn't mean I LOVE LOVE them and have to take them to bed. It means I RESPECT them and care about their well being. And sometimes that is tough as I have had some pretty strange neighbors in my lifetime. [ROFL]

Should anyone of our swinging partners call us and need help with something, say they had a flat tire or their car broke down for example....we would glady assist them because we are friends, not because we love them, but because we care about them and their well being.

We have only been actively swinging for about 7 or 8 months, after months of research and learning about what it entails. Probably one of the first things we learned was to be up front about our own personal boundries with anyone we chose to be intimate with. This board has provided us with a multitude of information and continues to do so.

I think you dove in too quickly from soft swing to full swing without setting your own personal rules and being up front about them.

Choosing to leave this board and quit swinging, it is entirely up to you, but let's not turn it into a pity party and blame others. There have been plenty of times through out my posts where people have totally disagreed with what I have said. They are opinions and everyone has them and a right to them. It doesn't mean I have to agree, but ya know what...in some instances their insight changed my point of view on several issues.

I consider the members of this board to be friends. Nope, haven't met a single one of 'em yet, but we certainly have shared a lot of intimate thoughts. [Wink]

Lori ~ Okay folks I am off my soapbox now!

[ 07-13-2002, 05:15 AM: Message edited by: OhioCouple ]

mehim · 07-13-2002, 01:40 PM

OhioCouple

posted 07-13-2002 05:12 AM
Stunned ~ That anyone would chose a public forum to discuss their personal grievances about another member of the board
--------------------------------------------------hi guys. i never ment my questian about friends or just sex! would have that reaction . but ,im so glad i found that site , i learned a hell of a lot on here , and from my viev of it, i will be in here for a long time .i like to listen to other peoples opinion, and i know im right thinking to be friends first bevore you become bedpartners..and for me being german ,is sometime hard to find the correct spelling for my words, or thoughts, im trying my best,i also think fun friends and sex comes in diffrent language,, ok i better quit for now huppy is waiting to go campen, so will post again after a couple days .happy swinging you all <mehim>

OhioCouple · 07-13-2002, 01:56 PM

quote:
Originally posted by mehim:
OhioCouple

posted 07-13-2002 05:12 AM
Stunned ~ That anyone would chose a public forum to discuss their personal grievances about another member of the board
--------------------------------------------------hi guys. i never ment my questian about friends or just sex! would have that reaction . but ,im so glad i found that site , i learned a hell of a lot on here , and from my viev of it, i will be in here for a long time .i like to listen to other peoples opinion, and i know im right thinking to be friends first bevore you become bedpartners..and for me being german ,is sometime hard to find the correct spelling for my words, or thoughts, im trying my best,i also think fun friends and sex comes in diffrent language,, ok i better quit for now huppy is waiting to go campen, so will post again after a couple days .happy swinging you all <mehim>

mehim,

If you will notice in, and I believe it was in the first paragraph, asking for "Generalized Advice" are in my opinion perfectly acceptable. Your beginning post posed a wonderful question, one that all swingers, I am sure either think about or have, at some time or another. You offer a lot of great insight and I look forward to reading more of your posts.

Lori [Fun]

[ 07-13-2002, 08:56 PM: Message edited by: OhioCouple ]

mehim · 07-21-2002, 05:45 PM

hi guys... we back from the lake ,and it was hotttttttttt...and not only the weather lol we met some friends and had a blast..i hope every one had a great weekend too... ok now to my questian . we went flowting in the water , on air matress.. maby i sound stubid now , but how about sex in the lake ???? is it sanitary with all the flowting fishes ???or is it save to play in the water ...maby you dont belive it, but i never did play in a lake before...cant wait to hear your answers... < me >

**Alura** · 07-21-2002, 07:23 PM

Mehim,

Deine Englisch is viel besser als Unserer Deutsch! Es macht uberhaupt nicht wann jeden Wort richtig geschrieben ist. Deine meinung is ganz klar! Bitte, halts du nicht!

Alura

mehim · 07-21-2002, 11:13 PM

danke danke ... what a nice thing to say..im trying to hang in there, and make everybody understand.and i see your our neighbor too..are you german ??? or have german background? well anyhow what you think about my question about the lake . i realy like to hear some answers to it...hope to hear from you soon ...<me> [kiss]

**Alura** · 07-24-2002, 05:40 PM

Sex in a lake, huh? Well, we've never done that either. Okay, there was that time in Mallorca, but that was the Mediterranean, not a lake...

We've played in the swimming pool and, of course, the Spa and never had a problem. At first, when we used chlorine, the hot water seemed to wash away the lubrication but the guy at the swimming pool store explained to us (very diplomatically, we thought) that Bromine seemed to "make things slide better than Chlorine" and, even though it was more expensive, it was worth it. Although we thought he was just more interested in the "more expensive" part, we tried it and have been pleased.

We doubt there is anything in the lake water that will hurt you but we wouldn't want to play in, say, the Amazon. Piranhas chewing on your sex organs would be no fun at all!!!!!!!

No, we're not German. We're just hick Okies.

Alura

Swingers Ads	Swinger Pics	Swinger Stories	Shopping	Search Swingers	Swingers Clubs	Swinger Articles	Dictionary	FAQs	Swinger Links
Forums	Register	Swinger Events	Search	Today's Posts	Mark Forums Read	Chat Room [2]

07-11-2002, 07:48 AM	#32 (permalink)
mehim Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 143 Location: ks Status: couple	orig posted by L&D.... the fact of the matter is: it's only sex! Real people feel better than dildos... That's the best reason I know for swinging --------------------------------------------------wow ...what harsch words... i never thought about swinging that way i moore agree with young coupe .quote: the real fun in swinging are the friends you make along the way.we made some long lasting friends .all we know since the beginning,and swinging is not all about sex .is getting together for other things too .we have friends in this livestyle, and we never had sex with them ... and it is great too..if we ending up having sex fun , is just a plus .
	__________________ sex is like math, first you subtract the clothes,add the bed, divided the legs and hope you do not multiply at the end "

07-11-2002, 01:01 PM	#33 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 29,294 Location: In my House Status: Female Swing Lifestyle Name:swingersboard	quote: Originally posted by L & D: [QUOTE] The fact of the matter is: it's only sex! Real people feel better than dildos... That's the best reason I know for swinging. Swinging is about enjoying sex! If you aren't able to separate sex from friendship and love, you will eventually run into problems in the lifestyle. <small>[ 07-10-2002, 09:45 PM: Message edited by: L & D ]</small> While that may be YOUR reason for swinging it is not THE reason for swinging or necessarily the BEST reason for swinging. Everyone has their own reasons for swinging. You chose yours, but it's not your right after choosing yours to say that other people's reasons are not valid or the BEST reasons for them. As for your comments on not being able to seperate sex and friendship and that causing problems in the lifestyle. I think you are a little new to this lifestyle to be saying this. There are lot of people here who have been swinging much longer than you have who have chosen friendship as a reason for swinging and enjoy connecting it with sex with no problems whatsoever. The problem here is that your definition of friendship is a bit stricter than most people's. What you define as a friend is what most of us would define as a "best friend" or even someone we would consider extended family. Even so, if someone chose to have sex with someone they put in that category that is their choice and still does not necessarily mean that it will cause them problems in "this lifestyle" or in their relationship with their partner.
	__________________ Julie - your hostess The Swinger Manual - all the info from the Swingers Board in one convenient book

07-11-2002, 01:51 PM	#34 (permalink)
larry Registered User Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 2 Location: Wichita, KS	quote: Originally posted by mehim: hi i have a questian... when you meet somebody , do you just have sex, or do you be friends first before you become intimate. would like to find an answer to this please

07-11-2002, 01:58 PM	#35 (permalink)
larry Registered User Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 2 Location: Wichita, KS	quote: Originally posted by mehim: hi i have a questian... when you meet somebody , do you just have sex, or do you be friends first before you become intimate. would like to find an answer to this please I will speak for myself, and think Linda would agree. When we meet someone, we meet them for several different reasons. If it's in a nudist/naturist enviornment, the thought and topic of sex does not enter into any conversation. Now I would ask, "At what point do you know someone?" If we meet them because of the swinging lifestyle, and if we click (regardless of the time-frame) we will end up having sex without knowing the cpl as well as we could. Then we get to know them better as time progresses. Do we wait till we have known each other for days/months/years??? Absolutely not. When all are in the mood and the time is right, we will engage in sex. We never let an opportunity go by us.....Carpe Diem (seize the moment) So for us, our definition of knowing someone is feeling comfortable with them, and clicking on some spiritual level.

07-11-2002, 02:02 AM	#31 (permalink)
youngswingers Here to Stay Join Date: Jun 2001 Posts: 98 Location: Austin, TX	Look, you obviously took our comment the wrong way. You have more than enough reason to feel the way you do... we're just suggesting that this is a manifestation of deeper issues. Ultimately, we disagree about one fundamental thing: While sex is just sex... the real fun in swinging are the friends you make along the way. So with that we end this happy little thread!

07-12-2002, 01:21 PM	#36 (permalink)
trojan32 Registered User Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 1 Location: Los Angeles	Usually there has been minimum chatting, mostly not knowing someone and just going for it at clubs. Makes it fun and no strings.

07-13-2002, 12:04 AM	#37 (permalink)
Len & Ding Guest Posts: n/a	[ 07-13-2002, 08:24 AM: Message edited by: L & D ]
Len & Ding Guest Posts: n/a

07-13-2002, 05:12 AM	#38 (permalink)
OhioCouple Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Dec 2001 Posts: 6,619 Location: Ohio Status: Married Female	quote: Originally posted by L & D: Only eight short weeks ago I happened upon this discussion board with only a vague idea of what "the lifestyle" involved. I also had now idea then what a roller coaster ride I was in for. If I had of known, I probably would have "hit the back button" that very first night.[/QB] L&D, I have read and re-read through all of these postings on this thread and I am...hell I am a lot of things! Stunned ~ That anyone would chose a public forum to discuss their personal grievances about another member of the board. That "IS" a personal issue and should be handled as such with the parties involved. Getting generalized advice is one matter, but hashing things out in a public forum with someone that you have shared an intimate experience with is a whole other issue. Confused ~ As to why these type of boundries, as yours seem to be pretty strict, were not discussed in advance. Which is exactly why we prefer to get to know our sexual partners. They know our boundries and we know theirs. If you prefer just casual sex, say so. Many people do and there is nothing wrong with that. We haven't run across anyone that doesn't know that "No means No", which is one of the greatest things about the people in this lifestyle. As for the friends issue and loving them, that has to be a personal thing for you. I was raised to "Love thy neighbor"...doesn't mean I LOVE LOVE them and have to take them to bed. It means I RESPECT them and care about their well being. And sometimes that is tough as I have had some pretty strange neighbors in my lifetime. Should anyone of our swinging partners call us and need help with something, say they had a flat tire or their car broke down for example....we would glady assist them because we are friends, not because we love them, but because we care about them and their well being. We have only been actively swinging for about 7 or 8 months, after months of research and learning about what it entails. Probably one of the first things we learned was to be up front about our own personal boundries with anyone we chose to be intimate with. This board has provided us with a multitude of information and continues to do so. I think you dove in too quickly from soft swing to full swing without setting your own personal rules and being up front about them. Choosing to leave this board and quit swinging, it is entirely up to you, but let's not turn it into a pity party and blame others. There have been plenty of times through out my posts where people have totally disagreed with what I have said. They are opinions and everyone has them and a right to them. It doesn't mean I have to agree, but ya know what...in some instances their insight changed my point of view on several issues. I consider the members of this board to be friends. Nope, haven't met a single one of 'em yet, but we certainly have shared a lot of intimate thoughts. Lori ~ Okay folks I am off my soapbox now! [ 07-13-2002, 05:15 AM: Message edited by: OhioCouple ]
	__________________ Remember that human beings are complicated creatures. We like our bedtime routines but dislike routine in our bed times. - Sallie Foley, M.S.W.

07-13-2002, 01:40 PM	#39 (permalink)
mehim Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 143 Location: ks Status: couple	OhioCouple posted 07-13-2002 05:12 AM Stunned ~ That anyone would chose a public forum to discuss their personal grievances about another member of the board --------------------------------------------------hi guys. i never ment my questian about friends or just sex! would have that reaction . but ,im so glad i found that site , i learned a hell of a lot on here , and from my viev of it, i will be in here for a long time .i like to listen to other peoples opinion, and i know im right thinking to be friends first bevore you become bedpartners..and for me being german ,is sometime hard to find the correct spelling for my words, or thoughts, im trying my best,i also think fun friends and sex comes in diffrent language,, ok i better quit for now huppy is waiting to go campen, so will post again after a couple days .happy swinging you all <mehim>
	__________________ sex is like math, first you subtract the clothes,add the bed, divided the legs and hope you do not multiply at the end "

07-13-2002, 01:56 PM	#40 (permalink)
OhioCouple Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Dec 2001 Posts: 6,619 Location: Ohio Status: Married Female	quote: Originally posted by mehim: OhioCouple posted 07-13-2002 05:12 AM Stunned ~ That anyone would chose a public forum to discuss their personal grievances about another member of the board --------------------------------------------------hi guys. i never ment my questian about friends or just sex! would have that reaction . but ,im so glad i found that site , i learned a hell of a lot on here , and from my viev of it, i will be in here for a long time .i like to listen to other peoples opinion, and i know im right thinking to be friends first bevore you become bedpartners..and for me being german ,is sometime hard to find the correct spelling for my words, or thoughts, im trying my best,i also think fun friends and sex comes in diffrent language,, ok i better quit for now huppy is waiting to go campen, so will post again after a couple days .happy swinging you all <mehim> mehim, If you will notice in, and I believe it was in the first paragraph, asking for "Generalized Advice" are in my opinion perfectly acceptable. Your beginning post posed a wonderful question, one that all swingers, I am sure either think about or have, at some time or another. You offer a lot of great insight and I look forward to reading more of your posts. Lori [ 07-13-2002, 08:56 PM: Message edited by: OhioCouple ]
	__________________ Remember that human beings are complicated creatures. We like our bedtime routines but dislike routine in our bed times. - Sallie Foley, M.S.W.

07-21-2002, 05:45 PM	#41 (permalink)
mehim Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 143 Location: ks Status: couple	hi guys... we back from the lake ,and it was hotttttttttt...and not only the weather lol we met some friends and had a blast..i hope every one had a great weekend too... ok now to my questian . we went flowting in the water , on air matress.. maby i sound stubid now , but how about sex in the lake ???? is it sanitary with all the flowting fishes ???or is it save to play in the water ...maby you dont belive it, but i never did play in a lake before...cant wait to hear your answers... < me >
	__________________ sex is like math, first you subtract the clothes,add the bed, divided the legs and hope you do not multiply at the end "

07-21-2002, 07:23 PM	#42 (permalink)
Alura Just a hick Okie Join Date: May 2001 Posts: 8,144 Location: Tulsa, Oklahoma Status: Widower	Mehim, Deine Englisch is viel besser als Unserer Deutsch! Es macht uberhaupt nicht wann jeden Wort richtig geschrieben ist. Deine meinung is ganz klar! Bitte, halts du nicht! Alura
	__________________ "They may call me a rube and a hick, but I'd a lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it." —Will Rogers

07-21-2002, 11:13 PM	#43 (permalink)
mehim Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 143 Location: ks Status: couple	danke danke ... what a nice thing to say..im trying to hang in there, and make everybody understand.and i see your our neighbor too..are you german ??? or have german background? well anyhow what you think about my question about the lake . i realy like to hear some answers to it...hope to hear from you soon ...<me>
	__________________ sex is like math, first you subtract the clothes,add the bed, divided the legs and hope you do not multiply at the end "

07-24-2002, 05:40 PM	#44 (permalink)
Alura Just a hick Okie Join Date: May 2001 Posts: 8,144 Location: Tulsa, Oklahoma Status: Widower	Sex in a lake, huh? Well, we've never done that either. Okay, there was that time in Mallorca, but that was the Mediterranean, not a lake... We've played in the swimming pool and, of course, the Spa and never had a problem. At first, when we used chlorine, the hot water seemed to wash away the lubrication but the guy at the swimming pool store explained to us (very diplomatically, we thought) that Bromine seemed to "make things slide better than Chlorine" and, even though it was more expensive, it was worth it. Although we thought he was just more interested in the "more expensive" part, we tried it and have been pleased. We doubt there is anything in the lake water that will hurt you but we wouldn't want to play in, say, the Amazon. Piranhas chewing on your sex organs would be no fun at all!!!!!!! No, we're not German. We're just hick Okies. Alura
	__________________ "They may call me a rube and a hick, but I'd a lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it." —Will Rogers

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Swinger friends got upset because we talked to "vanilla" friends about the lifestyle	tinker760	Discretion	10	01-06-2008 02:53 PM
Are You Among Friends?	Elusive BiFem	Comment Box	17	06-10-2004 10:31 PM

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode