Friends First or Just Sex? - Page 2

md_hot_cpl · 07-07-2002, 03:11 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Brian&Judy:
When we have met a guy or couple to either get to know them a little or maybe play, we become 'distant friends'.

Brian,

Thank you!!!... What a great way to put it. I really am not good with words but "distant friends" so fits what I was trying to say.

Sam (the wife)

07-09-2002, 06:41 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by md_hot_cpl:
"distant friends" so fits what I was trying to say.

You know, I think you are right. Perhaps it isn't so much a fundamental difference in personalities as it is a difference in language. It may just boil down to the fact that mehim and I have a different understanding of the word "friend".

[ 07-13-2002, 08:20 AM: Message edited by: L & D ]

Cheekyimp1 · 07-09-2002, 07:48 AM

Regarding how you know they won't cause you harm. My first meeting with someone is always in a public place and if we get to the bedroom hubby is always there. It's part of the reason I don't swing alone. As for the friendship thing. I tend to prefer sex with someone I know first. I had a male friend from England over for two weeks (I had been talking to him online for over a year) and the sex was fantastic. Our friendship only heightened our arousal. Although I do have to say that sex with a stranger can be great too.

mehim · 07-09-2002, 07:36 PM

orig. posted. Cheekyimp1

Although I do have to say that sex with a stranger can be great too.
--------------------------------------------------
maby thats true. we all start out being strange to eachother,first ,but to know a person talk and flirt and get to know from them how -and what teir desires and wishes are make it realy looking forward to know that person .i have to say its thrilling to find out in reality.. and thats how friendship start ,,,distant or not, [Wink]

friendship is friendship.... or am i wrong ??<ME>

07-09-2002, 09:21 PM

[ 07-13-2002, 08:20 AM: Message edited by: L & D ]

youngswingers · 07-09-2002, 11:58 PM

Considering discretion is a major component of swinging, hard and fast rules about friendship seems a little paranoid and just a bit unhealthy. If we had swung with you guys and got along that kind of rule would be a sign for us to not play again.

mehim · 07-10-2002, 06:19 AM

youngswingers

posted 07-09-2002 11:58 PM

Considering discretion is a major component of swinging
-------------------------------------------------- yes it is and allways will be for us.and i belive it was a one time only thing anyhow <sad to say> we went into this lifestyle to have fun,not to have moore proplems.and i think talking to eachother , is the best policy.we dont have many rules.for inviting friends to our house is allways a wellcome guesture,our kids are grown, and we have nothing to hide !we love company and company loves us ..

.and we having a luau in august ,,,<always a big party> anybody like to come to kansas?????<me>

07-10-2002, 07:01 AM

[ 07-13-2002, 08:22 AM: Message edited by: L & D ]

OhioCouple · 07-10-2002, 07:57 AM

L&D,

I think using precaution in all that you do in your life is healthy, not just when it comes to swinging. Which is exactly why we prefer to get to know the people we swing with first. It is really no different than being a "defensive" driver. As it has been said many times, the best offense is a good defense!

You have had a lot of trauma, and therefore have every right to be more cautious than most. It goes right back to boundries and preferences and what you set for yourselves as a couple.

Lori

***JustAskJulie*** · 07-10-2002, 11:28 AM

I think that when it comes to being paranoid about potential swinging partners your best bet really is to be friends first. You are more likely to have problems with someone you have a one time thing with or just met at a bar then decided not to swing with than with someone you actually bother to develop a friendship with first.

You could easily meet someone for drinks one night the potential for swinging then decide you aren't interested and leave. They could easily follow you home and who knows what.

One particular story I remember being shared by a couple who has posted some stories in the stories section was a time when they were out at a strip-club that they were regulars at. They had posted their stories and a couple of nude pics of the wife at one point. A guy at the strip club had seen their stories and her pics and recognized her. While the hubby was in the bathroom, the guy spiked her drink and basically kidnapped her, etc.

There is no shortage of reasons to be paranoid but you will probably have less to worry about with FRIENDS than you will with strangers.

mehim · 07-10-2002, 11:50 AM

JustAskJulie
posted 07-10-2002 11:28 AM
There is no shortage of reasons to be paranoid but you will probably have less to worry about with FRIENDS than you will with strangers
-------------------------------------------------
thank you julie:
exactly,our words!we have to know the people we swing with first and develope some kinda sympatic relation, bevore we even consider,to be intemate.i know there is a lot of trauma in this world ,and everybody ,im shure ,went tru some sort of it, some times in there life .thats why it is wonderfull to have friends ,where you can talk to and lean on.. <me>

ciscosv · 07-10-2002, 11:58 AM

I dont think there is anything wrong with being paranoid at all. Bad things happen and is better to be aware. We take the friends first approach when meeting new people and prefer to meet in a public places. You guys just described our worst fears and also that there are alot of creeps out there. We will not give "strangers" our names let alone people we know little about our last name. We have told people what city and state we are near but you would not find our residence. It's just safe to be discreet. I wouldn't want anything terrible to happen to my lady love.

07-10-2002, 06:10 PM

[ 07-13-2002, 08:28 AM: Message edited by: L & D ]

youngswingers · 07-10-2002, 09:10 PM

Whoa... just like there are many types of lovers there are various types of friends. We're not blaming you for your beliefs, as you are more than intitled to them, all we are saying is that few things are ever black and white. When you put up walls against friendship you betray a deeper insecurity... could it be that this less a security issue than a self esteem issue?

07-10-2002, 09:21 PM

[ 07-13-2002, 08:23 AM: Message edited by: L & D ]

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07-09-2002, 07:36 PM	#19 (permalink)
mehim Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 143 Location: ks Status: couple	orig. posted. Cheekyimp1 Although I do have to say that sex with a stranger can be great too. -------------------------------------------------- maby thats true. we all start out being strange to eachother,first ,but to know a person talk and flirt and get to know from them how -and what teir desires and wishes are make it realy looking forward to know that person .i have to say its thrilling to find out in reality.. and thats how friendship start ,,,distant or not, friendship is friendship.... or am i wrong ??<ME>
	__________________ sex is like math, first you subtract the clothes,add the bed, divided the legs and hope you do not multiply at the end "

07-09-2002, 09:21 PM	#20 (permalink)
Len & Ding Guest Posts: n/a	[ 07-13-2002, 08:20 AM: Message edited by: L & D ]
Len & Ding Guest Posts: n/a

07-10-2002, 06:19 AM	#22 (permalink)
mehim Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 143 Location: ks Status: couple	youngswingers posted 07-09-2002 11:58 PM Considering discretion is a major component of swinging -------------------------------------------------- yes it is and allways will be for us.and i belive it was a one time only thing anyhow <sad to say> we went into this lifestyle to have fun,not to have moore proplems.and i think talking to eachother , is the best policy.we dont have many rules.for inviting friends to our house is allways a wellcome guesture,our kids are grown, and we have nothing to hide !we love company and company loves us .. .and we having a luau in august ,,,<always a big party> anybody like to come to kansas?????<me>
	__________________ sex is like math, first you subtract the clothes,add the bed, divided the legs and hope you do not multiply at the end "

07-10-2002, 07:01 AM	#23 (permalink)
Len & Ding Guest Posts: n/a	[ 07-13-2002, 08:22 AM: Message edited by: L & D ]
Len & Ding Guest Posts: n/a

07-09-2002, 07:48 AM	#18 (permalink)
Cheekyimp1 Here to Stay Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 42 Location: Sarnia, Ontario, Canada	Regarding how you know they won't cause you harm. My first meeting with someone is always in a public place and if we get to the bedroom hubby is always there. It's part of the reason I don't swing alone. As for the friendship thing. I tend to prefer sex with someone I know first. I had a male friend from England over for two weeks (I had been talking to him online for over a year) and the sex was fantastic. Our friendship only heightened our arousal. Although I do have to say that sex with a stranger can be great too.

07-09-2002, 11:58 PM	#21 (permalink)
youngswingers Here to Stay Join Date: Jun 2001 Posts: 98 Location: Austin, TX	Considering discretion is a major component of swinging, hard and fast rules about friendship seems a little paranoid and just a bit unhealthy. If we had swung with you guys and got along that kind of rule would be a sign for us to not play again.

07-10-2002, 07:57 AM	#24 (permalink)
OhioCouple Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Dec 2001 Posts: 6,619 Location: Ohio Status: Married Female	L&D, I think using precaution in all that you do in your life is healthy, not just when it comes to swinging. Which is exactly why we prefer to get to know the people we swing with first. It is really no different than being a "defensive" driver. As it has been said many times, the best offense is a good defense! You have had a lot of trauma, and therefore have every right to be more cautious than most. It goes right back to boundries and preferences and what you set for yourselves as a couple. Lori
	__________________ Remember that human beings are complicated creatures. We like our bedtime routines but dislike routine in our bed times. - Sallie Foley, M.S.W.

07-10-2002, 11:28 AM	#25 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 29,294 Location: In my House Status: Female Swing Lifestyle Name:swingersboard	I think that when it comes to being paranoid about potential swinging partners your best bet really is to be friends first. You are more likely to have problems with someone you have a one time thing with or just met at a bar then decided not to swing with than with someone you actually bother to develop a friendship with first. You could easily meet someone for drinks one night the potential for swinging then decide you aren't interested and leave. They could easily follow you home and who knows what. One particular story I remember being shared by a couple who has posted some stories in the stories section was a time when they were out at a strip-club that they were regulars at. They had posted their stories and a couple of nude pics of the wife at one point. A guy at the strip club had seen their stories and her pics and recognized her. While the hubby was in the bathroom, the guy spiked her drink and basically kidnapped her, etc. There is no shortage of reasons to be paranoid but you will probably have less to worry about with FRIENDS than you will with strangers.
	__________________ Julie - your hostess The Swinger Manual - all the info from the Swingers Board in one convenient book

07-10-2002, 11:50 AM	#26 (permalink)
mehim Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 143 Location: ks Status: couple	JustAskJulie posted 07-10-2002 11:28 AM There is no shortage of reasons to be paranoid but you will probably have less to worry about with FRIENDS than you will with strangers ------------------------------------------------- thank you julie: exactly,our words!we have to know the people we swing with first and develope some kinda sympatic relation, bevore we even consider,to be intemate.i know there is a lot of trauma in this world ,and everybody ,im shure ,went tru some sort of it, some times in there life .thats why it is wonderfull to have friends ,where you can talk to and lean on.. <me>
	__________________ sex is like math, first you subtract the clothes,add the bed, divided the legs and hope you do not multiply at the end "

07-10-2002, 11:58 AM	#27 (permalink)
ciscosv Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Apr 2002 Posts: 755 Location: Redford, Michigan Status: Married Couple	I dont think there is anything wrong with being paranoid at all. Bad things happen and is better to be aware. We take the friends first approach when meeting new people and prefer to meet in a public places. You guys just described our worst fears and also that there are alot of creeps out there. We will not give "strangers" our names let alone people we know little about our last name. We have told people what city and state we are near but you would not find our residence. It's just safe to be discreet. I wouldn't want anything terrible to happen to my lady love.
	__________________ M&M Melts in your mouth, not in your hand

07-10-2002, 06:10 PM	#28 (permalink)
Len & Ding Guest Posts: n/a	[ 07-13-2002, 08:28 AM: Message edited by: L & D ]
Len & Ding Guest Posts: n/a

07-10-2002, 09:10 PM	#29 (permalink)
youngswingers Here to Stay Join Date: Jun 2001 Posts: 98 Location: Austin, TX	Whoa... just like there are many types of lovers there are various types of friends. We're not blaming you for your beliefs, as you are more than intitled to them, all we are saying is that few things are ever black and white. When you put up walls against friendship you betray a deeper insecurity... could it be that this less a security issue than a self esteem issue?

07-10-2002, 09:21 PM	#30 (permalink)
Len & Ding Guest Posts: n/a	[ 07-13-2002, 08:23 AM: Message edited by: L & D ]
Len & Ding Guest Posts: n/a

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