Friends

[JustAskJulie]

Reading topics about answering questions to non-swinging friends about how you know these other people and what you are doing on the weekends without them, etc got me to wondering. What is your ratio of swinging to non-swinging friends? After a while do you tend to stick more with your swinger friends (whether playmates or not) simply because you can be more open with them? For those who have been swinging for a while, do you still have all of your non-swinger friends? Have you lost any non-swinger friends due to them finding out about your swinging?

[darling]

We have 2 different universals and we like it that way. We have friends we swing with and the rest of the time, we are the most conservative people you'd ever want to meet. And these two world never shall collide!!

[EternallySingle]

I have no swinging friends. The area I live in is a little too close-minded to single men involved in the lifestyle. There were a few couples who met with me after I broke up with my ex-girlfriend, but I learned the hard way they wanted nothing to do with me outside the bedroom so...

As far as losing friends because they found out I was into swinging, it only happened once, and that was because someone wanted to break us up and went through a lot of trouble to find any dirt they could on me.

[mrbandsatl]

Most of our friends are non-swinging. We have two that were non-swinging but somehow managed to convert. With the except of them, we hang out with our non-swinging friends far more than our lifestyle friends.

[Avantgarden38]

Excellent question.

We seem to have three groups of friends.

The first group (about twenty people) are all very old friends from early in our lives. We keep in touch and see them possibly a few times a year at special occasions. Time, distance and their families make it difficult to see them very often.

The second group are friends that we made in our adult lives. It seemed more difficult to make and keep friends the older we became. It was hard to find the time and a common bond to form a relationship even though we really tried. The size of this group has become very small since we started swinging.

The third group is our swinger friends (yay!). We see them very often, probably three to five times a month in some combination. We have only a few couples that we actually swing with currently. Some couples we are still getting to know personally, the others are chat friends that we have finally invited to a party this March. We are currently involved in some way with 12 swinger couples.

None of our straight friends or family know we swing.

[mrs good times]

We were introduced to swinging by soft swinging with friends. However when we (Mr & I) decided we were ready to go to the next stage we discussed it with our friends and it put a wedge in our relationship. In one case the female of the couple was only willing when entoxicated and would voice regrets the following day and the other couple the male wanted to but was reluctant because he would then have to allow his wife to play also and he feared it.

Subsequently we have distanced ourselves from them somewhat and have found other avenues to swing. When we do see them we don't discuss swinging anymore and stay very guarded if they become intoxicated and extra friendly. We don't want them to do something they may regret and drag us in the middle.

So far our swinging friends and non have never met but we are concerned that this could happen and how we would handle the situation.

Most of our non swinging friends are generally younger than us and have young children (we have none) so most of our get togethers are family type functions, at least till 10:00 pm.

Our swinging friends tend to be closer to our age and more confident and open about themselves and their relationships.

We are finding ourselves spending more time with our swinger friends than non as time passes.

[newgentry]

We've found ourselves with three groups of friends as well. The non-swingers (who we jokingly refer to as "the civilians") are folks that we've known for years and who, while they are dear dear friends, are folks that you can't hardly drink around, much less do anything else. Group #2 we call the "wannabes." These are also wonderful people and great friends and you can certainly party more with them than the civilians. But these are the folks who may get in the hot tub with you and joke/flirt around but at the same time would absolutely and totally DIE if anything further than that happened. They may be thinking about it in the back of their minds but you just know that they'd never ever get up the gumption to actually do anything. The last group is of course the swingers. Who do we spend more time with? Probably the wannabes, then the civilians, then the swingers. We've found that we can relax more and have a better time when everyone knows that the party is only going to go so far. Not so much pressure to "hook up" for lack of a better term. We love them all though - each and every single one.

[sexypairca]

Most of our friends are swingers. We've got a couple of close friends that we've known forever that don't swing but know that we do and respect the "to each his own" philosophy. Most of our couple friends that we spent time with prior to the lifestyle have either split up or moved away .

Annette

[yawanna]

What is your ratio of swinging to non-swinging friends?

One third of our friends are active or know of our participation. We are also lucky (I think) in that we get along very well with several of our siblings and socialize with them often. They don't know of our extra curricular sex life but we think they suspect, or know, we could be kinda 'wild' on occasion. The rest of our friends don't know. Well, until we get that hottub in the back and host a couple of parties....but then.... maybe we'd invite them? Ya never know!

Have you lost any non-swinger friends due to them finding out about your swinging?

Yes. I lost one friend as the result of a lunch with her when I told her about my activities. That was years ago and she's not spoken to me since. And we lost one couple - she was a long time friend, who asked to learn more about this and they self imploded after their first visit to a club.

[wetpanties]

Most of our friends are non swinging and none of them have any idea that we enjoy the lifestyle. We pretty much see our swinging friends one or two Saturday evenings a month and once in a while during the week for dinner and "Dessert". We never mix the two groups.

[TNCountryCpl]

Well, we are very new to swinging so I can only speak of what we have done so far......most of the people we are friends with and/or talk to occasionally are nonswingers and do not know we swing. The friends that we have that do swing are actually those we spend more of our time with. The time spent with them is more than just for swinging--we actually do family things together, too, with our children. In my personal case, I feel like I can be more "real" with our friends who swing.

[Vjklander]

1:5

[Shaheena]

I totally agree with Vjklander and TNCountryCpl. Vjklander is my best half But I have found that the people we swing with have been the best friends we could have ever bargained for. We have swing friends that we do family things with, and have gone on trips with, and boating, and just had a lot of fun other than swinging. The swinging is great but doesn't have to happen to keep us friends. I am so glad we do swing and that we have met up with so many wonderful people that we now can call friends. And they are the kind that are real friends, not the kind that say so and then prove otherwise. I think it's great that it can be this way, and something I really am happy about! That's some real encouragement to continue swinging... hehe

hugs & kisses & licks
Shaheena