Is it ok to be friends first?

[JustAskJulie]

The issue here isn't a matter of same room vs. seperate room swinging. The issue is that this couple won't even meet you before hand to say "hey how ya doing and find out if you are even interested in going to bed with them).

That is where the red flags come in. Frenz, I'm sure that as seperate room swingers you still take the time to at least meet in person the people you are considering swinging with before you jump into a hotel room with perfect strangers, eh?

[imsnowman]

Originally posted by frenzb4sex
2) We have found that others that tend to be this way could care less about being with us, and we are simply used as props for their enjoyment.--Now that's not saying all are like that-it's been OUR experience from time to time--we aren't stereotyping same roomers.

I think I understand where you're coming from here. Is it possible that folks that like same-bed sex want to be used as well?

I would expect anyone involved in a same-bed/room situation who isn't really turned on by that scenario to feel a little used. However, if all of the folks involved like that kind of fun then I doubt anyone will feel used.

[raylynne]

Hi, all! Fantastic advice, though I didn't mean to cause any problems. I do believe they are a couple, we just have different views on how to approach this. They emailed us and want to meet, we'll see what happens next. Maybe we would be better off letting a couple help us along slowly, show us the ropes, you know, instead of going with another newbie. Any thoughts? Anyway, we'll be back in touch after we meet with this couple, let you all know how it goes. Thanks again. Ray and Lynne

[PipeDreamer]

We are relatively new to this lifestyle. We got started at a swingers party. of course we met them first and asked lots of questions. The biggest issue was feeling safe and that there were a set of 'rules' that everyone was to abide by.

Having more than one couple there relaxed the pressure to be involved and we could just watch - everybody else understood we we newbies and they went out of their way to treat us nicely.

As one poster said - people are people, whether they be swingers or not - you have to LIKE the people and they have to like you before anything can go further.

We avoid the lengthy emails ans such. A few is OK but then meet face to face to find out for real BUT do not hop in the sack. Go back and discuss at length with your spouse and then make a decision if you want to forge ahead

[frenzb4sex]

I realize that the context was not totally seperate room swinging, but it did drift into that tangent, and all I was doing was trying to give perspective. Again, I do apologize and hope that the proverbial wagons haven't circled yet! *checks to see if scalp is still intact*

Julie--we do try to get to know people, as our handle suggests, but there has been times where we have not really done so--where we may have talked to someone at a party and ended up with them...that's not usually our "style" so to say, but we just went with the flow...

*I'll just sit in the corner for a while with a....sugar packet or two.....*

Tim

[thesexmonsters]

Hi raylynne,

You can probably already see from the replies to your question - and the other posts on this board - that there are as many different preferences as there are people who enjoy this lifestyle. But something that just about everyone here will agree with is that you realy do have to find what you and your significant other are okay with and not let another couple or person persuade you to do something that you are not comforatable with, especially if this is a first time (and even if it wasn't).

Some people like the anonymous thing - to just meet an "go at it". Some like to get to know their playmates as friends first. We fit into the latter category. Some couples like to completely swap and go for separate rooms. Some go to clubs frequently and meet new people, while some get to know one or two couples to hang out with on a regular basis. We respect anyone's preferences, but we ALWAYS play together or switch off with threesomes (with one guy taking an XBox or computer game break so he won't get too bored). And we only play with others who like that as well. We also always tell the other couple that we would like to meet for dinner/drionks/dancing ONLY first and get to know them a bit. If the other couple is not open to what feels right for you, maybe it's not a good match.

Whatever you decide to try, make sure you do what feels right to the both of you. Don't settle for hooking up with someone that you're not to sure about because you are tired of waiting to find the right couple. It will happen ... sometime.

We decided that we wanted to meet a couple who had similar interests and about the same level of experience, but who we felt comforatable enough with to really communicate with regarding what we were okay with, or about any misunderstandings or miscommunication that might arise. When we first got into this, we thought we'd never find another couple that we would really click with, but we're so glad we waited until we did. Whatever you decide - good luck! It's worth the wait!

- Mrs. Sex Monster

[JustAskJulie]

Originally posted by frenzb4sex


Julie--we do try to get to know people, as our handle suggests, but there has been times where we have not really done so--where we may have talked to someone at a party and ended up with them...that's not usually our "style" so to say, but we just went with the flow...

Tim

That still goes a lot further than just meeting up with people you haven't ever met at a hotel and handing your wife over to the other guy while you take his to a seperate hotel room.

Getting to know people = developing at least some level of trust. It often doesn't take long to do this, but it does take at least looking people in the eye (at least in my opinion).