Arguing Couple

[2ofakind33]

We have taken our time and made sure this lifestyle is right for us. We set up rules and everything. We had been talking to a couple for over 1 whole year. The timing just didnt work out. We know this couple on a everyday basis(which may be where we messed up). We finally all had off work and etc thi spast weekend. We had discussed what was expected and not. We just wante dto have a good time and see what happens. If nothing ..thats fine. We were all nervous. Which was to be expected. Since we knew this couple well, it was set up at my house. Again, I think we made a mistake there also. We went out to eat ,came back and played cards. My husband and ended up kissing. I always thought id be jealous. But I wasnt at all. But when her husband kissed me. She went crazy. She jumped up started screaming at us all, calling us freaks. I think me, my husband, and her husband were in shock. We all tried to calm her down and lets just play cards. Nothing else would happen. We had said at the beginning if anyone felt uncomfortable we would stop. But she continued to scream at us, ran outside woke up my neighbors and called me several names. I am still confused. She was doing more than kissing my husband by the time her husband kissed me. So 2 days later, we have not heard a word from them. My husband and I feel horrible and now shell shock for something we can both tell we were ready for. He wasnt jealous about anything either. We are wondering if this will happen again, if we are with another couple. Should we stick to singles. Just so many questions.

[ShellyM]

Unfortunately we have encountered this same problem. You will find that there are alot of couples that have no business being here....sounds like it was good while she was getting hers, but she is not "comfortable" (thats the PC word for being jealous lol) with seeing her husband kissing and fondling another woman. You were much nicer than myself lol. NO, not all couples are like that. Alot are however. You have to have a very strict selection method. We have gotten EXTREMELY selective in our couples. For us its because of this, but also because we have shifted towards the light bondage/light bdsm/roleplay/eroticism avenue lately vs. straight sex. Do NOT become discouraged...DO become pro-active. To discourage this from happening alot of couples will NOT play on the first meet. They meet at a neutral location and it is known that play may happen if there is an attraction, and may not happen. We have learned to watch the couples body language with each OTHER. If a couple is not loving towards each other we are out of there. Be patient. This does happen.....you take the bad with the good. Forget them....its THEIR issue. Move on and continue having fun.
Shelly

[couple_ps]

2ofakind33: We are so sorry to hear that you had a bad experience. The one time my wife and I had an argument related to the lifestyle was when a rule was broken. It was also our fault, because we used signs which were difficult to notice when things got in cruise speed. However, we dealt with it after we got home. Now we say things right there if they are bothering us.

We would not go as far as saying this will never happen again, but there is less chance of it happening again if you go out with a couple who has had at few experiences. With a newbie couple, it can turn out great (everyone starts somewhere) as it can turn out bad.

In our opinion (we might be wrong), you should avoid people you know such as coworkers or close friends, which helps in case things don't turn out the way you expected.

Don't let that bad experience stop you from having fun. There are plenty of nice people in the lifestyle to meet.

Cheers,

Patrick and Sharon

[JustAskJulie]

I don't know that you necessarily made any mistakes here, although you just encountered exactly why the general advice is to NOT get involved with people you know already. Hopefully, she will calm down and you can all talk and get past it and still be friends. It's important to know that this wasn't your fault, she just wasn't ready and sometimes no matter how much you talk about things you just don't know until you get in the situation. She probably didn't even know how she'd react until she saw her husband kissing another woman.

I can't say this won't ever happen to you again, but I do know you will be a lot more careful about things and bout making sure whomever you choose to get involved with feels that they are ready as possible before you do anything with them. It's like touching a hot stove... the first time it's hot and you learn quick.

[Lovethenights]

Wow, sorry you had such a challenging first experience. The advice about being very cautious in induling lifestyle activities with friends is good for the reason your experience would suggest. Also, though it might not have mattered in your situation where the woman waited until her husband was getting involved with the other wife to throw her fit, meeting at a neutral place where everyone can take stock of what the other couple is like and contemplate other hands on familiar erogenous zones is a good idea.
Perhaps somewhat paradoxically, that woman's abject over-reaction may mean she was simply caught off-guard by her own feelings and had a very primitive emotional reaction to her surprise. Allowing her a little time to settle down and get over her own misgivings and self-deceptions, she may be willing to at least "clear the air" and discuss it with you honestly and in a pressure-less environment. In the best of circumstances, she may have thought things through and feel she owes you both an apology, afterwards being willing or even wanting to try it again. Of course, that be up to you and your discomfort with risking that scene again.
Happily, not all couples are like that. After starting with threesomes, we moved to a couple one time and it was wonderful. My biggest problem was keeping my mind on his wife while I watched my wife receiving the most wonderful attention and erotic pleasure... The lifestyle is for fun, so gather up your courage, self-esteem, your libidoes, and try again.

[ShellyM]

Lovethenights,
I agree that she may have been shocked by her feelings and caught off guard...but this is supposed to be an adult woman....there is no excuse in my opinion for her to tear off screaming through the neighborhood acting like a fool and a lunatic. I think the OP was very kind for being nice, much nicer than I would have been admittedly...not because she didn't want to play further, but for acting like a 4 year old and a dumb ass. How embarassing. That was just uncalled for. OP, perhaps you can save the friendship, but as far as sex this woman just simply is not ready. Shelly

[Sico_tiko]

Unfotunately u were stuck with someone who is totaly new to swinging lifestyle, so thats why she did all this but dont give up hope there are millions of goood couple every where try to know a couple well and be sure that they experienced the issue before several times so that what happened wont happen again

[two4youinswva]

Wow.
That would suck, and not in the good way.

What I would challenge you to do, is to think back prior to the night everything went wrong.

Were there any red flags you may have missed, or ignored?
--Was there a comment, a look, or action that just didn't "feel right".

If you can't think of any, then just chalk it up to a freak incident that's not likely to occur with another couple.

If you can think of some, then file those away, and keep an eye out for them in the future. They can be very handy in weeding through those couples that aren't quite ready for playtime.

I won't say you were wrong to try to hook up with someone from Vanilla life. We don't do it, but some do with success.

It probably would have been better to hook up at a hotel, but seriously, if you honestly thought you were all on the same page, and already knew the couple, then it really wasn't a bad choice.

Best of luck to you!

[2ofakind33]

Thank you all for your replys. I feel a little better. I do feel as if we have lost friends. I do see some things I would have done different. But as my husband and others have said, We learn from our mistakes.

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by 2ofakind33

Thank you all for your replys. I feel a little better. I do feel as if we have lost friends. I do see some things I would have done different. But as my husband and others have said, We learn from our mistakes.

Absolutely true. Won't be your last learning experience, I guarantee it lol. One thing that Jay and I have learned from experience is to watch them together when you are just chilling, like at the bar. Not during play, way before then. How they talk to each other, how they relate to each other...are they arguing or having a good time, whats the vibe they are giving off. We really watch that now. Its pretty moot at the moment like I said before, because we are currently branching away from traditional swinging towards more soft bdsm/rolplay type activities. But we will still watch their behavior.
Shelly

[twohots4u2]

Your experience is why we never approach vanilla friends about swinging. We stick with singles and couples we meet in swing clubs or on swing sites like this.

[2chase3]

I would just about bet money that this person is one of those needy attention types "attention whore" for the lack of a better term.
I believe the medical term is Bi-polar. First let me say obviosly ot wasnt a problem kissing your husband. and i do believe when you mentioned there was "more" than a kiss. she was trying to get a response from her partner, once she seen you all were down, the only ammo she had left was to go crazy(another action such individuals lean toward).

Long story short, Dont let this interfere with what you and your husband have. Trust being a key factor along with security within the relationship.
Sounds like a personal problem to me, she worships at the altar of her own insecurities .not you.

[DBL D]

Wow! Did that get on "You Tube"? Not a good thing to have happen but life goes on.

Yaneverknow, do you? Even with strangers this could happen, though the future would be different.

Once again, you have to be ready for this lifestyle or it can eat you up.

M.D.

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by DBL D

Wow! Did that get on "You Tube"? Not a good thing to have happen but life goes on.

Yaneverknow, do you? Even with strangers this could happen, though the future would be different.

Once again, you have to be ready for this lifestyle or it can eat you up.

M.D.

LOL. They would have captured me slapping her face on UTube LOL.
There is just no need for a so called adult to go screaming through the frickin neighborhood like a damn psychopath. If you can't take the heat don't bring your ass into the kitchen.

[Tybee Swing]

2ofakind33,

Welcome to swinging and to this board. It looks like you're pretty new to all of this. It will get better as you go along. I would put this experience behind you - try not to worry too much about it. You did nothing wrong.

You might be able to relax and enjoy a first experience more with a couple who is not brand-new at this. You will at least have the confidence of knowing that the couple has worked out the issues such as knowing how they'll feel when they see their spouse with another person. The odds of a drama-free encounter will be much better.

In NC where you are, there are great clubs and organizations such as Carolina Friends. There are a lot of fish in the sea.