Friendship yes or no!

[lovinher]

Maybe your right Prettylady, but I was not referring to what you posted. The suggestion was also made that maybe he is the problem, which may or may not be true. We don't know enough.

My point was there is nothing wrong with either view point. Just maybe they just disagree. That doesn't mean one or the other has insecurity or social problems.

The fact is we would not play with anybody we could not friends with and we don't have to or want to be friends in order to play.

[Alura]

Over the past 26 years we've experienced both friends and the "Hey, you're cute! Y'all wanna come over to our place?" playmates.

Both have been a lot of fun, but we'd give nod to the friends in the long run. That doesn't rule out jumping in bed with a couple we might meet in the hotel bar in Dallas.

But there is a downside to playing with the same couple over a period of time. It gets a bit boring. I remember a conversation between myself and Mrs. Alura some years ago, coming home from a playdate:

"How was sex with Charlie, Babe?

"I think he's perfected his technique in eating pussy, Darling. Other than that, predictable. Just like ol' married folks."

It takes a while to learn a woman's likes and dislikes but nothing replaces the excitement of the first taste of a woman.

Mr. Alura

[WesternSwing]

We don't have to be "best friends" to swing with someone, but our litmus test for getting naked with them is "if sex wasn't THE factor here, is this someone we'd be friends with anyway?"

There has to be that kind of mental attraction for us. It doesn't mean we'll become friends, it just means that there has to be more beyond "you're hot, lets get naked". Sex for us is as mental an act as it is physical, and someone that doesn't turn us on mentally won't turn us on physically, it doesn't matter how hot they are.

We've also found that many of our friends today are in the Lifestyle. This is because even if we don't have sex with them, we can be ourselves around them, and they usually have a pretty similar outlook on life in general.

Mr. WS

[rpu3]

Originally Posted by Darkblue

Do you all really think you need to have to have friendship in order to swing with the other party?? and whatever the answer is please explain if possible why?

I'm one of those who needs to feel that we COULD be friends outside of the sexual relationship. Meaning, we've conversed enough through email, in person, IM, whatever long enough that it feels comfortable and we have some similar interests and can get along, and would want to be friends outside of the bedroom/hotel room/whatever room, especially if the sex part works out.

We do not wait for months to engage in sex because of this friendship desire. I do think friendship is an evolving process and takes time to even get to the point that one would consider the other a friend, rather than an acquaintance. Thus, it could be a long time before having sex and that's not necessarily what we are after either. So, if we are reasonably comfortable and there seems to be chemistry, we'll go for it, and see where it may lead.

Has it worked out that we've made "friends"? Not really... after reading this board lately, I consider us lucky that at least we've met one person that might be a friend/evolve into a decent friendship upon our re-entry into the alternative lifestyles.

This is just another "to each their own" debate... there is no right or wrong answer regarding friendship, only what works for each participant.

[nteracialcpl]

While, I'd imagine that finding a friend could never be construed as a bad thing, true friends are a rare enough find, that I'd be severely limited in the choice of possible play-mates, if I arbitrarily imposed that litmus test.
Imagine, if you will---I'm not going to bypass the opportunity of enjoying a quickie, with, say, a Jessica Simpson, or, a Eva Longoria, based on the probability/improbability of our maintaining a lasting friendship.

[trinigemini]

Hi,
FH and I have not joined the swinging lifestyle as yet...however I agree with you....there is no need for friendship....if we do this it would be for sex...I'm not interested in emotional connections and all the trouble that goes wth it. And I do believe there is trouble....if your wife needs to make connections with the men she fucks then who is to say that love won't be her next stop. And I don't know about you but the idea of my FH loving another woman drives me crazy. I think I would rather hire a hooker to play than deal with emotional connections....this way I at least know she is there for sex and nothing else..no worries. but then again...like I said we havent swung yet.....although FH seems to be the type to want friends...I already told him if we ever did swing there would be no exchanging of numbers or emails or Iming afterwards.....strictly fuck them and then leave them....no reason for anything else as far as I'm concerned.

[trinigemini]

Oh and the only similar interest I care about is sexual preferences.....I just dont want to get involved with other people.

[cuzzeyesaidso]

When we started this lifestyle together we discussed how we would decide who we would fuck or not. At first we thought that establishing some sort of friendship with our playmates first would work out better. As time went on we figured out that friendship takes time. And once you become friends with some people, you start learning things about them that you really don't want to know. We're not a "come 1 cum all" type couple, but we're not as strict in our selection process anymore either. When we meet people, we decide on the physical aspects a little heavier now, and if a friendship develops, we consider that the "benefit".

[Jamie&Kieth]

Well, here is my 2 cents!

Frienship is very essential for us, I would just have a hard time having sex with a complete stranger or somebody I did not really know. There also has to be a mutual attraction along with complete trust. I know my husband feels the same way!

If I did not enjoy the couple I was with socially, how could I enjoy having sex with them?

The friendship part includes trust and our feelings. Not into the slam bang thank you ma'am see you next week!

One couple we swing with on a regular basis we have known close to 20 years and other couples about 5-15 years. The beauty of this is no fear of STD's and no inhibitions or hangups. We know each other well enough that we know each others moods/feelings leading to rowdy & raunchy sex or passionate & loving sex.

Just my thoughts, Jamie