Friends Debate Revisited

[ohash01]

I think that's what will be the most fun - having friends that you can talk about everything with. My best friend knows, but she's really VERY vanilla and so i don't want to frighten her.

[SA_Cpl]

We have evolved to the point where most of our friends are swingers. We have never even played with some couples that we consider close friends. The sexual chemistry was just never there but in all other ways they are good friends. We still hang out together, go to the same parties, the same clubs, and even do some weekend trips together. Of course we are not that way with all of our lifestyle friends. To us swinging is about friendship. The sex is just icing on the cake. One of the most rewarding things we have found in swinging is the type of intimate friendship that is possible with our lifestyle friends. These are folks you can talk to about anything. They are also the kind of friends that will give you the shirt off their back. We do have some non-lifestyle friends, but to be honest we find these relationships somewhat lacking. They just don't have the depth and intimacy that we share with our lifestyle friends.

I'm kinda mystified with the original poster's husband's attitude. What he's looking for sounds like anonymous, purely physical sex. I suppose there are people in this lifestyle that are satisfied with that. We are simply not one of them. I don't claim that we haven't had a "one night stand" with a couple or individual we met at a club or a party. There is a certain thrill to it, but its certainly not what we consider the mainstay of our lifestyle activities. There are time when there is definitely sexual chemistry but you also lack what it takes for a sustained friendship, but we never go out of our way to avoid friendship with other swingers.

[WesternSwing]

Originally Posted by ohash01

so tell me:
1) is this a weird hope? that i can genuinely LIKE the people we swing with?
2) does anyone have any lifelong friends they've met swinging?
3) do you ever just "hang out" with your swing couples...you know...go see a movie...go get some drinks...go to the zoo?

I am really a girl's guy, and Mrs. WS is a guy's girl. I am not the fratboy type that keeps his school chums for the rest of his life. In fact, other then some common hobbies that are typcially guy-related, I'd rather talk with a female. Most of the time, Mrs. WS enjoys the company of men to women.

We have tended to develop friends from swinging partners and have not had any problem with it. These seem to be our best friends because we share a same mindset and outlook on life. We do have BBQ's with them. In fact we are going to one on Saturday that is a family affair. Just because we've had sex with them doesn't make it as weird as some might think it would. In fact, it's made it easier to be ourselves around them.

From what you say in your post, I'd say you're hubby might be a little insecure about the whole relationship outside of the bedroom, like you might develop feelings for a swing partner. I was this same way when we started. In the couple of years since I have become very comfortable with it and actually relish in the idea of Mrs. WS having friends, both male and female, that we've met through swinging. Sometimes there are "friend" needs that no matter how much we'd like to believe it so, just can't be met by your spouse. This actually takes allot of pressure off me to be everything to her all the time. But like I said, it took some getting used to.

[Zoe&Wash]

Originally Posted by WesternSwing

We have tended to develop friends from swinging partners and have not had any problem with it. These seem to be our best friends because we share a same mindset and outlook on life. We do have BBQ's with them. In fact we are going to one on Saturday that is a family affair. Just because we've had sex with them doesn't make it as weird as some might think it would. In fact, it's made it easier to be ourselves around them.

Wow - that's pretty much exactly where we'd like to be. I don't think Zoe hass enough girlfriends and she doesn't think I have enough friends out of the profession. That, as well as the other benefits, is one of the primary reasons that brought us here.

Would more sex be nice? Sure. Would having a nationwide pool of friends be even nicer? You bet.

But having a group of friends as expansive as WS has described here would be phenomenal.

W.

[ohash01]

I'm gonna print these out and show them to Mr.OH. You guys have had a lot of great thoughts. (And they agree with mine). I have amazing friends, but I always just feel a little "stifled" around them. You know? Like I'm hiding this great big part of my life and even though I'm sure they love me enough to not judge me, I can't risk it.