Had sex with friend now things are awkward

[Tia Vampire]

Me and my boyfriend chose his best friend to do it with for our first threesome. Before me and his friend would go out together and drink over at his house. Now that we crossed the line. Our frienship isn't the same and we don't hang out like we use to because we don't want my boyfriend to think that we are doing it behind his back.

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by Tia Vampire

Me and my boyfriend chose his best friend to do it with for our first threesome. Before me and his friend would go out together and drink over at his house. Now that we crossed the line. Our frienship isn't the same and we don't hang out like we use to because we don't want my boyfriend to think that we are doing it behind his back.

And this confuses you? It's why we have that saying around here: "Make friends of swingers, but don't try to make swingers out of friends." When you involve close friends in something that everyone feels a little weird about to begin with, it's only natural that you just can't look at your friends the same way again.

Did you mess up? I don't know. We don't know much about you, your boyfriend, your play-friend, or your life. We don't know how your relationship works, how dedicated you are to your boyfriend, and whether you'd choose to keep a friendship over a boyfriend. Not judging here at all. I just don't have enough information to go on to give you any valuable advice. Can you flesh the situaton out for us a bit?

(And Welcome to the board!)

[Tia Vampire]

Well my boyfriend thought that his friend would be the perfect choice because we both knew him well and he felt comfortable with him. His friend couldn't get it up because he says, he felt aucward because he was fucking his best friend's lady.

[intuition897]

Well, I guess he shouldn't have been doing it then. You know, I mean, if he felt that guilty. He felt he was doing something wrong (even though he really wanted to) and he went ahead and did it anyway. The performance problems he experienced was his conscience overriding his libido. A good thing, actually. This doesn't surprise me much after hearing that things "got weird" between you all.

At the risk of being politically incorrect, could you tell me what your ages are? Or age range, if you prefer? 25-30? 18-25? Under 18? I could be wrong, but I'm guessing you're not over 30...

[Tia Vampire]

My boyfriend is 31 yrs. old, His bestfriend is 25yrs. old, and I'm 37 years old and happy to say every one tell me I look about 25 yrs. old

[RANDJ4FUN]

Sorry to hear that your threesome with a friend went bad. Sounds to me like the problem is just plain old communication.
You need to talk with your boyfriend and let each other know as much as you can about whats on each others mind and in your heart. Try to not get emotional (yes - not that easy but you need to talk not scream) and take a time-out if things start to get heated.. Then you two must decide if this friendship is worth saving.
If it is then confront your boyfriends friend and and talk (no screaming) about his and your feelings. He may be very embarassed about not being able to get erect because he was afraid of breaking the two of you up.
Of course this can damage your friendships even more but since everyone is uncomfotable all ready you don't have much to lose.
Wish you luck and hope all of you can work this out.

[Sweet_Candy]

I hope those who are contemplating playing with a friend read this post. This is why we advocate not playing with friends. It changes the dynamics of the relationship for good or bad and it's the change, which is the hardest to deal with.

[Spoomonkey]

You did choose one over the other - sex over the comforts of friendship...

Dito everyone else, good friends are far too rare to risk by swinging with them.

Spoomonkey

[BruceAnn]

Like most says, we would never play with someone we know in our community. No one knows about our swinging life but even if they did, we would never play with friends, or someone we know for the reasons mentionned above.

I really don't think we could manage that and the type of relationship we have with friends is far too important and we would not want to lose that... swingers relations can start and end but our friends must stay our friends by all means.

I really like this :

Make friends of swingers, but don't try to make swingers out of friends.

[TNT]

Did you mess up?

Yeah, probably...but, not necessarily by playing with your BF's best friend, more by not having the communication open enough to discuss all possibilities that may arise.

Bringing a friend into a play session is a tricky situation...all parties must understand and know what is at stake...what the rules are during and after play.

We do play with one of Ted's best friends and have been lucky in the fact that other than introducing sex into the equation, nothing has changed with the friendship. It's not something that we recommend, especially to newbies, but it is possible for it to be a positive experience.


Teresa

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by Tia Vampire

Me and my boyfriend chose his best friend to do it with for our first threesome. Before me and his friend would go out together and drink over at his house. Now that we crossed the line. Our frienship isn't the same and we don't hang out like we use to because we don't want my boyfriend to think that we are doing it behind his back.

I think you need to talk about it and how you are feeling. A line has been crossed that cannot be un-crossed, but can be dealt with. You haven't "cheated", because it was an agreed upon situation. In my opinion I would talk about how you are feeling.

[Tia Vampire]

The good thing is that he couldn't get it up, so I know our friendship means alot to him. We are all still good friends, but it just leaves me wondering what a good 3some would have been like. I did get mine with my man and his friend touches just added icing on the cake. I do want to do it again, but not with him ofcourse. Now to look for a couple or single male or female who is willing to do it the way we would like. It is my fantacy afterall.

[Tia Vampire]

By the way we are going to try this place we found in Daytona Beach called ( Amore Clubhuse). It will be our first time going to a swingers club and like everyone else, we are uneasy about the first impression. Has anyone ever been there? Please let me know how it is. I spoke to the host and he was very friendly on the phone and asked us to come join very soon. I can't wait until Saturday night!!!!!!

[intuition897]

Glad to hear you still had a good time together with your friend. As others have said, there's no need for things to STAY weird; you just need to all agree - together - to let it go. You could thank him, though, for helping to make your fantasy a reality. He'll probably blush or something and say he "didn't help much", or go as far as even apologising for the performance problems, but you can assure him that you've done some reading up on it (here at the board) and found out that its surprisingly common and a very normal reaction when just starting out. Plus it didn't take away from the fact that you still enjoyed yourself! You just didn't realize that it would affect your friendship the way it did, and that is your only regret. So. Can you all just agree to put it in the past? Write it off as an experiment gone awry? Something you'll all laugh about, perhaps, in the years to come? A private joke between the 3 of you?

And I would do just what you are worried about doing: carrying on as you always have. Another discussion you should have is a deep talk with your boyfriend, letting him know exactly how you feel about the whole situation, how you feel about him, and how you feel about your friend. Let him know what your fears are. Get this stuff out in the open, and if you are having doubts or fears or any other issues, your boyfriend is your first stop. You and he are the team, here, and in a team one hand knows what the other is doing at all times. He can't make effective decisions without being fully informed, so keep him up to speed at all times. Nothing you tell your friend should be news to your boyfriend.

Sure hope you guys can get back to business as usual. No point in throwing out the baby with the bathwater, right? Good luck

[PrairieFire]

You have to admit it was probably very awkward for your friend for the first time, I've always felt like you have to try it at least three times before the awkwardness goes away. (*as long as there is communication etc...) If you do decide not to try it again then let him know that it's alright and it was fun!

Definitely talk about it with all three of you present and just remember in five years you will look back on it and laugh!