Looking for 'friends'?

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by Pepper & Drew

No, I don't think that most couples who say they want to be friends mean we want to be "fuck buddies". We really are looking for friends. Maybe not BFF-barbecues-every-weekend, how's-your-mama-n-them kind of friends, but the hey-do-you-guys-want-to-go-listen-to-this-new-band-next-weekend kind of friends. Pepper

Dito

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by 2jersey

In our profile we state: “ 'Friendship first' is a very nice sentiment, but it doesn't reflect our approach to swinging. We seek compatibility and comfort first, sexual activity next - and friendship may develop over time.”

I like this. I just slid it into our profile. Thanks for sharing a better way to express just how we feel!

Perhaps most people who say they are seeking friendship have views which are similar to ours, but they are less literal in their use of the word ‘friend’? Maybe we are scaring away some high quality people by including the aforementioned friendship reference in our profile? Perhaps we are being hypocritical by including friendship qualities in our screening criteria, while denouncing the idea that we might develop immediate and lasting friendships? Maybe it’s just a slow day and we have nothing particularly important on our minds?

We use the term 'friends' very loosely. To us it means a step above 'acquaintances you run into now and then' - we've got lots of acquaintances, but just a few friends. And really good friends - those people you open your soul to and do many social activities with - we don't have people in our life like that...we never have. This hasn't been a concern for us, it has been kinda nice actually. We are a private couple, enjoy each other's company very much and have always been happy doing things by ourselves. We have others join us for social activities to add diversity to our life.

Friends in the lifestyle denotes people we could converse with at length and have a good time in their company, whether we have sex or not.

LM

[EvilMJ]

We probably never have friends first on our profile. I agree with idea that we aren't looking for friends but it we become friends that would be welcome. Lets face it I am on a limited time frame and don't have a lot of free time to do 'friend' things right now. No point in false adverstising.

However that being said I do have lots of friends in the lifestyle, some I play with, lots I don't...just kinda happend.

[2jersey]

So many awesome posts on this thread - very thoughtful and sincere, with a range of different viewpoints. After reading and re-rereading, we like the way TeamSoBe summed things up (echoing the sentiments expressed by others):

When I was younger I saw sex as an expression of the sentiment "I LOVE YOU!!"

After a couple of girlfriends and my wife coming along and introducing me to the concept of guiltlessly fucking your friends, I started to see sex as an expression of the sentiment "I REALLY LIKE YOU!!" At that point I could more clearly see the distinction between fucking and making love.

After swinging for a while I'm starting to see a new concept, guiltlessly fucking strangers. Sex isn't even an expression of "I REALLY LIKE YOU!!" any more. Now it's just "I'M HUNGRY FOR YOU RIGHT AT THIS MOMENT!!" I feel like I'm starting to become illuminated to the concept of sex without friendship or familarity or any of that.

We, as relative newbies, have somehow acquired the perspective of many veteran swingers - we have completely detached sex from love, and we no longer view friendship as a necessary aspect of a sexual relationship. Next week, we're going to our first swingers party and we'll see exactly how far we progress towards "guiltless fucking of strangers".

[TwoLittleBirds]

Uh oh. I have to go change my Swing Lifestyle profile. Be right back.
Great, informative thread, by the way.

Mr. Little Bird.

[TwoLittleBirds]

OK, I wrote our profile. And I put the friends thing in. But it was important to me to be honest. Those of you who are looking for sex on the first date (which we don't want) SHOULD be able to skip our profile, because as newbies wanting to meet a time or two first, we don't want to misrepresent ourselves. We WANT you to know where we stand.

But this thread has made me rethink the definition of "friends". I think we're looking for people we can go to dinner with then have some sexual fun with. I've got to work "emotional entanglements" into our profile. All my emotional needs are met by Mrs. Little Bird.

In fact, feel free to take a look at our profile and let us know what you think. Like most of my comuniques, it's probably too long...

Mr. Little Bird

[ohash01]

BF and I are still pretty new and our Swing Lifestyle profile definately has "Friends First" in it. Our definition of that is that we want to sit down with you, have a conversation, see if our lives are in anyway parallel. Talk about our rules...talk about what is comfortable. I have NEVER in my life (not even when I was single) had a one night stand or just met up with someone for sex. I had 3 very good guy friends in college that I was friends with benefits with. We had a year or two of friendship and hanging out first (and working together)...a year or two of hooking up when we wanted some...and to this day we're all still best friends. And I say ALL because they are all good friends with each other as well. Our sexual relationships didn't get in the way of our friendship. I got off track...

Anyway...what we're saying is that we're not okay with someone who IMs and says "meet tonight?" and we know NOTHING about them. How do you know you aren't going to show and the husband/wife will be alone trying to cheat? How do you know they are good, honest people that will respect your limits? You don't unless you meet them and spend some time with them first. First impressions are occassionally all you need, but in most cases, people have so many layers that it's good to take some meetings to peel away a few of those layers.

[djjwp]

Originally Posted by ohash01

BF and I are still pretty new and our Swing Lifestyle profile definately has "Friends First" in it. Our definition of that is that we want to sit down with you, have a conversation, see if our lives are in anyway parallel. Talk about our rules...talk about what is comfortable. I have NEVER in my life (not even when I was single) had a one night stand or just met up with someone for sex. I had 3 very good guy friends in college that I was friends with benefits with. We had a year or two of friendship and hanging out first (and working together)...a year or two of hooking up when we wanted some...and to this day we're all still best friends. And I say ALL because they are all good friends with each other as well. Our sexual relationships didn't get in the way of our friendship. I got off track...

Anyway...what we're saying is that we're not okay with someone who IMs and says "meet tonight?" and we know NOTHING about them. How do you know you aren't going to show and the husband/wife will be alone trying to cheat? How do you know they are good, honest people that will respect your limits? You don't unless you meet them and spend some time with them first. First impressions are occassionally all you need, but in most cases, people have so many layers that it's good to take some meetings to peel away a few of those layers.

BINGO, our feeling written better than we could have done it! Well said.