Close friends swingers, but they won't admit it

01-23-2006, 10:36 PM

We have a slight delimma. We have a couple that my husband and I are good friends with that we have known for several years, even before we were into swinging. I found a profile on a swingers website recently with the husband's picture (it was without a doubt him). I emailed them saying that we were swingers, too, and we would like to hang out again sometime (no suggestions of playing either...that is too weird for us) and he emailed me back saying that I had the wrong person. Everything points to him (not even counting the picture of him) and I don't know what to say to them next time we hang out. They now know that my husband and I are swingers and they were the only friends we didn't want to know (they are very conservative or so we thought).

Even though we know that this is for sure them, we don't want to say something to disclose ourselves in case we were wrong or make ourselves look stupid.

Please help!!!

sexyshelby · 01-24-2006, 08:39 PM

I'd leave it. Obviously, they don't want their secret "out", so you should respect their privacy. Just treat them with respect and act as much as possible like nothing ever happened.

Besides, there is still that chance that you have made a mistake.

~SS

Vespertine · 01-24-2006, 09:21 PM

If they say it wasn't them.... it wasn't them (even if you had DNA evidence...it still isn't them

).

Respect their right to privacy.

Jamie&Kieth · 01-24-2006, 09:31 PM

Something tells me that currently the idea of singing is not going to happen, even if it was their picture. We have met people who we would like to swing with and I know people have met us and wanted to have sex with us but it doesn't pan out.

Just as well, to make it work you need mutual feelings, if it is their picture, then maybe they do not want to or they do not want to expose their lifestyle. I wouldn't worry about it.

Spoomonkey · 01-25-2006, 07:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unregistered

I found a profile on a swingers website recently with the husband's picture (it was without a doubt him).

Any chance that it IS him, but not her too?

Could it be that he is doing this as a cheater and is now unsure of whether or not you'll tell his wife?

I agree with everyone above - if they say it isn't them, then let it go.

Spoomonkey

curiousagain · 01-25-2006, 10:11 AM

I have been mistaken for someone else so many times it is a running joke with my friends. You could have made an honest mistake. I would just assume that but remember it could be as Spoo or Shelby said. Let it go.

JnCC · 01-25-2006, 12:04 PM

Just let it drop. If they're as conservative as you say, their participation in any kind of alternate sexual lifestyle is attended by a certain degree of shame and embarrassment. There are couples who prefer to swing with people who are, and who will forever remain, relative strangers. As for your friends, you know, they know, and now, you both "know you know." I'd just leave it at that. If and when they're comfortable discussing the subject with you, they'll bring it up. (My guess is that it will eventually happen)

As for why this guy posted a picture of himself in their profile, all I can say is, "people sometimes do things they later regret."

That was certainly true for a former GF and myself. We posted a profile on SN that apparently revealed one too many details about us. The next thing we knew, we had one certain gentleman in our circle of motorcycle-riding friends who told us he "knew all about Swappernet...saw us on there...knew all about the swinging thing...and wanted my girlfriend to help talk his girlfriend into it" We denied everything of course, but he still became a major pain-in-the-ass to us for many months afterwards. Every time we sat down at our local watering hole or stopped to rest in the middle of a ride, he was right there. And any time he was around, the topic of conversation invariably turned to swinging.

I'm not sure how widely our story was repeated among our circle of friends, but I know that putting face pics or any other personally identifying feature in an adult, internet profile is usually not a good idea.

curiousagain · 01-25-2006, 02:15 PM

JNCC, other than work or family you just made one of the strongest points I've read for discretion. It's always best to keep people on a "need to know" basis.

WildMiCouple · 01-25-2006, 03:09 PM

I'm not in total agreement with the rest here. Being there will always be something "hanging over" you both when you meet, I'd try this approach. Next time you guys are together, mention to them how you responded to an add for a couple that you thought were them. But it turned out to be someone else. Make a joke of it and let them know that the contact wasn't for playing, as you would not be comfortible with that. This way it clears the air and lets them know you didn't want to play, while still letting them deny it really was their ad. Win win for everyone

Brett

intuition897 · 01-25-2006, 06:06 PM

JnCC took the words right out of my mouth! Never mind that they've been discovered; so have you! And perhaps, them being as conservative and potentially uptight about it all as they sound, that's not such a good thing. You always have "mutually assured destruction" or whatever it's called, but nobody wants that. I just mean that if they suddenly have a change of heart and decide that swinging is nothing but evil, who knows how they'll react? Maybe they'll go nuts, confessing their sins to the world...and bringing to light the "sins" of others. When it comes to sexuality, humans have got to be the most unpredictable mammals on the planet.

**good times** · 01-25-2006, 06:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WildMiCouple

I'm not in total agreement with the rest here. Being there will always be something "hanging over" you both when you meet, I'd try this approach. Next time you guys are together, mention to them how you responded to an add for a couple that you thought were them. But it turned out to be someone else. Make a joke of it and let them know that the contact wasn't for playing, as you would not be comfortible with that. This way it clears the air and lets them know you didn't want to play, while still letting them deny it really was their ad. Win win for everyone

Brett

On the other hand, if you have a case of mistaken identity and you were to follow Brett's advice you would be outing yourself more than you already have. Maybe that isn't a problem, but I would still just let it go and let them bring it up if it is ever to be brought up again.

WildMiCouple · 01-25-2006, 07:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by good times

On the other hand, if you have a case of mistaken identity and you were to follow Brett's advice you would be outing yourself more than you already have.

I just took the OP at their word that "it was no doubt him" and "we know that this is for sure them"

Brett

**good times** · 01-25-2006, 07:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WildMiCouple

I just took the OP at their word that "it was no doubt him" and "we know that this is for sure them"

Brett

I understand what your saying, I just meant that were I in their situation their might be some doubt so I wouldn't want to out myself further if they were denying it.

funtwo · 01-26-2006, 12:09 AM

I'm in agreement with "if they've responded that you are wrong, "yer' wrong"." This very well could be an ad that he placed without her knowledge or vice versa. So if you bring it up to the two of them you could be outing one of them also, to a partner. There are too many unknowns here to mess with. Act like nothing ever happened. In reality it didn't.

chattyroni · 01-27-2006, 11:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WildMiCouple

I'm not in total agreement with the rest here. Being there will always be something "hanging over" you both when you meet, I'd try this approach. Next time you guys are together, mention to them how you responded to an add for a couple that you thought were them. But it turned out to be someone else. Make a joke of it and let them know that the contact wasn't for playing, as you would not be comfortible with that. This way it clears the air and lets them know you didn't want to play, while still letting them deny it really was their ad. Win win for everyone

Brett

I actually agree with this. It opens up the discussion with good friends to let them know about you and that you are not embarrassed to admit to them that you are swingers, and you hope that they were not offended that you thought they might be also. - Roni

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01-23-2006, 10:36 PM	#1 (permalink)
Unregistered Posts: n/a	Close friends swingers, but they won't admit it We have a slight delimma. We have a couple that my husband and I are good friends with that we have known for several years, even before we were into swinging. I found a profile on a swingers website recently with the husband's picture (it was without a doubt him). I emailed them saying that we were swingers, too, and we would like to hang out again sometime (no suggestions of playing either...that is too weird for us) and he emailed me back saying that I had the wrong person. Everything points to him (not even counting the picture of him) and I don't know what to say to them next time we hang out. They now know that my husband and I are swingers and they were the only friends we didn't want to know (they are very conservative or so we thought). Even though we know that this is for sure them, we don't want to say something to disclose ourselves in case we were wrong or make ourselves look stupid. Please help!!!

01-24-2006, 08:39 PM	#2 (permalink)
sexyshelby It's not easy being easy. Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 2,012 Location: In Bed Status: Person	Re: Close friends swingers, but they won't admit it I'd leave it. Obviously, they don't want their secret "out", so you should respect their privacy. Just treat them with respect and act as much as possible like nothing ever happened. Besides, there is still that chance that you have made a mistake. ~SS __________________ What's love got to do with it?

01-24-2006, 09:21 PM	#3 (permalink)
Vespertine Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 3,688 Location: Shangri La Status: Happily Married	Re: Close friends swingers, but they won't admit it If they say it wasn't them.... it wasn't them (even if you had DNA evidence...it still isn't them ). Respect their right to privacy. __________________ Ves The art of life lies in taking pleasures as they pass, and the keenest pleasures are not intellectual, nor are they always moral.

01-24-2006, 09:31 PM	#4 (permalink)
Jamie&Kieth Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 193 Location: Massachusetts Status: M.Female	Re: Close friends swingers, but they won't admit it Something tells me that currently the idea of singing is not going to happen, even if it was their picture. We have met people who we would like to swing with and I know people have met us and wanted to have sex with us but it doesn't pan out. Just as well, to make it work you need mutual feelings, if it is their picture, then maybe they do not want to or they do not want to expose their lifestyle. I wouldn't worry about it.

01-25-2006, 10:11 AM	#6 (permalink)
curiousagain A gentleman never tells Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 2,085 Location: Tennessee Status: Single Male	Re: Close friends swingers, but they won't admit it I have been mistaken for someone else so many times it is a running joke with my friends. You could have made an honest mistake. I would just assume that but remember it could be as Spoo or Shelby said. Let it go. __________________ "I never want to be the fat elvis." Jon Bon Jovi

01-25-2006, 12:04 PM	#7 (permalink)
JnCC Has Left the Building Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 817 Location: Mulletsville, USA	Re: Close friends swingers, but they won't admit it Just let it drop. If they're as conservative as you say, their participation in any kind of alternate sexual lifestyle is attended by a certain degree of shame and embarrassment. There are couples who prefer to swing with people who are, and who will forever remain, relative strangers. As for your friends, you know, they know, and now, you both "know you know." I'd just leave it at that. If and when they're comfortable discussing the subject with you, they'll bring it up. (My guess is that it will eventually happen) As for why this guy posted a picture of himself in their profile, all I can say is, "people sometimes do things they later regret." That was certainly true for a former GF and myself. We posted a profile on SN that apparently revealed one too many details about us. The next thing we knew, we had one certain gentleman in our circle of motorcycle-riding friends who told us he "knew all about Swappernet...saw us on there...knew all about the swinging thing...and wanted my girlfriend to help talk his girlfriend into it" We denied everything of course, but he still became a major pain-in-the-ass to us for many months afterwards. Every time we sat down at our local watering hole or stopped to rest in the middle of a ride, he was right there. And any time he was around, the topic of conversation invariably turned to swinging. I'm not sure how widely our story was repeated among our circle of friends, but I know that putting face pics or any other personally identifying feature in an adult, internet profile is usually not a good idea. Last edited by JnCC : 01-25-2006 at 01:40 PM.

01-25-2006, 02:15 PM	#8 (permalink)
curiousagain A gentleman never tells Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 2,085 Location: Tennessee Status: Single Male	Re: Close friends swingers, but they won't admit it JNCC, other than work or family you just made one of the strongest points I've read for discretion. It's always best to keep people on a "need to know" basis. __________________ "I never want to be the fat elvis." Jon Bon Jovi

01-25-2006, 03:09 PM	#9 (permalink)
WildMiCouple Never up.....never in Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 541 Location: se Michigan Status: Couple SLS Name:wildmicouple	Re: Close friends swingers, but they won't admit it I'm not in total agreement with the rest here. Being there will always be something "hanging over" you both when you meet, I'd try this approach. Next time you guys are together, mention to them how you responded to an add for a couple that you thought were them. But it turned out to be someone else. Make a joke of it and let them know that the contact wasn't for playing, as you would not be comfortible with that. This way it clears the air and lets them know you didn't want to play, while still letting them deny it really was their ad. Win win for everyone Brett __________________ Take it easy baby......but take as much as you can.

01-25-2006, 06:06 PM	#10 (permalink)
intuition897 Canadian, eh? Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 2,602 Location: Kingston, ON Status: Couple SLS Name:intuition897	Re: Close friends swingers, but they won't admit it JnCC took the words right out of my mouth! Never mind that they've been discovered; so have you! And perhaps, them being as conservative and potentially uptight about it all as they sound, that's not such a good thing. You always have "mutually assured destruction" or whatever it's called, but nobody wants that. I just mean that if they suddenly have a change of heart and decide that swinging is nothing but evil, who knows how they'll react? Maybe they'll go nuts, confessing their sins to the world...and bringing to light the "sins" of others. When it comes to sexuality, humans have got to be the most unpredictable mammals on the planet. __________________ Fear is a symptom of ignorance. Knowledge is the cure.

01-26-2006, 12:09 AM	#14 (permalink)
funtwo Registered Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 9 Location: Tampa Status: couple SLS Name:funtwo	Re: Close friends swingers, but they won't admit it I'm in agreement with "if they've responded that you are wrong, "yer' wrong"." This very well could be an ad that he placed without her knowledge or vice versa. So if you bring it up to the two of them you could be outing one of them also, to a partner. There are too many unknowns here to mess with. Act like nothing ever happened. In reality it didn't.

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