"Vanilla" friends propositioned us

[lovefest04]

WOW! We have been caught off guard and could use some advise.

We have been active for a couple of years. No one in our community knows about our swinging activities, we party outside the area or very discretely. Out of the blue a "vanilla", so we thought, couple asks us to join them and some other friends at a club. Now, the "vanilla" couple is acting like its all just in fun, experimenting, satisfying curiosity. They even said they think the other friends might be swingers, implying that they aren't, but they have heard about this wild stuff that goes on and just want to check it out.

We're really concerned about coming out and wonder what to do.

Maybe we should just keep away and maintian that we are not interested. On the other hand, these "vanilla" people are hot and a bunch of fun. This could open a whole new avenue and group of fun people to party and play with.

I know you guys are all smart and someone has had this same thing happen to them. What would you suggest? How should we handle it? Should we just come out and open up? Play along as if we're newbies? What?

We do like to be honest and open with everyone we deal with in all facets of our lives, but as others have said this facet could have major negative implications. I know how the closeted gays must feel.

Please advise.

[curiousduo30]

I would not want to be in your predicament right now! I am not sure what we would do with this either....

I guess I would probably ask them seriously if this is something they are interested in or if maybe they are "making fun" of this club???

If they are serious, and you feel honest, maybe it would be ok for you to
open up to them.

If not, I think I would politely decline the invitation, adding that you have no interest in having a laugh at others' expence.

Either way, good luck to you, I hope you can get out of (or into!) this situation with class and ease....

[NakedInSeattle]

It doesn't sound to me like they "propositioned" you. It sounds like they are curious and want to check this out and want you to check it out with them. I guess 'cause they trust you. I think you could go with them with the same curiousity (without admitting that you already swing). If they don't like it, you could say you don't either and that will be the end of it. If they like it, they'll probably suggest you join them and you can admit it then or wait for a later time. Either way, you have met this whole new group of fun people and you can go with that/them.

That's the way we'd play it.

[two4youinswva]

Ok, I admit I'm Mr Paraonoid when it comes to our swinging life , so I would play it safe. My immediate (but probably incorrect) thought, would be "they are suspicious and are trying to sucker us into admitting we swing". I know that's silly, but hey, paranoia does that to you!

I would express a little surprise, then proceed to handle it much in the way that NakedInSeattle suggested. Just "play along" and see where it goes.

Seperately though, we aren't very keen on playing with our vanilla-life friends. But, that's been discussed already in several other threads.

Let us know what you decide and how it turns out!

[bear_and_babe]

I had the same thought as Curiousduo30, are they serious about looking into the club because they really want to get into the lifestyle? Or are they just lookie-loos who want to get the "dirt" on a swing club? Here is a thought that went through my mind. What if you decide to go to the club with them, playing dumb and someone who knows you are swingers is there at the club and comes up to you? Then you would be busted in more then one way.

Then again, you say you really like these people. And getting together with them would be fun. I guess the question is, how much do you trust them? Do you trust them enough to spill the beans and that they would keep your secret?

I know what we would do, but then again, Bear and I are a little more open and less worried if our lifestyle were found out. But you have to do what you feel comfortable with. Good luck!

[OrgyusGigantus]

Man, that's a tough one. I think it comes down to considering the circumstances if you were to be outed. For us, we just can't take that risk (wife is a teacher!) so in our situation we would have to decline. But if they're hot like you say... facelick

...Man, that's a tough one.

[Greg & Sheryl]

This is an interesting dilemma. Personally, we would love it if some vanilla people we knew turned out to be swingers. However, because you are particularly concerned about discretion, you will have to handle this situation very sensitively.

As others have suggested, there is probably no harm in going to this club with them. It's possible that they are legitimately curious without being interested in pursuing this lifestyle. But if they are genuinely interested, then you will have to decide how comfortable you are with having this part of your vanilla life become a part of your swinging life.

Our suggestion is to play dumb until they let their intentions be known. If it turns out they are interested in swinging with you, then you have four options:

1. Let them know you're not interested in this lifestyle (safest option).
2. Tell them that this lifestyle looks like fun, but you wouldn't feel right swinging with them (small risk).
3. Admit that you enjoy swinging, but you don't feel comfortable engaging in it so close to home (moderate risk).
4. Give in to their advances and make new playmates out of them (high risk).

This lifestyle comes with risks. What risks are you willing to take?

[Dolphins524]

I think we'd probably take the chance & go with them, acting like the whole experience was completely new to us (actually, it would be for us ). Maybe follow the other couples lead unless they were just there for a laugh. Then we'd excuse ourselves & leave. I have to agree w/ bear and babe, could be awkward if someone there knows you, especially after the 2nd or 3rd couple approached you. "Hey (your name here), we gonna get wild again tonight!" May be a little bit hard to say they're colleagues from the office . Still, if we liked the couple enough, I think we'd go & hope for the best.

[EvilMJ]

Originally Posted by two4youinswva

Ok, I admit I'm Mr Paraonoid when it comes to our swinging life , so I would play it safe. My immediate (but probably incorrect) thought, would be "they are suspicious and are trying to sucker us into admitting we swing". I know that's silly, but hey, paranoia does that to you!
!

Glad to see I am not the only person out there high on the paranoia scale..lol. That would be my reaction too.

I guess it would depend on how well I know these people...do they have any connection to my proffessional life (I would hate for this to get back to work)..and do they have any connection to my family..(I would really hate for them to find out!!).

I would probably go to the club just for giggles...

[montresor]

Seconding EvilMJ's point about how well do you know these people. How you respond will be determined by the nature of your friendship. But one thing you do need to do is to talk to them! Open, honest communication's the only way, but it's also the best way.

[WesternSwing]

I'd say no harm in checking out the party and seeing what is going on. The question is: what if they do want to play? Do you want them knowing you are swingers. You can go to a wild party and not be outed, but if you end-up playing with them you will be.

Mr. WS

[intuition897]

In reality, we'd probably decline. But a fairly safe alternative is to play along, keeping an eye on their demeanour. If they make a statement and are sort of looking at you to see how you react to it, run like the wind. Yeah, I'm up there on the paranoia scale too. If you don't mind the fact that they would know you two are 'wild' enough to even attend such a party, I'd say go. But I'd suggest that you behave yourself. Don't do a lot of drinking. Don't screw anybody...especially not the friends you went with. Pretend you're there to observe and take the opportunity do some networking. Flirting would probably be ok. If you're serious about someday playing with this vanilla couple, and they truly are new to swinging (they might be playing dumb, too!), I wouldn't go too overboard the first night. Don't want to scare the hell out of them.

[De and Ci]

Well, a couple of weeks ago-because of Hurrican Rita, we had a bunch of my wife's family stay with us. Well around 11pm on Sat night, she has the bright idea of inviting a friend of ours, her brother and sister to a swing club that we frequent. She tells them we've gone there a few times and just like the atmosphere. I'm a little uneasy but relax by thinking the club will be dead because of the hurricane. Well, it turns out to be packed! Seems just about everyone we know is there that night, Several of our swing buddies come to us "hey, hows it going!" and so on and start mugging on my wife. We explained who were with and they backed off. Needless to say, our guests had fun and liked it, but they are now very suspicious. My sis in law questioned me several times "so you really don't play with anybody else", my brother in law made a comment about us not having much fun since they were there. We denied everything but I still wonder. Anyway I would be careful in this situation

[lovefest04]

Thanks for all the input.

I think we have a plan of attack now.

As far as the friends intentions, they are wonderful people. I trust them 100% to be exploring for all the right reasons, not to out us or anybody else. They are sexy happy and very much in love and maybe this is a way to spice up their life and explore their sexuality a bit. There is no chance there are any deep dark sinister motives.

Thanks again to everyone for responding to our post.

[lovedoctor]

Keep us posted on what happens - your friends may be more aware of who you are as a couple than what you imagine, and they may be attracted to you for that very reason. It could be good, but you will have to be careful to keep your boundries intact with all the other friends you may have in common. If these are very stable people, it could be good. If they turn out to be a little psycho, it could be bad. It all depends on how it plays out...