Why is it wrong to want friendship before sex?

[katejustkate]

Originally Posted by WesternSwing

Hey Sweetness4u42. We wouldn't think you are crazy for what you want. We look for the same things. Since we've been in the lifestyle we have had some encounters with couples that were just one-night stands, but we put ourselves in those positions - like at a house party.

But we look to, and prefer to have, some kind of connection with others besides just sex. Just sex can be good, but Mrs. WS and I feel that it is better when we really like the people, not just be physically attracted to them. They say most of sexual excitement is in the mind, and we believe it is true. People can be very attractive to us sexually, but if they don't turn us on through conversation and personality we really don't look to carry the relationship further. Not saying it hasn't happened in the heat of the moment, but it is the exception, not the norm for us.

We have developed several close relationships with couples through swinging that we would continue even if the sex stopped. The friendships work because we are very similar in education levels, personalities, and outlook on life. The same reasons you become friends with anybody, vanilla or swingers. It's the friendship that makes encounter with them better for us (and we hope for them too) because we are more comfortable with each other.

So keep looking. You are not asking for anything strange or out of the ordinary from swinging. Many people think the same way you do.

Mr. WS

Yes that is what we were looking for.....Thanks Kate & Hunter

[ceaser33]

Well if nothing else is accomplished you difinatly sparked a lot of good conversation here that I've really enjoyed reading! My suggestion to you is that you and your spouse decide exactly what it is you want and go that way. Being polyamoral can be demanding and can also be fairly restrictive because most poly folks for a small group, and pledge to stay with just those people. Recreation sex is fine and fun and not so restrictive It really depends on your feelings and comfort level and there are all kinds of lifestyles to consider and if your the inventive type maybe you can come up with a lifestyle that would be for you and work for many others as well! Enjoy

[LanceAndSue]

We have been monogamous since 1978, and are REALLY taking it slow about this issue.

I almost never screwed around on my first date back when I was single, and I don't expect to do that in this circumstance.

My standard in all this is that I become friends with the other Mrs. first, then bring the boys into it if it seems appropriate. This really limits my options, but that's my deal. I am not in any hurry to find someone. It will happen when the time is right.

Cheers, S