Friends VS Just Playmates

[jennandjamesinm]

Wondering if the ideal approach is to look for playmates first and then if a friendship develops that is great. How close should you try and get to your swing friends. Should they only be considered swing freinds, or should you look for friends first and then if a physical relationship develops that is great. Just wondering what everyones ideas are on this subject and what approach you take in meeting new people?

James

[CandTinLorainCo]

Well James good question.... here's my (mo) on that. We had swung for 6-8 mo.'s w/vanilla friends whom at the time it all started with them we niether one knew we were swingers. While our friendship blossomed the swinging part became more intense and it appeared all was going along perfectly, everyone meshed in and out of the bedroom things WERE great. Then it started changing.... "wait don't I's" set in, the "hey, but when I did this or that...." and so on. Needless to say alot of time and emotions were exhausted and fear and hurt set in, now were tryin to save the friendship and forgo the benifits with them.... I'm telling you it almost cost all 4 of us everything we had built... so friends? Maybe swing friends and just Vanilla friends but not both.

=C

[BradAndJanet]

We've pondered that question for some time and for now have settled on the side of playmates first. If a friendship develops then that is kismet, but we don't have to be buddies with the people we play with, we just have to want to screw them.

On the other hand, if friendships develop into swinging, we wouldn't say no just because we're friends.

-B

[TNT]

For us, we look for playmates first and if a friendship develops that's great.

We have become very close with a few of the people that we initially met only for sex...the friendship just developed and that was great. We still have those that we only meet for the sex and that's great as well.

It all comes down to what you are looking for and what you're comfortable with. Find the way that works best for you.

Teresa

[Spoomonkey]

This is going to sound shallow, but we are in this, ultimately, for sexual adventure. So - for us - playmates first. We really desire building friendships - and would love to find that couple (or couples) with whom things would be fluid both in and out of the bedroom...

We wanted "friends first", when we started, and we invested about six months into a couple right off the bat... Before we did anything... Then we did "it"... And it killed the friendship...

The way we see it, if we have a good experience, that's why we are here. If we develop friendships, that is awesome! But sex can be easy to arange - friendship is tougher to plan.

We have made friends, and the one's we have are awesome! The best part is, the sex is less of an issue as we share about family, life, trials and joys. The sexual energy always seems to be there, simmering, which makes the play that much more fun, I think. Friendships are ideal, but they are pretty tough to come by.

So - in the meantime - I'll just placate myself with meaningless intercourse

Spoomonkey

[Alura]

We don't have time to hang out a lot with anyone, including playmates.

We like to go to dinner, a concert, football game, etc., from time-to-time with our playmates, especially if we can play afterward.

A few nights ago, though, the kids were both away unexpectedly overnight, a rare event. It would have been wonderful to call some friends (who would understand) and say, "Hey, Y'all, we're all alone at home this evening! Do y'all wanna come over and go skinny dipping?"

We're looking (again) for such "friends."

Alura

[Mike and Jan]

Lots of good points both ways. We're sort of like Alura and her husband though. We just spend most of our time together, just the two of us. We do enjoy close friends and, with close friends, we just don't think we could swing. Too many potential problems that they might have and blame on us. But, to have a special couple who we all understand each other's history in swinging and desires for further activities would be wonderful. And, then, a friendship before any sexual activities would be a wonderful way to start out. I'd really like to find, slowly establish compatibilities and chemistry first, then become very good friends between..., all four. Then, take our time and after everyone is completely comfortable begin exploring. I think this could be a very nice long term friendship. And, Alura, this kind of friendship could be occasional but would certainly be open to a spontaneous opportunity too!

[KIKIsiMIKI]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

We wanted "friends first", when we started, and we invested about six months into a couple right off the bat... Before we did anything... Then we did "it"... And it killed the friendship...

Spoomonkey

We tend to have the same approach before jumping in the pool. And from the quote above, it seems like a bad idea.
I can see why, but somehow hope it is achievable. It seems to me, and us as we discussed it, that a little "friendship" before the actual play, may better prevent some mishappenings we see exists. There is a large number of reasons why a vanilla friendship goes bad, and sure the same number plus some more would melt a more flavoured one.
Now, as swinging or any other human relation is a do, feel, think, do some more or not process any story is a good lesson. Therefore, if you would like to share, I would like to know what killed your illusions Mr Spoomonkey?

Regards

[Fred&Wilma]

Originally Posted by Alura

A few nights ago, though, the kids were both away unexpectedly overnight, a rare event. It would have been wonderful to call some friends (who would understand) and say, "Hey, Y'all, we're all alone at home this evening! Do y'all wanna come over and go skinny dipping?"

Alura

Had to laugh not so much about the overall comments, but the one line as it gave me thought about there being such a thing as a "Swingers Booty Call".

Would that not be ideal to be able to contact playmates on short notice.

Fred

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by KIKIsiMIKI

Therefore, if you would like to share, I would like to know what killed your illusions Mr Spoomonkey?

It wasn't anything specific - it was just a bad experience that strained the friendship. Had we gotten the sex out of the way early, we would likely not have pursued a friendship. I just think it is nice to "get that bridge crossed".

Spoomonkey

[TNT]

Originally Posted by Fred&Wilma

Would that not be ideal to be able to contact playmates on short notice.

Fred

Yes, and it's very nice . We have one couple and a few single men that are open to short notice play. There have been numerous times either they or us have called each other and just said, "Hey, we're free tonight, want to play?"... We all understand when we call that the other might be busy and there is never any hard feelings when someone has to say no.


Teresa

[ALilOEverything]

I like my playmates to be a casual acquaintence... I might even consider them a friend. I do like to get to know their personality so I'm having sex with the person, and not just using their body as a vehicle for my sexual gradification.

I might only need a few hours to get to know someone well enough to know I would or wouldn't want to be intimate with them. Sometimes I need more time to get to know them better, it just all depends. So I guess I need some level of friendship first but if it gets to be a deeper friendship that will come later.

[jon&roberta]

My ex wife and I had our first swinging experience with her best girlfriend. We then did a four-some with her girlfirends husband. It was a 5 year wonderful experience. I'd pick firends anytime

[JandCMI]

For us it's strictly sexual. We generally meet people for dinner/drinks and then get to it - naturally, you have to get along well with people in this setting. But aside from that, it's best not to lose sight of why we are hanging around these other couples in the first place

[WesternSwing]

We don't need swing partners to be "best friends", but we do like to have some connection with them other than genitals, it just makes the sex better. I guess our litmus test is: we can sleep with them IF we could be friends with them in vanilla life.

We have swapped with couples who we have not seen outside of swinging, and we have probably three couples that are friends, one of them being pretty good friends. In fact we do non-swinging activities with them also.

So I wouldn't say we need friendship to have sex with someone, but there has to be more attraction than just physical. I've had 10's become 5's and 5's become 10's after I get to know them.

Mr. WS