How do we bring up swinging to our friends...or should we?

[cplforcpl04]

Hi everyone!
Im hoping that someone can give us some advice on asking some close friends of ours if they would be interested in swapping and playing around. We have known them for many years and hang out n party together when we get a chance. We are just scared that if we bring up swapping or something in that nature that they will be disgusted and never talk to us again.
Has anyone went through this?? How do u go about saying to someone that u wanna screw their significant other?? lol
Thanks!!!

[Spoomonkey]

For us - this is something that we wouldn't do; not unless there were some significant "signals". Even then, we'd be cautious.

First of all - you're right - they may have a very bad reaction and you two could wind up losing a friendship. And friendship is MUCH more important and hard to come by than casual sex.

But - it could be worse. They may have a bad reaction AND a wagging tongue... The next thing you know, quite a few of your friends are acting awkward around you guys.

Good friendships should outlive your foray into the lifestyle.

On the other hand - nothing would be better than having the firendship and play with the right couple(s). I think I'd rather take my chances finding friends in the lifestyle than finding the lifestyle in my friends, but I am sure it has worked for some.

Spoomonkey

PS - are there any signals that they may be somewhat open to the idea?

[mrs good times]

I agree with Spoomonkey on this one. We tried to convert a couple into the lifestyle and we lost good friends because of it. Others here have had success but we are not willing to take that chance again.

[cplforcpl04]

Thanks so much guys u are probably right, we have never really gotten any signals from them but they are kinda shy also. So who knows! LOL

I would bring it up one night while having them over to play cards and have some drinks.
I would wait till everyone was feeling good and figure out a way to add it to the conversation. Vanila couples talk about sex all the time in adult get togethers, although the talk is a little tamer than a swinger get together . Just bring it up in a humorous kind of way and gage their reaction.

You don't have to bring it up as swapping with them specificaly but swinging in general.

Who knows.....

[FunTxCouple]

We wouldn't bring it up unless we thought we saw signals either. There is a couple we are friends with, and we go back and forth with thinking they may be in the lifestyle. They are great fun, flirty, she is very touchy/feely. But for now we've decided we wouldn't ever ask them if they are into swinging. We just wouldn't want to risk the friendship. Basically, I guess we are too chicken to even bring it up to people that we've gotten signals from. But if they ever approached us about it, watch out

Mrs. Fun

[RNDNV]

A good rule of thumb we have heard from very experienced swingers is this; never, ever attempt to "convert" your vertical friends into horizontal ones. We have had a minor experience with interest in the lifestyle from some vertical friends, and although they suspect we may swing, we have never confirmed it with them. In so many indirect words, we have told them that we would not be interested (even though we are very interested) in partying with them until they partied with another couple and found out if the lifestyle was truly for them. We don't want to be the couple to "intro" them into the lifestyle, b/c if they decided they didn't want to commit to this lifestyle, our friendship might not survive the experience. We don't want that, nor need it, as there are many, many fish-couples in the lifestyle sea.

[menher1559]

We are in a similar boat. We have some good friends we would like to play with, but we just don't want to risk the friendship. We talk the sexy talk, but have never mentioned swinging with them. Although each time we're together our urge gets a little stronger. We are going to continue to play this by ear and see where it goes. We've decided it's worth waiting for.

[twoplayful2]

Before we got into swinging we'd tried to hook up with our best friends, another married couple, for some fun. It didn't quite work out, the guy wasn't considerate towards his wifes feelings and it all just fizzled. Everyone backed off from the whole thing except him. He continued to try hooking up us or just my wife privately. This slowly started to cause problems between the two couples and between those two specifically. Eventually he started cheating and they got divorced. Now that we're in the lifestyle and we know couples in the lifestyle it's just so much simpler and a lot more fun. A lot more to gain, a lot less to lose. A couple that's already in the lifestyle isn't nearly as likely to act like our friends did. I could see us possibly getting together with a vanilla couple or single that we didn't know as well, but never again with anyone who are already close friends.

[good times]

What Spoomonkey said is right on, as Mrs. Gt related we had some friends that we thought had given us clear signals that they were intertested. After we approached the subject with them we lost their friendship and they proceeded to inform a large percentage of our mutual friends, and even though we have never confirmed that we are swingers to any of them, we are pretty much avoided by all of them. So if it were an option to do it over again we would never approach any of our vanilla friends about swinging.

[Alura]

Going with the idea that your question was, "How do we (not should we) mention it???" we offer the following.

First, try to inititate a conversation on some issues critical to swinging, such as jealousy. You should be able to learn how they'd feel about the other being with someone else. Can they separate sex from love? Do they understand the difference? Look for red flags here and back off if they wave.

Never ask a question that can be answered "yes" or "no." Like you suffered through in college or high school, "essay" questions are the way to go.

Your friends don't have to make a decision, only to share their thoughts.

Wrong: "Would you two like to fuck us?"

Right: "How do y'all feel about swinging/group sex/intermarital sexual relations?"

Friend: "Why do you ask?"

Answer: "We have some friends (all of us here) who swing and they've invited us to, well, participate. (In this forum.) We're kinda working on a decision... Really! We'd like some advice. What do y'all think? Can a marriage survive swinging?"

If they go negative on you, just thank them for their advice and swear you'll consider it in your decision. If they ask later what you decided, just tell them y'all decided to not go ahead with the idea. (the project of suducing them).

If the reaction is postitive. Talk! Talk! Talk!

Good luck in whatever direction y'all decide to go.

Alura

[EvilMJ]

I actually do swing with my best friend and her hubby (he is a best friend too).. We didn't talk about it, it sort of happened during a camping trip/poker game.

It was not full swap, or even soft swap, just dipping our toes in the water.

Later on we talked about it and things went from there. So far things have worked out well. I can see where swinging with friends can be tricky. It works for me because I have been friends with the other wife since high school and (even though we didn't think of it as swinging back then) we have been involved in 'swingerish' type activities for a long time. It was a 'natural progression'

I think the Naughties and ALura have offered some sound advice. Good luck

[twoplayful2]

Originally Posted by Alura

Going with the idea that your question was, "How do we (not should we) mention it???"

At the same time it's not a bad idea to point out some potential problems that perhaps they haven't considered. Probably why many chose the path they did in answering this question.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by twoplayful2

At the same time it's not a bad idea to point out some potential problems that perhaps they haven't considered. Probably why many chose the path they did in answering this question.

Dito

Spoomonkey

[TNT]

It's been said that it's easier to make friends out of swingers than swingers out of friends.

Although we have introduced our best friends into the wonderful world of swinging, it is definitely not something that we would recommend to anyone. There are just to many potential problems that could arise; from losing the friendship to like the GT's stated, your friends telling others about what you do.

In our case, my friend brought it up to me...not knowing that we had been swinging for a few years...she called to say she was wanting to give her husband a FMF for his birthday and asked if I had ever done anything like that. Ted had always asked me what I would tell her if she ever asked and I had always said it would be the truth, so when she asked I told her that Ted and I had been swinging for a couple of years. It was the hardest thing I had ever done keeping this from her as her and I discussed everything that was happening in our lives, but the fear of losing her friendship was more than I wanted to deal with so I kept my mouth shut when it came to us swinging. As it turned out it opened up a whole new level to our friendship. The four of us discussed it intensely for over a year before we ever played as none of us wanted it to cause any problems with our friendship, which it hasn't. It was the strong relationship that we had in the beginning that made this possible.

If bringing friends into swinging is what you are wanting to do Mr. Alura gave excellent advice. It allows you a way to judge their responses without actually letting on that you are really interested in playing with them. Just make sure that it's something that you really want to do.


Teresa