lost a friend because of my lifestyle.

as i posted sometime ago my husband and i have been swinging for about 9 months now and we love it. but our family dont no about us doing this. only one use to be friend knows, like i said she used to be my friend because after i told her she dont want to be friends any more. we were best friends and my husband has been friends with her husband sence they were babys. the only reason i told her because i needed someone another female to talk to about some feelings i was having. but now i wished i never said anything. my questions are has anyone else lost friends are family for this lifestyle? and should i try and talk to her to be friends are just leave it along like my husband said to do because she said for us not to call her house anymore.

[ALilOEverything]

I really feel for you. I strained a friendship because I really wanted to talk about it with my female friend and also since it was a part of me I didn't want to hide it. I told her I wanted it kept between us and she was really open to it and made me feel it was the right thing to do. She said she felt so good about our friendship because I could share something like this with her. Where the problem was she found the whole idea very interesting and talked to her husband about it and he found it sick and disgusting. He says we're still welcome to come over just as long as we don't proposition them but I don't feel comfortable with it. We still talk on the phone and do things on occasion but we won't be as close as we used to be.

If she made it clear to not call her home then I think I would just let it be and let her make the first move if she changes her mind.

[confunktion]

Originally Posted by ALilOEverything

If she made it clear to not call her home then I think I would just let it be and let her make the first move if she changes her mind.

Agreed. If I were in this situation, I'm sure I would feel a major pull to call my friend up and try like hell to make things right, because I believe that much in the friendship. However, I know that if I were to do that, I probably would make things worse and maybe close the door completely. Let her be for now. If she is a true loving and caring friend, she'll take a little bit, become more accepting of the idea, and contact you. Good luck to you!

Mr. Funk
If you love something, set it free...

I have one friend that I told and one that I didnt. the one that I did talk to about hubby and I swinging, she wasnt surprised, we even laughed about some of our common interests. the other friend that I have not told about it, she would freak and it would end our friendship, and I know that because I mentioned a couple that we both know that was into swinging, well my best friend was all like "gross, I'll never speak to them, how can they do that....." So I just dont share that aspect of my life with her.

[CB_n_Red]

I confided in my best male friend a while back about our activities. His reaction was that he wasn't at all surprised. I guess he knows us better than I gave him credit for!

Certainly there are other friends who I would never dream of mentioning our pastime to.

CB

[DBL D]

I have only told one guy friend about it and that is because he seemed to be curious about the lifestyle, if just in a general sense. I don't think he has had a problem with it but it certainly has let him know that we are not your run-of-the-mill couple. We don't change the way we are around them and I think that lets him understand how normal things can continue to be.

It definitely is a risk that is not always worth taking though. I think if you need to have someone to talk with about your lifestyle, the best way would be to make some new friends in the lifestyle.

Fem D has told her best girlfriend, but she tells me that they don't talk about it much. And, although this GF seems excited about what we're doing I think Fem D is worried about overdoing it since we're not looking to play with her. It is just an update sort of thing, I think. So far, so good there.

You really have to know your friends and their backgrounds to take this kind of chance. We meet people everyday and think we are close to them after awhile, then we find out about their biases. We want to have friends in all areas of life, but we can't just tell anyone who's our friend.

Male D

[curious49251]

All of our current friends know about our activities and have no problem with it (or just choose to not to let us know that it bothers them).

We have friends that we had before entering the lifestyle that we won't tell, but we only talk to them twice a year. We don't tell them because we know that they would be offended, which is why they really aren't friends anymore, they are aquaintances. People evolve throughout their lifetime, and do truly 'grow apart'. One of the "prerequisites" to being our friend is that you have an open mind. Those who don't are relegated to aquaintance status

I guess our opinion is that if you can't tell your friend everything about your life without fear of losing them, what kind of friend are they?

[VegasLee]

We have never lost a friend due to our Lifestyle at all.

All of our real friends respect our right to live our life our way just as we do theirs.

If she told you to not contact her again, I would respect her wishes and go on with my life.

[intuition897]

I have one good friend that I have told about our experiences and one other friend that I have not. The friend I haven't told was the one whom I've been friends with since we were 3 years old. We made a promise as children that we wouldn't keep secrets from one another, and for the longest time we never did! However, years go by and life changes us. We each got married, had kids and eventually grew apart. I only see her once or twice a year now. I almost told her once, but chickened out because she's the type of girl who still has sex with the lights off. VERY reserved. She had a very strictly religious upbringing, and I think it's manifested itself negatively in this respect. This is the only thing I've ever kept from her, but I doubt I'll ever confess. She would be offended and confused. Plus she would be concerned for my emotional and spiritual health. I just can't do that to her. So we keep our dirty confessions for our more liberal friends to enjoy

[40andloveit]

I find that people who do different things or live a different are often closed minded to those who are out side of their circle. Usually, if someone who we know starts to do things differently from their usually schedule people often think something must be wrong! Not that this is who you really are or that you want to try something different. People more often than not don't like change. I say that when you told your supposely girlfriend about you new lifestyle that she couldn't get past the point that you were changing and growing. I wouldn't let her worry me to much because if she really was a freind than she would still be that friend. People act differently to change , who to say she isn't jelous of your new lifesytle. I gusess what I am trying to say is people like her come along every day. Only true friends stay forever. Plus, i you can't please everybody so,you've got to please yourself. I hope that some day soon you find someone worthy of your friendship. ::

[Atilla]

none of my firends know and none of them ever will know. I'm so afraid of this happening to me too. I guess that's why I'm here on this board. I use it as my outlet to discussing things that are on my mind.

[good times]

My wife lost one of her best friends in this same way. Its been about three years now and even though we see her at vanilla functions and all seem to get along cordially enough she has stayed pretty distant from my wife since that time. I agree with what others have said the only thing you can do now is let her be. Nothing you can do now will probably change the way she feels.

[mrs good times]

I understand what a difficult situation you are in since it happened to me. My heart still hurts when I see her and I miss her friendship but I know she will never change her views so I do not contact her. When we run into each other, because we have mutual friends, we engage in small talk but thats it. I hope someday she will come around but the best thing I can do is let her make the decision and not try to force the issue. Be patient and hopefully your friend will realize how valuable your relationship is.

[Nymph an' Satyr]

"East is East and West is West and never the twain shall meet." My vanilla friends and family will never know by my volition. They just wouldn't understand. Hell, five years ago I wouldn't have understood.

My wife is much more open, and has told several of her childhood friends. Which interestingly, some what unnerves me. I suspect I spend too much time trying to be a pillar of the community type I do NOT want my friends- or her friends for that matter, knowing what I do.

Her friends accept it though, with no problem- hell- the wife has always been a little wild...

[DBL D]

Originally Posted by Nymph an' Satyr

"East is East and West is West and never the twain shall meet." ... Hell, five years ago I wouldn't have understood.

My wife is much more open, and has told several of her childhood friends. Which interestingly, some what unnerves me. I suspect I spend too much time trying to be a pillar of the community type I do NOT want my friends-or her friends for that matter, knowing what I do.

Her friends accept it though, with no problem- hell- the wife has always been a little wild...

Yeah, Fem D knows what you mean, and it's only been a year and a half.

Sounds like you're on the right track to becoming less of a pillar. "Why, you're no pillar. Lot's Wife was a real pillar, let me tell you."

Moral: Don't Look Back!

Take it from an Old Hippie Type: use your best discretion.

Your wife may also be onto something but has she had any of those friends turn on her?

Male D