lost a friend because of my lifestyle.

[Chris&Suzanne]

Let me apologise first, I have not taken the time to read everones posts, althought I did scan them.

People tend to use the term friend too easily these days.

Sometimes people will be your friend until somthing "different" happens.

Justa thought.

[JustAskJulie]

I feel like a friend that would judge you, is not much of a friend. A true friend may have issues with what you do and even choose to limit some of their interactions with you because of it - or ask you not to discuss it with them further, but they will still be your friend.

My mom found out, not about my lifestyle, but sorta. Several years ago I had an amateur site. I screwed up and emailed her one time and hit the key that included my signature with a link to said website. She went and checked it out and got very upset. Luckily, at the time there was nothing graphic on the front of the site, but it did definately give the impression (by words alone) of what was inside. She never looked further so there was never any proof on her end as to what was inside. We had a very rough few months, part of which we didn't speak at all. But over time it finally just became a non-issue. To this day it has not come up again, nor do I believe it will. I think there is a part of her that knows I how I make my money online... but there is that other part of her that will not allow herself to admit it and therefore we just don't talk about it.

[two4youinswva]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

My mom found out, not about my lifestyle, but sorta. Several years ago I had an amateur site. I screwed up and emailed her one time and hit the key that included my signature with a link to said website. She went and checked it out and got very upset.

Holy Shiznit! I would piss my pants and never answer another call from home again!

[WesternSwing]

We have not lost a friendship, or communication with family members because of our lifestyle. I know my family would not care. My step brother and his wife brought their third to Thanksgiving dinner one time. But, they don't know about us. Two of my good friends know about our lifestyle and both of them think it is cool, but I have some pretty open-minded friends, and we guys... You do the math.

I would say that their reaction is not the norm. Usually people just say that they couldn't do it and it's not for them and leave it at that. Some people are just closed-minded because anything outside their norm threatens them. It's easier to shut it out then to deal with it. The don't understand it, and they don't want to try to because it threatens and questions their beliefs. And sex is a very taboo subject with many. You see it with people's ideas toward same sex relationships. They were told it's wrong and they don't want to hear anything that might challenge that belief. Same goes for swinging.

I would give your friend a cooling down period and then call-up and see if she wants to go to lunch or something. Open the door for communication again. If she says "yes" don't push the subject at all. Let her bring it up and ask you questions when she is ready. Then just be honest with her. If she still has issues with it, then I'd just consider that you've moved and grown emotionally beyond her and you may not ever have much in common again.

The good thing is that in the lifestyle you will meet many people who think like you, and are on the same level emotionally and mentally about sex and friendship. You may find some new friends that are better than you could ever have imagined. I know we have.

Mr. WS

[intuition897]

Julie, that's exactly the way I communicate with my family about my own family about our Mr.'s and my sex life: They don't ask, we don't tell. I'm sure they realize that we have had sex at least twice as we have two kids. But although my discussions with my Mom now actually include S-E-X to some extent, it's pretty vague. I wish there was some way Mr. and I could come "out" about our lifestyle choice, as we feel it makes the most sense and is the healthiest thing for us, but we know that our families would disown us. Getting it off my chest isn't worth ripping my mother's heart out. Sometimes I guess we just have to realize that some people will stubbornly believe only what they want to, and open-mindedness isn't an option for them.

[wiscpl]

Both of us has shared our involvement with the lifestyle to a friend. I shared it with a guy I am friends with and was my boss at another employer. He of course was extremely interested in what we do and asked numerous questions. We continue to be good friends and from time to time asks us how it is working for us.
Before we talk to other people about our sex lives we have to remember where we are. While we live in the land of the free, this country was first settled by puritans who's beliefs we much different than much of Europe. Heck, up until a few years ago we still held some of those views.
If you are not sure how someone reacts in sexual situations I would refrain until you know for sure they can fully understand what you believe in.
If you plan on staying friends with this person I would suggest that you avoid any further conversation about this subject with them unless they bring it up. IF they do mention that you are willing to talk to them if they are willing to have an open mind and not be judgemental.