confided in best friend, she can't handle it

[Jambri]

We told my best friend about our desires for this lifestyle, and she has problems with it. Now, I would not have told her, but I did not anticipate her having these problems. She has never been particularly uptight about sex, but now she is. Perhaps we've learned that we just shouldn't tell ANYONE about this. What's been your experience? I just find it annoying that you can't be honest with anyone without them becoming all righteous on you. My opinion is that if she truly is my best friend, then she can accept it and move on. I mean, we've had differences of opinion before on other subjects and we've been through a lot together.

[cpl4playmass]

It's a shock to some people. Most people are trying to live moral lives and although us in the lifestyle know this is not a moral issue, most people think it is. Remember "Lust" is one of the seven deadly sins in religion.

Relax and give her some time. She'll probably bring it up in the future with a curious attitude. Then you can start sharing.

[Jambri]

actually, we were able to clear things up! Yay for us!

[Miss_Piggy]

What happened?

How did you manage to work things out?

[good times]

I would like to know how you worked it out also as my wife told one of her friends and they haven't been able to work it out since, and it has been almost 2 years.

[Jambri]

Well, she sent a rather scathing email to my husband and I tried calling her so that we could talk about it. She never called me back that night, so I just emailed her (though I hate doing that!). Turns out there were some misunderstandings on both sides...she wasn't trying to be as judgmental as I thought she was, and I needed to understand more her shock from finding out about our new lifestyle. Ultimately, she said it's our business and she can respect that. So we're still best friends! But we've still learned a huge deal from this...no more friends of ours will ever know about this!

[intuition897]

The lifestyle can be kind of lonely in this respect, can't it? So few people are really ready to hear this sort of thing. I told a good friend of mine about my husband's and my sexual interests and, although she is a very sexually open person, even somewhat interested in exploring her bisexuality, she's still at the stage where she wants to have all the fun and not let anyone touch her husband. Ok, I understand the curiosity; I was there once. But that's just not fair. She and her husband have been their only sex partners since they were virgins, and she has concerns about loss of sexual interest after the fact. So while she didn't freak when I told her, she just couldn't understand how I could be so non-chalant about the idea of my husband getting it on with another beautiful woman... right in front of me! Uh, yeeeah!? I'm not just non-chalant about it, I quite approve Just my few thoughts...

[fun_pairTX]

You have arrived at our policy, no disclosure to vanillas.

[OhioCouple]

Glad you were able to clear that up, Jambri. This is the reason that we never 'offer-up' any imformation. Why chance ruining a good friendship? We did have an instance where my daughter found us out, and believe me, it was sheer panic. When confronted by her, I did acknowledge that we were swingers (there was no denying it) and her feelings were similar to your friend's, and she has never brought it back up again. This tells me that while she may not agree, she certainly respects our right to live our lives as we choose and our relationship is as strong, if not stronger, than ever.

[EvilMJ]

I was just thinking how hard it is to be a swinger because you have to hide an aspect of your life (or at least I do, some may not agree). We had a really fun weekend but we can't share it with anyone.

I have a friend who has been my friend since grade two, she was in a polyamourous relationship and I know she would understand and not judge, however I can't tell her because we play with our other friend and her husband. I don't want to hurt her feelings but I know that if I told her she would be wondering why I didn't chose her and her husband (no attraction, she is like a sister). So the other couple and I agreed to keep this silent.

sometimes the best way to keep a friendship is to keep certain aspects of your life quiet.

[jcbicouple]

Originally Posted by EvilMJ

I was just thinking how hard it is to be a swinger because you have to hide an aspect of your life (or at least I do, some may not agree). We had a really fun weekend but we can't share it with anyone.

To us, not telling about our fantastic weekend is no different than not telling about the fantastic blow job, or night of crazy sex with just each other. We don't disclose our sexual details when it's just the two of us: Why would we disclose them when there are more?

[biblonde]

I guess I am lucky so far. I did tell a close friend and she was real happy that we are exploring our sexuality like this and we have had talks about it and it is fun to confide in someone. I have also told my sis who, although doesnt approve of it, (she is a prude! and will tell you that) but she has no problems with me and hubby doing this. She has asked many many questions as if she is living it through me. I dont give her any real detail but just enough. One of the girls at work guessed out of the blue that we were swingers and she thinks it is great! We dont really talk to much about it but I feel that if she askes I will tell her whatever she wants to know! I havent told anyone else for fear that they wouldnt handle it the same way. I dont want to defend my choice in this lifestyle..

[EvilMJ]

Originally Posted by jcbicouple

To us, not telling about our fantastic weekend is no different than not telling about the fantastic blow job, or night of crazy sex with just each other. We don't disclose our sexual details when it's just the two of us: Why would we disclose them when there are more?

jcbcouple..let me elaborate on that. You are right about not telling sexual details.
what I mean is that there were some really funny moments, absolutely hilarious things that were said, but you have to catch yourself from saying "so and so said the funniest thing on the weekend...". We had a really great time and I never laughed so hard in my life...it;s hard to not want to talk about something like that. I agree I probably wouldn't tell anyone about our sexual activity. I hope that made mroe sense. Cold medication is making me downright stupid tonight ..sorry

[jcbicouple]

Ya, It does make sense. It's tough to explain where you met so and so. LOL! Especially if you have a circle of friends. It's a little easier for us because we don't really hang out with anyone from work, nor do we have a circle of vanilla friends that we are always with so talking about something that happened during the night out part, is no big deal. No one questions where we met or how we know them, and if they did we could easily say another friend introduced us or we met them at a club or party. Again, We don't think of going out with our "swing" playmates as any different than going out, until it comes to the sex part then it's "shhhhhh" (with a BIG grin).

Edited to add: This is one of the positive things about being anti social. lol

[Jambri]

Male half here... I really think my wife's friend is just smoothing things over as it were to eliminate conflict... I don't think she is really OK with it. I really don't see it being such a problem that it will cause visible stress, but there may be some residual tension. We really don't see her very often since she is in school in another state, but we don't know very many folks here in SC at all and losing a friend would be hard on my better half.