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Thread: Have friend in mind. Should I ask?

  1. #1

    Default Have friend in mind. Should I ask?

    Well there's 2 that I would feel comfortable sharing my husband with and play too. Kinda brought it up with one, and she had told me of an introduction her boyfriend made to her with the other girl already there. I told her that it shouldnt have been his place that it should have been hers to make that decision. Which we were the flirtacious type w/ each other. smacking on the ass occasional, weekly. so cool. And the other, I havent made any proposal to her but I think I can trust her. And she is totally different from me, size wise, but I think my husband wouldnt mind. no he doesnt mind, he's already told me. Do you pick someone close or is it better to find a couple and meet? We do have plans on going to the strip club together just the two of us. He says he wants to make sure I can handle a woman rubbing all over him.HMM. I got quarters.

  2. #2

    Default Re: Have friend in mind. Should I ask?

    I wouldn't try it with anyone I was close friends with. Been there, Done that....BLEW UP....we arent friends anymore. I'm sure maybe this might work for some but it didnt work for us.

  3. #3

    Default Re: Have friend in mind. Should I ask?

    This is a topic that has two major opinions on it. There are those that have done it and had a fantastic time then those that have done it and lost friendships over. We ended up swinging with some existing friends; although we are still friends we don't really hang out or see them at all like we used to. They also ended up breaking off their relationship (completely unrelated to the swinging), but even before that we really stopped seeing them.

    It is a real risk and before you move forward with swinging with a friend you need to consider whether you are honestly ok with losing their friendship.

  4. #4

    Default Re: Have friend in mind. Should I ask?

    Why take the chance of messing up a great friendship when there are millions of others in this world willing to get naked with you?

    Keep it simple, mixing friendships may or may not work, no real reason to take the chance.
    You all laugh at me because I am different. I laugh at all of you because you are all the same.

  5. #5

    Default Re: Have friend in mind. Should I ask?

    Sleven nailed this one on the head. I don't think Mrs. Diggs and I would ever think about playing with a friend we personally knew before the lifestyle because you can't ever trust intentions.

    When they invite you over...is it because they want to hangout and enjoy your company or because they want to jump in the sack again. At least with our friends we have met in SLS, you know it's probably leaning towards having fun and playing possibly.

    Besides, I really don't think I would want to play with any of my wifes friends. I definitely do not want to play with any of mine. Maybe golf and have some beers with but that's about it!!

  6. #6

    Default Re: Have friend in mind. Should I ask?

    I think you might be starting to see a trend here in the responses to your question that I hope you take to heart.

    In our case, before we ever knew what swinging was, we approached some friends with the idea of having sex with them. Like some of the others here, we lost some good friends over it.

    With swingers so easy to find now days, their is really no logical reason to risk your vanilla friendships over it, in my opinion.
    R (He is R, she is P)

  7. #7

    Default Re: Have friend in mind. Should I ask?

    It can go both ways when it comes to dealing with friends... either really well or REALLY bad. As others said you really have to ask whether it's worth risking your friendship over (and ask your friend to consider that too).

    That said, finding a second female can be very difficult and sometimes going with ladies you already know is the easiest option available. I would suggest that if you go with one you know, opt for someone that you wouldn't mind losing (just in case).
    The Swinger Manual - all the info from the Swingers Board in one convenient book

  8. #8

    Default Re: Have friend in mind. Should I ask?

    The women that my husband has played with have all been unattached friends or acquaintances of mine. Certainly if she has a bf or husband that complicates things more than I think I could handle. I don't think the status as friend or that fact you know them are an indication of failure or success. Friends are friends initially for reasons other than sharing sex. Whether it can go in the sexual direction is a totally different matter. The best friend may be the worst person to approach as a sex play partner for any number of reasons. If you start at a swingers site or club at least everyone knows the reason they are there.


    But it can work out very well. Hubby's relationship with his play partners was serial, and all but the current one have moved onto relationships that are not just sexual. We have in every case remained on very good terms with each of them. Two previous play partners we still see regularly on a social basis with her bf and husband, repectively. The key is to evaluate where her head is before even proposing a hook-up. Once you get the signals from a possible candidate that she finds your husband attractive, then take it slowly even if she is clearly willing or even eager to play with him or how exciting it may be for you. The drama queens you need to avoid will reveal themselves in short order; so will the women that understand that sex is sex and know how to enjoy the opportunity you offer.


    Good luck!

  9. #9

    Default Re: Have friend in mind. Should I ask?

    Quote Originally Posted by TaylorNAries View Post
    Well there's 2 that I would feel comfortable sharing my husband with and play too. Kinda brought it up with one, and she had told me of an introduction her boyfriend made to her with the other girl already there. I told her that it shouldnt have been his place that it should have been hers to make that decision. Which we were the flirtacious type w/ each other. smacking on the ass occasional, weekly. so cool. And the other, I havent made any proposal to her but I think I can trust her. And she is totally different from me, size wise, but I think my husband wouldnt mind. no he doesnt mind, he's already told me. Do you pick someone close or is it better to find a couple and meet? We do have plans on going to the strip club together just the two of us. He says he wants to make sure I can handle a woman rubbing all over him.HMM. I got quarters.
    Ok for starters.. REMEMBER, these people you are considering asking/talking to you about joining you, can "out" you. Do you think you can place the HIGHEST level of trust, in these people?

    If you look around the board there are dozens of threads asking the same question, slightly different circumstances.. Over all the suggestions are all the same, Not what is suggested.. with good reason

    When you play with people already within the lifestyle.. you are expecting the same level of discretion for them as you are expected to give. The only details from your life they know are the ones that YOU give. They dont know your other friends and for the most part, cant trash you to the community.

    By propositioning friends, or even casual ones, regardless of what experience they may have, or BRAG that they have had.. You are opening a door. Lets suppose between the time you ask, or soon after.. You and they have a BAD fall out.. You have given them both the weapon, the means to destroy you.

    Lets suppose you are in a small to medium size town.. Suddenly EVERYONE knows..

    Rethink it before you go ahead.. make sure you KNOW before you do
    Reality Checks written Upon Request

  10. #10

    Default Re: Have friend in mind. Should I ask?

    Quote Originally Posted by realcplub2 View Post
    When you play with people already within the lifestyle.. you are expecting the same level of discretion for them as you are expected to give. The only details from your life they know are the ones that YOU give.
    Very well put! Most people can't keep secrets...doesn't anyone watch soaps (the one or two that are left) these days, lol. Seriously, with a friend, they have no obligation to protect your privacy and EVERYONE likes having a juicy secret to tell everyone about someone else. If gossip wasn't so great there would be a lot of magazines going out of business.

    Others in the lifestyle are faced with the same concerns of exposure you are and that keeps lips sealed.

  11. #11

    Cool Re: Have friend in mind. Should I ask?

    Quote Originally Posted by TaylorNAries View Post
    Well there's 2 that I would feel comfortable sharing my husband with and play too. Kinda brought it up with one, and she had told me of an introduction her boyfriend made to her with the other girl already there. I told her that it shouldnt have been his place that it should have been hers to make that decision. Which we were the flirtacious type w/ each other. smacking on the ass occasional, weekly. so cool. And the other, I havent made any proposal to her but I think I can trust her. And she is totally different from me, size wise, but I think my husband wouldnt mind. no he doesnt mind, he's already told me. Do you pick someone close or is it better to find a couple and meet? We do have plans on going to the strip club together just the two of us. He says he wants to make sure I can handle a woman rubbing all over him.HMM. I got quarters.
    Difficult call...A male friend asked me to play with he and his wife. For me it was a shock! I didn't know how to handle the question. Long story short...We ended up playing and we are still friends and still play. I have also meet couples that I did not know and everything worked out.

    Friends can be good, if you can trust them, that is the difficult part.

    Good luck, have fun, let us know how it turns out.

  12. #12

    Default Re: Have friend in mind. Should I ask?

    Mrs. Semod and my best friend always flirted with each other, so one day I told him to just do it and get it over with. They did once, that was all they wanted and we're still the best of friends. Another time hanging with our regular group after several drinks, took one of the single guys home for a threesome. Many years later, we're still hanging with the same group, he's now married, and everythings just fine. It worked for us.

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