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  1. #1
    Swingers Board Addict pervgeeks's Avatar
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    Default Would you play with vanilla friends who also have lifestyle experience?

    This is my best (female) friend and I'm a bi, married woman and my husband and I have enjoyed some excellent lifestyle experiences in the past few months. She's had MFF threesomes in a past relationship and her husband is European and has played in clubs there as a single male. We all have some level of experience, but she and I have been friends for years (before I had experience myself) and the tension has always been there, but we've never gone there together. Everyone's attracted to everyone here, but I still get nervous (though I tend to over-worry most of the time and probably should just count myself as very, very lucky instead).

    Opinions needed.

  2. #2
    Registered lexicon's Avatar
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    Default Re: Would you play with vanilla friends who also have lifestyle experience?

    I would think that the chance of something going wrong , or becoming complicated down the road and risk ruining a great friendship would make me stay away from doing it.

  3. #3
    Great Times 1 Year Exp. des1re06's Avatar
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    Default Re: Would you play with vanilla friends who also have lifestyle experience?

    What if the sex was not what you want it to be? Would they understand that you wanted to move on to other partners, and could you still be friends?

    I had a similar experience with a close friend, and I could tell she was hinting, but I wouldn't follow through with it. I just pretended that I didn't know she wanted to experiment with me because I love her as a close friend. I didn't want to risk losing our friendship.

    If you're going to go through with it, be totally up front and tell her that there will be no hard feelings if either of the couples doesn't want to repeat the sexual experience.

    Just my 2 cents.

    Mrs. D

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Would you play with vanilla friends who also have lifestyle experience?

    However tempting and however hot the sexual tension has been between you and your friend, you might really want to go very slo-o-owly. In fact, to reduce the complexity of the situation, you might simply talk with your obviously tolerant and lifestyle-wise husbands and see if they'd let you and your friend perhaps work this out together alone some night in the hottub. The two of you could discuss what the result of actually getting together physically and sexually and decide you'd both like to try it. By doing it without the men present, you might depressurize the situation to a great extent. If it was obviously something that wasn't going to go anywhere between you two girls, you'd not have two ragingly horny guys to worry about corralling... You could part and remain friends and skip being lovers... If you clicked together as girls off alone, then you could wait until you were both totally comfortable and invite the guys inside the circle. Just a thought.

  5. #5
    Swingers Board Addict Vjklander's Avatar
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    Default Re: Would you play with vanilla friends who also have lifestyle experience?

    Invite them for an evening of hottubbing. If they accept, you're in like Flynn. If they decline, no harm done.

  6. #6
    Swingers Board Addict shymxcpl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Would you play with vanilla friends who also have lifestyle experience?

    You haven't lived until you try it right? I think you have to try, otherwise you'll always be bugged by the "what if". If you really care about them, then do go slow, but give it a shot. If there is a bond between you all, it might make the experience even more exciting. The only thing you have to worry about here is the honesty. Once you are sure you're all on the same page, be honest and forthright about what you're looking each for. I lost a very good friend due to the fact that he tried to play my SO and I. But in the end if they're not honest with you, then why would you want them as friends anyway.

  7. #7
    nothin special socolais's Avatar
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    Default Re: Would you play with vanilla friends who also have lifestyle experience?

    I don't have any experience with this myself, but it WILL change the nature of the freindship between you. Whether that change is better or worse depends on your perspective.
    I like her because she smiles at me and means it

  8. #8
    Swingers Board Addict sexcupid's Avatar
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    Default Re: Would you play with vanilla friends who also have lifestyle experience?

    Quote Originally Posted by des1re06 View Post
    What if the sex was not what you want it to be? Would they understand that you wanted to move on to other partners, and could you still be friends? If you're going to go through with it, be totally up front and tell her that there will be no hard feelings if either of the couples doesn't want to repeat the sexual experience.


    Mrs. D
    I agree with Mrs. D here...however, when you play with friends it's not easy to figure out how the chips will fall. Sure everyone may say it's mkay that if someone doesn't want to play again, then no feelings will be hurt.

    But feelings probably will be hurt regardless of what was discussed previously. Emotions are funny like that, you can't always determine how you are going to react to something...and being rejected sexually is a pretty personal thing. So while I have played with friends before (i was the third for a couple while we were all in college), I don't know that I would recommend it. For every story like mine that every thing turned out ok and we were still friends afterwards....there are probably many more with just the opposite ending.

    Good luck,

    Maria

  9. #9
    Swingers Board Addict pervgeeks's Avatar
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    Default Re: Would you play with vanilla friends who also have lifestyle experience?

    Quote Originally Posted by Lovethenights View Post
    However tempting and however hot the sexual tension has been between you and your friend, you might really want to go very slo-o-owly. In fact, to reduce the complexity of the situation, you might simply talk with your obviously tolerant and lifestyle-wise husbands and see if they'd let you and your friend perhaps work this out together alone some night in the hottub. The two of you could discuss what the result of actually getting together physically and sexually and decide you'd both like to try it. By doing it without the men present, you might depressurize the situation to a great extent. If it was obviously something that wasn't going to go anywhere between you two girls, you'd not have two ragingly horny guys to worry about corralling... You could part and remain friends and skip being lovers... If you clicked together as girls off alone, then you could wait until you were both totally comfortable and invite the guys inside the circle. Just a thought.
    We're resurrecting this thread from last year because we have now gone past the flirting and hinting here, but starting to have a very real dialog between both couples of "Yes, we are all interested." When I made this original post, we were just a few months into this ourselves and now we have a number of established playmates and more experience. We are all going extremely slow here, but I like your idea of just her and I, then taking it from there.

    We were all hanging out a couple of weeks back and they were coming on strong, but we didn't bite yet. We need to all have a long conversation first on just what they'll be comfortable with (she and I are beginning to do just that). If they were completely vanilla to start with, we wouldn't go there, but because they do have their own experiences, I think it may be a go here soon. There is so much chemistry, it's getting rough (for everyone) to keep holding back.
    Last edited by pervgeeks; 07-20-2008 at 01:34 AM.

  10. #10
    Swingers Board Addict Additude's Avatar
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    Default Re: Would you play with vanilla friends who also have lifestyle experience?

    You are doing exactly the right thing.
    If you want something you have never had before, you must do something you have never done before.

  11. #11
    Swingers Board Addict fun4Ds's Avatar
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    Default Re: Would you play with vanilla friends who also have lifestyle experience?

    I don't think this would be a good idea at all.....



    Unless.. all 4 of you come over to our house


    Seriously, I think you are all mature enough in the lifestyle to deal with the normal issues we all have. Keep it cool

  12. #12
    Founder JustAskJulie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Would you play with vanilla friends who also have lifestyle experience?

    Quote Originally Posted by pervgeeks View Post
    We're resurrecting this thread from last year because we have now gone past the flirting and hinting here, but starting to have a very real dialog between both couples of "Yes, we are all interested." When I made this original post, we were just a few months into this ourselves and now we have a number of established playmates and more experience. We are all going extremely slow here, but I like your idea of just her and I, then taking it from there.
    I think you are taking the right path. I would agree with the post that you quoted that the two girls should probably work this out between them without the guys being too directly involved (at least at first), after all this is YOUR friendship at stake. Just make sure you talk to her like you would talk to her about any other issue, if you are that good of friends it shouldn't be too difficult and you should both be able to realize if/when it's not a good idea to follow-through.

  13. #13
    Here to Stay TheDeal's Avatar
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    Default Re: Would you play with vanilla friends who also have lifestyle experience?

    Just remember when you play with friends, you're really crossing into the poly realm. That's not bad, it just means allot more than just sex. It can be beyond belief rewarding and or tear your heart out terrible.


    G
    four can be more than two plus two.

  14. #14
    ♥♥♥ Lovin' This! ♥♥♥ 2inSanDiego4u's Avatar
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    Default Re: Would you play with vanilla friends who also have lifestyle experience?

    We have friends who are in the lifestyle who have told us they do not want to play with us. Their reason was that they do not want to risk ruining the friendship, that they valued that more than anything. We agreed and were kind of flattered that they felt that way about us. In retrospect, this was the best thing to do. They had told us that they went back and forth on this quite a bit, and after we did the same, we tend to agree with their decision.
    "Doggie Style is Mandatory." -- from a Swing Lifestyle profile we came across!

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