Oh boy

[loversarewe 15]

Hello everyone, I've been poking around for a bit and have read some great advice.

 

I read this thread: Erection Problems, Emotional Issues, Help!

 

and it helped knowing I'm not the only one.

 

But I wanted to start my own with a similar situation and hopefully some more personalized advice. An excerpt from the above thread that I strongly identified with:

 

"So... we left last night on two different planes... me so very content and just overall excited about the whole thing... and he embarrassed, again feeling left out (not because of them, but because of not being able to participate more)... and with feeling left out a little jealousy. The jealousy part was more about my total enjoyment, and he getting just about nothing from the whole experience... as well as feeling like the other two were really doing a lot for me, and he couldn't do much of anything for anyone."

 

So on to our story. We have been talking about swinging for over a year. We often talked about other people during sex, and mentally the thought of another man pleasuring my lover (were not married and don't really believe in the idea) really turned me on.

 

We finally met a couple that we both felt comfortable with after a very nice dinner with a few drinks. We went home and both agreed we felt good about them and we both felt ready for the experience. The next weekend they invited us over to shoot some pool and see if things clicked and it went any further.

 

After we got over our nerves and things got started I was unable to get an erection. The male in the other couple has been swinging for several years and had no problems. This made me feel a bit inadequate, and because of that I wasn't able to enjoy the night at all. At the end of the night I was pretty upset.

 

Upon reflection I don't think I was actually jealous of him but more so jealous that everyone in the room was having fun and I couldn't even get the poor boy to rise to attention. And I never have that problem in any other scenario. Honestly by the end of the night I felt pretty down.

 

While trying to work through what I was feeling this is part of what I wrote:

 

1. I was jealous you were able to have fun and I wasn't.

 

Rationally - this is obviously absurd. I can't blame you for being able to have fun while I wasn't. That is like being mad at someone for being able to enjoy a food that I don't. Or you being mad at me for being able to process protein. It sucks, but it isn't my fault you have PKU and it isn't your fault I wasn't able to just get lost in the moment and have fun.

 

2. I felt abandoned when you didn't finish getting me hard so I could have fun.

 

Rationally - It was a complex situation with various stimulation coming from many different directions. You obviously were not thinking clearly because you were able to get lost in the moment. It is one of the things I love about you in bed, how you just get totally lost in the sex and the world disappears. I can't blame you for losing your train of thought and being so overstimulated you forgot about helping me get hard.

 

3. I felt left out.

 

Rationally - No one intended for me to feel left out. My inability to get an erection made me less aggressive. Because I felt inadequate at the moment I felt like I was outside the full circle of fun that the three of you were lost in. This ties in with the first point. I felt left out because you were receiving pleasure and I honestly wasn't, I was only giving it. Actually everyone was was giving and receiving pleasure and I was only giving it. Again this isn't anyone's fault.

 

So the overwhelming opinion (from the other thread I read) seems to be that Viagra is the best choice to get a male over the hump of performance anxiety the first few times. I'm only 28... will my doc give me Viagra? Do I have to lie about having problems regularly or just ask?

 

My questions is more focused on the feelings of jealousy afterword. I honestly feel that if I had gotten an erection and hadn't been so consumed with feeling inadequate I would have gotten lost in the fun as well. I was only jealous of him because he was performing well and I wasn't. But the damage is done and I have to admit, while writing things down and thinking about the core of why I felt jealous and angry helped, I am still having issues processing it all. So did any of you have issues like these in the beginning? What helped? What hurt?

[lovelakelife 25]

One thing i found out, was ed meds MAY not even help in some cases..... especially if nerves are very high! Sometimes absolutely nothing will help.... it happens to everyone at some point.

[funcoupledayton 2,707]

I'm sorry this wasn't a great experience for you. I know my comments probably sound harsh, but I think they might be helpful.

 

My take on this is you are putting too much blame/pressure on your partner. I think you do need to ask for attention if you need it, but you can't expect her to be responsible for your fun or your erection. It is fine to have feelings of jealousy. It's good to talk about them with your partner, it's not ok to make her responsible for your feelings.

 

Your emotions kept you from having fun, not your penis and not the other people in the room. Nothing except penetrative sex is fun for you? I can have fun making out all evening. I think it would help to change your mindset a little.

 

If you decide to do this again enjoy the little things, your new partner's scent, her excitement, the things that she does to you that are new and different, the taboo of four people having sex together, the shared experience with your significant other... Think about why you decided to take this adventure; I doubt it was just for you to screw someone else. Concentrate on the other things you were interested in trying or learning. Hopefully then your body will follow your mind.

[wifes_toy 53]

I think your putting too much pressure all the way around. It's all about pleasing your partner. Your cock is only one tool. Between my wife and I some times we just can't get my cock in her. Not because I can't get it up but more due to aches and pains preventing us from getting a comfortable position for both of us. We refer to it as "old people fucking." However a very large part of our sex life is just touching and fingering. I can bring her to multiple screaming orgasm with just one finger in the right place and doing the right thing. It's not about what doesn't work it's about what does work! I find most of my partners really enjoy what I can do before my cock even comes into play. If your cock does not want to come out and play then just do some thing else and forget about it, it will come out on its own.

[DigginIt 1,132]

Okay, so I was in your exact same situation when we started off. Our very first couple experience, was 2:30 in the morning and the other couple was experienced (not much more than we were but enough) and I couldn't get hard.

 

My wife and the other guy screwed in every position imaginable. Must have switched positions 25 times, no kidding, over the course of about two hours. He had viagra on board and even gave me one when I was having my problems. It didn't work (until about 8 am the next morning ).

 

I went to bed upset that night, maybe even a little mad, but it wasn't at my wife or the other couple...I was envious that everyone had fun except for me. I felt even angrier at myself because I knew it was silly.

 

I went to see a doctor who gave me samples of all three drugs. I didn't like the Viagra or Livetra, makes me feel not myself. Loved the Cialis, other than a random (and very rare) backache/headache, the best thing ever.

 

Flash forward a couple weeks with the same couple and this time I had a hard on that wouldn't quit. The night was fantastic and I never looked back.

 

I think that more than anything your feelings are around the fact that you had performance issues and had those not had happened you would be looking back on the night a lot differently. Go visit your doctor and get a Rx for the flavor of your choice and try again. I would almost bet that after a successful night your feelings will be different.

 

The upside is that I think your nerves get better after time. I ran out of my pills some time ago and never went back to get more. Never had the issues once my confidence was build up and I got comfortable with the amount of stimulation going on. After all, it get's quite busy.

 

Thanks for sharing and I think you just need a good night out with that couple and your perspective will change and those feelings of ... envy, will disappear.

 

Just remember that if you can't get it up, it doesn't mean the night is over. There is more to enjoy than just intercourse. My wife loves the oral more than the intercourse. If your lips get numb then put his wife back in the mix with your wife and her husband and just join in group style. Don't get caught up in feeling that just because you start apart that you have to stay apart.

 

Get back on your horse and try again!

[Palladin 36]

I went to see a doctor who gave me samples of all three drugs. I didn't like the Viagra or Livetra, makes me feel not myself. Loved the Cialis, other than a random (and very rare) backache/headache, the best thing ever.

 

My original prescription was for Viagra. Nice, but not always fool proof. Recently the doctor gave me some Cialis samples. Awesome!

 

Yes, you may have the backache side effect. But what is a little backache when you get your old wiener back for at least a day-an-a-half with a 21-year-old playmate? Priceless!

 

We are all different. For me and my wiener, Cialis is Da Bomb!

[DigginIt 1,132]

Palladin said:

My original prescription was for Viagra. Nice, but not always fool proof. Recently the doctor gave me some Cialis samples. Awesome!

 

Yes, you may have the backache side effect. But what is a little backache when you get your old wiener back for at least a day-an-a-half with a 21-year-old playmate? Priceless!

 

We are all different. For me and my wiener, Cialis is Da Bomb!

 

 

So funny, yet soooooo true!

[Ibrew 29]

Good topic!!! We did another mfm, #2, and had an excellent evening... But both times I have had some performance issues. First time it took a while to get into the groove and then this last time it was not happening at all. We tried everything to get it up and the little soldier just wasn't going to stand at attention. However, rather than being upset all I could was laugh, and still laughing this morning. Mrs. Ibrew had a great time, lost track of her Os at about 5 or six, but she felt bad that I didn't orgasm. Told her not to worry because making her cum is way better than any orgasm that I could ever have. We said good night to our playmate, and then just as we were getting ready for bed, the feller got his vigor and rather than going to sleep at 1 am, we got to bed at 2 am, this is taking a while to get to the point. Question is this, in general are drs usually easy going about Ed prescriptions? These are the only time I have any issues.

[lovelakelife 25]

I know your original question is @ dr and ED meds, but your "problem" was SOOOOO much in line with what happened to me, that I felt I should share the link, just so you could see a detailed account of "exactly" what your saying, and what happened to me....

 

Party fouls and forced breaking of rules in the Lifestyle

 

A lot of my post will/ does not apply to you, but half way thru , you will see an almost exact response- thus indicating it's A LOT more common than you would think...only time and "experience" will alleviate what I believe are your "nerves" causing the undesired little-man response.....it's all about getting into a comfort zone- Ladies and cocks are both very complicated! LOL! Good luck, and like an earlier post...Cialis works great for me also- on ly to extend out the evening.......not to "be able to perform" ( NO issues there- I follow my stunningly hot wife ( what can I say- I love her and STILL think she's THAT hot- even 22+ years later!!! LOL!) around all day with a non-stop hard on) it's all about performance anxiety and comfort zones.......

 

To be honest- I'm still not 100% there, but getting better all the time. What has worked for us- better then ED meds, is building a "comfort zone" relationship- BEFORE PLAYING! Pretty much sucks that guys can respond to almost any required situation, except when pants are off! LOL! Good luck. Try a few different meds, but in the end, after you find your comfort zone, you will see you probably will NOT need any ED meds!

[DigginIt 1,132]

I told my doc that I have issues with it staying hard, not getting hard. He asked me a couple questions about my health and gave me about four months worth of samples, lol.

[Ibrew 29]

Script is filled