First Full Swap

[pairbond]

Originally Posted by midnight hour

So this is my fear, I won't be able to orgasm with anyone but Mr. Midnight. I have *very* limited experience with other men and I am not the easiest woman to get to the moon
midnight hour

Don't worry about it. Some women are blessed with the ability to achieve orgasm easily and often and are multiorgasmic. Some women are lucky to achieve orgasm half the time, even with their own husband. Many women find that stress and fatigue make it nearly impossible to achieve orgasm, but that doesn't mean they don't thoroughly enjoy the pleasure of intercourse.

It took me YEARS to accept that women really do enjoy intercourse even if they don't achieve orgasm. I always suspected that they were just being kind to me so my feelings wouldn't be hurt, but between Mrs. Pairbond's tutelage and sufficient experience with women who have become my frequent partner over a period of years, I now trust that they were telling me the truth. I would far rather have a woman tell me "It's OK, hon, it's just not going to happen tonight" than have her fake it. At least she's being honest with me and trusting me not to worry about it.

Mrs. Pairbond, for example, is difficult to get off. It often requires prolonged stimulation which is beyond the stamina of most guys. The joke in our party group is that "the first guy gets her attention, the second guy gets her warmed up, and the third guy gets all the glory!" BUT, she thoroughly enjoys every guy she plays with, so it isn't all about whether or not she has an orgasm.

In discussions with swinging friends, we've had women tell us that one of the most unpleasant things in swinging is a guy who thinks he just HAS to give the woman an orgasm, and won't accept that he can't. These guys just keep on and on and on, turning what should be a pleasant experience into an ordeal.

At a party once I was on the bed in the same room as a woman friend who was having sex on the floor, when I heard her loudly get off. I thought that was interesting, because I have NEVER been able to give her an orgasm except with a vibrator. Later I commented privately to her that that guy must have been really good, because she sure seemed to come hard. She said "I didn't come - I FAKED it. I just wanted him to GET OFF ME!" LOL So, guys, accept it gracefully that it just isn't going to happen every time, or with every woman. That doesn't mean they didn't enjoy the experience or enjoy being with you.

Midnight Hour, just relax and don't let achieving an orgasm become the Holy Grail and the objective of the experience. Enjoy the flirting, seduction, nakedness, touching, feeling, kissing, oral, the penetration, and have a great time. Think SENSUALITY, not SEXUALITY. With time, repeat encounters with the same guy(s), growing familiarity with each other, and growing comfort with being together, you will find that it will get better and better.

I still love the lyrics of the old Harry Chapin song "The Greyhound," which seem to be really relevant here. The lyrics go "Stepping off this dirty bus, it's the first time I've understood it's got to be the GOING, not the GETTING THERE, that's good!"

pairbond

[midnight hour]

Thanks pairbond I almost always do multi with Mr. Midnight, course the man has 20 years experience under his tongue... and I can enjoy the whole experience without the famous *O* taking center stage...I am just worried about hurting another mans feelings..am glad to hear in the scheme of things it does not always have to happen..makes me feel a lot better going in...of course we explained to our recent playmate that it was *not* him..the man did everything right and more so...and that I enjoyed the experience for what it was.. and once assured a good time was had by all..Mr. Midnight was more then thrilled...I felt better..but am glad to hear that 'performance' anxiety is not just male centered...and to let other gentlemen know that we females for all our ability to multi..sometimes don't...and nothing against the partner...

Midnight Hour

[NealnAnji]

Performance anxiety seems to be such a common thing for men. On the other hand is there such a thing as performance anxiety for the woman? All she has to do is spread her thighs to let his tongue play on her clit and to admit his penis in her well lubed vagina. Depending upon the guy's skills she may and may not have an orgasm.

Life is so much tougher for the guys. Even when the desire is there to fuck the woman he can't have a decent erection! Hopefully Viagra might be of help.

[BodyScape02]

Dear Mr NealnAnj,

As to your comment < All she has to do is spread her thighs to let his tongue play on her clit and to admit his penis in her well lubed vagina.>

I am sorry... but... that is such a load of bull!

To put it mildly Mr NealnAnj, I am anything but, a pillow queen.So I understand anxity as well as you...

"All she has to do" my cute-pert-little-derrier! I am really steamed at the ignorance of that comment. So let me enlighten you...

1. You have been having sex with the wrong women bud!

2. and another thing...how many men have to go through the preparation a woman does in order to be ready to play? How may of you get a Brazilian bikini waxes( yes that means they yank the short hairs out at the root and leave only a two finger tequila strip), shave every possible stray hair, douche, and take an enema( just in case anal is in the offing for a hot MMF ).

And that is just the basic preparation!

Don't forget manicures, pedicures, hair, makeup, the correct outfit, lingerie and shoes and the fact most of us pack the alchohol and the condoms!!!

To top this off I bet you would probably ask what was taking her so long!!

( Darter is excluded...thank god! he is an educated and considerate man, who packs the condoms too!)

Hells bells even if "she" does just lay there..."she" has already put more hours into the entire endeavor than you do ... licking around!

3. I am assuming here you realize oral sex is not just " licking around" You have to know a womans anatomy and have skills... which is why most of you aren't very good at it! ...and once again Darter is excluded (lol)

If you want to know what work is ask a woman what her jaw feels like after she has been preforming oral sex on a man for over an hour with no stiffness or end in site. It ceases to become fun.... ( once again..Darter...)

Forgive my acerbic reply but needless to say...you really hit a button. Welcome to the real world!!! I am sure you men DO have performance anxiety, but ... it ain't no big thing...(pun intended) comparatively.

yours

A very hissing, bushy tailed ...~CAT

ps. sorry few things bring out the hissy cat in me...I will attempt to remain calm from herin out on the matter.

[Avantgarden38]

Yikes. . . .anyway,

We have experienced just about everything posted on this thread. Male performance anxiety is a reality and it doesn't have much to do about attraction or masculinity. Shit happens. The chemical/biological reaction that makes your dick hard sometimes isn't going to happen when a man is nervous. We think a primitive man with a hard dick might have had a difficult time running from predators. . . we are designed ways for reasons. A sensitive swing partner is one that makes their partner comfortable. Swinging isn't just about fucking, it's about making people feel good and feeling good about yourself in the process.

[WesternSwing]

Our first full swap experience was a full swap in the same room, but I felt a little left out (as I have been feeling in every experience since). The other woman did my wife, my wife did her, both blew the other man, he went down on my wife and fucked her. I fucked the other woman finally as her husband fucked my wife. My wife did not cum with either of them though, and he had performance anxiety and couldn’t keep it up very well and did not cum either. I on the other hand came twice with the other woman, and the my wife and I fucked two times after they went back to their hotel room and once the next morning, and we both came each time.

What bothered me was not watching her get it from another guy, so much as how she was acting with him outside the bedroom. In the hotel and restaurant you would have thought my wife was married to him. Sitting next to him. Playing with his hair. Walking next to him through the hotel. This was a BIG issue with us for several weeks afterward and still haunts me three months later because we have become friends with this couple outside the bedroom. BUT, my wife no longer does that with him. I think it mostly had to do with him being the first guy outside our marriage and she needed some connection with him to make her feel alright about it.

I felt left out since in that experience, and the one we’ve had with the same couple since, I’ve been left holding the camera as they do my wife (yes I got some, too, but she got allot more)... Same at parties. She is the center of attention and I feel like I’m just the guy she came with. I have come to the opinion that parties are mostly about the women, and that is something I am just going to have to deal with. She does make anyone who approaches her ask my permission to play though, which helps quite a bit.

We are also looking for another woman to join us as my birthday present, so that I can be the center of attention the next time.

WS

[WesternSwing]

Originally Posted by NealnAnji

All she has to do is spread her thighs to let his tongue play on her clit and to admit his penis in her well lubed vagina. Depending upon the guy's skills she may and may not have an orgasm.

I can't agree with that. All else aside (disfunction, performance anxiety, etc.), with enough stimulation alone, men can eventually cum with any woman. On the other hand, orgasms are a combination of physical stimulation and mental stimulation for a woman. Even if everything is working right and all the stars and moons are aligned properly, it doesn't matter how good a man's talents are, if a woman won't "let" herself cum, she won't. So performance anxiety is a real thing for women also. As mentioned in other posts, my wife had a great time but has only cum once with another person in the last four experiences.

[amBIdextrous]

We had our first time in the same room, with the lights off. The other chap could not
get it up, and it happened a few times later on. Turned out he liked a glass of wine or five, a little too often. Anyway we swung with them for app. two years, sometimes I had to fuck both women,(hard work, but someone had to do it.)Eventually they introduced another couple one weekend, and then things really took off. The other couple were very attractive, closer to own age, and when my wife dug his cock out
I nearly passed out from the shock. You probably think this is a "cock" & bull story, but
his cock was a very fat 12". If I was excited about my wife fucking someone else before. I must say it was an incredible visual turn on, the sight, the sounds,he was the only one ever who could make her cum during fucking.She literally glowed all over.
He would go for app.45 mins. cum buckets, keep going, fuck her for 30 mins. cum
again.Next time he would fuck her for app. 15 mins. and still blow a fair amount of cum.
Sometimes we were in the same room, sometimes separate. He fucked her 5 more times that night, or any other night.I could go only three times then. 30 years later I reckon that was pretty good.lol. I used my tongue to very good effect on his wife
and she was always happy with my performance.What ended it was his aversion to soap and water, never heard of deodorant either.They were a lovely couple otherwise
But my wife decided then that she had enough of cavemen and swinging.
Can"t say I could blame her really.
Later I had a few threesomes with her agreement, and since they were all mfm I had
the opportunity to enjoy my bisexuality to the fullest. Taking a 10" cock myself for
some 6 years every now and then. Takes some getting used to, but when I eventually refused anal DP that was the end of my swinging time as well.
Have never been in a swingers club, must be great fun.
By the way I loved the waterboy episode, much better than crude porn, which has its place sometimes. Nothing better than a nice erotic story.

[LanceAndSue]

Wow, I need to have my *reluctant* hubby read these posts. All this Dairy Queen stuff... hm. I gotta give you boys that have that happen the first time a medal for trying again.

I think my guy is afraid something like that might happen to him. Thanks for the insights.

[KenRachel]

Hi, Ken here,

We haven't done full swap with a couple, but have tried MFM once.

I must say that I wasn't quite as ready for this as I thought I was. There were a couple of times that night where I was a little uncomfortable (being new to this). The hardest part for me was watching her guide the other man inside her.

What were my feelings that night? Well, part of me was happy to be letting Rachel do something that she wanted too. Part of me was a little put out at seeing how easy it was for her to convince the man to join us. A little part of me was uncomfortable watch her orgasm with another man inside her.

It took me a little while get comfortable with things after that. I've reached the point where I'm gadd Rachel enjoyed herself, and I'm glad that I let her do that. I'm still a little uncomfortable with the disparity in how easy it is for her to start something up, but I'm working on it.

Ken

[TeamSoBe]

Originally Posted by KenRachel

I'm still a little uncomfortable with the disparity in how easy it is for her to start something up, but I'm working on it.

Ken, disparity between that and what? Curious.

I'm very experienced now at seeing my wife with other men and I still feel that way sometimes. After six years I still always get a pang of jealousy when I see my wife just flip a switch on with some virtual stranger, and building up to the first penetration is the climax of that jealousy for me. When I see a guy marching across the room with a condom on his erection and his eye on my wife I get a feeling like a huge adrenaline rush. Excited and kind of uncomfortable like jealousy, but 'jealousy' doesn't have enough shades of meaning to explain it. I love that moment in some kind of erotic way. Makes me feel different than most swingers because 'erotic' is the opposite of swinging.

Our first time sucked. Second time, sucked. Third, fourth, fifth, I don't know, sucked. My wife screws strangers effortlessly but I'm shy and cautious and I get left in the dust a lot. Feeling left behind and being suddenly thrown together with some stranger woman who was more interested in girls five minutes previously can easily lead to a Dairy Queen scenario. We've had some excellent nights and made some good friends as she has learned to reel it back and I've become more confident so it's all been worth it.

So not everybody just dives in as a couple and has a great time. But some people are determined enough to figure it out anyway. Pretty much like any other sport.

[mfmyeahbaby]

Actually the first time was mystical. Everyone was nervous and scared, but willing try. Anyway we did and long before it was over she let be know that it was good (which was great) and he let it be know that he wasn't going to cum anytime soon (it appears that the better it is the longer he lasts, which was a total complement to us.) and he fuck her brains out. That was 6yrs ago, we still do it on occasion and am if concidering the full swap just between the 2 of them mainly because that happening always enhances our personal sex. just our thoughts good day.safe sex

[twobears]

I am surprised that you men out there don't take advantage of our modern medicine, Cialis or Viagra just to name a couple and they are a good couple to go with !!!!lol

[TeamSoBe]

Originally Posted by twobears

I am surprised that you men out there don't take advantage of our modern medicine

Some distresses are enough to kill a guy's woody even with Viagra

[KenRachel]

TeamSoBe,

I think what bothers me at times is that she can get a guy into bed so easily, while getting a woman or a couple to join us seems to be so hard. That first time the time between when I gave to go ahead and when she borught the other guy into the bedroom was maybe 5 minutes.

Ken