Bad first experience

[newguy55]

Hi all. Thanks for being here and sharing all the stuff on swinging and other. I would like to share a story about what happened when we finally went to our first house party.
We had been trying to find a couple that we could at least get beyond chatting with and finally met them. They were seasoned swingers and they new we had (have) never swung before. The male of the couple we met was really gung ho to, in his words "pop my wifes swingers cherry". I was somewhat taken aback by this but my wife took it in stride because she wasn't interested in him anyway, so that was just a lot of hot air to her. The wife of the couple was nice and I would have swung with her but rules are rules. We swing together or not at all.
The couple asked us if we would like to go to a house party and see what it was about and if we found out that someone tickled our fancy we could get our feet wet. Ok, not our feet.LOL! We are fairly laid back about sex and we are anxious to try the lifestyle out after talking about it for years. Anyway, we went to the party and we were told by the couple that these people at the house party were just couples and they were pretty easy going and friendly and the party would involve socializing and visiting before "things got going". We were surprised to find that things indeed were going pretty quickley! We tried to blend in, but finding that we had no experience in jumping into a situation where they may have been couples, but they sure weren't together, really blew us away.
I felt immediately tense but my wife, to my surprise, remained collected.
I thought that she was going to be uptight and she wasn't, so I tried to just lay back and go with the flow. Well a couple of ladies came up to me and started to touch me in encouraging fashion, which I might add honestly, really didn't, because I saw the look on my wife's face and it wasn't one that inspired me! I don't blame her at all for that, we had a rule and to her it was going out the window real fast. She didn't see or feel comfortable with the men that were there, even though she tried to make small talk with them. The piece' de resistaunce was when the male of the couple that brought us to the party approached her naked and proceeded to try to engage her in sex and she had made it clear that she wasn't interested in him prior to this as well. It's not that maybe down the road something could have happened, itwas just that at that time it was very inappropriate.:slam"
His wife came up to me and flashed us because they both had been in the hot tub and she was wrapped in a towel. Hey! It looked ok to me! Well I invited her to sit down and the only place was my lap so she did. I felt her breasts and she was ok with this and I think that this is where the male of the couple got the impression that my wife was good to go for him. NOT!! (Flame thrower here)flamethrow I admit that I added to the confusion when I told my wife to just relax and, well, touch him and kinda get the feel for things. I honestly didn't expect her to feel obligated to do anything nor did I think that he was going to expect more. He got in her face and his hands roamed too close for her comfort. This from a man that had repeatedly stated that "no means no".
Well my wife jumped off that sofa like a snake landed in her lap! To her I believe that is true! She went into the bathroom and closed the door. I didn't know what to think except, uh oh the shit is going to hit the fan now.
After she let me in ( a minute ) we talked about what I have said so far here. I was freaked out, she was freaked out but wanted to stay! And to top it off she wanted to get into the hot tub!
She said this was to relax with me.

I told her that this was looking like a free for all and she may be subjecting herself to a lot more of the same kind of approach from other guys. I don't know if that is true we never got that far. By now I was totally freaked out I WANTED TO LEAVE! I felt like sex was the last thing on my mind. She still wanted to stay but I insisted that we are now moving at the pace of the slowest person and that was me. We did leave and had it out on the way home. That is another story, that ended happily BTW

What this rambling is about ( I apologize) is we were misled as to what to expect there. And as newbies it was a bad first experience.
We haven't given up and we still want to get banged We have been invited to another social and we are going. This time we have bit more knowledge of what we may expect and what we can expect of each other. We have defined what "playing" is to our satisfaction and what we feel comfortable with. All of this is subject to change as we have read on this board, but for now we are definitely opening our eyes to a variety of possibilites.
A sad thing about this is, the couple that took us there never E-mailed us to find out what happened. We think they probably got embarrassed by our behavior and/ or think we are not worth it. That is too bad because I genuinely liked the people and could work through this. My wife is less forgiving than I and she wouldn't give them the time of day now.
Thanks for listening, Newguy/Newgal

[hfire269]

Well at least it turned out ok in the end. We are newbies as well and Im sorry to hear that the other couple misled you like that. We went to our first house party a couple months ago and it was nothing at all like that. Everyone was very nice and some flirted a little with us but didnt touch or make a move that was uncofortable. and when one asked me to give him head I said no and he kept walking.. LOL Hope your next party goes better. Good luck!
Hfire269 (female half)

[jcbicouple]

Originally posted by newguy55
she wasn't interested in him anyway, so that was just a lot of hot air to her.

The wife of the couple was nice and I would have swung with her but rules are rules. We swing together or not at all.

Well a couple of ladies came up to me and started to touch me in encouraging fashion, which I might add honestly, really didn't, because I saw the look on my wife's face and it wasn't one that inspired me! I don't blame her at all for that, we had a rule and to her it was going out the window real fast.

She didn't see or feel comfortable with the men that were there, even though she tried to make small talk with them. The piece' de resistaunce was when the male of the couple that brought us to the party approached her naked and proceeded to try to engage her in sex and she had made it clear that she wasn't interested in him prior to this as well.

His wife came up to me and flashed us because they both had been in the hot tub and she was wrapped in a towel. Hey! It looked ok to me! Well I invited her to sit down and the only place was my lap so she did. I felt her breasts and she was ok with this and I think that this is where the male of the couple got the impression that my wife was good to go for him. NOT!! (Flame thrower here)flamethrow I admit that I added to the confusion when I told my wife to just relax and, well, touch him and kinda get the feel for things. I honestly didn't expect her to feel obligated to do anything nor did I think that he was going to expect more. He got in her face and his hands roamed too close for her comfort. This from a man that had repeatedly stated that "no means no".
Well my wife jumped off that sofa like a snake landed in her lap! To her I believe that is true! She went into the bathroom and closed the door. I didn't know what to think except, uh oh the shit is going to hit the fan now.
After she let me in ( a minute ) we talked about what I have said so far here. I was freaked out, she was freaked out but wanted to stay! And to top it off she wanted to get into the hot tub!
She said this was to relax with me.

Newguy/Newgal

Sometimes the obvious is the hardest to see: What happened to your "rules" once you got towards the end of the story? Say, right after you saw his wife naked, and told your wife to touch a guy that she didn't want anything to do with?
It sounds like you two went against your own rules. At least it sounds like you talked about it, and the two of you will work through it. Good luck!

[Chicup]

I still think the best starting is newbies with newbies.

Everyone is a bit nervous, plenty of time to back out, and no pressure to go beyond limits (or at least not as much).

Joining what seemed to be a group orgy might be a bit of a leap.

[frenzb4sex]

Joining what seemed to be a group orgy might be a bit of a leap.

Totally, totally agree. From some of the emotions you guys have put into words, when you got there and things started to move very quickly, it should have been quashed and chalked up to a not-so-great decision to follow the seasoned swingers' advice. It seems to me that these seasoned swingers' were only out to break you in and really don't care at all about you as people, in other words, another notch on the bedpost and with a special "V" by it.

We felt like we took baby steps in this lifestyle and have still worked our way towards "evolving". We have been in the lifestyle for over 4 years, and this is kind of how we have done things:

First year: Swung with the couple that introduced us in a soft swing and seperate room full swap scenario.

Second and third years: Swung with same couple in same room, MFM, FMF, seperate room scenarios.

Fourth Year: Branched out, met lots of new couples on 1:1 (or really 2:2 basis), have gone to two meet and greets where the atmosphere was very wild (as some put it, very club-like without actual sex in public).

We have yet to attend a house party, and we have yet to go to a club. And you know what--we are fine with that. We know that when the time is right, we will go to one.

I am not saying that this is the "ultimate" recipe for success, but baby stepping through has got to be a better way than what you have had to endure. I wish you luck in the future.

One thing--did you and your spouse have signs worked out? That could save you some awkwardness in the future.....Just a thought...


Tim

[BradAndJanet]

Hey there Newguy 'n Gal! Thanks for sharing your story. It's always great to hear about first-hand experiences. If you were told it would be a 'no pressure' event and it wasn't, that stinks. It's hard to make good decisions about whether to attend if you get bad information. I'm glad to hear that y'all worked it out. If anything it will probably strengthen your communication.

We've a sort of standing invitation to attend a house party and have spoken to the host. He was upfront in saying that 'people come here to have sex', giving us a pretty good idea of what it was about. Sounds alright to me , but it's not J's cup of tea at all and we will be passing on it. We appreciated that he was honest and would expect that from any host or hostess.

-B

[newguy55]

Thanks for the replies! Truly it was alls well that ends well with us as a couple. My wife and I talk about everything so things eventually get resolved, even if Mt. Vesuvius has to erupt again for awhile!

In response to the rules that appeared to go out the window: it was really a matter of semantics and misunderstanding between my wife and myself. When we read or hear the word "play" we think in different terms than the classic swinger word useage. For example, play in the vernacular of swingers can be anything from flirting to intercourse and anything in between.

We refined what swinging is to us in two words. Petting and Sex. Anything NOT involving oral genital OR intercourse is petting. That was one of the areas where we both kind of got crossed wires over at the house party between us, not anyone else.

Petting can include anything up to and including penis and vaginal fondling. HOWEVER! If there are no bottoms left on for that final frontier, all bets are off! Because, the next step would be sex. We agreed to ATTEMPT to stop at that point. Not because we are weak willed ( ok maybe a little) but because we are both horn dogs and we like sex so much that cold water thrown on us might be required!
Ok we are ready for you folks! Lay it on us. We may be new to this lifestyle but, (we will get there eventually)

[Handyman69]

We have yet to go to a house party.....are first was with a seasoned couple...no complaints but the second couple was wonderful..we went to our first social with them..

Sorry for the bad experience..but at least you talked it though...communciation is so important..

don't worry..there are couples out there who will be at your level and then see where things go..

RHonda

[newguy55]

P.S. The wife says that if the couple that took us to the party had called or E-mailed us the next day or so, she would have probably felt better about the whole thing.
Newguy/Newgal
P.P.S. Don't read to deeply into the Mt. Vesuvius thing! Everybody has their foibles. Whether, it is a woman that works too many hours or a man that dents the car.
N/N

[SexhoundDog]

I agree that you handled it right by talking through it with the most important person, your wife.

As far as the other couple goes, based on what you said about the guy being way pushy even after your wife had said no to him more than once, I'm with her on this one. If some guy wants to play with my wife at any time, he's gonna listen to HER rules, and failure to do so could go as far as receiving a knuckle sandwich for lunch.

You need to play with couples like that about like you need a hemorroidectomy (spelling?) You two sound sensible and sensitive enough that you'll do just fine, and with a higher class of people. Have fun exploring!!

[TNT]

We are sorry to hear that your first expereince was a bad one.

Hopefully we can shed some light on what is "really" expected at house parties.

First off...we would not recommend for any "newbie" couple to attend a house party. If you want to see what a group of swingers are like, check out an off-premise club or social.

House parties are totally different than meeting with another couple/single or an off-premise club/social. They are more in line with an on-premise club. Now some are more wild than others and this all depends on the people who are there.

At house parties your bounderies will be pushed more than anywhere else. Most people who attend house parties are seasoned swingers and even though newbies are welcome, foreplay (slap & tickle or petting) can lead to expectations from others that a new couple are not ready to fulfill.

For example: At an off-premise club/social foreplay (see definition above) is very prominent, but it is never expected that it will lead anywhere unless an invitation has been specifically made.

At a house party foreplay is more likely to be considered an invitation for things to go further, even when no specific invitation has been made.

People go to house parties because they know there is going to be lots of sex going on...couples do not always stay together and there is a lot of partner swaping going on and it can lead to a full fledged orgy.

Even though we have an "only play together rule" , at house parties this does not always apply. There are times when we will each be involved with others and there have been numerous times that one of us has left the room only to come back and find the other engaged in some heavy playing (sex) with someone else.

This is not to say that you have to abandon your rules at house parties, as you should always only do what you feel comfortable with. Even though house parties are wilder and more relaxed, we have never been to one where NO did not mean NO. However, you have to say NO and mean it. (Yes there are times when someone will forget common courtsey and when this happens the host/hostess should be told immediately)

One good rule of thumb for house parties, other than you should always ask before touching, is that you should never touch someone that you are not interested in and you should never allow someone that your not interested in to touch you. And if your SO does touch or allows a touch, be prepared for the SO of the one that is touched or touching to expect to also be part of the play.

For a newbie couple at a house party the best thing is just to sit and watch, particpate to the degree that you want and have discussed before hand, STAY TOGETHER, and if you say NO stick to it.

This all comes from our experience having attended numerous house parties.

TNT

[newguy55]

Thank you all for the informative responses. We will assuredly will seek out a more (tame) environment for our future escapades.
One day you will hear from us and it will be an enthusiastic yippie!
Thanks again! Keep the advice coming, we appreciate it.
BTW we are from Panama City,Fl. We are aware of a club in P'cola but we would like to know if there are more places we could socialize at. If anybody on this board is aware of them let us know.
Newguy/Newgal

[TNT]

newguy55

There is one other place that we know of. If you would like, I can email you their site...you can send a PM to us with your email addy or either change your profile here to accept emails.

You two are not far from us at all.

Teresa

[JustAskJulie]

Originally posted by newguy55
A sad thing about this is, the couple that took us there never E-mailed us to find out what happened. We think they probably got embarrassed by our behavior and/ or think we are not worth it. That is too bad because I genuinely liked the people and could work through this. My wife is less forgiving than I and she wouldn't give them the time of day now.
Thanks for listening, Newguy/Newgal

It is more likely that they were embarrassed by their own behaviour and didn't know what to say.

[JustAskJulie]

I wouldn't lump all house parties into one category. A lot depends on who is involved and what the ground rules are. I wouldn't say that just because it's a house party you are expected to play.... but I would say that play is more likely and that MOST people who would attend a house party would more or less expect that others are there for the same reason they are.

As Tnt said you have to actually say NO. You can't expect people to take a hint or pick up on body language.