Peeling Back the Layers of Comfort

[Elusive BiFem]

I wasn't really certain if this was the right forum for this...maybe the one on clubs? Julie or OhioCouple?

And this is long - forewarned....

Last week, the Alura's were in town on business and wrnakedru, husband and I made arrangements to meet them for dinner (Mexican, of course! ). Simple enough. We've all met for dinner on several occasions and are "old friends" by now (and nary a single comment is necessary here).

So, in preparing for the evening, wrnakedru suggested that we go to a local club after dinner. As many know, neither I nor the Alura's are clubbers. However, this was not a swinging event. The club was having a show about cross-dressers or something that night. Nonetheless, I was quite hesitant and argued for 2-3 hours with wrnaked regarding my reasons for not wanting to go. Typical stuff...5th wheel, discretion, not my thing...all the while, she is assuring me that it was not a swinging event. I never did commit.

Dinner evening came...we met...time for decision. Well!! I finally agreed to go, but wrnaked wasn't convinced and went so far as to ride with me in my car to be certain I got there. (Little did she know that had I not wanted to, that little car would have come right home to it's garage with her sitting up there belted in!).

We arrived.

I poked my head in the door with my eyes closed. So far, so good. Not many people in there. Hmmmm....table....there was some kind of "vendor" thing set up with weird stuff on it. I marched right up there and started looking - still don't know what that stuff was - and got bored with that. Met a nice vendor. Answered questions for wrnakedru. Politely, while looking at my big eyes. (made me feel a little better knowing she didn't know what all that stuff was either) Back to the table.

Now this is where it got tough. We sat there and waited for the show to start...about an hour or more late starting. Really loud music. Could not talk over it. So we sat and looked at each other for the most part. Nobody in the club was dancing or anything. Just waiting. Finally the show started. It was an OK show - nothing spectacular. The Alura's left - early business appointments the next AM and it really was getting late.

I've thought about it all week, and especially after ionsawmill wrote the thing on peeling back layers. I was scared to death and really did NOT want to go. Really. And I was almost pissed that I was being put in the position of feeling that I HAD to go.

Am I glad I did? Yes...having had time to think about it. Would I go again? No, not to that particular club or entertainment feature. But to a different club? And on a night for swingers? Most likely. I guess you could say it was just peeling away one of those layers. And many preconceived layers.

As for clubs in general, I don't really care for them too much. The music is too loud for talking (and who would guess I like to talk?) and that is my biggest objection. But I would not be "afraid" to go again. And was it, in part, because of the people I was with? You bet! I felt comfortable with them. Would I go alone? No way in hell!!

So I'm wondering now...what about others like me that have never been to a club? Fears? Trepidations? Curiosity? Do you feel like you have to "peel back layers" one at a time? And even the regular club goers. Did ya'll go through some of these same fears? How did you manage your first visit?

- EBF (the clubbing QUEEN!)

[Alura]

Well, the truth is we enjoyed the dinner (nice Mexican Restaurant) much more than the club for many of the reasons EBF outlined.

We're just old fogies, I guess. Our idea of an ideal swingers' club would be one which was pretty quiet, like something out of a Bogart movie, Sam playing the piano while folks gathered around singing, but not so loud that people sitting at the tables and booths could not talk. We think clubs are for meeting folks and if you can't talk, why go?

The club we visited was not a swingers' club, at least not on the evening we were there. It was a gay bar. There were a few couples but most of the guests were seriously ugly women. Well, okay, so they weren't really women... They were really ugly.

We did have important business meetings the next morning, the first at 7:15AM. The "show" was scheduled to start at 9:00PM but it was almost 11:00PM when the "performers" tired of flirting with each other and decided to go ahead with the show. It started with a serious increase in the volume, changing the din to a deafening clamor. The "performers" were mediocre at best.

We paid a $20.00 cover charge which, I would assume, was to pay the "performers." (It sure as hell wasn't to cover the expensive decor.) However, when the first drag queen began his (her?) act, another drag queen, and then others, made a big production of handing him currency. I felt this was to let the rest of the audience know they should follow suit. Did I give a dollar? Hell, no, Cowboy! I hate to be conned no matter the circumstances.

Being non-smokers we were a bit concerned about the second-hand smoke but found this was not the problem we had expected. We were glad we'd worn clothes we wouldn't need for the rest of the trip, though.

I ordered a diet coke which the waitress continued to keep full rather than charge me for each drink. I though that was a touch of class and responded by leaving a too-large tip.

I'm flattered EBF felt comfortable enough to go with us; we felt the same way about her. We might return to a swingers' club, only with friends, and certainly not on gay night.

I'm glad I went and grateful to Wrnakedru for having set it up. If there are any clubs in Tulsa, we're unaware of them. Wrnakedru arranged for us to have a new experience. In a way it was funny; we were not familiar with drag queens in all their glory.

Mr. Alura

[EternallySingle]

Dance clubs, jazz clubs, swing clubs, strip clubs, doesn't matter. Thats bad because I like dancing and live music. But after almost two years playing in heavy metal and dance clubs every weekend, I've seen so many vile things that the moment I walk into a club I'm looking so hard for something bad that I can't enjoy myself. I could tell you horror stories about clubs of all types I've attended and except for the few swing dancing clubs I've been to(Glen Miller type swing, not the sexual type) I can ususally find the bad soon enough to leave feeling vindicated.

I admit that I'm rather narrow minded when it comes to nightclubs. Had 20 years to go from wide-eyed enthusiasm to total jadedness. But I'm old enough to have experienced enough to know what I like and don't like, and I'm just not comfortable in clubs. Seen toooooooooo many evil people, posers, users, and liars (male, female, and couples) take advantage of new people to feel comfortable in them. I prefer coffee shops and art galleries, myself.

hmmm...maybe a swinger art gallery with paintings and sculptures (reproductions, of course) from different cultures describing their attitudes about sex and private rooms with a different cultural theme for different activities? nawwww...would probably attract the wrong type of crowd

[RMRx2]

Originally posted by Alura
We're just old fogies, I guess. Our idea of an ideal swingers' club would be one which was pretty quiet, like something out of a Bogart movie, Sam playing the piano while folks gathered around singing, but not so loud that people sitting at the tables and booths could not talk. We think clubs are for meeting folks and if you can't talk, why go?

Mr. Alura

well there's a business op.

we have not attended any swing clubs , yet. I say yet, because we probably will at some point

our interest has been in meeting like minded folk, and like the Alura's, would like to be able to get to know them and not fight noise or a crowd. time is precious, and we are flattered if someone wants to spend that time getting to know us, and that's the way we feel about meeting others, we want to show them the compliment of getting to know them.

clubs are alright, mrs rmrx2 and I frequently go to clubs to hear a favorite band or two that we follow,,,,,,,,,,but when we do,,,,,,,,,we never get to talk to anyone we know there,,,,,,we're there to enjoy the show and it is reall just too loud.

for us, it's not a matter of "peeling layers" or levels of comfort, but rather the best use of time. when we get ready to go to a club, we'll be comfortable

rmrx2

[RMRx2]

Oh and,,,,,we were bummed we missed out on a chance to break bread with ya'll last Thursday,,,,,,,,,,,,,,and missing the chance to see wrnakedru, getting EBF to a drag queen show!

we really do love all our new friends!

the rmrx2's

[jcbicouple]

So I'm wondering now...what about others like me that have never been to a club? Fears? Trepidations? Curiosity? Do you feel like you have to "peel back layers" one at a time? And even the regular club goers. Did ya'll go through some of these same fears? How did you manage your first visit?

- EBF (the clubbing QUEEN!)

We went to our first "swing club" two months ago. Absolutely TERRIFIED! LOL! However, Our fears were quickly put aside, and everyone there was so nice. Made us feel very comfortable and at ease. We are going again this month. We only went because it is open to male and female bisexuality on one night a month, and we don't know of any other clubs around here that are open to male bisexuality at all. We still won't go to the other swing clubs for that exact reason. We are who we are and aren't comfortable around people that expect us to hide it. Guess, There is still a little nervousness because it is still new to us, but not nearly as bad as last time. Hope it goes as well this time, and we have as much fun as we did before.

[fun_pairTX]

I tend to be a little more outgoing than most people so clubs don't bother me all that much. I will say up front that we much prefer ON premise clubs than off premise. The people just seem much more laid back at on premise clubs to us. I have a total disdain for too loud dance music, then again I'm not all that wild on dance mixes altoghther. An on premise club has many different areas where you can go and chill without the audio/video/strobe light assault that typifies most other clubs. It takes some time to get used to any new enviornment, go with the flow.

[hoistsail]

One thing that really bugs me is the smoke in almost all clubs.

It really is a turn-off for those not smoking. And after the evening all ones clothing smells like smoke.

And we are not the most out going folks so clubs are a bit of intimitating.

Different strokes for different folks.

:slam"

[Close Encounters]

Great thread!

I hope club owners, not just swing club owners are paying attention.

Great dance music does not mean LOUD music. Spend the few bucks for a sound engineer to set up your sound system. People on the dance floor should be able to feel the music (around 98 decibels) at a table a few feet away the sound should not exceed 85 decibels. People want their wispered sweet nothings to be heard.

Lights should create a show on the dance floor not beat people at the tables in the eyes. If light is leaving the dance floor teasers or a simple re aiming should do the trick if not that light is doing more harm than good.

Invest in a package air system, air in a club should be exchanged for fresh outside air every four minutes.