Our first visit to the on-premise club, as members

[Coffeeblack]

Originally Posted by Karmickiss

Hi Guys,
I have been following this thread(s) for a while..I think I may have posted at one point, that's not important, but I think I want to go through the whole thread again..forgive me if repetitive..please bear with me, lot's going on all over the place in my life lately...good though...

What kept coming to mind was somehow this feels familiar. I am bi-sexual. I think I always kind of knew it, but I was in denial for several reasons. One of the things I really worried about with the whole attraction to women, was the idea of actually "going down" on a woman. I felt like I didn't know what to do or expect, and I could not enjoy and relax around women when I was first really exploring..b/c there was that pressure I put on myself.. I kept thinking of 'do or die' time...I couldn't relax and almost gave up on it. Well...all the things around that subject were wasted worries. I was putting too much pressure on myself, so much so that I made every excuse...and maybe I would not have enjoyed it ( but I did, oh did I )..but either way when I finally took the pressure off myself(story in itself) things unfolded with such ease I was amazed. Now it feels totally silly, but they were my feelings, so that made my fears real, valid...and I can be more gentle with msyelf as a result of that.

It seemed like the dancing might have brought on the fears of the actual physically performing, or getting into a situation that you might not feel ready for. It sounds like a gorgeous place, by the way. Please forgive me if this has already been suggested.....Here goes...Do you think it might help to make up your minds to attend some of these things, but decide from the get go to NOT play...just for now, no matter what. To just get used to the atmosphere, and enjoy the people, without having the looming thought of 'what if'(what if this happens, or that, or we want to stop, or the other one doesn't, or ...etc)..and the judging self internally maybe. Maybe it starts just feeling like it's all a polite small talk/actions to get to sex(yeah, but I mean unfavorably feeling like that)..being new, not knowing how you'll feel when actually doing it, could be really intense. What about strictly only meeting some people, and be upfront about being new so are there to just watch, or get a feel for it all. You might even want to meet with one couple or person first, maybe not even there, but privately? It doesn't really matter, that's part of the fun for you both to think about..but it might even be fun....like teasing each other...and deciding that the only sex that happens is between you both, when you get home? I do have a method to this madness...I know from experience it can be fun to hold back..sometimes. You can enjoy each other...role playing's always a thought Also..being new..it's might feel more scarey...about no means no...we all hear and know that...but maybe if you take your time...and decide to not make any moves with others until you both feel you really wanted to.Maybe it would help to practice saying no, in a nice way, just about not playing period on that night, and see the reactions of that, b/c hopefully, anyone in the LS long enough, can accept that graciously...to know how easy it is to do it(say no so that when/if the time comes for play, it wont feel foreign to state your boundaries if/when needed)...and to see who you really feel pulled to. I think any sincere people will respect your process. It might help to be able to say we are just "here for the viewing"..and/or meeting people you can click with and then maybe go check out the rooms. Lots like to be watched or to watch. So maybe knowing that nothing's going to happen sexually might bring in the spark, the fun or being there and being able to take it all in without any pressure to perform...,,,instead of having to fear.

Of course I had to write a book, and if it's an extremely repetitve one, I'm so sorry. I jut wanted to offer my thoughts while I was here...and say I really wish you both the best.....I hope to continue reading about this.....Sincerely, karmic

Hello Karmic, I really enjoyed your insight about not putting pressure on yourself. I don't know why I didn't think of this before... but your right. We are always in control of what we do or don't do, no one else. I love the idea of just going to a club to watch and just absord the energy of different people around you, without feeling like "I need to perform". I actually feel relief thinking about this. Weird I know??? Currently we're not swinging, just reading and getting as much knowlegde as possible,so we'll avoid bad experiences... as much as possible anyway. Again thank you. SWB Rocks