Did we say something wrong?

[SoNew2This]

Is there a certain expectation for showing interest in a couple that is different than being in a regular club? During our first visit to an on-premise club, my husband and I were approached by several very attractive couples that we were both interested in, but I think we may have given them a false impression that we were not interested. Any thoughts?

[SW_PA_Couple]

Well, you have not said exactly what kind of interest these people expressed. But just to speak in general, I would recommend that upon your next visit to a club, tell the people who approach that you are interested. If, of course, you are not actually interested, use whichever diplomatic and polite response is appropriate for deflecting the attention.

I can see that you recently became a registered user here at the Swingersboard. So please feel welcome to return, stay, read and post messages.

~Michael

[MrkLin]

Anything is certainly possible, but are you sure they have the impression that you're not interested? Maybe they were just making the rounds, greeting new couples? We've seen that. At one of our local clubs, there are 3 or 4 regular couples who make it a point to greet people they've never met there before. Chats can last anywhere from a few seconds to an hour or more, depending on how they hit it off. Generally speaking, most couples go to an on-premise club with expectations of their own, only to discover later that those expectations were a little too high.

Body language, attitude, tone of voice, and just the content of the chat by itself can tell people a lot about you. If you're friendly, polite, and are genuinely interested in having a conversation with someone, they'll know. If, on the other hand, you act like you're just killing time, or aren't interested in chatting with them, they'll know that too.

I think it would probably tend to be more of a case of nobody knowing you. Our first trip to our local club was a disappointment to both of us. We kept going, however, and things got a lot better as we got to know people. Our confidence increased, and we were a lot more comfortable with approaching people and initiating the conversation. My opinion is that you keep going, and as you become more familiar to couples who frequent the club, you'll see the change.

[realcplub2]

Being new, its easy to THINK you did something to wave them off.. and maybe you did..

You havent said what you could have said that was possibly so offensive. Lets face facts, in most cases, if someone is interested in you, and its a on premises club.. while yes they MAY flirt, and pursue you.. Its not like they really have to..

Sort of like the old timers say about the weather here in the sunshine state..

If you dont like the weather wait five minutes..

If its a fairly busy club, they are out to play.. if someone says no.. or doesnt seem interested they move on..

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by SoNew2This

Is there a certain expectation for showing interest in a couple that is different than being in a regular club? During our first visit to an on-premise club, my husband and I were approached by several very attractive couples that we were both interested in, but I think we may have given them a false impression that we were not interested. Any thoughts?

What made you feel that they left with the wrong impression?

As someone above me said, many times people will make the rounds and talk to many people to try to open the door so that if you are interested you can find them again later. I would suggest that next time if you are approached by someone you are interested in and then they end up moving on, that you find them again later and let them know you are interested. Especially since you were new to the club, often people don't want to intimidate you or come off too pushy, so they end up leaving things in your ballpark.

[SoNew2This]

THANKS for all the replies. I actually think that in hind site, everything you all said makes perfect sense!! Being new, I think we are reading into everything much further than is necessary. The advice you all gave made us both feel so much better, and maybe we'll be a little less intimidated next time. This is a great resource for "newbies". Thanks again guys!!

[MrkLin]

The first trip to a swing club can be very intimidating - downright scary for some. I can almost guarantee you'll feel less intimidated the next time you go, because you now know that nobody's going to try to force you into anything, try to take advantage of you, or jump out from behind a potted plant and start molesting your lady. You've been there and now know that a swing club is basically a place where people can let their hair down and have a good time among people with the same sexual interests.

I, personally, do hope you do go again - several times. Here's a little trick I use when we meet someone we're interested in, and the feeling appears to be mutual. I got some business card stock for use in a printer at an office supply store, and made up some meeting cards. Basically, they're cards that have our first names, our 'playtime e-mail address,' and the URL to our Swing Lifestyle profile on them.

People like to exchange e-mail addresses and such during a conversation, and we've discovered that it's easier to hand out a card than to try to find a pen and piece of paper in a rather dark club - especially if you happen to be in the playroom, naked. As you gain a bit of confidence and find it easier to engage someone in conversation, you'll find these cards to be helpful. Not only does it instantly give them a way to contact you later, it tells them that you ARE interested.

Overall just relax, meet people, and have fun. Do as little or as much as you want to do. Like everything else in life, it'll get easier with time.

[SoNew2This]

You know - we have been married for ten years, and we dated for about 2 years before that. We were both teenagers the last time we went out and tried to "meet" someone. It's really like learning to date all over again. It is scary and "very exciting" all at the same time. At least this time my husband and I get to figure it out together....our chances are TWICE as good...;-) By the way - I understand the concept of Swing Lifestyle - but how do you actually get to the web-site?

[fun4Ds]

Are you wanting this link ?

Your not wanting to Drive there or anything are you ?

They close early on mondays

[MrkLin]

Originally Posted by SoNew2This

It's really like learning to date all over again. It is scary and "very exciting" all at the same time.

Exactly. You nailed it. It IS like learning to date all over again. But much like dating, it does get easier after that first awkward moment or two. The advantage you have in a club is that you can be reasonably sure that everyone there is looking for one version or another of the same thing. And yes, being a couple does make it a lot easier as well.

Originally Posted by SoNew2This

By the way - I understand the concept of Swing Lifestyle - but how do you actually get to the web-site?

That's easy. Go to swinglifestyle.com

[pervgeeks]

We didn't go to an on-premise club until we had been in the lifestyle over a year (with quite a few experiences under our belt mind you). We STILL felt like ducks out of water and found it a bit awkward. It'll get better I'm sure (for us both), but it'll take awhile since we don't go a lot.

[SoNew2This]

The experience itself was awkward, but since then it has actually opened up a HUGE amount of talk between us, and believe me...we talked ALOT before we even decided to go. It ultimately had a very beneficial consequence, and we are searching for another club closer to home so that we can try again soon. Good luck with your experiences. We can keep each other posted on our progress...;-)

[LOL_OMG]

From our 3 years of experience it's very difficult to 'seal the deal' with another couple. We have always preferred to make friends first but sometimes that's just not feasible. Unless one couple comes out and says 'the two of us are interested in the two of you' things usually progress in a friendly manner and end with no playing. We are working at being a little quicker on the draw with couples where there is some sparkage.