First time and need some help!!

[SexyWVcouple102]

Hello all,
Well yesterday we had our first experience outside of our marrage. It was a mfm and it was great. The guy was hot and my wife really took a liking to him. The only thing is that the guy was way nervious and had some performance anxiety. He was using a condom (wouldn't have it any other way) but could not keep it up at all. He did finally get hard and cum and it was great. The only problem is that the experience was bad for my wife. She left thinking that he couldn't stay hard because he didn't like her. Keep in mind my wife is extreemly hot. She is 5'9" 125 Lbs long hair and very long legs. I havent met a man yet that hasnt wanted to have sex with her so I don't think that was an issue. It has really upset her so that she isn't sure if she wants to continue. Anyone out there with a similar experience that can help out?

[bbarnsworth]

Originally Posted by SexyWVcouple102

Hello all,
Well yesterday we had our first experience outside of our marrage. It was a mfm and it was great. The guy was hot and my wife really took a liking to him. The only thing is that the guy was way nervious and had some performance anxiety. He was using a condom (wouldn't have it any other way) but could not keep it up at all. He did finally get hard and cum and it was great. The only problem is that the experience was bad for my wife. She left thinking that he couldn't stay hard because he didn't like her. Keep in mind my wife is extreemly hot. She is 5'9" 125 Lbs long hair and very long legs. I havent met a man yet that hasnt wanted to have sex with her so I don't think that was an issue. It has really upset her so that she isn't sure if she wants to continue. Anyone out there with a similar experience that can help out?

First, congratulations on your first experience!

Second, performance problems are quite common, even if all people in question are sexy, horny, etc. Check out this thread:
Performance problems

You mention the guy was nervous. Sounds like maybe it was his first experience too? Nerves, first experience, having another guy there watching him have sex with someone else, having that person be the husband of the person he's having sex with...plenty of reasons to deflate the erection.

Not to worry.

Communicate with the guy in question; tell him how great of a time you both had, and you'd like to have another experience with him. Talk with your wife and assure her that the performance problems are normal, and almost definitely have NOTHING to do with how sexy she is. There's no sense in getting worked up over performance issues; just makes it more difficult to erase the problems next time around due to anxiety!

Let us know how it goes!

[sweet_tna]

First off, CONGRATS on your first experience.

Second . . . equipment failure happens. And there's a 99% chance that it had nothing whatsoever to do with your wife. It could be he was nervous, it could be that the condom gave him issues, it could be a medication he's on, it could be the phase of the moon and Jupiter misaligning with Mercury. You just never know.

Unfortunately, you'll probably never know for sure, unless the guy happens to know and tells you. I've no doubt your wife is beautiful, and the best you can do is reassure her and try to move on. Hopefully, a positive experience will turn things around for you both.

Hugs,

=)

[2insandiego4u]

Originally Posted by sweet_tna

I've no doubt your wife is beautiful, and the best you can do is reassure her and try to move on. Hopefully, a positive experience will turn things around for you both.

Yep, keep reassuring her that this is common and it was not her fault. You might also want to look for a new MFM partner who is more experienced in the lifestyle and has no performance issues. They are pretty easy to find!

[hornykat74]

A similar thing happened to us on our first (and thus far only!) experience but with both guys. We put it down to nerves and I actually showed some of the posts on this site to Mr Kat to assure him it was something that happened a lot. Maybe you could show your wife some of the threads too?

Cheers, Mrs Kat

[JTurner]

We participated in a few MMFs and some voyeuristic experiences. I've often wondered, when we've set up these adventures in advance, whether some guys have "left it in the tissues". In other words, masturbated the night before in anticipation that they'd not really meet a willing woman. My lady has felt similar to yours. I've consoled her with the idea I've just offered. I think nerves and prior pleasure could be reason for any failure on "game day".

Enjoy the "lifestyle".

[SexyWVcouple102]

Well I did as suggested and brought the issue up, letting him know that we understand and want to try again but now he won't return any of my wives emails or calls. This has left a bad taste in my wifes mouth (pun not intendid). Does anyone know of where we can get a quality partner that is used to these situations? We tried CL and there is just too much crap to wade through. Were really new to this so forgive our ignorance.

[TravlParty]

Congrats!

As others have said, it's very common on the first go round.

If she liked him, do encourage her to give him another chance. The first time meeting anyone, even in the vanilla dating world is chock full of nerves.

It's very hard to find someone you're attracted to and hubby is ok with, so it's worth it to give him another go.

Mrs. T

[N8ture Girl]

All I can say is it happens. It has happened to me more times than not. I felt at first that I wasnt attractive enough but that was more or less a fleeting thought. Men can get nervous their first time with a new woman and usually the second time is much better. Also the guy is not only nervous about being with a new woman, but the wife's hubby is there too which can cause a little anxiety. We have found that playing too late in the night ( or wee hours of the morning) doest help with this situation either.

Dont let this effect you two negatively, it happens. If the guy wont return her call after she and you have tired to console him on the matter then that is too bad for him, move on. But if you both really like this guy then keep trying maybe he will come around.

Best of luck!

[two42lovers]

It was a mfm and it was great. [snip] The only problem is that the experience was bad for my wife.

Something about this is a little confusing... it was great except it was bad?

Best place to look for experienced solo guys are swing sites. Look for guys with multiple certifications from couples who've actually had sex with him. (Couples - not single women. How well a guy does 1-on-1 doesn't have anything to do with how well he'll do with a couple in a MFM.)

Picking guys with certs will go a long way towards helping you avoid guys with performance issues. The guys on CL tend to be wannabees - there are worthwhile playmates to be found there, but they are mixed in with tons of losers. Same is true for the swing sites, if you are talking about the tons of solo guys with no certifications, but guys who are certified tend to be a much better pool of potential playmates.

Inexperienced playmates don't know how they'll perform in an MFM - how can they? There's imagination, and then there is doing. Everyone tends to be more nervous when they are inexperienced, and for guys it often means they won't be able to get or stay erect.

[SecretAsianMan]

It's okay - these sort of things happen. I tend to get a bit nervous as well and it definately has nothing to do with the gal I'm with. It can be caused by all kinds of things...

Was it after he slipped on the condom that things started to "go down" ?? That's a similar experience to what I have - which I contribute to simply needing to get used to the feeling on condoms again. (I'm with a regular partner and we ride bareback)

And during those times - stay FAR away from those "prolong" type condoms which use chemical numbing agents to reduce the sensation for the guy.

And it takes a bit of time to get used to the experience and fire on all cylinders.... time to get used to the new things (the condoms), the new partner(s), and just relaxing enough to not feel this "performance anxiety"

Trust me... it's not you. It's him.

[bbarnsworth]

Originally Posted by SexyWVcouple102

Well I did as suggested and brought the issue up, letting him know that we understand and want to try again but now he won't return any of my wives emails or calls. This has left a bad taste in my wifes mouth (pun not intendid). Does anyone know of where we can get a quality partner that is used to these situations? We tried CL and there is just too much crap to wade through. Were really new to this so forgive our ignorance.

I just went to swinglifestyle.com, changing my zip code to Martinsburg. I put in age 30-50, looking for single males only, active in the last 7 days, interested in moderate and wild, within 25 miles of 25401. Results? 137 single men out there. Same search, but for couples only? 416 matches. Yes, there might be a lot of fakes. But, with that many there's got to be quite a few good ones. Of the couples, 171 were certified (i.e., people saying they are genuine). Of the single males, 45. They ARE out there, and very close to you.

There's also swingers clubs/groups to be tried. There's Martinsburg Swingers Group (martinsburgswingersgroup.com) for example. Check out the club listings at swinglifestyle.com. At clubs, a lot of the fakers are filtered out; everyone there is there to swing or at least check out swinging.

Don't sweat this guy that won't respond. If it won't respond in e-mails/messages, he probably wants to break it off. Let him contact you if he wants to. In the meantime, on to the next! The next guy might be absolutely amazing!

Your ignorance is ok However, if you don't know everything by the time you finish reading the post I'm sorry but you're going to have to turn in your humanity badge Asking questions is great, and keep asking!

[SexyWVcouple102]

OK!!! So we had our second MFM experience with a different male and it went much better. My wife thinks that he might be a keeper for regular meetings. Thanks so much for the help and advice. What I did was search on swinglifestyle.com and found a man that meets our criteria. After that, we went back to his place and he and I played with my wife for 2 hrs. It was great. I reassured her that she was great and I would not have wanted it any other way and then the next day ordered her 18 red roses.

I never would have thought that this fantasy would have developed in a much deeper appreciation and love for each other but it has. I find myself holding hands, touching and more PDA's than ever in our 14 years of marriage.

So our first MFMF is on Monday. We are going to just try same room fun (maybe soft swapping also) and see where it takes us. We found a great couple that knows what they are doing and if nothing else they are cool with being just good friends. Ill keep you posted on how that goes.

Thanks again!!!

[SecretAsianMan]

Sounds wonderful... thank you for keeping us posted.

Hope it all works out well for you!

[Farcanal]

Originally Posted by SecretAsianMan

Sounds wonderful... thank you for keeping us posted.

Hope it all works out well for you!

My sentiments too! The first MFM can be a bit of a disaster and you are handling it well!

Keep going and good luck!