Another 'first time to club'...

[jd512k]

Hi all! Great site.. lots of really good advice on here.
Have a question or two for ya'all with a bit of background info first..

My girlfriend and I have a great, adventurous, monogomous sex life. The best sex life either one of us have ever experienced prior to knowing one another. We are both divorced from long marriages, have children, etc, etc. We are NOT in the lifestyle... However, we have quite a bit of fun fantasizing about 'others'.. we tease each other playfully about it, fantasize with one another about it, role play, etc.. All'n all we have fun with it. It has added a spice to our all ready good sex life and opened up some really healthy, honest conversation....

Part Two... A co-worker of mine is in the Lifestyle. He and I have become pretty good friends. Over the course of several weeks, he and I have had some in-depth, frank converstions about the swinging lifestyle.. in large part our conversations revolve around me asking him A LOT of questions about it..

Flash forward to today.... Tonight my girlfriend and I are meeting my co-worker and his wife for dinner at a restuarant and then we are going to 'The Club' as their guests. As I stated earlier.. we are NOT in the lifestyle.. we have a 'mild curiosty' about it (IE. fantasy/role playing), but both feel that fantasy is one thing, reality is another (for us).. however.. we are quite adventurous, are absolutely not judgemental about this or other lifestyles.. Both of us want to go tonight and have fun in what we hope to be an erotic and exciting envirionment... My co-worker understands that we have no intentions of playing with them or other couples, now or in the future.. but are attracted to the open-minded, free-spirited environment and people... He has assured us that there are many other couples at the club that do not play with others, as well.

We have discussed boundaries.. do and don'ts, know one another's thoughts and feelings very well. One of our concerns is etiquette. How should we handle possible advances from other persons and/or couples, w/o being impolite? Also, does anyone have experience with non-swinger (albeit, sexually adventurous lol!) friends attending a club? Or is this all a big no no?

Any and all advice, comments, criticism(s) greatly appreciated!
Thanks!

[SouthBond]

No means no. You are new, curious and just learning. Probably, everyone there has been in your shoes. The majority understand how to handle themselves. The management watches for problems and problem people. You should do fine. Just be yourself.

[fun4Ds]

hey jd, sounds like your out for a good time with some true lifestyle friends. there is nothing ever demanded of anyone at any club we have ever been to. dont feel like you need to cross any boundries ya might have, just enjoy the evening. if its anyone with advances that your worried about just be honest, tell anyone that your new and want to see what the inviroment and the lifestyle is about, we as swingers are cool with that. just dont let the drinks or the.... how do i say it... "excitement" encourage things that ya might not be ready for.

just rember that the evening is about.... you two. not us or them.

[LOL_OMG]

Being that you are new, just be aware that even though most clubs have the 'no means no' policy, that doesn't mean that you won't get an unwanted tongue in your mouth or a hand on 'pick your favorite body part', until you do say no. It happens, has happened to us a few times, both to the Mrs. & Mr. It's easy to deal with now but during our first visit to a club it nearly made it our last. The good thing is once you state your not interested, if it persists then the perpetrator is usually tossed out.

LOL_OMG

[jd512k]

Thank You. We've spent quite a bit of time on here today reading through dozens of posts and replies . answered a lot of questions for us. Have to say we are really impressed with all of you on this board too! It's refreshing to find such an inteligent, articulate group that is so candid and honest...

We are getting ready to head out for dinner and our first club experience.. we're nervous yet excited.. let ya know how it goes

[bethncole]

Sorry to be the one to tell you the next two things:

1. Don't do anything sexual with or around your friends, family or co-workers. Trust me, it'll not end up good in one way or another.

2. If you're pretty sure you're not open to swinging - don't go to a swing club. People there will be annoyed with you.

However, if you decide to have my two little rules prove you wrong - you may want to say things like "we're just watching today", or "we're new to this and not ready to play yet"

[dayhiker]

Hi jd,
I think you'll be fine at the club. Talk with people and tell them your new to the idea of swinging and your there just to get to dance and talk to get a feel for the atmosphere of the club. No playing is planned.

dayhiker

[WesternSwing]

I'm interested in finding out how it went.

Mr. WS

[jd512k]

Hey Everyone!

First off, thanks for all the candid advice and replies...

Wellll.... we went to the club last weekend and had a good time. There was a couple at the club that took quite a bit of interest in us.. which we both found to be very flattering and erotic. They were a bit aggressive, yet very respectful of us (I am extremely impressed with the guys' level of respect for not just my g/f, but for me as well). There was some teasing, touching, flirting, and a little dirty dancing too The night ended with an 'open' invitation from them to play.. not sure what the term for this is, but the invitation was to play yet not swap partners, not even touch one another (same room sex only)... We were upfront with them from the beginning, but we definitely enjoyed their attention as both of them are quite attractive, and very personable, outgoing and respectful...

We did not take them up on their offer..... However, it sure did spark some conversation between us, and, it DEFINITELY added some serious spark to our love life . Up until this experience we have merely 'fantasized' with one another (ie. imaginary people/imaginary situations)... this experience gave us real people, real circumstances 'imagine'..... It was intense to say the least

Soooo... the jury is still out as to whether we will go again. There were a few things that were uncomfortable about the club experience (think we'd both be more comfortable in an off-premise environment), but, like we said... we both found it to be fun and erotic!

Any'n all comments welcome!
JnS

[WesternSwing]

Glad to hear your first experience was a success! And you've definitely recognized the rewards of the openly sexy atmosphere in your own relationship!

You may be right about an off-premise club since there is no sex going on there there are less things to make you uncomfortable with. Some stuff could be perceived as being pretty extreme for a newbie couple. You may find the off-premise environment to be more to your liking for now.

And remember, there is not just one way to swing. It is what you make of it. We know many couples that attend house parties and clubs but never hook-up with anyone else, and they are always just as welcome as those that do.

Mr. WS