It wasn't the best experience of our lives, but it wasn't the worst either.

[fun4Ds]

Thank you Fuse, I think you grasped why I felt this thread might be better for posterity than it received, titled as it was. I'm glad 2aussies found a balance that worked for them. Reading this I thought, many swingers that last very long in the lifestyle, could do just that. Look at it this way....

I think many could relate to this situation in a some what, similar way.

[bbarnsworth]

Originally Posted by fun4Ds

Any times you have experienced "Not the best, but not the worst by any means" ?

Any advice to those that might have ?

Before my wife and I took the plunge, this was a frequent area of discussion. We felt we were taking a big step, and didn't want to regret taking it. If we had a mediocre time, or even a bad time, we might have buyer's remorse, so to speak.

Part of our discussion was about the impact of crossing the bridge. We couldn't undo having sex with other people. Would that leave a mark on us, our relationship if we decided we didn't ever want to try it again? We decided it wouldn't. It might take time and talking, but our relationship is incredible, so we both felt we'd work it out. With that thought put to rest...

We next moved onto discussing what we would do if we had mediocre experiences. We decided, though not firmly, that we would keep on playing for a few more times, with different people. It would not be fair to judge the lifestyle based on a single experience, no matter how great or bad it was. If all we kept having were mediocre experiences, despite different people each time, we'd give up the lifestyle and move on. We're still here, so that obviously didn't happen

Our first experience was soft swap, and we enjoyed it. It wasn't stellar, but we attributed some of that to first time nerves. The second time was with the same couple, and soft swap again. It was better, but still not great. It wasn't until we'd been in the lifestyle about half a year before we had a fantastic experience. By that time, we'd swung five times.

That was the experience that made us buy the store. It happened to be an MFM. My wife's sheer pleasure and joy in having sex with that particular man was evident the whole night, and she had a grin on her face the whole way home that she couldn't wipe off. She had sex with him a couple of more times, and then he drifted away.

That experience made us both realize how fantastic the lifestyle really is, and that the trick is finding the _right_ couple or single to make it all click.

The worst experience we ever had wasn't _bad_ per se. It was fine, more or less. Nothing distinctly negative. But, if that experience had been repeated several times before the great sex my wife had with the prior mentioned male, it would have weighed differently than it did. As it was, this not-so-good experience happened after that great experience, and we just chalked it up to not a good match and moved on.

[JustAskJulie]

Sounds like you learned a lot from your first experience. I had to wonder after reading the specs on this couple if your wife's choice in this particular couple wasn't made to try to push you away from the idea of swinging... kind of a "fine maybe if I pick the worst possible scenario he will never ask for it again". I'd still be wary of this being a potential issue.... there were just too many red flags in this couple.

[2aussies]

Julie, I assume your post was for us, the OP. It's a fair comment, but I just don't see my wife as being that duplicitous. Also, she has been very agreeable to meeting other couples to test the waters.
We've had several MFMs since then, which she has enjoyed a lot, since she basically gets to pick the men. On the couples front, not so good. We had high hopes of one couple we chatted with for weeks, and had even set up a meeting until her mother got sick, then they never talked to us again. We think they may have split up,
We met another couple who told us online they were not smokers, because we stated explicitly we didn't want to meet smokers. Then when we met them they smoked like chimneys, and the husband was very glum. We got the feeling she was driving the whole thing.
Anyway, the journey continues