First Time Trouble

[buttermilkxyz]

New to swinging and been to a club twice, out with another couple once. We really fell into this as I was looking for sex swing, and my wife said how about swinging, and away we go.

I like the idea, as a man, for myself, but I am very cautious about her. Thinking of another man with my wife is one thing but my wife also does not always think things through. For example, based on the the good advice I had read here, I wanted to establish boundries, well that was viewed as rules and we have to "just go with it".

My initial thoughts were that we would same room soft swap and build from there....gain confidence, trust, etc.. Well the first couple we met was more aggressive and before I know it we are each in seperate cars in the back seat. Not claiming foul here as I'm an adult, but it made me uncomfortable. So now this couple, at primarily my wife's suggestion, wants our next meet to be either seperate or at a club, and I should say I am am getting along very well with the other woman so this appeals to me on many levels.

But I am not sure how I will feel about seeing my wife, or letting her go on her own. Her response is basically get over it and just go with it, and I feel like she is not listening to my feelings which is causing problems between the two of us. I got into this to enhance our relationship and strengthen us a couple and so far it feels like I unleashed the animal. I feel like we should hit the brakes (for my sake) and take it slower and ease into it, with this couple or another, but my wife is full throttle. So my questions are:

1) how did guys deal with the "thought" and actual act of seeing your wife for the first time? How did you release that protective side?
2) Any advise on how I can convince my wife that I need to slow down without the immediate "you don't want me to get any" response?

Thanks

[lovinher]

Get over it? Wow! Why is she so insistant on doing separate without any regard for you feelings?
You guys need to do some serious talking before going any further. Maybe to force an analogy, tell her you want to go alone to a club and play. Hey, it might make her think about how she is affecting your feelings.
OR it could backfire!
What do I know?

[Mr. Truelove]

Have her read this whole thread. You'll definitely get more replies. If she respects you at all I think your open honest feelings would be very important to her.

Mr. Truelove

[funcpl4life]

Not listening is a form of lack of respect. She is probably distracted by all the new sensations and doesn't mean to be as *insert adjective here* as she is being. For both your sake, call a halt until she's hearing what your saying. Then you can procede with both of you having fun.

Mr. FC4L

[graygo98]

I could tell you all kinds of things to help you "deal" with that moment. But none of it would help. In spite of all your fantasizing about the moment, all your reading and talking, nothing will quite prepare you for the feeling you will get when you see, as Chicup famously put it, "your wife's legs in the air" for the first time.

Hopefully that feeling will be swept away by the feeling that this is something the two of you are doing together, for the two of you. Its not really about the other couple, about her partner.... its about you two deepening your own relationship and having some barn burning fun while you do it. You will know to the bottom of your heart that she loves you as much and as deeply as you love her and is as deeply committed to your relationship as you are.

Your concern over your wife's attitude and behaviour suggests to me that the two of you might not have that shared understanding. If you go forward without resolving these issues that doubt or concern will gnaw at you and at your marriage. You will not, in my view, "deal" with it.

So, full stop, now. You both have some work to do.

[telly2]

My advise is put on the breakes, i wouldn't go farthur with this, she is not listening to your concerns and thus this is not for the 2 of you at this point. This is a lifestyle of communication, trust, and respect. I would also talk to the other couple, if they are true swingers they already know this and know that boundries are set for a reason and will respect your wishes. We would never push a newbie in to a situation that anyone was uncomfortable with that is the respect and trust side of this. 1 No is a no regardless of everyone else. You need for your wife to understand that you are uncomfortable with this at this point.

I hope all goes well for you, and i hope you can talk seriously about this to her. Good luck.
Chantal

PS have her read all of the posts it might get through to her.

[Chicup]

My personal take is seperate rooms are a mistake for most couples when they first start to swing. We did it with a more experianced couple and it really bothered me. I think its something of a male thing, but it takes more than 'getting over it' to get over the jealousy you naturally have with your wife.

As a whole this seems to bother women less, but if she cares about your feelings then she should back off and let you adjust at your pace.

Swinging is far more fun as a together thing than a 'you get your rocks off I get mine and lets meet at the car at 2am'. Once you are established you can try that sort of thing, but unless you are both together on the same page it will either end in disaster or you being miserable. Neither is a good resolution.

[flkeyscouple]

I'm gonna simply say more of the same. STOP NOW! She needs to listen to you just as you need to listen to her. This has to be a joint decision. If she isn't listening to you it could, and probably will, lead to disaster.

I also agree that separate rooms are a mistake for newbies. I'm not sure if we are still newbies or oldbies, but either way we will not do separate rooms. We want to be together.

You need more communication. But communication is a two way street. She needs to listen too.

I hope you can get her to read these posts. It should open her eyes as to how important her feelings are to you. And hopefully she'll listen to your fears.

Good luck.
Sarah

[aahours1]

I would put on the brakes like almost everyone else had told you to do. We DO own a swingers club and we have seen people come and we have seen them go. But none of them last without the communication and respect for each other and their thoughts. Even though we own a swingers club we do not go it alone. Same room "ALWAYS". You two need to talk it over and come to some type of boundries and rules. Or it will not last and plus if you are not happy or if she is not happy it will all fall through and no one will be. You each need to be open and honest about what you want and communicate to each other. RESPECT and OPEN COMMUNICATION is a must in this lifestyle

[DBL D]

I mentioned in another post today that we have done separate "rooms"; but this is like advanced calculus: you had better know your stuff.

Hey at first, same room is like advanced calculus. :throwafit

She should be concerned for your feelings. Clearly she seems to have thought about this before you brought up the idea of a "swing". She has her own agenda. That's something I mentioned as well. You should not have a hidden agenda. I truly believe that you should go wherever you want to go sexually, but it has to be acceptable to BOTH parties. For example, if she wanted to have an unprotected gang bang and just let things happen, would you be comfortable with that? Without automatically saying "NO" I'd say that key to it happening would be as long as you both agree would be a key. There doesn't seem to be that kind of communication between you at this point.

Male D