Went to club, not sure I was ready

[FunInVA]

Hello. I do believe I need some advice. My husband and I don't have a whole lot of experience doing this. We have had a couple of threesomes and that is it. We decided we were going to try a swing club a few months ago. We went and I had the hardest time relaxing! I really thought I would not have any problems at all once we got there. I was so nervous. I even tried drinking and still had a hard time. It was not a bad experience, several people came up and introduced theirselves and talked a little bit.

We did not hook up with anyone however, we did have sex in one of the rooms, on this awesome chair I might add ! Anyway, I just could not relax. I was actually shaking! I couldnt believe it. I must admit I am a shy person however, I was really wanting to do this. Needless to say I have been scared to even try to pursue this again until the last couple weeks!

Just wanted to get some information from you guys!
Has this happened to anyone else before? Is it possible that we jumped in to the club thing too soon? I thought about trying to just contact a couple from Swing Lifestyle but, now I am scared about that!


Thank you in advance for all your answers!

[Mr. Truelove]

I am pretty much an introvert. Since I recognized this trait in myself I pushed hard and made some career changes where I would be forced into situations where I would have to deal with the public. While nerve racking and tense many times...it eventually got better. Eventually as in 3 years now...

And now I can pretty much walk up to anyone and start a conversation.

So, while staying within your comfort zone just push the shy buttons time to time. Talk to that person your scared to. But take baby steps. I think you'll find it'll get easier with time. Lots of time....

Mr. Truelove

[Relaxed_n_Fun]

I think Mr. TrueLove said it very well. While in this lifestyle, you should never do anything you are uncomfortable with, I also believe that sometimes you have to step (a little!) outside your comfort zone to get what you want (in a career or elsewhere).

Our first experience was in college (Go Hokies) and my wife and her roommate were getting together. I obviously wanted to play, but also didn't want to overstep either of the ladies comfort levels (yes, FunInVA, I was shaking with nerves a bit also). I knew I was allowed to play along, so I slowly entered into the mix.

My point, I think agreeing with Mr. TrueLove, is if you are sure of what you want and your SO is aware and ok with it also, then move forward easily and slowly. As it turns out, it was the first FF for either of the girls and they were just as nervous as I. We took it all slowly and everyone had a very good time. :-)

If you and your hubby are clear about limits / expectations / etc., perhaps let him lead and have fun. But, like I said in the beginning, don’t go where you aren’t comfortable! I think clear open communication with hubby is key!!!

[Edison Carter]

Susan here--Have you ever done anything the first time and not had some form of nervousness ? Of course not and despite that you had great sex which is always wonderful. Often a person gets overwhelmed by the list of expectations they have for an experience, such as 'hooking up'. Go again, this time have no expectations, other than perhaps getting that chair again, and you'll do better. By the fourth or fifth time, the right couple may even enter into your Playtime. Be well.

[Amanda69]

The first time I (female) went to a club I was also shaking all night long. In my head for some reason I had a me and them separation thing going and felt everyone knew something I didn't and were going to jump me sexually (yeah it does sound kind of silly once you say it out loud). Either way that night I was made to feel very welcome and no one "jumped" me, they were complementary and tried to help me stop shaking.

Now I must admit I have issues in all newer situations. I need to be more comfortable with where I am, where the bathrooms are, where to get my drink etc before I truly relax. (what can I say, control freak here) I have found going several times eventually helps me settle down, I just have to get there those times. It helps to have an understanding partner.

[LOL_OMG]

I was also VERY nervous the first time to a club. I was not aware that clubs have rules, like ASK before you touch...No means NO, etc. and this club didn't explain anything to us (even though they knew we were new). The ladies room was "out of order" so the only bathroom to use was through the group room....I told the MR I was holding it until leaving :rollseyes He convinced me to use the men's room while he guarded the door. Later that night, the woman who gave us the tour was puking in a garbage can. Needless to say I was not impressed and never wanted to go back.

Mr LOL found a different club and convinced me to give it another try. Well it was a much better experience, and we met people we are still friends with. Each time we go I feel a little more comfortable and see familiar faces. It's just the lack of knowing what to expect that makes you nervous, and also a bit excited

Mrs LOL

[FunInVA]

Well I want to thank everyone for you responses! They helped more than you know. We probably will try to go again in the near future!
Thanks again!

[EvilMJ]

Another way of looking at it is that maybe a club scene really isn't for you. Perhaps you can just go and have a good time without having sex.

I will compare it to my rollercoaster experiences - everytime I get on any kind of ride I cannot control like a rollercoaster or a fast waterslide, etc...I get paniced and shake, its just generally not pleasant. Sure I was looking forward to having fun and knew that lots of people have a good time doing it, but alas it wasn't to be. No matter how many times I returned my reaction was the same, sometimes a little less, but still there. It was then I realized I needed to head to the wave pool or the bumper cars....yeah they aren't 'exciting' but they were more more speed.

Swinging works the same way, if it isn't your speed, or you aren't having fun, then maybe you need to find an activty that does work for you. The swinging in private was successful, maybe that is where you are going to have the best time. So my best advice is to give it another go and if it still causes you to feel the same way, then perhaps it is time to try something else.

[BruceAnn]

Both Ann and I were very nervous too the first times we went to a club.

To make it easier, we decided to just go and see how things were and that we would not try to do anything or meet anyone, just stay together and get the feeling of the place.

We went a few times before even meeting people, always saying we were new to this and that we were taking our time.Then we met a couple that made us confortable, talked, met them again a couple of weeks later and played with them for the first time. It was also important for us to see how we felt seeing eachother playing with someone else.

Going slowly was the way to go for us. When we go to a club, even to-day, we still try not to expect to much and if things are right, well this is a plus.