First Swing experience. Alot of damage done!

[dodgechevy]

yeah i would have to concur with what basically everone else says here. essentially she knew exactly what was going on from the beginning. she does this knowing what will happen and now wants it back to "normal". yes your husband was pushy. and yet you didn't say no doesn't matter if he kept pushing. she probably already had they therapist lined up! this lady does sound very manipulative and the person i feel the worst for is the other couple. especially the other husband that got the short end of the stick. oh and i really doubt they knew exactly what they were getting into.

this asking swingers about advice is probably also something she planned out. sort of "a see look they dont think like "normal" people. they should be on my side!"

[DBL D]

Originally Posted by dodgechevy

...this asking swingers about advice is probably also something she planned out. sort of "a see look they dont think like "normal" people. they should be on my side!"

Classic and Priceless.

Male D

[BBVixen23]

I was in this situation 7 years ago. Mr. Vixen wanted to try swinging and, at the time, I was terribly offended. I told him flat out NO....I was raised so strictly and had been burned so badly by the opposite sex. I was in no frame of mind to undertstand the concept. However, I told him NO...flat out...I knew at that time I would not be able to see him with another partner.

However, within the last few years, our relationship has really cemented itself. We are at a point now where I am confident enough in myself to know if he has sex with another woman, he's not looking for another life partner. Not only that, but I see now that he could have involved himself without asking me so long ago. Now, I'm just as excited about our "first time" as he is, although there eill be boundaries....set well in advance of our first "encounter".

I hope you can both move on from this experience. More importantly, I hope you can repair the damage that was done to your heart before you and your husband ever considered swinging.

One final note~

Kudos to our male counterparts for understanding that sex has little or nothing to do with love right from the beginning. It takes most of us women YEARS to figure that out!

[LFM2]

Originally Posted by BBVixen23

It takes most of us women YEARS to figure that out!

Ain't that the truth!!

[Roman Hands]

Lets cut to the chase....the odds that counseling is going to repair your marriage are about the same that you will win the lotto.

It sounds to me like you had "issues" before this swap took place. And, while there are two sides to every story, if your story bears any likeness to the truth, your husband is a selfish jerk. How could he miss what a miserable time you were having? Obviously he was more interested in his own satisfaction.

Bottom line, you have a serious fracture in this relationship. Bite the bullet, acknowledge the raw truth and make a decision, stay or walk away!

Good luck

[Charger500]

Well even if the OP is gone I think we can all learn something here...I've learned to be sure I hire a responsible baby sitter!

[want2knowmore]

Okay I read through and I have an Outsider question. Why isn't the Experianced Couple responsible too? Yes they were set up but I would think at some point they knew something wasn't right, well at least the male 1/2. Are they not also accountable to some degree?

Sorry if this seems like trolling but not being involved (yet) made me wonder.

[sereneiders]

Originally Posted by want2knowmore

Okay I read through and I have an Outsider question. Why isn't the Experianced Couple responsible too? Yes they were set up but I would think at some point they knew something wasn't right, well at least the male 1/2. Are they not also accountable to some degree?

Sorry if this seems like trolling but not being involved (yet) made me wonder.

Yes, IF we give for granted that couple wasn't mislead, I'd agree. Anyway, it'd be a thin favor to help the OP blame on them when, for sure, there was so many things she's responsible for (and eventually, her husband too, but again, the husband isn't the one asking for advice).

So, it'd be irrelevant: the other couple isn't here, we have only this version of the events, and se may subject it's biased enough as to help her keep blaming on her husband (which clearly was her objective from the very begining) or on other people. Since she exposed herself as being so manipulative, I refuse to give her enough credit as to comment about this other couple supposed behavior.

[C & J Ohio]

The experience you describe is quite typical in swinging. I would be surprised if a couple who had been in the lifestyle for any length of time had not had a similar experience. Only your reaction to it has caused the damage. If your husband had the performance anxiety and you and your play partner had the better sex, you might have felt differently. Over time it happens both ways. Everyone in this lifestyle has had to get over the demon of jealousy. Some can't. Swinging is probably not for you two, but in any case, what your husband did was the opposite of cheating. If you insist on calling what he did cheating, then you will drive him to do exactly that. There is a huge difference.

[want2knowmore]

I know my post is based soley on the OP post. I guess I should have worded it more generally and not specific to this post. For know my question is answered

Thanks for the insight

[DBL D]

Don't be too hard on yourself...lot's of us do the same thing with a long thread. If you need to address something, just let 'er rip, OK?

Male D

[want2knowmore]

I don't think I am being hard on myself, but thanks just the same. It is just that as I read through some of the other post and threads the common factor seems to be that all the parties involved really need to be on the same page. Granted this would be harder if it was not in the same room.

Right now I am good and I apprecite the answers.

Originally Posted by Roman Hands

Lets cut to the chase....the odds that counseling is going to repair your marriage are about the same that you will win the lotto.

It sounds to me like you had "issues" before this swap took place. And, while there are two sides to every story, if your story bears any likeness to the truth, your husband is a selfish jerk. How could he miss what a miserable time you were having? Obviously he was more interested in his own satisfaction.

Bottom line, you have a serious fracture in this relationship. Bite the bullet, acknowledge the raw truth and make a decision, stay or walk away!

Good luck

Roman Hands said just what I was going to say but wanted to finish reading the thread first. It does sound as if there were problems prior to this situation and that it could be possible she gave in to save her marriage.

I think that everyone in this situation made some wrong choices based on the story that was given...The wife for going into this without wanting to..the husband for not taking his wife's feelings into consideration and continuing to play with the other wife while knowing his wife was not having a good time...the other husband for not stepping up and realizing that neither him and the other wife were getting pleasure out of the situation and that someone needed to approach the others and let them know that he was having issues and everyone needs to take a break....and finally the other wife for not seeing her husband was not enjoying himself and politely saying to the other husband that they needed to stop.

As for counceling, I truely hope that this helps you but if your relationship was doomed prior to trying out swinging, then your relationship may already be doomed. I wish you both the best and hope that you can work on your issues. But do not go into the lifestyle without knowing that you are ready to do so. MrVan and I have said since we got into the lifestyle that it has brought us so much closer together (although our relationship was great before, but it is incredible now) but there are some couples that are not meant to be in the lifestyle and if you cannot handle your spouse being with another person, then do not take that step.

Everyone posted some great advise and that is why I love this board. You get an honest answer even if your not prepared for it.

MrsVan

[DodgeCouple94]

I haven't been to this site in over a month. Almost 2 months. I would like to thank everyone who posted a response to my original post about our first and last swing exerience. I realized after this swing experience that our marriage had problems before we did anything with swinging. We are still together and our marriage before the swinging is dead. Maybe the new one is too. We are in marriage couseling weekly and talk alot to each other. I have been learning alot about myself and my husband since this event happened. Take care!

[prettylady]

I am glad to hear you are trying to work things out.
Best of luck there.
Long hard road I expect, but the hard is what is going to make it great in the end.
Your friend,
Prettylady