First Swing experience. Alot of damage done!

[Edison Carter]

Susan here--Seems to me, if your husband was pushing you to do something you weren't interested in, the time for counselling was BEFORE you did something you did not want to. The problem isn't him, the problem isn't you, the problem is BOTH of you. You deserve each other and shame on you for placing this other couple in your mess.

You spread the gasoline, light the match, then complain the fire burned down your house.

[fun4Ds]

im not going to flame you or your husband,but i certanly would like to hear his side of this. you said that all the way through this you were a defanatly NO NO NO and even the couple knew this but wanted to play anyhow. what i dont understand is how long did you talk about this before you made the plung into disaster.

somehow it makes me glad that we talked about this for so long before we decided to persue swinging.

you see we spent a few years maby a little more talking about every senerio that could happen good or bad. we did know the first time that no matter what the sex turned out to be it was not going to destroy our relationship, it would be a learning experiance completley together.

i really am so sorry that the lifestyle has some how damaged your relationship it has been so pro,marrige for us and the friends we have.your actually the first that we have heard of this happening to. we wish you guys could have been on the same page with this. as for counseling .. we wish you had maby taken that alternative first but its never to late to work things out if that is both of your desires.

mrs fun and i wish you guys all the best, as a married couple we hope somehow your marrige becomes stronger. our hearts are with you. we always feel that marrige comes first and above all. as swingers on a journey together we wish you guys well even if the lifestyle isnt for you.

peace and happiness, mr. and mrs.fun

[good times]

Originally Posted by Chicup

Well guess what, you did. You set him up and I think the counseling etc is just another way to make sure you rub his nose in it. Your own words betray you, and I can't say I'm buying the woman scorned routine here. I don't see anger here or hurt, I someone trying to teach their husband a lesson. I feel sorry for him.

Dito , exactly what I was thinking. You set up your husband and this other couple and then claim you are the one wronged in this. I don't think so.

I agree with everyone else here in that if you knew this wasn't for you then you should have never done it. The part I find so distastfull about this though, is that it is clear from your posts that your goal from the beginning was to create this self fullfilling proficy, and now you are complaining that it worked.

[Tantra]

This is why we definitely do not "introduce" anyone to the lifestyle - it is fraught with potential drama. Everyone is at fault here - the husband for being pushy, the wife for being manipulative, and the other couple for being so eager to swing that they chose a disfunctional newbie couple. The situation just plain sucks and is something we avoid like the plague.

[sereneiders]

I agree with what has be told so far.

Moreover, I believe you have nothing to complain about, because everithing seems to happen the way you wanted it to happen.

You USED this other couple to give your husband a lesson. Even when you still claim you was honest, I disagree: you said you did it because your husband pushed you into this, told the other couple you didn't know what you wanted, when you already knew you didn't wanted to swing.

So, you give your husband the lesson of his life. Congratulations! Did it worth the price?

I don't buy you felt so hurt while watching your huband have sex with this other woman. If you were that hurt, for sure you'd stopped it right there, instead you watched TV until you "couldn't take anymore"... casually by the time your husband finished. As to be able to taught this lesson, you needed him to finish and get pleased, because if not, he'd be the one able to blame on you for the experience failure, so you were able to take the pain tight there.

The pain you were unable to take was before the actual experience, was what lead you to conclude there would no be another way to stop your husband pressure but this one.

I suspect you came here looking for a relief of some sort: you know you gave him a lesson, but this made a lot of damage to your marriage, more than what you expected beforehand, and you want us to help you blame your husband for the damage.

You have to take your share in the responsibility, and for this very experience the smoking gun is still in your hand. And you'd have to face this in your counceling, or your marrage will end up going trough the sink.

I am sorry if this sounds too harsh, but sometimes people needs to be shaken to wake up, instead of getting the advice the way they're expecting it to be. I am sorry for you two, but I wont be the one helping you wash your hands.

[Charger500]

So why didn't the baby sitter answer the phone when you called?

[cuzzeyesaidso]

Originally Posted by Charger500

So why didn't the baby sitter answer the phone when you called?

She was getting laid! I'm sorry I could't help myself.


I know you were thinking it too.

[LFM2]

Originally Posted by DodgeCouple94

...snip I watched my husband go down on the other lady, and make her cum like 5 times, and she did oral on him for a few minutes, then they got busy with screwing. He was totally enjoying it and he was unaware of anyone else in the room.

You, DodgeCouple were not ready for the swinging crowd. I really can't blame the other guy for not being "into it". The other guy sensed it and was totally turned off. Really, I don't blame him. The rest of this truncated quote makes you sound jealous and really, you had no business being with this other couple. Of course, your husband was enjoying himself; isn't that what he was supposed to do? Aren't we supposed to have a good time when we swing? I thought so.

Originally Posted by DodgeCouple94

I was beyond upset because he totally ignored me, and he was doing everything he does with me with someone else.

I'm really sorry you feel this way. I'm not sure what he could have done to make you feel included. What did you want him to do?

Originally Posted by DodgeCouple94

This experience destroyed alot of our marriage because he didn't follow the rules that we agreed to and I didn't even want to be there, but he didn't drop the subject, so I gave him to make him happy.

Now, this is where you went wrong. You gave in to make him happy? And what if you'd told him "no"? Would he do this behind your back? If you answered yes, your marriage wasn't strong enough to even survive swinging. If you answered no, you made your own bed, so to speak. You never take one for the team.

Originally Posted by DodgeCouple94

I feel that I was cheated on in front of my own eyes.

You weren't cheated on. YOU gave your permission for you husband to do this. Maybe not a wise decision on your part, yet you consented to it, nonetheless.

Originally Posted by DodgeCouple94

He was happy because he got what he wanted ( a great screw and his wife didn't).

Drama.

Originally Posted by DodgeCouple94

I only agreed to do it because he wouldn't let it go, and I didn't think of any other way to stop his want/need to do it. So I let him do it let him see how it would hurt our marriage.

You risked your marriage for this? You actually put your marriage on the line so he'd hopefully shut-up? My husband nor I would ever risk our marriage for an outside fling. In my eyes, you've deceived your husband and the other couple.

You not only put your marriage at risk, you used another couple to do it. You manipulated this couple to play YOUR games. Not a wise move!

I suspect you've not replied to any more posts in your thread because you haven't liked what we've had to say. Again, I'm sorry that your marriage is in disarray. I hope you get the counselling you need.

[DBL D]

I can't imagine a person putting some other couple through all of this for a test! Disgusting. I can't believe that she felt that she'd find support for her story...but we're trying!

This is smelling funny...

Male D

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by DBL D

This is smelling funny...

Even though my troll meter was going off, I do know people like this are out there so I gave it the benifit of the doubt.

[DBL D]

I really wanted to believe this one too. These guys need help. If I were the Hub I would be mortified that my wife had such a reaction. I also suppose that I would do anything she wanted to try to save the marriage that she placed in harms way.

But when she wrote that the babysitter didn't answer the phone...c'mon!

Male D

[TwoLittleBirds]

Yes, Sweet Candy, the slowest person's pace.

That means this swing should have never gotten to the point of swapping. You, the wife weren't comfortable with it even BEFORE the sex began. Let's not tell you at this point what you SHOULD have done before even meeting the other couple. I am SO glad you are going to see a counselor.

But please, I know you'll expect your husband to listen to the counselor, but make sure YOU listen to the counselor, too. With the counseling, try not to have any pre-expectations of what the counselor is going to say.

Try to find someone you may be able to trust, then trust them. They may not get you to your goal in a way you expect. Focus on the important part; the relationship.

Mr. Bird

PS I know I'm new here, but maybe we can give this lady, who may have made an error in judgement, the benefit of the doubt. If it was Forum Trolling, let them have a laugh. But if she is genuinely looking for help...

[intuition897]

OMG, there are so many red flags here I'm not even going to bother starting to point them out. Yeah, bottom line: you two were nowhere near ready for this sort of thing. And being horny for other people (as your husband was/is) doesn't count as being ready. Neither does your calm granting of permission qualify you. Allowing your husband to do this while disagreeing with it (!!!) is a manipulative psychological game. Please tell me that you can see that.

I'm sorry that you're not getting the kind of support you're looking for, but we're all quite comfortable being tough on one another and on ourselves as far as honesty and integrity goes. The fact that we're being as tough on you as we are should tell you that we care enough to want you to want more from yourself and your relationship. Admitting your own faults in this does not, of course, absolve you husband from his jackass behaviour. It just takes care of business on your end, which is all any person can do. If everyone did this, the world would be near perfect. But just because he's not owning up to HIS faults, it doesn't mean that you are not required to own up to yours. Your husband is absolutely wrong for putting his silly sexual desires ahead of his marriage. If he realizes how petty this is, yet does it anyway, then he needs to work on developping some depth as a person. But when someone's thinking is that screwed up, you're not going to improve them by tricking them into a situation where they will be "punished". Don't play these games. If you didn't feel that swinging was right, if you felt that it diminished your relationship, then the onus is on you to speak up and make those feelings known.

I can just see how this scenario went. He's happily humping away on this other woman, thinking to himself that his wife finally was happy about it. Then after she's waited patiently for him to finish, she shoots dagger at him with her eyes and asks, "So how was it? Huh? Asshole? Was it some GOOD FUCKIN'?? Was it worth our marriage? Huh? Was it? 'Cause you didn't know it, but you just threw it away."

Maybe that's the trouble: did he really realize he was throwing away the marriage by doing this? Did you give him any indication that that was what he was doing? If not, then that is your own failing.

[zzzzzz1]

you did the right thing...you are right about him not giving up...even if you said NO...he would have gone behind your back and did it anyway....this way you brought it to the top...now its in his face and yours, and you people have to do SOMETHING about it...you may have avoided a lifetime of misery with a cheating husband to go along with a disfunctional family...good girl! now he has to do his job! he married you and he knew what that meant...take one for the team? Man, you better take this one on the chin...do whatever she needs you to do until she forgives you...never stop apologizing...or you will leave a legacy of a broken family, that will last forever...Step up and make it right...Sweetheart, none of this is your fault...however, you must realize that, in a way, he was trying to save his marriage... you have to show trust in him...he probably thought it was the right thing to do and you must always consider the possbility that this will always be something he wants to do, even if he never does it.

[sereneiders]

Originally Posted by zzzzzz1

you did the right thing...you are right about him not giving up...even if you said NO...he would have gone behind your back and did it anyway....this way you brought it to the top...now its in his face and yours, and you people have to do SOMETHING about it...you may have avoided a lifetime of misery with a cheating husband to go along with a disfunctional family...good girl! now he has to do his job! he married you and he knew what that meant...take one for the team? Man, you better take this one on the chin...do whatever she needs you to do until she forgives you...never stop apologizing...or you will leave a legacy of a broken family, that will last forever...Step up and make it right...Sweetheart, none of this is your fault...however, you must realize that, in a way, he was trying to save his marriage... you have to show trust in him...he probably thought it was the right thing to do and you must always consider the possbility that this will always be something he wants to do, even if he never does it.

It's your 4 post. The first one telling you're 47, single, and that you never swung before, the other two to tell you're anxious to have this experience, that you're looking for clubs in you area, and to congratulate for the information you got from the forum.

I don't know if you notice your post is THE ONLY ONE here following the flow of the OP attempt to blame on her husband for, in the best case, a shared mistake, and IMHO, for her own mistakes and manipulative attempts.

It seems to me you don't understand what's going on here, and I suspect that being single you don't have much of a clue of a couple dynamics. You just read the first post and played her game, where she'd be attempting to use this board and it members to keep manipulating her husband now that they're going to counseling.

I strongly disagree with you. Re-read the post: she did this looking for THIS outcome, and not any other. For this to work, she needed her husband to have a great time. She claims he was a jerk who didn't paid attention, and I suspect that even if he were paying attention, she would have been missleading him to suppose that everithing was ok (as she did all along the way when agreeing to meet this couple). She needed him to be pleased as to be able to take the role of the victim she prettends to be, and if there are some victimizer here, she would be the one and not her husband.

If my wife were doing something like this to me, after this post she'd be at the ER room where they would be trying to recover from her ass my right shoe. This gal is lucky and should feel gratefull that her husband are still around and wanting to fix things up by means of a counceling, and if we were adding fuel to the fire by encouraging her to keep blaming her husband for her faults, it's very likely that he would leave her, since by now he have more than enough reasons to do it.

Notice that it was'nt him the one posting, but it was her, with her own words, who dig her own grave here. In this case I don't even require to hear the other bell to identify her faults.

We may be simpathetic with the poster pain, but we'd be carefull to set appart our simphaty from our advice (even when in this case I cannot feel simphaty for the OP, but with her husband, simply because, as SHE SAID, she framed him in a very low fashion).